I found this yesterday and it really gave me hope for mankind. A restaurant owner in Oklahoma put this sign on his door. Some people still care.
Why don’t things like this make big news instead of all the stories about hate crimes, war and and murder?
I’m going ahead and reblogging this article because it’s gaining some traction on the web after over 3 months of almost no attention so I figured I’d help it out. 🙂 Thanks to whoever is responsible for this.
Enjoy!
I was told many lies about myself while growing up within my my FOO (family of origin). I have no doubt this had everything to do with my developing Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), Avoidant Personality Disorder (AvPD), and lifelong severe anxiety.
Why personality disorders are so difficult to cure.
Personality disorders (PD’s) are formed very early in life, normally before the age of six–which is the reason they are so hard to cure. Because the child’s personality is still in a malleable state (meaning it hasn’t fully formed) until around age 5, PD’s become an integral part of the personality and therefore can be extremely difficult to eradicate because they were formed so early the child doesn’t believe it’s a problem, just the way things are. Their misery seems normal to them. They know nothing else.
Of course some PD’s are more amenable to treatment than others, and sufferers of…
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It’s time for a little shameless self pity.
I’m actually not in a negative mood right now, but I was yesterday for awhile and I desperately wanted to vent. It’s great to try to be positive and look at the bright side of things, but to deny the shit in our lives is like denying that sometimes you just have to get it out, whether it’s emotional shit or the other kind. Holding it in is bad for you.
So I’m getting it all out here right now and then moving on.
1. I hate the fact I’m over 50 and make poverty level wages. Being poor does seem to be a common complaint among those of us who were trained to be victims by narcissistic families. We just never learned how to navigate the world and lack the confidence to do it very well.
2. I hate the fact I have a job that has nothing to do with what I really love and don’t really know how I can parlay writing into a career.
3. I hate that I love the beach, live so far away from it, and can’t afford to go. I haven’t been to the beach in six years.
4. I hate the fact I want to date again but am terrified of that prospect too. I don’t want to die alone but worry no one would want to stay with me.
5. I hate the fact I have no health insurance and can’t afford to buy any. I don’t qualify for Obamacare because my income is too low and this state won’t allow me to get Medicaid. We do have a free medical clinic in town but I hate the condescending way they treat you there.
6. I sometimes wonder why the hell I ever moved to this state, although it’s really not so bad.
7. I hate the way I acted when I was younger and cringe in embarrassment and shame thinking about it sometimes. I want to divorce my younger self sometimes and pretend she never existed, even though I know that to heal, I need to make peace with her and learn to love her.
8. Sometimes I feel like a huge loser in life. Of course this idea has been drummed into me by my narcs and I’ve internalized it. It’s not an easy belief to let go of.
9. I hate the fact I sometimes doubt my faith.
10. I hate the way I sometimes still hurt people without meaning to.
11. I hate feeling like I’m always guilty of something and always have to apologize.
12. I hate that I’m so socially awkward that people sometimes think I’m daft. Having hearing issues on top of Aspergers and Avoidant PD sure doesn’t help with this.
13. I hate how fair I am. I can’t tan anymore (I could as a child and teenager) but at least I don’t have wrinkles.
14. I hate that I had an abortion and never got to meet the son I would have had (it was male and would have been born in March or April of 1999 so he’d be 16 now). At the time I didn’t feel like I had a choice.
15. I hate the fact I spent three months in a mental hospital in 1996 and at the time didn’t take the DBT training very seriously. I kept the books and do now though.
16. I hate the fact I wasted my young adult years chasing men and obsessing over finding the perfect man instead of focusing on my education and training for a real career in journalism.
17. I hate the fact I don’t have any close friends IRL. I won’t let anyone get close to me because I’m afraid if they found out too much about me they would hate me.
18. I hate the fact my family of origin sucked and have never been supportive of me or loved me unconditionally and judge me so harshly.
19. I hate the fact my family thinks my mental disorders are just an excuse and take no interest in them or why I have them.
20. When push comes to shove, I still can’t say I’m really a very happy person. I’ve gotten better but I wonder if I’ll ever really be happy. I’m looking into getting a therapist.
21. I wish I had been a better mom when my kids were young. I still beat myself up over not having been there for them when they needed me most.
22. I hate that I haven’t seen my son in two years because he lives 700 miles away and I can’t afford to travel to see him.
23. I hate it that I still have so much trouble speaking up when I’ve been hurt or standing up for myself when my rights have been violated.
That felt kind of good.
Latest additions to my rock and geode collection.
Life can be surprising. On the whole, today has been a crappy day, but there’s always something to make a bad day more tolerable, if you just pay attention. God doesn’t forget about you even when things seem hopeless and you’re ready to either pull out all your hair or kill someone.
My day started like this. I’m trying to get my car legal but everything about it has been so hard. It failed inspection because of the emissions test. I go through this crap every year. Because I’m off work this week I finally have time to get this shite taken care of, but after everything I need to do is finally done, it’s going to eat up half this week. Cars require more maintenance and cost more than kids, I swear. Especially if you are too poor to buy a new one and are forced to drive an old beater like mine.
Sitting in the repair shop at about 9 AM and feeling put upon and surly, I posted this on my Facebook wall:
So i’m sitting here at the car repair shop trying to get my 13 year old junker fixed so it can pass the emissions inspection…or i can at least get a waiver from the dmv so i’m not driving this pos illegally anymore…gonna spend some time at the library or the rock shop while i wait. Then tomorrow probably going to have to wait around at the dmv all day for the waiver if i still fail inspection. This state just wants to suck money from you any way they can…if i lived in south carolina, florida or tennessee i wouldn’t have to put up with this shit, spend money i don’t have, and waste half my vacation on this. Sorry about all the lower case letters but i’m trying to type this on my phone.
They told me there were 5-6 cars ahead of mine and they probably wouldn’t be able to get to it until late this afternoon and I didn’t want to wait that long, so I decided to start walking home (I had no access to a ride and taxis are way too expensive). The walk home was 5 1/2 miles, in the burning hot sun, along roads with no sidewalks. I will NOT walk back today, but am prepard to walk back there in the morning to get the car early in the morning when it’s cooler (I’ll be sure to wear better shoes instead of the flip flops I wore today).
But it won’t be over. Not anywhere near it. Once I get the car, I have to take it back for a second inspection. If I don’t pass, I can take the second “fail” inspection plus all the receipts for the work I had done (you are required to spend at least $200 to prove you at least tried to get it fixed) to the DMV and stand in line for a waiver so I can drive the car legally. THEN I have to take the waiver to the tag office and tax office (two separate buildings) and pay for the registration and taxes. This crap is going to eat up most of my vacation week.
My court date is August 6th (I was pulled over last month for a expired tags because of the failed inspection) but this week is the only time I have to get all this crap done. I probably won’t have a day to just relax and do other things until Thursday. It really pisses me off because the car is safe to drive, and would pass inspection anywhere else. It’s a waste of time and money in my humble opinion.
But there were a few small things that happened that made this ordeal a little less aggravating and even made me smile. Before I made the decision to walk home from the repair shop, which is in an area with a lot of funky shops and outdoor eateries, I decided to get coffee and a muffin from one of the cafes. I sat down at one of their little outdoor tables, read a book I brought with me, and ate the muffin and drank the coffee, which were both delicious.
I happen to collect rocks and geodes, and across the street was a rock shop. Most of their rocks and geodes are indoors, but some of the less expensive ones are displayed on tables in front of the store or in little fountains. I found a large geode filled with white crystals that kind of spoke to me. The shop wasn’t open yet but an employee was just pulling in. I asked him how much the geode was and he said he thought it was $5. I was shocked such a big, beautiful rock would be that cheap. He said he’d have it held for me and to come back in 15 minutes.
When I returned, the woman in the store told me I’d been quoted the wrong price and it was actually $15. I guess she saw my disappointment because then she smiled and said since $5 was the price given to me that she would sell it to me for that price. I was overjoyed. I selected 3 small colorful stones (the red one in the photo is actually a piece of glass) from one of the outside fountains. So I walked away happy, prepared to trudge the 5 1/2 miles back to my house.
Along the way, I saw a dead bush whose branches intrigued me because of the pattern they made. This is not a black and white photo but looks like one:
About 45 minutes later (when I was about halfway home), I had to stop and rest and refill the water bottle I was carrying. I found a Shell station that had a little sitting area next to it complete with a bench to sit on near the curb. I placed the rocks down on the curb and took the beautiful photo of them you see at the top of this page. When I looked up, I saw something else–a magnolia tree in full bloom, so I decided I needed a couple of pictures of that too:
I walked the rest of the way home thinking about the post I was going to write and suddenly the issue with the car seemed a little less aggravating and overwhelming. I even felt that these little gifts from nature were God’s way of letting me know he was always there no matter what.
ETA: About 15 minutes before the shop closed, I called them and was told they were actually able to FIX the problem and I should be able to pass inspection, but was told to drive about 100 miles first to make sure the engine light doesn’t go back on.
So I got the idea to go back to The Light Center in Black Mountain tomorrow, which will put about 100 miles on the car. I found this place to be very peaceful and healing when I went there last September and wrote this post about it (this blog was exactly one week old!) I’ve been wanting to go back anyway while I’m off. (I don’t think this is incompatible in any way with my Christian faith). If the light doesn’t go back on, then I should pass inspection and will be able to bypass the waiver thing at the DMV and just be able to go get the car registered and that will be the end of it, God be willing.
Most psychologists believe personality disorders are very difficult, if not impossible, to cure, because they are a core part of the personality. But I’ve noticed something interesting about BPD, at least in women diagnosed with it (including me)–it tends to improve or disappear with age.
Maybe this is a little TMI, but I used to get terrible PMS. For a few days before my period started, I was cranky, moody, stressed, and more prone than usual to fly into unreasonable rages or burst into tears for no reason. I was hell to be around. I was also more prone to engage in risky or self destructive behaviors when I was premenstrual. All this behavior was very borderline, and it continued this way for years, but once I reached menopause a few years ago, I seemed to stabilize and have not had the type of crazy mood swings or displayed any of the outrageous behaviors I used to. My borderline behaviors, when they do come out at all, tend to be more passive aggressive than aggressive.
I’m a member of a closed group on Facebook for people with BPD, and I’ve heard other women (and it’s mostly women who are diagnosed with BPD anyway) say the same thing happened to them once they reach a certain age. Their symptoms seem to improve or even disappear once they are no longer undergoing monthly fluctuations of female hormones. It may worsen temporarily as menopause hits due to the sudden drop in estrogen (that causes a woman to experience hot flashes and other unpleasant menopausal symptoms), but once a few years have passed they say they have never been better. There’s one younger woman in the group who suffered from painful cramping and migraine headaches during periods and was put on birth control pills to control the physical discomfort, and said she was surprised about the added benefit–her BPD symptoms got better too.
So I’m wondering if there’s a connection between BPD and the hormone fluctuations of the menstrual cycle, since it’s mostly younger women who display the more dramatic and unpredictable BPD behaviors. The fact that the symptoms of BPD (unlike those of the other personality disorders) can be improved with drug therapy makes me wonder if BPD is really a personality disorder at all. Some experts believe BPD is really a form of PTSD established at an early age by abuse (which I agree it may be), but is there a biochemical component involved too?
I’m not the only one who’s noticed a connection between BPD and PMS. Here are two articles on the subject:
PMS/PMDD and Borderline Personality Disorder
Does PMS Ignite Your BPD Symptoms?
Just something else to add to all the confusion surrounding the baffling disorder of BPD.
Okay, so my daughter isn’t exactly a kid anymore, since she’s 22, but she’s still young enough that she likes participating in those awful Facebook groups where random people rank your photo based on how attractive they think you are.
Her profile picture was ranked along with 3 other girls in this group.
Here she sums up what happened.
She got a lot of comments telling her not to be upset, or that people were just jealous of her good looks (she is very pretty, but I didn’t see the photos of the other girls). This morning she told me her feelings were still hurt today in spite of encouraging comments she got from her friends and boyfriend who kept telling her how beautiful she is.
This sort of thing isn’t unusual. It happens every day, all over social media. Not only can such online “contests” lead to bullying based on one’s appearance by total strangers, but they also feed a girl’s narcissistic supply or cause narcissistic injury, even in non-narcissists (my daughter does not have NPD, but can act very narcissistic). Let’s be honest here–we all have some need for narcissistic supply (positive feedback), especially when we’re still young and unsure of our place in the world.
The teenage and young adult women who participate in these contests learn to value surface attributes such as physical appearance or sexiness above anything else. I see it happening everywhere. Millennial girls seem more obsessed with how cute, sexy or pretty they are than any generation that came before them, and I think this is due to the plethora of reality shows, beauty contests and Facebook photo rankings they are inundated with, as well as the trend for taking as many Selfies or Youtube videos of yourself as you possibly can and posting them for the public to see and comment on. This seems to be a generation with more than its fair share of female somatic narcissists and girls with HPD (histrionic personality disorder).
I can’t keep my daughter from participating in these sort of activities since she’s an adult and she seems to enjoy them (and usually gets a lot of compliments about how pretty she is), but I worry about a “low ranking” (which really wasn’t that bad) like she got yesterday damaging her self esteem (which is shaky to start with) or teaching her to value physical appearance above other qualities like personality, intelligence, or kindness.
I got this idea from Anna Valerious’ blog Narcissists Suck, who did a similar “Best Of” list. Unfortunately, WordPress no longer allows an “All Time” timeframe for gathering statistics, so this list will only include my most popular (most viewed) posts from 2015.
They are listed in order from most viewed to least.
If an article was a rant about some drama going on at the time and I was just venting, I skipped those for the most part.
The posts about Narcissism and the few about Borderline Personality Disorder that made the Top 50 will be listed separately from the rest. (These are my most popular articles out of a total of about 890 articles since I started this blog last September)
My Narcissism articles have proven to be my most viewed by far.
This post will also become a new static page in the header, which I’ll update on a monthly basis (for the rest of 2015 at any rate).
Most Popular Posts about Narcissism and BPD
1. A Match Made in Hell: Narcissists and HSPs
2. 20 Songs About Narcissists #11-20 (part 2 of 2)
3. 20 Songs About Narcissists #10-1 (part 1 of 2)
4. Grandiose and Vulnerable Narcissists: How Do They Differ?
5. Famous People Who Have NPD
6. The Distinctive Look of Psychopathy: Gazing Into the Face of Evil
7. Why You Should Never Jump into a New Relationship After Narcissistic Abuse
8. Do Narcissists Cry?
9. 12 More Songs About Narcissism
10. Maybe We Throw Around the “N” Label Too Freely
11. A New Insight on Being the Only Child of a Narcissistic Mother
12. Can a Psychopath Ever Be Cured?
13. My Story of Narcissistic Abuse (Childhood and Adolescence)
14. Narcissism is a Family Disease
15. 12 Weird Things You Might See a Narcissist Do
16. The “Sex Symbol of Narcissism”
17. Sleeping With the Devil: My Marriage to a Psychopath (part 1)
18. Psychopaths and Pets
19. The Man You Love to Hate–or Hate to Love
20. Are You Being Gaslighted?
21. My Mother, the Exhibitionist
22. Letter From a Narcissist’s True Self
23. Narcissists Who Use 12-Step Programs to Further Their Agenda
24. Beware of MNs Posing as Victims in the Psychopathic Abuse Community
25. Disturbing Documentary About Narcissists and Psychopaths
26. Narcissists and Cleanliness
27. 10 Ways to Deal With a Narcissist
28. The Four Types of Narcissistic Abuse Victims
29. Could Reparenting Actually Cure a Narcissist?
30. Healing Narcissism: Stephen’s Story
31. More About the Narcissistic Stare
32. Why Family Scapegoats Become Lifelong Victims
33. The 12 Steps of “Narcissists Anonymous”
34. Sociopath vs. Psychopath: Is There a Difference?
35. Sam Vaknin: Narcissist or Narcissist Wannabe?
36. I Think It’s Iime We Stop Bashing All Narcissists
37. 5 More Weird Things You May See a Narcissist Do
38. Malignant Narcissism and the Supernatural: A Connection?
39. Eight Fun Games Narcissists Like to Play (and One They Can’t Play)
40. It’s All About Image: The Skewed Values of Narcissistic Families
41. Cerebral vs. Somatic Narcissists
42. Are BPD and Complex PTSD the Same Disorder?
43. How To Recognize a Covert Narcissist
44. The Real Reason Highly Sensitive People Get Bullied
45. Do Narcissists Have a Spiritual Purpose We Can’t Understand?
46. Are Narcissists Ever Abuse Victims?
47. Narcissist Parents Demonize Their Own Children
48. Courtney Love, Murderous Psychopath
49. On Narcissists Who Want to Be Cured
50. Do Psychopaths Hate Cats?
I am adding these 10 articles to this list too because they were “bubbling under” the Top 50 and they’re among my personal favorites (these numbers are not their actual rankings, but they are in order from most to least popular):
51. Book Review: “Malignant Self-Love” by Sam Vaknin
52. 22 Signs of Online Destructive Narcissists in Forums and Blogging Communities
53. Why Being a Golden Child Isn’t So Golden
54. Malignant Narcissism in Fairy Tales
55. All My Narcissistic Lovers
56. Lies My Narcissists Told Me
57. Malignant Narcissists: HSPs Gone Bad?
58. Survivor Hypervigilance and The Danger of False Labeling
59. NPD vs. BPD: They Are Not The Same Thing!
60. Ten Great Things About Narcissists
Other Popular Posts
I have included only the Top 25 here because overall, these articles ranked much lower than my articles about narcissism. A few of these overlap with the subject of narcissism and could appear on either list, but for various reasons I decided to place them here instead.
1. Anyone Remember Merrimints? Well, They’re Back (Sort of)
2. My Favorite Optical Illusions
3. My Son is Furry–Got a Problem With That?
4. On Political Correctness and the Inevitability of Offending People
5. Forever Alone
6. Mid Century Modern Houses > McMansions and Other Neo-Eclectic Monstrosities
7. People Treat Me Like I’m Stupid
8. Blogging is Not For Pussies
9. Scientology: A Cult of Psychopathy
10. 20 Truths of Blogging
11. Road Rage, Bumper Stickers, and Narcissism
12. Why IQ Tests of the Past Lacked Smarts
13. Are Millennials Really the Most Narcissistic Generation Ever?
14. 15 Insane Things I’ve Been Accused Of
15. Who Was Narcissus?
16. 15 Things That Introverts Will Never Tell You
17. How Does Aspergers Syndrome Differ From Non-Verbal Learning Disability?
18. Ten Things That Make Your Blog Suck
19. The Curse of the Aspergers/Avoidant/Borderline Triad
20. Replying To My Haters
21. Ferris Bueller, Psychopath
22. Scrambled Eggs for Brains
23. My Weird Phobia
24. Chronic Rage is a Trap, Not a Trophy
25. The Narcautism Spectrum!
At the store today I found this homemade salted caramel vanilla fudge and I just HAD to have it. It’s as delicious as it looks.
Sometimes you just HAVE to indulge.
For awhile it looked a bit threatening, but nothing happened and soon the hot sun was back out. It’s been like this all day, as if the weather has Borderline Personality Disorder.
No, not from this blog–from WORK! For a WHOLE WEEK.
More time to write new blog posts–my REAL job. Yippee!
Lucky Otters Haven 