Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)

bpd_crazy

On April 14, 2016, I was deemed free of BPD.    I still suffer from residual PTSD/C-PTSD. 

In 1996 and again in 1997 I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder during a three month long hospital stay for major depression and suicidal ideation.

Because this started as an ACON blog and many ACONs demonize people with BPD almost as badly as they do people with NPD (because it’s a Cluster B disorder that in some ways can be similar to NPD and is therefore almost as stigmatized), I was reticent at first about talking about my BPD.

Coming out of the closet about it was liberating. I used to be much worse than I am now. When I was younger I abused drugs and alcohol and would “go off” on people on a regular basis, driving them away or frightening them. But inside, I knew how much I was sabotaging my ability to have lasting and rewarding relationships and friendships. How I longed to be loved and accepted–something I never got from my narcissistic family of origin or my MN husband at the time.

Unlike many Borderlines (who are often outgoing and extroverted), after early adolescence I became extremely introverted and shy because I’d been bullied and rejected so often by both my family and my peers. My social awkwardness and desire to be alone was probably due to Avoidant personality disorder (also diagnosed concurrent with BPD and PTSD).

I think  AVPD helped temper some of the more dramatic Borderline traits I might otherwise show. Becoming mindful through DBT exercises I learned while in the hospital and outpatient therapy following those stays have been an enormous help to me.

I really resent the common misconception that Borderlines are all evil and as hopeless as narcissists. Even narcissists (non-malignant) are not beyond hope and have been unjustly demonized. There’s far too much demonization of the Cluster B disorders (although I would make exceptions for Malignant Narcissism and ASPD/psychopathy). I do think there are truly evil people, but they lie at the top of the narcissistic continuum.

Here are the articles that explore BPD, told from both my own experience and from the more objective viewpoint of experts and others who study Borderlines.

Where Did BPD Stigma Come From?

Ditziness and Complex PTSD, BPD

Derealization and Depersonalization in BPD and NPD

The Awkwardness of Being a Borderline ACON

BPD: The Fulcrum of Mental Illness

Borderlines: Incurable Demons or Trauma Victims?

When My World Shattered! (guest post by Tessa Smeigh)

My Dark Thoughts

Come Closer…Go Away

Borderline Personality Traits Linked to Lowered Empathy 

“If Looks Could Kill: Anatomy of a Borderline”

I Finally Got My New Diagnosis (sort of)

Raw Nerve

Pick Your Battles

Why Narcissists and Borderlines are Drawn to Each Other

Going Insane: How I Got Diagnosed with BPD

Are BPD and Complex PTSD the Same Disorder?

I Still Have So Much to Learn…

“Borderline Personality Disorder and Narcissistic Rage” (reblog of article from The Narcissists Wife blog)

Borderlines Are Human Chameleons

The Borderline-Narcissistic Continuum: A Different Way of Understanding Diagnosis (reblog via BPD Transformation’s blog)

Turtle

I Hate My BPD!

Why Does It Hurt?

“Back From The Edge” (video about BPD)

Movie Review: “Welcome to Me” (comedy-drama about a woman with BPD)

Histrionic Personality Disorder: The Other Cluster B Disorder (not really about BPD, but I didn’t know where else to put it)

Is BPD a Real Disorder or Should It Be Eliminated as a Diagnosis?

The Curse of the Aspergers/Avoidant/Borderline Triad

Is Antisocial Personality Disorder Really NPD on Crack? (there is a section about the diagnostic criteria for BPD)

Clearing Up Some Misunderstandings About BPD

Shifting This Blog’s Focus (why I decided to write more articles about having BPD)

Schema Therapy/Reparenting for an NPD Patient (this therapy technique is also effective with Borderlines)

NPD vs. BPD: They Are Not The Same Thing!

I Write So My Head Won’t Explode

Depressed

Lies My Narcissists Told Me (I believe these have everything to do with my developing BPD and AvPD)

My Character Flaws

Coming Out About My BPD

My Daughter is Officially BPD, not NPD!

Grandiose and Vulnerable Narcissists: How do They Differ? (I speculate here that the vulnerable form of narcissism could actually be BPD in some cases)

Cluster B Disorders and The Emotional Thermostat (Cluster B disorders in general)

Respect My Boundaries!

The 4 Types of Narcissistic Abuse Victims (includes a discussion on Cluster B disorders, including BPD)

The Point of No Return

Test Driving Narcissism: How I Almost Became a Narcissist

Narcs Who Use Therapy to Gaslight Their Victims

What My Fear of Rejection Makes Me Do

He Still Lives In My Dreams: The Story of My Abortion

10 Things You Discover About Yourself When You Have BPD (reblogged from ThoughtCatalog.com)

Crybaby is my own story of my severe childhood attachment disorder that may have led to my BPD.

Adventures of S.K. “The Loser” (cartoon diary of myself at age 22)
1. Story #1: https://luckyottershaven.com/2015/05/19/adventures-of-s-k-the-loser-cartoon-diary-of-myself-at-age-22/?relatedposts_hit=1&relatedposts_origin=5879&relatedposts_position=0
1. Story #2: https://luckyottershaven.com/2015/05/19/adventures-of-s-k-the-loser-cartoon-diary-of-myself-at-age-22-two-of-two/

I’m including these under the “Avoidant PD” header because I think in these two cartoon diaries, my Avoidant traits are the most obvious. I’m also putting it under my “Living with BPD” tab too because I think I also show some definite emerging Borderline traits.

Here’s one just for fun:
Who Was the First Borderline? From Cavemen to Dinosaurs to Creationism and the FSM (reblogged via BPD Transformation’s blog).

Advertisements

2 Responses to Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)

  1. No one wants to live in Hell. Most of us want a life worth living. Thank you for posting.

    Liked by 1 person

Share your thoughts!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s