11 ways to deal with a narcissist.

stop!
1. Get as far away from them as you can, preferably No Contact. This isn’t always possible especially if there are children involved.

2. Do not let them manipulate you. If you can’t cut them out of your life, if they start manipulating you, cut them off by changing the subject, interrupting, or straight up telling them to stop in a firm voice as if talking to a three year old. Keep doing this if you can’t get away.

3. Deny them narcissistic supply!
This will actually help them because it will send them into a narcissistic rage (that is going to be difficult for you but you must be strong and not back down). But the rage will pass and then the narcissist will sink into a narcissistic crisis–which means then you are probably going to be dealing with an extremely depressed person but narcissists rarely attempt suicide. They may be open to getting help if this happens. They may also leave you in their attempt to find a new source of supply if it’s become clear you are not going to feed it anymore.
If the narcissist leaves you, it’s you who wins. Even if you think your life depends on them. It doesn’t.

4. It’s okay to have empathy for the narcissist because deep down they are in pain. If you don’t that’s okay too (and probably better to lack empathy for them if you’re trying to get out of the relationship). Once disengaged then it’s okay to be empathetic if that’s in your nature, but remember they have chosen to be narcissists and are still very dangerous. Hate the sin, love the sinner.

5. The only kind of “love” they should get from you is TOUGH LOVE. Especially with a child who is a narcissist.

narcissist_shame

6. Be very, VERY clear about your boundaries. Do not tolerate any violation of them. Be firm, do not back down even if they become enraged. Stand your ground. If you feel intimidated remember you are dealing with an eternal 2 or 3 year old. Would you let a toddler get the better of you? Of course not. It’s the same thing with a narcissist. They are really just small children throwing a tantrum to get their way.

7. If you can’t escape, have some kind of outlet or get away to do things for yourself.

8. If your narcissist has isolated you from everyone else, use art, music or writing as an outlet. Creating things frees us, even if only in our minds and hearts. It’s something that’s all about you, and no one else. A narcissist can criticize it, but cannot penetrate your creative vision. I believe everyone has at least one creative/artistic ability they can develop.

9. Read everything you can. Go to as many websites about narcissistic abuse as you can. Read blogs, books by experts and survivors, find out how others have coped or are coping.

10. Realize you are not alone and many suffer with you. Malignant narcissists are at fault for your condition, not you.

11. If you believe in God, ask Him for guidance and strength. You will need it. If you are an atheist or agnostic, ask the Universe or your Higher Power or even the Tooth Fairy for the same.

About luckyotter

This blog is my journal. I just choose to share it with the world instead of keeping everything inside my head. I'm a recovering Borderline and have also struggled with Avoidant Personality Disorder. I also have Complex PTSD due to having been the victim of narcissistic abuse for most of my life. I write mostly about narcissism, because I was the child of a narcissistic mother, and then married to a sociopathic malignant narcissist for 20 years. But there's a silver lining too. In some ways they taught me about myself. This blog is about all that. Not all my articles will be about NPD, BPD or other personality disorders or mental conditions. I pretty much write about whatever's on my mind at the moment. So there's something for everyone here. Blogging about stuff is crack for my soul. It's self therapy, and hopefully my insights and observations may help others too.
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24 Responses to 11 ways to deal with a narcissist.

  1. These advices are really great. I didn’t find out that he was a narcissist before I got away, just that I needed to get away or I would end in jail for murder.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Joan S says:

    These are good. I do number 2 all the time with my daughter, it seems to work, for now. Sometimes I have to get clever with it though, because she catches on. She then gets very angry. I use ignore, or go to the bathroom. There are ways to switch things up.

    She does isolate her siblings from me. So I try to keep those communications in line with helping them accept these truths about their sister. She still has the power over me somehow.

    I like this. Not that I’m blaming anyone, but speaking from my own experience, its hard to get information like this. I feel like if everyone just talks we will come up with our own answers eventually. I’m a little isolated in this. There is no way NC is obtainable all the time, just can’t seem to find people who understand or who are in my shoes.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Reblogged this on Army of Angels and commented:
    I didn’t realize what I was dealing with until after I had escaped. I just knew that I was in danger, and the environment was unhealthy for the development of our young children. Luckily, within a couple months, I learned about abuse and those who inflict abuse on others. Doing most of the things on this list by luckyotter, healing began to take place. If you have escaped, or are currently in an abusive relationship, you are not alone…

    Liked by 1 person

    • kermie74 says:

      How do you get your children away from them. I have shared parenting and how do you prove that his environment is unhealthy for my daughter. I can see it in her. However I will completely feel horrible taking her away from her father.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Where I am, emotional abuse is not taken seriously by those with power to help my kids legally. I turned my focus on helping my kids think critically. Their dad still tries to control. The kids have learned to walk on eggshells at his house, and disassociate from negativity when they feel it. They both go to therapy every 2-4 weeks. We can’t change the other parent, but we Can help our children learn from the experience.

        Liked by 1 person

        • luckyotter says:

          Thanks for answering this, because I don’t think I could have answered it well, having unwittingly exposed my kids to more abuse at the hands of their father, by not getting them away when I should have, and in fact allowing my daughter to live with her father because he’d already brainwashed her against me.

          Like

  4. susanbotchie says:

    Just heard a sermon, where the preacher basically said you must put up with a narc. What this rather legalistic preacher forgets is: some people, though not outwardly violent, can be still very dangerous. Perhaps the preacher had never encountered ravenous wolves – or is unaware of their presence.

    Liked by 1 person

    • luckyotter says:

      That preacher gave very bad advice. Why did they think you have to ‘put up” with a narc?

      Liked by 1 person

      • susanbotchie says:

        Dear LuckyOtter, he preached one of those no-divorce-period sermons. Guess he doesn’t have a sister or female cousin…or maybe he does, but is way too into HIS preaching to extend any mercy. i know the Lord hates divorce, it’s a bad sin. But putting up with someone who continually scoffs, and is generally a piece of drek, can and does drag down the spouse who wants to make things work. i am no expert on the Scriptures, but i know while the Lord expects us to take Him and His commands seriously, the Lord is also merciful to us screw-ups. Unfortunately, there will always be ravenous-wolf preachers, who think they can do the Lord’s job better than He.

        Liked by 1 person

  5. Heartafire says:

    Having endured life at the mercy of a raging narcissist, my advice is run…don’t walk, they are very skilled at luring the victim in.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. secretangel says:

    Excellent advice. I knew nothing about narcissism and pretty much fell into that category in your picture… “fool me 100 times and still blaming me… ” I was so deceived and fell for every lie. I could not see the truth till I was out of the fog of deception. Thanks for sharing this.

    Liked by 1 person

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