Happy Thanksgiving.

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Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Today, I am thankful for my friends, my family, good food, animals, nature, music, laughter, God’s grace, WordPress, and last but not least, Robert Mueller!

I’m also thankful I still live in a country where freedom of speech and a free and open Internet is allowed.   Who knows how much longer we will have them? If you’re as thankful for those things as I am, join the fight to save them!

Appreciate all the good things you have, no matter how small.

If you aren’t working today, relax, eat much, and enjoy your day!

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“How to Spot a Collapsed Narcissist”

A year ago I correctly predicted Donald Trump was a narcissist who, with access to unlimited power (while at the same time aware on a deep subconscious level he was utterly unqualified for his position), would become a “collapsed narcissist.” He was already in the process of collapsing, but has become much worse. Although the term “collapsed” makes them seem harmless, that is not the case at all. A collapsed narcissist is likely to be at their most dangerous and destructive as they begin to decompensate, which actually means they consolidate power.  That’s the point we’re at now with Trump. Please read on.

Lucky Otters Haven

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The following is is a very interesting article I found on a site called  Flying Monkeys Denied, that explains how to identify a narcissist who has “collapsed” –in other words, a narcissist who has been denied adequate supply (leading to narcissistic injury), perhaps by having failed to meet his or her goals or obtain the admiration they thought was their due.    He (or she) will spiral into “pit bull” attack mode in their last ditch efforts to force others to provide them with supply.   They become hypersensitive, hateful, rage filled, tantrum throwing, angry, snappish, intolerant, and sometimes even violent.   Any pretense of niceness or charm they might have formerly displayed when things were going better for them disappears and the rage just underneath the mask of pleasantness comes out full throttle.

They still cannot accept any blame or criticism of themselves.    They project their…

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The choice is yours.

 

A reminder from James Martin, SJ (via Twitter)

In case anyone has forgotten:

Child abuse is a sin.

Sexual abuse is a sin.

Sexual harassment is a sin.

Racism, and white supremacy, is a sin.

Jesus asks us to welcome the stranger.

Jesus asks us to love the poor.

There are indeed two sides to these issues: Good and evil.

The choice is yours.

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RIP, David Cassidy.

David Cassidy

David Cassidy was a childhood icon and one of my favorite TV and music stars when I was about 12 and 13.   In the early 1970s, he was a huge teen idol (just look at that face — how could he not be?).

The Partridge Family was one of my favorite TV shows.  Hearing about his death today certainly didn’t help my mood.   67 is too young!

Rest in Peace, David.  You brought so much joy to so many people.

A little photographic tribute:

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A cat named Bill.

I’m just so exhausted, worn down, frustrated, and livid over Net Neutrality being on the chopping block now, and Trump saying he believes a pedophile and sexual abuser (Roy Moore) over the 9 women who have come forward.   He thinks a Christofascist pedophile and sexual abuser is better than a “liberal Democrat” (Doug Jones), who seems like a good man.   But that’s only the tip of the iceberg.  It’s all pretty overwhelming what they are doing.  I can’t even keep up with the terrible things they do every day.   It will take an entire generation, if not an entire lifetime, to recover.

It seems that all Trump and the GOP do is destroy everything and replace it with shit.  Sociopaths and bullies seem to be running everything right now and seem to love upsetting and pissing off “liberal snowflakes.” They even admit they love doing this.  Trump’s base really is deplorable, from what I have seen online.

A new kitten isn’t a cure, and it certainly won’t solve all these huge problems, but it will lift my spirits.   I know of a three month old male tabby who needs a home and I’ve been thinking about getting a new cat for a while now.  I am going to name him either Bill or Steve. Steve is funny (I love people names for cats), but my dad’s name was Bill (he passed away over a year ago)  and it would be a cool way to honor his memory.  I also used to read a comic strip with a character called Bill the Cat, so I think I’m going with Bill.

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Ray LaMontagne: “For The Summer” and “Beg, Steal or Borrow.”

Here are two songs that when I first heard them back in 2010, I could swear were old James Taylor or Crosby, Stills and Nash songs I had somehow never heard.

Both these ballads were written and sung by a musician named Ray LaMontagne, who was in fact hugely influenced by Stephen Stills and other singer songwriters of the late 1960s and early 1970s, even though he himself wasn’t born until 1973.

Both songs are featured on his 2010 studio album “God Willin’ and the Creek Don’t Rise” and both received moderate airplay.   “Beg, Steal or Borrow” was nominated for a Grammy (2010 Song of the Year) but did not win.

I love these songs because they’re so calming.   I also find them both a bit melancholy and somehow nostalgic.   Love the lyrics too!

 

 

 

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Was Betty Broderick actually a victim of narcissistic abuse?

Originally posted on September 27, 2016

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Dan and Betty Broderick at their wedding, 1969

Sometimes the delineation between being a narcissistic abuser and having been a victim of narcissistic abuse is not very clear.    A famous example is Betty Broderick,  the jilted wife who broke into the home of her ex-husband, Dan Broderick, and his new wife, Linda Kolkena, and shot them both to death as they slept.

The entire story is documented in Bella Stumbo’s excellent true crime book, Until The Twelfth of Never, which I read a number of years ago. The story of this tragedy haunted me for weeks, but Dan’s treatment of Betty prior to the murders haunted me even more.  In fact, it downright bugged the bejeezus out of me.

Betty was eventually prosecuted and her appeal for parole was denied.   She will probably spend the rest of her life in prison.

Did Betty murder in cold blood?  Absolutely.   Did she ever admit guilt or show any remorse for her actions? No, she did not.  Was she manipulative and did she show self-centered behaviors?  Yes.  Did she use her children as pawns in her one-woman crusade against her cheating ex husband?  Again, yes.  Was the diagnosis of Narcissistic Personality Disorder she was given by the prosecuting psychiatrist correct?  Very likely. (She was also diagnosed with Histrionic Personality Disorder).

I’m not defending what Betty Broderick did.   She is a pre-meditated murderer who killed in cold blood as her victims slept and showed no remorse for her crime.   She used her children as pawns against her ex in their hostile, drawn out divorce, not thinking or seeming to care about their needs, only her own.   Two of her four children don’t speak to her and one has written a book against her and testified against her in court.

But even taking all this into account, I always had a huge problem not seeing Betty as the real victim, in spite of her heinous crime.   From their marriage in 1969 until 1983, when her husband’s affair (which he had lied to her about) came out in the open (and the shit hit the proverbial fan),  Betty was by all accounts a loyal and faithful wife, very much bound by her strict Catholic religious upbringing (and probably, how she appeared to others).   She was a typical 1950s-early 1960s-style housewife, whose main interests in life seemed to be marriage and family.    She wasn’t a go-getting feminist or a a dissatisfied wife who longed for a career or an outside life; she was perfectly happy taking care of the house and playing second fiddle to her successful attorney husband Dan (who had both a law and medical degree), proud of being seen with him at the many functions he attended, and dutifully raising four children (a fifth one died shortly after birth).   If she really had NPD, perhaps much of her perfect-wife persona was for show or to be well regarded in the community, but Stumbo’s true-crime book described a woman who, if anything, was doing everything she thought she had to do to be a good wife and mother,  who never cheated on her husband or showed any interest in expanding her interests outside their family.   Granted, she was never easy to live with, and could be very demanding, needy, and high maintenance, but I wouldn’t say she was malignant, at least not in the beginning.  If she was a narcissist, she was a covert one with a lot of borderline traits.

I think it was her husband who was a much more grandiose and obvious (if not more malignant) narcissist.   He was charming, overly concerned with his image and status, wildly successful, cold and unfeeling to his wife and children, and seemed to lack any empathy for his wife’s many emotional needs.  She did seem to be the more emotionally unstable of the two of them, but such is often the case with the partner who is being victimized–especially if the abuser has flying monkeys (and Dan had a whole community of them due to his power and reputation).

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Dan Broderick and Linda Kolkena, circa 1983

When Betty was in her 40s, she had gained some weight (as many women do around that age) and Dan began to show how little he valued his wife and their marriage, now that she was no longer young and beautiful.  He started an affair with an attractive young woman in his office named Linda Kolkena, who he promoted to his personal assistant.  He spent less and less time at home and even took his new assistant on vacation (saying it was a business trip).  Betty suspected something was going on and asked Dan about it.  He lied to her and said there was nothing and she was imagining things (sound familiar)?     Eventually the truth could no longer be hidden and he admitted he’d been having an affair with Linda all along.  But it didn’t stop there.  He also told Betty he had fallen in love with Linda and wanted to marry her, and told Betty coldly that he wanted a divorce.  Shortly after he left her, Linda fell pregnant.  They flaunted their happiness cruelly in front of Betty, who always had self esteem issues.

The divorce was drawn out, dramatic, and ugly.   Betty became increasingly deranged, and showed stalking behaviors and began to involve her children in her one-woman crusade against her cheating ex.   But Dan and Linda also ganged up against Betty and made fun of her, leaving abusive phone messages where they could be heard laughing together and making fun of Betty’s age, weight and intelligence.    Such a thing would certainly make ME see red!  For Betty, an insecure woman whose entire identity had been tied up with being Dan Broderick’s wife and the mother of his children, his cruel and malicious behavior must have been unbearable and something eventually snapped.

Dan was able to convince everyone that Betty was insane–not to mention fat, stupid and old.   He was expert in gaslighting and triangulation, turning most of their friends and even their own children against her.

What Betty did was wrong.  There’s no way around that.    She was spiteful, manipulative, and completely out of control.  She lied in court.   She didn’t seem to have much, if any, empathy for their children (by that point, I would completely understand if she had no empathy for her ex and his new wife, given their shabby treatment of her during the divorce proceedings).

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Betty Broderick during the trial.

But I wonder how much she may have been driven to act as she did.   Dan seemed cold-hearted and emotionless from the get-go, almost psychopathic.   For 14 years, Betty put up with this b*stard and obediently played the role of the trophy wife that he wanted.  When she was too old, he unceremoniously dumped her for another woman.

In my opinion, Betty Broderick was a victim of narcissistic abuse who was driven to become a narcissist.  Even if she was already a narcissist, I don’t think she was malignant or that she would have gone to the extremes that she did on that horrible day in 1983 had she not been driven to to the brink of insanity by her arrogant, compassionless, egotistical cheater of a husband.

This case has always fascinated me, in part because I think so much was brushed under the rug during the divorce proceedings and the trial. I always felt a bit of sympathy for her, in spite of her horrible crime. Here’s another article I found in defense of Betty Broderick.  Betty was certainly no angel, but I don’t think Dan Broderick was as good a guy as the press and popular media liked to make him out to be — not even close.

Betty Broderick: Victim or Victimizer

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My problem with pens.

Originally posted on April 17, 2017

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I have a house full of old, nonworking pens.  It’s not because I want them.   Keeping up with pens and throwing away old ones is one thing I never seem to bother keeping up with.    Whenever I need a pen, I can never, EVER find a working one.  I have dozens of old markers that no longer have any ink in them, tens of cheap ballpoints I got for free somewhere with no ink in them and non-working clickers; I even have dried up pen refills with no actual pen to cover them.  I have Sharpies with their nubs worn down to nothing.  They all sit forlornly in old coffee mugs around the house.

People can’t understand why I can’t find a working pen when I need one.  They look around at the mugs of pens in every room and on every available surface, and they also know I have drawers full of pens (as well as old phone chargers, paper clips, rubber bands, broken push pins, paid bills from 2003, business cards for businesses I’ll never use or have never heard of, a broken lighter with Y2K joke on it [no joke], and all the other detritus most of us wind up gathering somehow without any effort at all).   I almost always wind up having to borrow their pen — if they’re carrying one — and I can see them just shaking their heads in bemused amazement.

I have the same problem with pencils.  I have at least a hundred pencils — all with broken points or sharpened down to an inch or so (and still sporting broken points) — and not one sharpener.   So the pencils I own are utterly useless.   Maybe I should install a sharpener on the wall, like the one we kept on the basement stairs while I was growing up (I’ll never know why it was installed on the wall of the dark basement stairs, as if it was something to be embarrassed about).

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At least with the Internet, I rarely need a pen.  But sometimes I do.  There’s still the occasional form I need to fill out, or the birthday card I need to sign (I hate e-cards).  Sometimes I have to leave post-it notes to myself on the bathroom mirror that say things like:  BUY A PACK OF PENS TODAY!  Hah.  I never learn.   I never go out and buy a pack of pens for these moments.  The one time recently that I did buy a pack, I somehow lost all those pens.  But the old, dried up, broken ones stuck around like unwelcome guests.

And they MULTIPLY.  You know that portal that’s hidden in the back of your washer that sucks your socks into an alternate universe?    Well, I think there’s another portal — a reverse wormhole — from that same universe that spews broken old pens into ours.  Maybe it somehow transforms our socks into pens.  You never know.

Why don’t I just throw away all those broken and nonworking pens and pencils?  Honestly, I don’t know why.    It’s not sentimentality,  and it’s not because “maybe one day I will use them in a multi-media project where I can glue them to a board with all the other useless junk in my drawers and call it art.”  ” No, I think the reason I don’t weed out all the old pens and pencils is pure laziness.   The idea of going through all those mugs and drawers full of broken writing implements and testing them isn’t something I want to spend my day doing.

So the pens stay, and I continue to search in vain for a working pen when I need one.

Anyone want some of my old broken pens?

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12 ways to #RESIST without losing your mind.

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I’m not sure if this a recent photo; the fashions seem to be from the early 1970s.  But I like the photo and it still fits the spirit of this post, so I’m using it anyway.

It’s hard, I know.   The bad news just keeps coming faster than we can process.  Some days I just want to forget it all, give up, and shut out a world that seems to get meaner and more chaotic by the day.  Some days I feel so drained and hopeless I just want to crawl into bed and sleep until things change back to normal (if they ever do).

But we can’t give up.   Sliding into despair, cynicism, hopelessness, and apathy is not an option for us, because it’s exactly what our opposition wants.  It will give them even more power over us than they already have.

We are a nation at war:  it’s not a war fought with weapons (although they have been used in isolated incidents); it’s a “cold” war between those who want authoritarian rule and complete destruction of American democracy as we always knew it, and those who believe in decency and truth and progressive, democratic values.   It’s not even a war between left and right, or between Republicans and Democrats.  It’s literally a war between good and evil, truth and lies.

America is having an identity crisis.  We are so polarized now there seems no way we can find common ground, the way we have been able to do before.  For example, when 9/11 happened, Americans stood together as one nation.  It didn’t matter if we were liberal or conservative, rich or poor, or black or white.  We recognized that we were all Americans and helped each other through a terrible time and the trauma that followed the attacks.

But this time, the enemy is not coming from the outside (in spite of what some people believe and will tell you).  No, the enemy is inside our borders, and many Americans no longer seem capable of recognizing that groups of people that are not like them are their fellow Americans, not enemies.   The war they wage is against Truth, and the empathy and compassion for others that is only possible when the truth is upheld and valued, especially by our leaders.   When the truth itself is said to be a lie, there can be no justice, no goodness, no love, and no compassion.   There can only be chaos, trauma, injustice, divisiveness, dehumanization, hatred, and death.

All this sounds very dire, and it is.  But at the same time our leaders appear to be dismantling our democratic institutions and making a mockery of truth and justice,  people are waking up.  The political apathy that was a hallmark of this nation for so long (and was a factor in helping to elect a malignant narcissist for president) is disappearing, and it’s disappearing fast.

Of course, on the far right, there are people who want to wage war against anyone who feels traumatized by or dislikes this president or the things he and his sycophants and lackeys are doing.   But at the same time, there are many, many more people who are finally speaking out, fighting back — and voting!   The blue sweep across several states a couple of weeks ago proves that most of us know that sitting home is no longer an option.   More proof that the tides are turning is all the women suddenly speaking out against their sexual abusers, even after decades of remaining silent.   Think of America as a teenager, who is experiencing the turmoil and changes of adolescence.  If we do things right and keep fighting the good fight, America will pass this turbulent phase and move into peaceful adulthood.

We can’t give up now, however tempting it might be.   But it’s possible to resist without driving yourself insane.  Here are 12 ways to do that.

1. Take breaks.

If you spend 24/7 ruminating about the political situation, reading upsetting news, begging your representatives to save your healthcare (or any number of other things that are in danger under this regime), or ranting on social media, you are going to get burned out.   This is heavy, serious stuff, and you need to replenish your energy and give yourself time to emotionally decompress.  You may need to stay off the Internet or turn off the news channels for a day or two.   Because the reality-show nature of the news can be so addicting though, it’s not as easy as it sounds.   But it’s necessary for your mental health and stamina.  Take walks, exercise, cook a scrumptious meal, paint, read a novel (not a political book), listen to music, watch a movie, GO to a movie, spend time with a friend or loved one.

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2. Volunteer.

This can be a way to both take a break from all the chaos and still be doing something about it at the same time.    Volunteer at an animal shelter, a food pantry, a botanical garden, a nursing home, or a homeless shelter.  Run errands for the disabled or spend time with lonely veterans.  Join the campaign of a local political candidate you really like.  Tutor kids in math or English, or if you are bilingual, teach English as a Second Language.   If you’re religious, volunteer at your place of worship or give Bible lessons.  Spend time getting to know vulnerable people and learn their stories.   You may not feel like volunteering is making a big difference, but it’s really making a huge difference, and you might even make some new friends.

3. Realize we are watching history unfold.

It might not feel very comforting (a famous Chinese curse is “May you live in interesting times“), but we are at a point of history that will be written about in books and taught to students hundreds or even a thousand years from now.   There will be villains and heroes who will be vilified or exalted by history for years to come.   It’s entirely possible that the Resistance might be as well remembered by history as the American or French Revolution.   No positive change in any society has ever come about through passive contentment, boredom, and complacency.    There’s always been bloodshed, struggle, conflict, and often war.   These are the labor pains of history, and we are going through them right now.   They are a necessary part of history unfolding.

4. Tyrants always fall.

History has shown that tyrants and dictators such as Hitler, Stalin, Mussolini, Pol Pot, Saddam Hussein, Osama bin Laden, and many others always fall into disgrace or die at some point during their reigns.   Without exception, these men have been power addicted sociopathic narcissists whose own malignant narcissism leads to their own downfall.   They are essentially self destructive.  It’s true that thousands or even millions may suffer and die under their tyrannic rule,  but such a regime is by nature unsustainable, and won’t last forever.   Right now, Trump is desperately trying to hold onto the presidency in the face of growing resistance, which now includes members of his own party.    His approval ratings sink lower and lower.  He seems (and is) more dangerous because he’s so desperate.   When narcissists feel threatened, they are prone to impulsive decisions and violence.  While yes, he is very dangerous right now, and more likely than ever to something terrible to maintain his power, remember that the irony here is that it’s because he feels like he’s losing his grip on power (and in fact, he is).   If we can keep him from doing anything drastic, we win.     No matter what happens, this time in history is only temporary.  Things won’t always be like this.

5. Make new friends.

If you protest online (like I do), attend actual protests, are involved in environmental or other activist groups, attend Town Hall or Indivisible group meetings, you are going to meet a great many people who feel the same way you do about the political situation.   Chances are, you are going to find you have other things in common with the people you meet as well.   People with similar political views tend to have similar interests too.   Talk to people, and find out more about them.   Ask them what books, movies, or music they like.   Arrange to do things with them outside a political setting.  This can also be a great way to take the breaks you need, and nurture new friendships at the same time.

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6. Resist with love. 

It may be tempting to hate the people who like this president or what he is doing.  It’s natural to feel this way, when we are so divided and when our opposition seems so full of hatred. But vitriol and name-calling accomplish nothing.  If you are up to it and feel like you’re gifted at persuasion (I’m not), you can try to empathize with them and then present your case as to why Trump will not solve their problems, but usually this doesn’t work.  You can still try to empathize with them though.  Realize that many Trump supporters, especially working class whites, feel like they’ve been ignored and looked down on by the left.   They are not incorrect in their feelings, since many establishment Democrats do seem to care more about Muslims, immigrants, or Black Lives Matter more than they care about blue collar or rural whites.  They feel unvalued and left behind.  Trump promised them jobs and pretended to care about them and they still want to believe him.     That doesn’t mean you have to agree with them, but try to see things from their point of view and keep on resisting even if they’re not buying the fact that the change you want to see is going to help them too.

7. Violence never works.

Not only is violence unproductive and can get you thrown in jail, it also makes our side look bad.   Worse, in a society that’s declining into fascism and authoritarianism, instigating violence can be an excuse for the Powers That Be to enact martial law or restrict our First Amendment (freedom of speech) rights or our freedom to peaceably assemble.

8. Protesting is fun.

I’ve only been to two actual protests, but I had a blast at both.  Protest events are a great opportunity to meet like-minded people, see creative signs, slogans and even costumes, or make your own.   Chanting and marching as a group (sometimes with a drumbeat) is an almost spiritual experience, and it’s hard to explain the solidarity you feel marching and chanting with complete strangers.  See and be seen!   There’s lots of opportunities for photo taking, and you might even get interviewed or get your picture in the paper.

Here are my posts about the two protests I attended (with photos).

Rally for the ACA (February 25, 2017)

Earth Day (April 23, 2017): March For Science

9. Pray for your enemies.

Even if you’re not religious, praying for the opposition can certainly do no harm.  At the very least, send them your good thoughts.   In my personal life, I’ve found that prayer works.  Since it works for me and my loved ones, who’s to say it won’t also work on some Trump supporter and get them to re-evaluate or even change their beliefs?  I really believe it can.  I pray for them every day.   It was hard to do that at first, but with practice, it gets easier.

Hate won the battle, but love will win the war.

 

10. Educate yourself about history, civics and government.

In high school, I used to fall asleep in civics class (I hear most high schools no longer offer it, which is a shame).   I couldn’t tell you the difference between a filibuster or a gerrymander.   I couldn’t even name the three branches of government (except maybe to pass a test).   It all seemed so dry and boring and irrelevant!   I’d stare at the clock and try not to fall asleep.   But now that our government no longer works (and the news is no longer boring), I’m learning all about how government is supposed to work, and it’s actually fascinating. It’s also far from irrelevant.   As members of the resistance, we can make so much more of a difference when we actually know what our government is supposed to be doing and the ways they are breaking laws and undermining the Constitution.    An added bonus to all this civics education is the history lessons you get. This year, I’ve learned all about past presidents and even their cabinet members, as well as other turbulent times in American history that have important lessons to tell us about events happening right now.

11. Avoid fake news.

Back in the days before the Internet, there were a limited number of outlets for the news.  You had cable news, local news, and network news, and then there were the major newspapers and news magazines.  And that was about it.   In 1987, Reagan dismantled the Fairness Doctrine, a useful FCC regulation that kept news from becoming too biased by requiring networks to include opinions from the opposite viewpoint.  The disappearance of the Fairness Doctrine led to increasing polarization and eventually, the advent of extremely partisan news outlets like Fox News.   Since then, the news has become so polarized that the stories you hear on Fox News (and other far right news outlets) bear no resemblance to stories you hear on other news outlets.   They might as well be coming from an alternate universe.

Things have continued to grow worse.  With the growth of the Internet, news websites have proliferated like wildfire.  Some of these sites are honest and try to report the news factually and include sources.  Others are less reputable, and a good many report fake news stories (some of which may even be written by Russian bots or foreign fake news mills).   Fake news isn’t something only the far right is guilty of; it exists as well on the far left.   How can you tell what news is fake and what isn’t?  Well, it can be tricky.  But a good rule of thumb is to avoid articles with sensational or emotionally manipulative sounding titles or clickbaity titles, and “factual” (as opposed to opinion) articles that cite no sources and don’t fact check their their information.   Stay with trusted and well known news sites that use actual experts in their fields and use citations and references.   Ignore what Trump and his supporters tell you is fake news. They are wrong.

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12. Share your concerns and worries with trusted friends or family, or join a support group.

Unfortunately, even longtime friends and family members have become estranged and even sometimes no longer speak to each other because of Donald Trump.   I have had to block Facebook friends because I could not abide all the pro-Trump propaganda they were posting.  I’ve never had to do such a thing until this year.  It makes me sad but I know so many other people who’ve admitted they had to do the same thing.  Even marriages have broken up over this.

While a liberal who voted for John Kerry could still be friends with a conservative who voted for George W. Bush, things have become so polarized and Trump is so threatening and traumatizing to so many of us, that it’s become almost impossible for say, a Hillary supporter and a Trump supporter to maintain a friendship.   Even if the subject of politics is avoided, the tension is still palpable and it’s hard to maintain a friendship with that kind of tension present.  But we still need to be able to talk to trusted friends and family members when we are feeling discouraged, scared, or depressed about the political situation.  Obviously, you are going to want to turn to people you trust who also share your views.  Talking it out with trusted friends who sympathize with your views can help a lot.

Even talking to friends on social media can help.   As an introvert, I don’t have many IRL friends, but I do have online friends, and in February, I even started a Facebook group (Post-Trump Trauma Support Group — click the link if you’d like to join) which now has 143 members.   It’s been very helpful to me, and others have said it helps them too, and that’s a good feeling.  If you can’t find a Facebook group you like, you can always start your own!  My friends on Twitter are a godsend too.

There are also therapists who are actually treating people for Trump Traumatic Stress Disorder.  Although it’s not an official diagnosis and isn’t listed in the DSM, most therapists recognize it as an actual trauma related problem similar to PTSD that many people (including the therapists themselves, who tend to be liberal) are facing.

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20 ways to lose followers.

I just saw this under “related posts” under my last post and thought it was good enough to deserve a reblog.

Lucky Otters Haven

Tired woman are sleeping and holding cup. Laptop is situated on the table.

As a blogger, I admit I’m guilty of doing some of these things myself.  So I’m writing this  post as a reminder to myself to stop doing these things, and hope other bloggers can take away something from this list too.

1. Don’t allow comments.

Some blogs, especially those dealing with mental illness or abuse, don’t allow comments because negative comments can be very triggering to people struggling with these things, and you are going to get negative comments.   It can’t be avoided.  But as a general rule, it’s good to allow comments because it makes your blog more interactive.  Real conversations get started that way and build a feeling of community, which can make your followers stick around and your blog more engaging.

2. Be a comment nazi. 

Some bloggers don’t want anyone to disagree with them and will not approve or delete comments that question the blogger’s…

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