me2  luckyotter

Swimming up from the jungle in my head

I’m a survivor of a malignant narcissist psychopath ex-husband and was raised by a narcissistic mother. I suffer from Complex PTSD, Borderline Personality Disorder and Avoidant Personality Disorder. I also have the fall/winter type of Seasonal Affective disorder.

As a target of people with NPD and psychopathy pretty much my entire life, I feel like I’m qualified to write about narcissism and of course my own disorders, and give advice on how to deal with those who target the vulnerable among us.

Recently, I feel a strong need to shift away from dwelling on abuse and on my past, and focus more on reaching an understanding of people with Cluster B disorders, and in so doing, understand myself.

Why the username? I aspire to live more like the carefree otter, not regretting the past or worrying about the future. Though we may be surrounded by hatred and evil, we can still find happiness, beauty and peace.

I love to write, and not all my articles will be about my disorders or even mental illness in general  Sometimes I just like to write about something random that interests me, post a funny picture, or rant about something that’s pissing me off.

Starting this blog has also jump-started my spiritual journey. I’ve always believed God exists, but I always felt a huge distance between myself and the divine. I’m finding that writing is bringing me to a closer relationship with God and taking me in a positive direction that He has already planned for me. I’m also finding that more of my recent articles focus on the spiritual, not just the emotional and mental dimensions.

Blogging about stuff is crack for my soul. It’s good therapy too, and hopefully my insights and observations may help others too.

Lauren Bennett a/k/a “Lucky Otter”

59 thoughts on “Bio

  1. I do not know much about NPD or narcissism in general, but from what I’ve read that you’ve written I am getting the sense that I might be living with a narcissist. I have gone to your info page, and some of the materials are helpful.

    Were you planning on writing about ways to tell if someone is a narcissist from your own perspective? I would be most interested in reading your perspective on things.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thanks for your comments. 🙂
      Yes in fact, I was thinking of writing an article tonight about how to tell if someone is a narcissist. It will probably be a checklist of some type.

      There has been a lot written about this disorder, both in book form and on the web, and I know there are others who have been professionally trained who are far more knowledgeable than me. If you’re interested you can also click on the “Support” tab in the green bar and there’s a list of resources there.

      But yeah, tonight I’m going to post something to help people pinpoint the narcissists in their lives.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I just reread your post and it appears you have already looked at the Info and support tab. Keep checking this blog too.
    One danger is labeling someone as a narc who is not. Some people just have narcissistic traits but are not true narcissists. All of us can act like narcs from time to time. People with other Cluster B disorders ( Borderline, Antisocial, and Histrionic) can sometimes mimic narcissists and share some of the same behavior patterns.

    I’ve always been somewhat confused about the difference between someone with Narcissistic and Antisocial personality disorder–both are clearly lacking a conscience or empathy and act in their own self interest. My understanding is that the Antisocial personality actually doesn’t know the difference between right and wrong, while the Narcissistic just does not care. I have to read up more on what the differences are.

    People with other disorders can sometimes act like Narcs as well–from my own experience, people with OCD can be very controlling and seem to lack empathy. But in their case, their anxiety overrides any empathy for others they may have, and they are controlling because if they observe things aren’t “just so” or they can’t indulge in their OCD rituals, they are overwhelmed with anxiety. So it’s very different. A Narc does not experience anxiety the way most people do. Even people with disorders that keep them from relating well to others (schizoid personality or even Aspergers) can seem like narcissists at times. In fact, Aspies score low on empathy scales, but it’s not that they really lack empathy, but they lack the ability to read social cues that might cause them to act in an empathetic manner when it’s appropriate. As an Aspie myself, when I’ve missed a social cue requiring empathy, I feel a deep sense of shame, so the empathy is there, but sometimes not expressed appropriately or at the right time. Aspies also have no difficulty distinguishing right from wrong.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Thank you for this! I have BPD and an eating disroder myself and I sometimes feel crazy and sometimes totally love it! I can also feel very wise, but quite often i feel like my therapists have sort of talked me into having borderline…I feel like you could potentially understand such a thing and i jut love to read your writing style! it makes the ‘extremely severe’ stuff not seem that severe…because we are human too…

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thank you for following my blog. I think BPD is misunderstood and we are lumped in by some people with narcissists because it’s in the Cluster B category. But there’s so much confusion about this disorder. I just recently started writing more about BPD so you happened along at the right time.


    • My ex is a sociopathic malignant NPD, my mother is severe NPD and my father is either covert NPD or BPD. I’ve been surrounded by this shit my entire life, until 2 years ago. It’s amazing how things start to change once you get free of them.


  4. I re-claimed my mental health almost 3 years ago(turns out my mental health was fine, I had believed the lie that it wasn’t, however I had been ‘slow’ due to much PTSD). Anyway, in my case things got worse once I realized that it was really my family who was ill(and not safe to be around). The abuse intensified even after getting away. I guess if the abuse was that bad, if I spoke of it, I sounded worse than ever. The family has such an investment in keeping the ‘identified patient’ in the sick role. They go to great lengths. That’s when I realized the evil component to the bigger picture and sought church, spoke with a Pastor, and became a Christian although, little had I known, I had always been a Christian anyway(doing the next right thing). Perhaps that had something to do with it all along.

    Liked by 2 people

    • It’s true, a family like ours does anything and everything to keep you in the “sick” or “crazy” role. My mother, who i am NC with, has turned the entire family against me. They all think I’m nuts and she is perfect. She’s in her 80s and I think she is never going to die. Even though we are NC, I still feel as if she is watching and waiting. I still don’t feel really free of her. I also know what you mean about the “slow” feeling. The PTSD got so bad with me I felt like I was retarded. I thought I lost any intelligence I had.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Thank you Lucky Otter. You really get this then. It’s a good feeling to know that you’ve been there and to some degree might still be there. I hope not. I will tell you, if the trouble in your life has pretty much stopped, then you’re most likely free and safe. The lucky otter who swam away(got away!). I will be reading on the origination of your blog name next.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thanks for your comments. I don’t have my original background anymore, but I kept the “about my background” because it also talks about where the name came from and why. Also, it’s the name of a restaurant here in town. 😀

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Hi Lauren,

    Thanks for this blog, I’ve enjoyed reading it. I just wanted to say that I’d buy a book written by you. I don’t know you, but I feel like I might have some similarities with you in terms of personality and struggles. I’ll keep you in my thoughts and prayers. You’re an engaging writer and I hope your gift will take you far.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I love the meaning behind your name. Very unique. 🙂
    It reminds me of earthworm’s, who leave everything they touch better than it was before (because they eat soil and poop out better soil.) Anyway, I’m excited to explore your blog!

    Liked by 2 people

  8. I found your page from PsychCentral – Lenora Thompson’s blog: “Narcissism meets Normalcy” *great read, thank-you!!

    You and I have much in common!
    I have a living “parent” whose a psychopath has destroyed my life and reputation with her lies to feed her addiction.
    I eagerly look forward to more of your literature ❤

    Liked by 2 people

  9. I’m one of these ar*ehole narcissists (apparently… the diagnosis was from someone who fed me MDMA covertly and asked me psychometric questions that were hard to answer seriously, and this was on a date at her house… some paranoia involved I think on her part… and the ‘poor woman’ was long-term single and too busy trying to control to listen to a man who’s been through some shit and thus is sympathetic but not to people who threaten him… and deluded people who think abusing people is good just so long as it’s not them being the abused person… I fixed her damned broken stereo because I could and she was too crazy to fix it herself so it’s not just about manipulating but trying to be a giving person… I got a free diagnosis out of it, though, must be worth it, right?!)
    Anyway, sorry, I was venting a bit – supply maybe –
    I just want to say that you have good taste in animals!
    MUSTELIDS (the group of animals that OTTERS belong to) are badass.
    Not just Otters. Everything from Stoats and Weasels to the mighty Wolverine and the “I seriously don’t give a f**k” Honey Badger. They call it “Honey Badger Mode” (having one’s mind set on something and not taking no for an answer), for a reason! But Otters are one of the best, as they are so playful and sleek. With that fierce look in their eye nonetheless.

    Liked by 2 people

  10. Hi There!
    I read something you wrote a couple of years ago, and was trying to remember the phrase you used to describe the relationship between HSP & Narc. I found you again and the phrase you so honestly & eloquently coined “unholy psychological death dance together…” We do the best we can with what we have & some days we don’t do anything at all because we just can’t seem to pull it together. Like others before me, I appreciate your article/blog and the information you provided. I think most people feel a level of comfort when they can wrap their head around definitions, the “why” of a Narc, how to deal, what to do now, and so forth. I find your writing easy to read and absorb, the more I know the better I am. I signed up for a DBT group where I was introduced to Marsha Linehan’s workbook & techniques of cognitive behavioral therapy. I highly encourage anyone suffering from BPD to look into this if possible. I found it vital to be able to learn to build healthy relationships with others.
    Thank you!
    My Short Story:
    Mom- Co-dependent (possibly on the Autism Spectrum never diagnosed)
    Sis-Golden Child (Probably a Narc, acts just like Dad NC with her)
    Husband- HSP (supportive, I couldn’t do me without him!)
    Son- Aspie, OCD, (since age 2, and threw myself into early intervention, still working on it)
    Me- Ahh, comorbidity..BPD, OCD, PTSD, ADD, HSP Tendencies, & SAD (<but not anymore because I moved!)

    Liked by 2 people

  11. Reading the family scapegoat and its heartbreaking i know its my whole life still but no matter what i try to.alter this fate im alienated to im totally outcast and rely solely on me with zero human apprecuation or interest in me my own adult son excluded me 6 years now based on 3 women he barely knew but said i was a great mom except i failed him cuz i put myself after him. Wtf this post brings to light what i did discover it us not me but about me why how can i shut down this issue im 52 and soooooo burnt out on this unwillingly. Decided placement in society’s. Eye

    Liked by 2 people

    • I know it’s hard when you first realize it, but congratulatuons on your making this dsicovery you were scapegoated! Be kind to yourself and read everythjng you can about narcissistic abuse. Writing about it helped me too. You are on a fantastic journey — it may not seem like it now, but give it time. After a while, the anger and rage and grief will dissipate and you will find out things about yourself you never knew. Be gentle with yourself in these early days. I am sorry about your adult son. I hope one day things you and he can repair your relationship.

      Liked by 1 person

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  18. I have lived through 57 years 1st family scapegoat now after 30 yrs married to PD NPD Sociopath he and suster ganged up once I started to see behind ex mask. He used sister that has always scapegoat me to turn my adult daughter and rest if family against me for leaving him. It worked. I’ve more knowledge then any tgerapist after ex was diagnosed and in therapy while still married and told me all deeply dark manipulation he has done on me and all others the entire 30 years. Mind boggling no therapist has a clue about. Most victims never get such insight into how they operate. Please vintage me. I’ve been trying g for 10 years to find another even close to me experience. I want to write feel it’s my obligation to so many woman loke myself making same mistakes while looking and think9ng living perfect life. Maybe help even 1 person from losing all as I had to at 57.


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