On April 14, 2016, I was deemed free of BPD. I still suffer from residual PTSD/C-PTSD.
In 1996 and again in 1997 I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder during a three month long hospital stay for major depression and suicidal ideation.
Because this started as an ACON blog and many ACONs demonize people with BPD almost as badly as they do people with NPD (because it’s a Cluster B disorder that in some ways can be similar to NPD and is therefore almost as stigmatized), I was reticent at first about talking about my BPD.
Coming out of the closet about it was liberating. I used to be much worse than I am now. When I was younger I abused drugs and alcohol and would “go off” on people on a regular basis, driving them away or frightening them. But inside, I knew how much I was sabotaging my ability to have lasting and rewarding relationships and friendships. How I longed to be loved and accepted–something I never got from my narcissistic family of origin or my MN husband at the time.
Unlike many Borderlines (who are often outgoing and extroverted), after early adolescence I became extremely introverted and shy because I’d been bullied and rejected so often by both my family and my peers. My social awkwardness and desire to be alone was probably due to Avoidant personality disorder (also diagnosed concurrent with BPD and PTSD).
I think AVPD helped temper some of the more dramatic Borderline traits I might otherwise show. Becoming mindful through DBT exercises I learned while in the hospital and outpatient therapy following those stays have been an enormous help to me.
I really resent the common misconception that Borderlines are all evil and as hopeless as narcissists. Even narcissists (non-malignant) are not beyond hope and have been unjustly demonized. There’s far too much demonization of the Cluster B disorders (although I would make exceptions for Malignant Narcissism and ASPD/psychopathy). I do think there are truly evil people, but they lie at the top of the narcissistic continuum.
Here are the articles that explore BPD, told from both my own experience and from the more objective viewpoint of experts and others who study Borderlines.
Where Did BPD Stigma Come From?
Ditziness and Complex PTSD, BPD
Derealization and Depersonalization in BPD and NPD
The Awkwardness of Being a Borderline ACON
BPD: The Fulcrum of Mental Illness
Borderlines: Incurable Demons or Trauma Victims?
When My World Shattered! (guest post by Tessa Smeigh)
Borderline Personality Traits Linked to Lowered Empathy
“If Looks Could Kill: Anatomy of a Borderline”
I Finally Got My New Diagnosis (sort of)
Why Narcissists and Borderlines are Drawn to Each Other
Going Insane: How I Got Diagnosed with BPD
Are BPD and Complex PTSD the Same Disorder?
I Still Have So Much to Learn…
“Borderline Personality Disorder and Narcissistic Rage” (reblog of article from The Narcissists Wife blog)
Borderlines Are Human Chameleons
The Borderline-Narcissistic Continuum: A Different Way of Understanding Diagnosis (reblog via BPD Transformation’s blog)
“Back From The Edge” (video about BPD)
Movie Review: “Welcome to Me” (comedy-drama about a woman with BPD)
Histrionic Personality Disorder: The Other Cluster B Disorder (not really about BPD, but I didn’t know where else to put it)
Is BPD a Real Disorder or Should It Be Eliminated as a Diagnosis?
The Curse of the Aspergers/Avoidant/Borderline Triad
Is Antisocial Personality Disorder Really NPD on Crack? (there is a section about the diagnostic criteria for BPD)
Clearing Up Some Misunderstandings About BPD
Shifting This Blog’s Focus (why I decided to write more articles about having BPD)
Schema Therapy/Reparenting for an NPD Patient (this therapy technique is also effective with Borderlines)
NPD vs. BPD: They Are Not The Same Thing!
I Write So My Head Won’t Explode
Lies My Narcissists Told Me (I believe these have everything to do with my developing BPD and AvPD)
My Daughter is Officially BPD, not NPD!
Grandiose and Vulnerable Narcissists: How do They Differ? (I speculate here that the vulnerable form of narcissism could actually be BPD in some cases)
Cluster B Disorders and The Emotional Thermostat (Cluster B disorders in general)
The 4 Types of Narcissistic Abuse Victims (includes a discussion on Cluster B disorders, including BPD)
Test Driving Narcissism: How I Almost Became a Narcissist
Narcs Who Use Therapy to Gaslight Their Victims
What My Fear of Rejection Makes Me Do
He Still Lives In My Dreams: The Story of My Abortion
10 Things You Discover About Yourself When You Have BPD (reblogged from ThoughtCatalog.com)
Crybaby is my own story of my severe childhood attachment disorder that may have led to my BPD.
Adventures of S.K. “The Loser” (cartoon diary of myself at age 22)
1. Story #1: https://luckyottershaven.com/2015/05/19/adventures-of-s-k-the-loser-cartoon-diary-of-myself-at-age-22/?relatedposts_hit=1&relatedposts_origin=5879&relatedposts_position=0
1. Story #2: https://luckyottershaven.com/2015/05/19/adventures-of-s-k-the-loser-cartoon-diary-of-myself-at-age-22-two-of-two/
I’m including these under the “Avoidant PD” header because I think in these two cartoon diaries, my Avoidant traits are the most obvious. I’m also putting it under my “Living with BPD” tab too because I think I also show some definite emerging Borderline traits.
Here’s one just for fun:
Who Was the First Borderline? From Cavemen to Dinosaurs to Creationism and the FSM (reblogged via BPD Transformation’s blog).
No one wants to live in Hell. Most of us want a life worth living. Thank you for posting.
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You’re welcome! 🙂
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