Freedom of speech.

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I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it. — Evelyn Beatrice Hall, 1906

I was reminded of this quote today. While catching up on reading comments, I saw one from someone who absolutely hates this blog, and proceeded to tell me all the things they hated about it. Since it attacked the content and not me personally, I decided to approve the comment, even though I had nothing to say in response to it and was not going to “Like” it.

As a blogger, it’s unrealistic to expect I’m not going to have haters.  Fortunately, there haven’t been too many of them.

We are not all going to agree. It would be a boring world if we all did. We are all so diverse and that’s a beautiful thing. As long as our differences don’t veer into hate speech or hate actions, freedom of speech is a beautiful thing.

Beware of narcissists posing as victims in the narcissistic abuse community.

Originally posted on November 24, 2014

 

 wolvesinsheeps

I came across this post today on PsychForums. It’s by a woman who’s the moderator of a site for victims of abuse (she does not specify which site). She talks about how she is triggered and angered by forum members who she perceive as “better” in some way–smarter, prettier, richer, what have you–and then proceeds to play head games with them, make it difficult for them to log in or even bans them, without ever giving a reason. This poster admits getting pleasure from making the forum members suffer and thinks it’s a fun game. She admits her own life is a shambles and she is deeply miserable. The fact she posted this on a psychological forum indicates she is are aware this is a problem and knows it’s wrong, but she says on the forum she feels like “God” and doesn’t seem to want to stop playing so cruelly with the forum members.

I’ve read a number of blog posts and articles that discuss this problem, which is much more prevalent than you might think. It’s disturbing and scary. It’s hard enough for victims of narcissistic abuse to trust other people, and they come to blogs and forums to find a haven of like minded people who have been through the same shit they have and find support. But not everyone they meet in these online havens are who they say they are. Some may be psychopaths out looking for prey, and what better prey is there than the members of a website for victims of abuse?

Psychopaths and malignant narcissists are attracted to blogs and forums focusing on narcissism and abuse, because these are places where the “prey” is abundant. They can have a field day playing with the minds of vulnerable, hurt victims, especially if they are the admin or owner and have created a website for the abused. I’m not talking about someone like Sam Vaknin here–at least he’s upfront and honest about his narcissism, and he’s actually helped many victims of abuse (I still can’t quite figure out what his true motives are–they must be primarily self-serving, but his writings have helped many). Rather, I’m referring to website and blog owners who focus on narcissism and psychopathy but are malignant narcissists themselves, yet they pose as victims or sympathetic “gurus” who only want to help but do anything but.

Bloggers and forum admins, by nature, are probably at least a little narcissistic, but as long as it’s not used to hurt or manipulate or be used against members of the community, then it’s not a problem. But there do exist those who run sites for the abused who pretend to be caring survivors but are anything but. In fact, they hate and envy those who post on their sites.

flyingmonkey

How can you tell if a forum or blog owner is really a malignant narcissist–a wolf in sheep’s clothing? How do you know that when they talk about “their psychopath” or “their MN” that THEY are really the MN or psychopath and the “abuser” is the real victim?

Unfortunately, there’s no sure way to tell. Narcissists have very tender feelings. They are easily hurt and love to whine about how they’ve been “victimized” by other people who have had the guts to call them out, retaliate, or complain about their evil behavior. They fail to take into account that they had it coming and deserved the “abuse.” When you can hide behind the anonymity of the Internet, it’s all too easy for a narcissist to leave out pertinent facts–such as what THEY might have done to deserve the “abuse” they had coming to them. Their lies and half-truths about their victimization may seem very believable. They can make their victim sound like a raging psychopath should they choose to do so. It’s a form of online gaslighting and they are very good at it.

While there’s no foolproof way to tell, especially online, who’s a malignant narcissist posing as a victim and who’s a real victim, there are some red flags to look for.

1. Does the forum or site owner ban people easily, delete posts, or not approve posts? (I’m not talking about trolls or abusive posts here)
2. Is there a lot of infighting and antagonism between the members? If so, suspect an admin or a person with power on that site playing a “divide and conquer” game with the members to turn them against each other.
3. Is there a member who constantly complains about their victimization but never seems to do anything about it, does nothing but trash their abuser’s character, or never seems to get any better? You could be dealing with a narc posing as a victim.
4. Is there anyone who seems envious or resentful of another person’s recovery or improvement, or even just fails to acknowledge that person’s good fortune, or changes the subject?
5. Is there a self centered person who only talks about their own case, but never offers support or encouragement to other members? That person could be a narc.
6. If there is someone who is openly critical or judgmental of another person’s case or behavior, that person is almost certainly a narc.
7. Is the site owner uninvolved with the members and never seem to interact with them? If so, you may be dealing with someone who is looking to achieve Internet “fame” and really isn’t interested in the subject or its members.
Narcissism and psychopathy are hot topics these days, and blogs and websites about these disorders are almost guaranteed to get a lot of hits and views. Someone who wants to achieve Internet “fame” may start a blog or site about narcissism or psychopathy just because it’s popular and trendy, even though they don’t have much interest in the topic. These blog owners probably own other blogs and sites, and those sites will focus on other “hot topics.” But if the owner is really that detached or disinterested, the site will eventually lose members and fizzle out. It’s hard for members to stay involved, when the owner isn’t even interested.

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Further reading (with my personal experience):

9 Ways to Tell if the Victim Blog You Read is Run by a Narcissist 

How Our Societies are Turning Sociopathic

Article by Umair Haque, on Medium

How Our Societies are Turning Sociopathic

False Idol: Why the Christian Right Worships Donald Trump

There must be thousands of articles written about Donald Trump’s strange hold on the religious right, and the cultlike devotion so many evangelicals show toward him.   But this article from Rolling Stone, written from the perspective of someone who was raised in a Southern evangelical family that now is firmly in the Trump camp, may be the best written I’ve seen.  I also like the fact the author has given a short history of how the Christian Right came to be, even though a century ago, Christianity was much more aligned with the political Left (the “social gospel”).

False Idol:  Why the Christian Right Worships Donald Trump

 

A field guide to the most common narcissist subspecies.

I dug this one up from the archives. I’d forgotten all about it.
Happy New Year!

Lucky Otters Haven

hunter

Narcissists are predators, but they can be turned into prey fairly easily. Here’s a quick field guide to the most common types of narcissists you may find out in the wilderness of real life. Binoculars are good to have on hand to spot them, but make sure you keep yourself camouflaged well and carry the weapon of Truth. Truth to a narc is like garlic to a vampire–they will run faster than Montezuma’s Revenge.

It’s easy to learn how to identify the subspecies of common narcissists by using this Field Guide to help you identify the most common types, their preferred habitat, and chosen source of supply (food). They can all be either male or female, but where a particular gender is more commonly seen, it will be indicated in the subspecies description.

1. Narcissus grandiosis.

conceptual caricature of caucasian businessman in suit he whips employee pulling him around in chair

N. grandiosis is the “classic”, grandiose, aggressively ambitious (and often successful) narcissist. Usually male…

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Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas to my followers.

Here’s a song many of you might remember from 1984.  If you were alive then, you must have heard it because it was everywhere!

May we always care so much about those who have nothing.

Wild bamboo

wildbamboo

Bamboo, which is native to China and was brought into the United States via Alabama in 1882, now grows wild all over the American Southeast, from Maryland to Florida.   It has no natural enemies here, so it is considered an invasive plant, much like the dreaded Kudzu vine.    It’s an evergreen, so it doesn’t lose its leaves in the winter, and can withstand some cold.  

Annoying and dangerous to other plants though it might be, it is still a beautiful plant, especially when it’s found in bamboo groves like this one in Asheville, North Carolina.

The 7 things narcissists are most afraid of.

I know I haven’t posted anything new for a long time. Hopefully I’ll return very soon with some new posts. In the meantime, here’s an oldie but goodie, and one of my most popular posts since it was first published almost 4 years ago.

Lucky Otters Haven

rejection-attention-affection-perfection

I was actually going to try to post funny search terms again, but alas, they were just not funny, so I nixed that idea.  However, I did find one that inspired me to write this post:

what 6 things are narcissist most scared of

It’s a good question.  Are narcissists afraid of anything? You bet they are, and there are 7 things that scare them silly, not just 6.

1. Abandonment and rejection.

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Narcissists can’t stand being rejected or abandoned.   That’s why they fly into rages and punish and threaten you if you threaten to leave them, and love bomb you if you do manage to get away.  To reject a narcissist means you are rejecting the false self they have so carefully constructed to impress you.  To reject that false self negates their entire reason for existing, since whatever true self they may have left is completely inaccessible…

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A narcissist’s prayer.

The mindf*ck.

narcprayer

Impeachment as a Struggle to Save Democracy From the Pathological Cult of Donald Trump

This important article by Paul Rosenberg addresses the pathological narcissism, psychopathy, and paranoia that’s behind Trump and his authoritarian and cruel policies — and details how he has transformed or is close to transforming every level of government to mirror his own pathology.

Impeachment is a good start to restore democracy.  At the very least, even if he is not removed, it has the potential to reveal the corrupt and pathological GOP for what it has become under Trump, thus swaying public opinion and support for Trump.  However, Democrats’ and the corporate media’s continuing failure to identify the psychological forces underpinning this pathocracy along with a desire (along with Never Trump conservatives) to “return to normal” (an impossibility) could ultimately make things even worse, even should Trump be impeached.

The complacency and silence of the American populace in the face of encroaching tyranny (compared to other countries under authoritarian threat, such as Hong Kong and Chile, where the People are demonstrating and protesting by the millions) is also pointed out as a worrying sign we might already be too far gone.

The parallels drawn to Stalin’s Russia and his takeover of Eastern Europe after WWII are chilling.

Impeachment as a Struggle to Save Democracy From the Pathological Cult of Donald Trump