Contact Me

Dear Reader,

If you are a survivor of narcissistic or psychopathic abuse, or if you just have concerns or questions about any of the disorders I cover in this blog, I would like to hear from you. If you want to share your story in private with me, I’d be more than happy to read your story and try to help in any way I can. I can’t promise to reply immediately, but I will try my best. I am not a professional therapist but I am a survivor of this type of abuse myself, and sometimes it takes a fellow sufferer to really know what we are dealing with and be able to offer the best suggestions for how to cope with it.

I’m also always trying to improve this blog, so if you have any suggestions to make it better or any criticisms, I’d like to hear those too.

You may email me at otterlover58@gmail.com — all emails will remain strictly confidential.

You may also stalk me on Twitter.

View my profile on LinkedIn

Blessings!
Lauren Bennett a/k/a “Lucky Otter”

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39 Responses to Contact Me

  1. susanbotchie says:

    So glad I found your blog. BTW, professional counselors are way over-rated, but worse than that, they are NO help whatsoever, simply because most professionals (and non pros as well) do not acknowledge Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior. Can’t wait to get home and read your blog.

    Liked by 1 person

    • luckyotter says:

      I’m glad you found your way here too (how did you find it btw ?) . Welcome! 🙂

      Professional therapists are great, but I think when dealing with narcissists or any evil people, there must be a spiritual component there too. M. Scott Peck’s “People of the Lie” is a book you should read if you haven’t. Heis a psychiatrist but does not dismiss God in his books, and in fact when dealing with MN’s and psychopaths, you are dealing with evil itself and must have some kind of spiritual armor. Even if you’re just studying their psyche the way I am (trying to understand it) I think having God on your side is important because it’s easy to be sucked into their evil or at least find yourself in some dark places.

      I believe God came into my life just at the right time–just as I was about to delve deeply into my study of psychopathy and malignant narcissism. Without God, exploring this could be dangerous spiritually and every other way.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Dawn Rores says:

    I stumbled upon your blog looking up covert narcissism. I’ve looked through almost all of it……I’m so happy I found it. Extremely informative. And I love that it’s coming from someone who has actually been a victim and lived through it. Not sure you can truly (100%) help or guide someone unless you’ve experienced it and lived it yourself. In my case….it’s my mother in law and brother in law. It’s been 22 years of dealing with it. It’s been five years since my husband and I have had contact with the brother (in law) and his wife (also have to believe there is a narcissism disorder there too……there has to be) and have very limited contact with the mother and father. It has continued to dwindle more and more over the last years (praise God). But even the limited contact we have can cause me great anguish and pain. They are so unwholesome….and pathological liars. It has been a long road of forgiving and continuing to try over and over until we realized its impossible and it’ll never change. Now it’s all about self preservation. Thanks for all your insight. Would love to talk more. And have been interested myself in starting a blog of sorts of collaborating ideas and helping people in many areas.

    Liked by 1 person

    • luckyotter says:

      Dawn, thank you for sharing your story here. That’s good you have no or very limited contact with your mother and bro in law. People will try to put you on a guilt trip (oh, but they’re your FAMILY!) Don’t listen to them. People like this don’t deserve to have the word “family” attached to them.
      You definitely should start your own blog! Starting mine helped me start to find my way out of the darkness!

      Like

  3. Hi,
    Just to be sure: did you receive my e-mail a little while ago? I’m not sure if I’ve send it correctly (silly me).
    Have a nice sunday!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Peter says:

    Lookie here! WHY did it take me so long to just google ‘crazy people blogs’? You came up third, but it was for the ‘piggyback’ article (which came up 5th…el oh el–lesson for marketers).

    So if I told you that I’d hacked the manic state, I wonder what you’d think. I think you’d believe me, but is it a marketable ‘thing’? In pill form, it would be worth ALL the money. i wonder if it has value as an ongoing blog? You have 1500 followers here–are they all among the afflicted?

    Before, whenever I would go into the manic state, I would try like the devil to get things ‘set up’ and have some kind of automated income flow so I could get off the gubmint dole. Failed each time

    I feel like this is the wrong place to dump 1500 words, but LSS I was declared disabled back 8 years and have been bipolar for all 55 years. Or at least from 7 when I went to my first psychiatrist. SEVEN! That ain’t normal.

    I have been up to some funny, funny stuff. Anyway, I am now manic almost always and so am extremely productive but can’t get anything done. And I’m about to start blogging at BloggingBipolar.com. I went to PsychToday to pitch…something…and I noticed that none of the scores of experts there actually could have ANY idea of what they were writing about. Lots of letters behind those names, though, ThinkDreamCreate@yahoo.com

    You are doing great and significant work here, I think.

    Regards, Peter

    Like

    • Peter says:

      Well…that post actually sounds like narcissism itself, doesn’t it? That is your least favorite thing. But just because I don’t think I’ll kill myself today doesn’t make me narcissistic. My lifelong seething hatred of myself should disqualify me from ‘narcissism’, I think.

      Like

  5. Peter says:

    I don’t know–I re-read the post after reading a little bit more about you. I honestly don’t know the first thing about M.N. and was scared shitless that it was me! I’ve tried to define what “good person’ entails over a lifetime, and I think I’m on the right side of it. These days, I’ve learned that I
    am a good person with good work yet to do. Overthinking everything, perhaps. How unusual of me

    I’m kind of blown away by how much you’ve done with all of this, and I am in agreement with your assessment of God (yep) and evil (you betcha) two things that people don’t cop to much. It seems you are saying that the M.N. IS the afflicted–by definition– and this diagnosis would be all we’d ever need to know about them. So they’re not damaged, in need of repair: they’re broken, in need of eradication.

    I’m not doubting you–just wanted to clarify. Hey, you want some eradicatin’ done, I’m your huckleberry

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Peter says:

    I think the value of a person can be assessed by how they regard other humans in the general sense. There are people who simply prefer to see others fail or fare poorly. I can’t explain it–it just is. They would rather laugh at people than laugh with them, and I think the sheer volume of their combined resentment or whatever it is can actually influence events.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Susan Harris says:

    Dear Lauren; I found your blog while Googleing Scapegoating, and I’m so glad I did!! Reading what you said and what the the other readers said has made me feel not so alone. I’m am 63 – years-old, and went almost totally no contact with my siblings after my brother kicked in my door and physically assaulted so me badly the State of Florida levied charges against him. I am the youngest of 7 children. I think I was my mother’s favorite, and have an acute sense of justice..I was the truth teller and whistle blower, ergo, the scapegoat. Such a long story. During the assault trial, my “family” either didn’t want to” get involved” or sided with my psychotic brother. They wanted to know what I had said to “make my brother so mad”. My sister testified against me. I’m going through a bad time now. Against my better judgment, I recently spoke with another brother, who screamed at me and hung up on me. I texted him back and related I had no interest in having a relationship with him; however, I’m still shaken by this recent conversation. My panic attacks have returned. I’m depressed, crying, and don’t leave my house much, for fear of being criticized. I’m feeling hopeless about ever getting my confidence back. I’ve been in therapy, which was a God send! Recently, my husband of 43 years suffered a catastrophic illness (he’s fine now!) and I can’t afford therapy. I’m 63 and just need a little support to know this will get better. I should never have picked up the phone when caller ID his name…I think him screaming at me has brought back the years of my siblings humiliating me, excluding me, ostrasizing me, and physically and verbally abusing me. Is there hope for me? God, I’m 63! I will not be their victim…I still have fight in me, but am lonely and afraid of people. I recently made a friend, or what I thought was a friend. She was hypercritical and seemed to like to make fun of me. I have since severed our friendship. It really bothers me that I might be attracting abusive people!! Thank you for listening to my rant. Again, I am so glad I ran into your website. It’s fantastic and really enjoyed everyone’s journey. All of the best to you…you are an angel!

    Liked by 1 person

    • luckyotter says:

      Thank you for your kind comments and for sharing a little of your story. It’s good you still have the fight in you and are determined to not be a victim anymore! You are on the right path, and I hope you keep reading! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  8. nikitalondon says:

    Your blog is great

    Liked by 1 person

  9. nikitalondon says:

    Lookiing forward to more 😃😃

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Weidentex@yahoo.com says:

    Thank you!!

    Like

  11. twinkletoes says:

    I found your blog through HG. Very insightful. My ex was a malignant narcissist so I sympathize.

    Liked by 1 person

    • luckyotter says:

      Welcome! I hope you find some things you like here.

      Like

      • twinkletoes says:

        Was your narc experience more acute as a borderline?

        Liked by 1 person

        • luckyotter says:

          Possibly. I also have C-PTSD. Borderlines have more trouble than most people regulating emotions so as a child I wore all my emotions on my sleeve and that made me an instant target for narcs. And their abuse of me, I probably reacted to more strongly than the average person, which egged them on to abuse me more because an emotional reaction is what they crave. They feed off of it. That’s why narcs are so bloody attracted to borderlines I think. It’s a positive feedback loop for them.

          Like

  12. Wow Wow, Reading that blows me away, share it with others in court because I can’t speak for myself anymore? You have insight!! I beg u, can you please be my best friend I love you you’re awesome!!
    Hey, my name is Camille, I googled two words next thing I know I’m reading your site, in tears because everything you say is exactly what I have lived, can’t wait to read the rest of your site, have to get to work I’ll be in touch, GBU!! XO!!
    love your new best friend, HuGe HuGS, Camille
    PS.. Not a weirdo or anything, I was arrested for prostitution twice guilty with explanation. Former slave hard physical labor 15 yrs as a family, I was the one who took up for everyone, my nickname was the C-word, disinherited, i’ve been through hell, I had to, after never calling in sick all my life, survive and take care of pets and myself, what I thought I had to do. Other than that I’m a saint, LOL i’m celebrating my strength & progress now!!! and I’m not about shame, I did good I’m alive, and I don’t have headaches anymore, Greatful!!, I’m so happy.
    U Really write very well!!

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Melissa says:

    I was trying to comment on you blog of #11-20 songs for a narcissist. I am currently going through the discard.. A song that I instantly thought of was Between the Sheets by Isley Brothers. It’s hard to explain but the sexual part of the relationship can play many mind games.

    Liked by 1 person

    • luckyotter says:

      I’m sorry you’re going through the Discard. Awful, isn’t it?
      I never heard that one but I’ll keep it in mind for a future post. Unfortunately I have this blog set up where you can only comment for 4 months and then comments are closed. I do this to save space.

      Like

  14. Lisa says:

    Hi, I hope I am commenting on the correct area of your blog as I couldn’t find actual posts to comment on . I’m used to HG’s blog I guess. I’m really trying to understand if my boyfriend of the last 2 years now broken up and the relationship was very on and off. Is NPD or BPD. It would help a lot with my healing if I could understand . I see many traits of narcissism but not all. Your self diagnosis of BPD and avoidant could be him can you help at
    all with this ? It’s very confusing ? Thank you

    Liked by 1 person

    • luckyotter says:

      I don’t know how much I can be of help really since I haven’t met him. I’m also not a licensed profesional but I can try to direct you in the right direction but I’d need some more info. Are you asking if you or him is BPD or NPD? I would need a little more information about the things he does, the ways he behaves and treats you, and why the relationship was on and off. I still won’t be able to give him a dx. since I’m not qualified to do that, but maybe I can help you with some friendly advice at least or some resources. 🙂

      Like

  15. Lisa says:

    Hi, yes it would be him not me . I appreciate it’s difficult to randomly diagnose people and maybe unfairly sometimes , however I just thought maybe you could give me your opinion as you have mentioned your own disorders . I don’t want to offend anyone however by saying things that may sound harsh . I would however like to understand if I were to list some behaviours if you could give an opinion ?

    Liked by 1 person

    • luckyotter says:

      I could try. Go ahead and send me a list and I’ll give him a *provisional* diagnosis if I can, but remember I’m not a professional and it could be wrong. But maybe it will encourage him to go get himself formally diagnosed.

      Like

  16. Lisa says:

    Thank you and don’t worry I’m not holding you to any formal diagnosis just some advice from someone who understands BPD. Ok here’s a list
    Presents as a commitment phobic , claims to be terrified of relationships due to past hurts .
    All exes were nuts according to him
    He is very much a victim
    Claims to feel emotionless apart from negative emotions
    Feeling of emptiness and irratible ness
    (This is goes back to childhood)
    Avoidant
    OCD but I would actually go further and say OCPD
    Has mention manic depression and that his father suffered from this , however when he describes his father he is describing narc traits but doesn’t realise that
    He wants to be with me but it’s all on his terms keeping me at a distance and always talking about fear of relationships
    Some devaluation and then with drawal , when he with draws , I question and get the same cycle of I’m terrified of relationships , so I end it , I think he does this to push me away so I leave if I didn’t it may lead to disgard
    Narcissistic comments
    When I’m with him overly sensitive and jealous
    When not with him apart from some texting it’s like I don’t exist
    Talks about wanting alone time or over whelming feelings of wanting to be alone
    Has been to the doctor over the years and has been on anti depressants for short periods of time
    Talks about feeling thinks to extremes , he hasn’t said this but I interpret that as black and white thinking or one minute like you next minute complete indifference
    Wants to be with me then doesn’t
    Rapid thinking , changing his mind about things constantly , even within the same day
    Ups and downs but not hyper ups
    Dependent on alcohol to socialise with out it , can be quiet and with drawn
    Blame shifting
    Lying and cheating
    History of chaotic relationships going back to teenage years
    He’s now 49 never married no children
    He’s never acted clingy to me but did chase once when I ended it and claimed suddenly that he did love me and got very depressed
    Talks about not realising what someone means to him until they’ve gone
    Talks about everyone he cares about leaving him
    Talks about half wanting to be with me and half not wanting to risk being hurt or made a fool of (while throwing in some narc comments)
    It wasn’t until this break up when he withdrew again I started to read about personality disorders and stumbled across narcissists , he could be , but I’m not sure . Some things don’t fit. This time I’ve gone no contact and it’s been over 3 months and he’s just messaged me , which for the first time I’ve ignored him and he hasn’t chased or followed up. The message was one week ago. This has been very traumatic and I had no idea what I was dealing with other than possibly a commitment phobic . I kept trying to see the best in him but he was killing me and now I think I have some kind of trauma.
    I don’t know if I’ve been dealing with a narcissist or not . He seems more erratic than NPD. He also has ADD. But that could just be the feeling of emptiness , I don’t know. He says he can’t sustain feelings .
    When we break up he always takes full blame and says its him and that he is the one with the problem . There’s never been a nasty disgard but some narc behaviour when he’s pushing me to end it.
    All of the above could be gaslighting from him
    Finding out about all of this stuff like NPD and BPD has been a shock to me and I don’t know how to get over it.
    He may never contact again but he just has after 3 months and it’s not the first time he’s come back. I get sucked back in every time
    I feel like I have been used and abused and gas lighted, there have been lies and cheating .
    Now that I see all of this , there’s part of me that wants to talk to him about it and part of me that just thinks he will never take responsibility and say I’m nuts . He’s has said this to me before , when I’ve questioned his behaviour.
    If he’s BPD I have feelings of sadness that he is suffering from this .
    God knows what your thoughts will be about all of that .

    Like

  17. Ben says:

    Thank you for this blog. There should be more blogs like this out there, because most people hardly know anything about BPD and NPD until it’s too late and they’re almost destroyed by it.

    I found your blog while googling “can someone turn into narcissist”. I have an older sister with a narcissistic borderline personality disorder and I suspect that her husband, after decades of being exposed to her emotional and verbal abuse, has developed a NPD (if that’s even possible). While she’s viciously insulting our mother or even their own children, he’s cheering her on, putting the blame for her violent outburst on them. And he does it in such a calm and reasonable way, you would even convince yourself that he’s right and there must be something wrong with you. He has no remorse, no sense of guilt, empathy or common decency anymore, not even for his own children. I remember he didn’t used to be like that. It’s like he is still physically there, but whenever he says anything, it’s like my sister has taken over his body. Sounds weird, I know, but it’s difficult to explain.

    They cut us out or their lives a couple of months ago and now I’m starting a blog about everything that has happened, because that’s the only thing left that I can do now. I skimmed through your blog and it’s really helpful and comforting to know that there are others out there who went through the same thing. And although I understand more or less when you say that not all who suffer from BPD or even NPD are evil, that’s not how I experienced it. My sister and brother-in-law are so malignant and manipulative you can hardly consider them human anymore.

    Liked by 1 person

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