A lifetime of narcissistic abuse

Ingrid Bergman and Charles Boyer in a scene from the movie “Gaslight,” 1944.

Raised by a Narcissist (my story of psychopathic abuse–childhood through adolescence)

Finding Myself: a Hopeless Task if You Depend on Narcissists to do the Job for You.

A New Insight on Being the Only Child of a Narcissistic Mother

Sleeping with the Devil:  My Marriage to a Psychopath

My Son is Furry: Got a Problem with That?

Held Hostage: Living with the Enemy (Part One)

Seven More Years of NPD Hell.

Waking Up from the Nightmare

Why My Parents Disowned Me

How My Mother Became a Narcissist

Narcissistic Abuse Turned My Child into a Narcissist

Why Do I Feel so Guilty? /Followup: My Email Reply to my Father

Narcissists and Cleanliness

My Mother, the Exhibitionist

Forever Alone

Test Driving Narcissism: How I Almost Became a Narcissist

I Just Get so Tired of it…

My MN ex’s Weird Attitude to his Son

He Still Lives in My Dreams: The Story of My Abortion

Looking Death in the Face: I was Almost Murdered at Age 18

My Son’s Father Turned from a Loving Dad into a Monster.

Crybaby (being a victim of childhood bullying)

An Upsetting Memory

It’s All About Image: The Skewed Values of Narcissistic Families

Truth Teller

Cartoon Diaries (drawn by me in 1981 at age 22):
Adventures of “The Loser” (part one): https://luckyottershaven.com/2015/05/19/adventures-of-s-k-the-loser-cartoon-diary-of-myself-at-age-22/
Adventures of “The Loser” (part two): https://luckyottershaven.com/2015/05/19/adventures-of-s-k-the-loser-cartoon-diary-of-myself-at-age-22-two-of-two/

My Path to Christianity
For the story of my spiritual growth and how I came to find God and Christianity, please see the subheader Spiritual Journey.

6 thoughts on “A lifetime of narcissistic abuse

  1. Just found your site and wanted to leave a comment.
    I have lived with a cluster B (cerebral narcissist/antisocial?) husband for more than 15 years, got away a few years ago. I was diagnosed with asperger after the divorce and have turrette syndrome as well (undiagnosed) I suspect touches of ADD and then off course a complex Post Traumatic Stress because of my ex. I have wondered if asperger people are more prone to get into a abusive relationship – not being able to read a lot of non-verbal signs and often more trusting of people. Have you any thoughts on this?
    On the other hand I also think that my asperger has helped me getting on with my life. I am extremely logical and stubborn (and intelligent) and have used a lot of time to understand what I went through. As soon as I understood what narcissism/antisocial is and what they do I severed all contact with my ex. (as much as possible that is, unfortunately I have children with him).

    Sorry I have to stay anonymous, as my ex. would try and take the children from me if he found out abut the asperger etc.

    Liked by 1 person

    • First of all, I’m sorry you are having to deal with this. PTSD can complicate Aspergers symptoms because it can cause you to doubt yourself, feel insecure and scared all the time, and that can make the “social awkwardness” and shyness of Aspergers even worse. I’ve heard that Tourettes often occurs concurrently with Aspergers (I’m not sure why this is) but I can’t say too much about that.
      Have you actually been diagnosed with Aspergers? Because if not, a personality disorder caused by abuse (like Avoidant PD) can mimic Aspergers symptoms. Anyway, yes, I do think people with Aspergers are more prone to get into abusive relationships because we lack the social skills to be able to handle the other person’s manipulations (not that anyone really can!) and also because we seem like we can be taken advantage of easily because we don’t always seem like we’re “there.”
      I also think (and this is just my theory) that narcissist parents are more likely to have Aspergers children. Back in the 70s, there was a popular theory that autism/Aspergers was caused by having a “refrigerator mother” (a cold, unempathic mother) but that has been largely debunked in favor or Aspergers/autism being something a child is born with. But I’m not so sure, because so many victims of narcissisic abuse seem to also be Aspies. Either that, or there is some kind of genetic relationship between NPD and Aspergers, which is an interesting possibility. Certainly an Aspie child with a narcissistic parent is the worst parent/child combination possible, but it does seem to happen a lot. I really wish there would be more studies on this. I do not know if you came from such a family however.

      It’s good you got away from your disordered husband and that he does not have your children. I totally understand about wanting to remain anonymous. In fact, most of us do (I do not use my real name here).

      Yes, I also think Aspie traits can be beneficial. We are focused (very much so–even to the point of obsession!) and tend to be smart, like you said. I don’t even think of it as a disorder, just a variation in wiring from the NTs (neurotypicals). But we are so misunderstood.
      Good luck in your healing journey and congratulations on going No contact with your ex.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Hi Lucky Otter!

    At the age of 55 I have finally understood. I will most likely do something like what you and others do, “sharing with the world” but right now I need stories that resemblance those of the different family’s I’ve been involved in until now.

    Being the first one in a total of 5 families that “cracks the code” (origin, my own, sister’s, brother’s and the one of my last woman…) at least openly, is a delicate and very lonely thing to do… and if I starts to tell my/our story, before I know who is even ready to face the idea of different perspectives of the “the truth” I will just repeat the same mistakes I did when I, 10 years ago after 23 years, finally managed to get away from the mother of my 3 children.

    Perhaps I will get a few “friends” but I will cause an enormous amount of pain and, once again abandon those who are not ready. In the worst case, I will just become the enemy of everyone and I need friends….

    Ok, I think you get the picture now but I’m about to forget why I’m writing you 😊 The reason is that many of your links here are broken. I haven’t checked all but it seems to be the first 15, from beginning to “always alone”. I guess it can be due to moving your site and perhaps forgetting to change links to older posts (?) well that’s none of my business but if possible I’d like to get access 😊

    I have visited your blog a couple of times but not payed it special attention (it’s a lot out there) until I found your post about songs on narcissism. Yep, that’s what it took to stand out and catch my special interest 😊 I’ve no idea how much I will find useful but I’ll sure check it out.

    Music has always been something I find a lot of strength in and I hope it will be a way to reach my children without “getting caught” by “The Royal Guard” of their minds, after all she is just controlling thoughts 😊 My understanding of narcissism has actually given me a new favorite group, this very last 5-6 weeks but to the point that I actually consider a tattoo! 😨😊

    Just a small one with the letters: FF….. Any clue? If I add Seattle…? Well, if you don’t Crack it but are curious I’ll let you know when we have established mutual contact.


    Liked by 2 people

    • Hi Mats, I have to admit I haven’t been very good about checking old links to make sure they still work. One of these days I’ll make a project of updating or deleting old broken links. I’m glad you have “cracked the code” in your FOO — why is it that it seems to happen so late in life for most of us? (40s – 60s seems the most common age of discovering that everything wasn’t our own fault!) Oh well, as they say, better late than never.
      I’ve moved on from writing about my abuse; I no longer wish to dwell in it and have moved on to building some sort of life for myself, but I hope my old posts will be helpful to those just leaving abusive relationships or thinking about doing so. Best of luck to you on your journey!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Hi!

    Thanks for you quick answer 🙂 and you don´t have to admitt anything, you don´t owe me though it seems like you have already taken care of it. I am already in the process of building my real life but it´s still very intermittent….. Yeah, I´m sure you know all about that 😀 😀 Still, in some odd way I am having the time of my life.

    This with writing and interacting online. Sometimes it´s the only thing you can do, and there is defintely A LOT to learn. On the same time it´s a trap, a dead end….. Life is interacting and connecting with other human beings IRL and its also only there you can fully heal. I have a couple of clips that have really helped me to undestand how important “that part” (as well as, lately, how much my history has limited my ability to create healthy and stable connections….) particulary these four clips with really clever Guys. You might already “know them”, except perhaps Zygmund

    It´s a list, total runtime 5 hours but I´ve seeen them several time but I keep getting back over. And I am beginning to understand that it is from here I shall approach my children, just adding some hints about narcissim and closed narrow minds letting them start the, unfortunately necessery, detail study in there own time. I don´t thnk it will take long before we can stalk talking, even IRL, something I haven´t done on a perosnal level with 2 of them for over 10 years, 18 and 20 years old, they were well prepaired….. and their mother was acting fast when she understood I finally was going to leave and I had no Idea what was coming….. well I guess I don´t have to explain this to you 🙂

    I think I´ll get back, even though I have come to really hate this writing. well time will tell

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Hello,
    I was with my ex malignant narcissist for six years. I am certain he is possessed. He hated religious icons and would tell me to remove my crucifix. His eyes would turn black as if they were looking for the lights in my eyes to give out. I experienced psychic visions after the break up warning me of his danger and a premonition showing death if I returned back to him. It was an indescribable soul experience. I wholeheartedly believe an exorcism could save him but obviously now have no contact with him or anyone related to him. I am scared he will show up at my door, and upon rejection will fly into rage. Do you know of any cases where exorcisms have helped these people? His two best friends are Christian. I was thinking I could alert them but by doing so I could be putting myself in danger if they tell him (even though I would tell them not to tell him).


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