Selfie awesomeness #2

I borrowed my roommate’s new wig which blends almost perfectly with my own hair color (even though it makes it look like I’ve got a mullet, lol)  — If it were my wig, I’d thin it out just a little, especially on the sides.   She thought I’d stolen it from her because I couldn’t stop taking pictures wearing it even before she had a chance to try it on.  She finally yanked it off my head after I finished my self-photo session.

Maybe I’ll even et something like this myself, only not as puffy, and maybe even a little…blonder?  I haven’t been a blonde since I got married.

Let me know if you’d like to see me as a blonde (not platinum but medium blonde) or if you think I should go even darker, like dark brown.  (I dyed my hair black once and I looked like Morticia).  No red hair, I’ve been there and done that, and I’m over being a fake ginger.

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Me before the wig.  That’s my flat natural hair. ^

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The wig is on.  Let’s mess it up! ^

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“Draw me like one of your French girls.”  ^

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My default INFJ Avoidant BPD faraway “I’m not yet sure I can trust you but I’m thinking…” deer in the headlights  look. ^

 

 

 

 

The Persistent Myth of the Narcissistic Millennial

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The popular media just doesn’t understand anything about narcissism–or Millennials. It continues to trot out the “Millennials are narcissists” stereotype because they’re more likely than other generations to take selfies and are more likely to be living with their parents into their late 20s and even early 30s (even though the lack of good jobs and disastrous economy has a lot to do with this and has nothing to do with their being entitled or spoiled). If Millennials take more selfies than older people, that really doesn’t have anything to do with narcissism. It may have to do with vanity (which isn’t narcissism per se) or the fact “everyone else is doing it” and the technology happens to be available. Someone on another blog even pointed out that taking a selfie is actually a vulnerable act and a real narcissist won’t be taking selfies because they’ll want you to believe they are someone other than who they really are and a selfie shows you as you really are.

This article’s about a year old but is still relevant because the “all Millennials are selfie-taking narcissists” meme hasn’t gone away. It’s time to set the record straight. We also have short memories–every generation since the Boomers (and maybe earlier than that) has been similarly vilified during their late teen and young adult years.

The Persistent Myth of the Narcissistic Millennial
By Brooke Lea Foster for TheAtlantic.com, November 19 2014

People are still lobbing the same accusations at Millennials, even though evidence shows they’re not any more self-absorbed than their predecessors.

A few months ago, the news went viral that the American Psychiatric Association had classified “taking selfies” as a sign of a mental disorder. It lit up Facebook and Twitter until it was revealed that the article was a hoax.

But still, I doubt I’m the only one that has felt at least a tiny sense of self-loathing after, say, posting a photo of myself on Facebook. Deep down, taking a “selfie” doesn’t just feel like capturing a moment—it also feels like capturing myself at my most vain.

In his pop-psychology book “The Narcissist Next Door: Understanding the Monster in Your Family, in Your Office, in Your Bed—in Your World”, published in September, author and Time editor at large Jeffrey Kluger argues that the popularity of the “selfie” is just one way that our culture is becoming more narcissistic. In fact, he says, narcissistic behaviors today aren’t just more accepted; they’re celebrated. “We’ve become accustomed to preeners and posers who don’t have anything to offer except themselves and their need to be on the public stage,” he says. The egocentric antics of figures like Donald Trump or Kim Kardashian, for example, make our own narcissistic proclivities seem more palatable by comparison, and social media only instigates the desire for attention. Facebook, to a narcissist, can be like an open bar to a drunk.

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But Kluger also devotes a chunk of his book to what’s become a tired argument: The idea that Millennials—the generation that came of age with selfies and Facebook and the Kardashians—are the most self-absorbed generation of all. “Plenty of people are narcissistic in our society,” Kluger says, “but Millennials are doing these things on a pandemic level.”

Of course they are. They’re young and full of themselves, like every other generation that’s come before them was at some point. But are Millennials any more narcissistic than, say, the Baby Boomers, who were once considered the most self-obsessed cohort of their time? Consider the 1976 cover story of New York Magazine, in which Tom Wolfe declared the ‘70s “The Me Decade.” One could argue that every generation seems a little more narcissistic than the last, puffing out its chest and going out into the world with an overabundance of self-confidence, swagger, even a bit of arrogance. These traits are simply hallmarks of early adulthood—it’s often the first time people are putting themselves out there, applying for first jobs and meeting potential life partners. Overconfidence is how people muscle through the big changes.

Read the rest of this article here.

Further reading: Are Millennials Really the Most Narcissistic Generation Ever?

 

7 common habits of narcissistic pet lovers

Here’s a humorous look at the 7 ways narcissists can be AWESOME pet parents. This listicle from Getleashedmag.com isn’t intended to be taken TOO seriously, but there’s truth here too.

My malignant narcissist ASPD ex, who should be locked away and not allowed to get within 100 feet of any human, is actually the first person I would trust with my kitties should I ever have to leave them for a few days. He despises people (and admits it) but seems to genuinely love animals.

7 Common Habits of Narcissistic Pet Lovers
Wonder if it’s possible to love your pet and be a narcissist? Of course it is!
By Leslie Phelan

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There is a misconception about narcissists that says they’re way too into themselves to properly love an animal companion, but there’s a special breed of narcissist whose condition includes room for animal love. Sound like you or someone you know? Read on:

Narcissists love two things: themselves, and anything that could be used as extensions of themselves. What better self-extension than a cute and adorable furry thing that will love you back unconditionally?

Do you express love for your pet in a way that might look to others like evidence of an overly narcissistic lean within your personality? Observe yourself (you know you want to); and see if any of these key narcissistic pet lover indicators point at gorgeous little you:

1. Is your appearance everything?
Do you try on three different jacket-hat combos before stepping out, even to the park? Do you color-coordinate the dog’s collar with your scarf?

2. Are you obsessed with your own reflection?
Do you hold your cat in your arms over the bathroom vanity and compare the flecks in your eyeball irises for extended periods? When you walk past windows with your dog on leash, are you always glancing sideways to admire how lovely and magazine-ready you two look?

3. Do you use your pet as a prop to justify yet another selfie?
You know the drill: scoop up the animal, pose pretty, take a few snaps, choose the best one and post it with a caption about the animal, when really it’s to show off how adorable you look WITH said animal. C’mon . . . we’ve all been here. And the pics are priceless.

4. Do you make everything about you?
Do you listen with the intent to respond, more than with the intent to understand? When someone is talking about a cute thing their pet does, are you bursting at the seams to trump their story with a better, cuter, more special story about your own?

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5. Do you bring your pet along, even at less-than-appropriate times?
Most people will agree that it’s the more the merrier when it comes to dogs at parties, but do you ever find yourself purposefully ignoring hints that you maybe shouldn’t bring your pet along?
Of course you want to bring your pet because, well, attention! Plus, you don’t want to rush home if you had to leave your dog behind due to that person’s silly baby with the possible dander allergies. Pfft, the kid’s gotta get used to dog hair sooner or later . . .

6. Are you loud?
Are you constantly standing on a soapbox because you actually think people care about yours and your pets’ diets/favorite shows/the glowing review your yoga instructor gave you? Do you have loud, full conversations with your dog for all to hear? (Bonus points if you do it in another language, or in a sing-song voice.)

7. Is everyone a potential rival?
Do you get jealous if you hear another person in the park compliment someone’s dog before yours? Do you feel like you and your pet are in constant competition with your friends, relatives and their pets? Be honest: is no one safe from your sense of rivalry?

***

This is not a place of judgment; any honest pet owner wont pretend they haven’t teetered on the brink of most of these points a few times. A bit of narcissism can be good, it keeps us caring for ourselves and can make us our best selves! Embrace it, but try not to burn up too much of your energy trying to be the hottest, richest, cleverest, most stylish, most popular and successful person in the world…

Instead, focus on being the most humble, courteous, patient, kind and complimentary person you can be. Or, likewise, just be the person your pet thinks you are – that person is pretty exceptional.

Last day of vacation.

Relaxing by the pool.
A little sweet and a little sad.

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Graphic example of how Facebook feeds narcissism in young women.

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Okay, so my daughter isn’t exactly a kid anymore, since she’s 22, but she’s still young enough that she likes participating in those awful Facebook groups where random people rank your photo based on how attractive they think you are.

Her profile picture was ranked along with 3 other girls in this group.
Here she sums up what happened.

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She got a lot of comments telling her not to be upset, or that people were just jealous of her good looks (she is very pretty, but I didn’t see the photos of the other girls). This morning she told me her feelings were still hurt today in spite of encouraging comments she got from her friends and boyfriend who kept telling her how beautiful she is.

This sort of thing isn’t unusual. It happens every day, all over social media. Not only can such online “contests” lead to bullying based on one’s appearance by total strangers, but they also feed a girl’s narcissistic supply or cause narcissistic injury, even in non-narcissists (my daughter does not have NPD, but can act very narcissistic). Let’s be honest here–we all have some need for narcissistic supply (positive feedback), especially when we’re still young and unsure of our place in the world.

The teenage and young adult women who participate in these contests learn to value surface attributes such as physical appearance or sexiness above anything else. I see it happening everywhere. Millennial girls seem more obsessed with how cute, sexy or pretty they are than any generation that came before them, and I think this is due to the plethora of reality shows, beauty contests and Facebook photo rankings they are inundated with, as well as the trend for taking as many Selfies or Youtube videos of yourself as you possibly can and posting them for the public to see and comment on. This seems to be a generation with more than its fair share of female somatic narcissists and girls with HPD (histrionic personality disorder).

I can’t keep my daughter from participating in these sort of activities since she’s an adult and she seems to enjoy them (and usually gets a lot of compliments about how pretty she is), but I worry about a “low ranking” (which really wasn’t that bad) like she got yesterday damaging her self esteem (which is shaky to start with) or teaching her to value physical appearance above other qualities like personality, intelligence, or kindness.

Laughing.

I like these selfies I just took.

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Fun with selfies.

I’m still feeling under the weather today and was bored, so I decided to take some selfies, then do a little photo manipulation with them.

Please put in the comments which one should be my next gravatar/FB image (if I change it at all). I think I like the first one best.

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That’s me rolling my tongue. It’s an inherited ability, like wiggling your ears.

I can’t believe how narcissistic this is, but it sure is fun!