Blogging is not for pussies.

scaredy_cat
Don’t be a pussy.

 

Anyone who blogs about a sensitive topic, especially one that focuses on mental health issues (religion and politics would be up there too), is bound to run into haters and detractors at some point. If you blog about a controversial topic, such as narcissism and narcissistic abuse (which is my #1 topic), religion, politics, or the ethical ramifications of breeding pit bulls, by default you make yourself vulnerable to online narcissists, trolls, bullies, and psychopaths. You are going to attract people who do not wish you well. It’s a built-in hazard of the trade.

Even if your blog isn’t particularly controversial or doesn’t focus on a sensitive issue, you are going to have haters and maybe even bullies. OM (Opinionated Man) is a perfect example of this (he insists he has a LOT of haters), and his blog is one of the most popular on WordPress. He doesn’t let the haters get him down, and neither should I and neither should you.

I’ve wasted a lot of time beating myself up for things beyond my control. Over people who do not wish me or my blog well. Way too often I allow other people’s negative opinions of me, my blog, or my articles to get me down and even make me want to change my blog’s focus or remove posts that I thought might have offended them.

You cannot please everyone. It’s not possible. If by some fluke you somehow do please everyone, then you probably have the most boring blog in the universe, one that’s all sweetness and light 24/7, and never approaches anything the slightest bit triggering or controversial.

courage_mandela

 

Someone is going to be offended.

Even if you blog about something as benign as cake decorating or flower arranging, you are probably going to offend someone. Maybe someone doesn’t like the fact you write recipes using cream cheese icing instead of buttercream, or vice versa. Maybe they are diabetics who take offense to the fact you don’t include sugarless cake decorations in your recipes. They might even assume you are prejudiced against people with diabetes. Maybe someone doesn’t like the color yellow in your floral arrangements because they have bad associations with that color. Maybe they are angry at you because the flowers are dead and they are are morally opposed to killing plant life for ornamental purposes. They could be offended by your fonts or your layout. Maybe they hate your avatar because your picture reminds them of their rude neighbor who lets their dog bark all night and revs their engine every morning at 5 AM.  You have no control over these things.  My point is that no matter what you blog about, someone is going to take offense.

If you can’t stand having bullies and haters, you probably shouldn’t be blogging at all. If you blog about a sensitive or controversial issue, as I do, you are going to attract even more of them than you would if you only blogged about cake decorating or flower arranging or baby koalas.

The Green-Eyed Monster.

Some people are also going to be jealous of you. If your blog becomes successful, expect to have haters. That’s probably why OM has so many haters. His blog is one of the most popular and well-known on the Internet. I’m not tooting my own horn here, but I’ve noticed as my blog has grown, I also have acquired more haters and critics. As a self-identified HSP (highly sensitive person), this realization has been hard for me to accept. I need to grow a thicker skin and just write about what I want and not worry about what the haters think.

haters2

On Political Correctness.

I don’t like political correctness. I don’t like feeling like I have to censor my own thoughts and feelings, because openness and honesty has made my blog what it is. If my words offend someone, they just need to deal with it. If they hate me or my blog, sucks for them.  There are other blogs they can read instead. No one is holding a gun to their head telling them they have to read this blog. I even have an Escape button that will take them to the Huffington Post (it’s not lost on me that some may be offended by THAT). It’s not like I’m the only voice on the Internet that addresses the issues I write the most about. There are hundreds of others.

cowardlylion2

I’m a natural pessimist. If I enter a room and everyone is friendly and welcoming except for one person who scowls at me, I’m the type who will fret and ruminate about that one grumpy person rather than feel blessed and grateful that everyone else is happy to see me. Focusing on that one negative person keeps me from enjoying the party.

It’s the same thing with blogging. I have a lot of supporters and friends in the blogging community. There are lots of people who enjoy my blog posts and visit every day. I shouldn’t worry about the few people who are critical of me or my blog, because they don’t matter. They are probably not the sort of people I would want to have as friends anyway.

So, if you blog, don’t be a wuss. Grow a tougher skin and accept the fact you are going to have haters. You don’t have to approve their comments. You don’t have to search Google to see what your detractors may be saying about you. You don’t have to let their vitriol ruin your day. They don’t matter.

Don’t censor yourself. Most people will be able to tell if you are trying to hard to be “politically correct,” and your blog will become boring and insincere and no one will want to read it.   People aren’t stupid and can tell if you’re not being honest or are censoring yourself because of your fear of criticism or offending someone.

Blog from your heart and soul. Be courageous. Write about what you want, no matter how controversial. Don’t be afraid to stir the pot and stand by your heartfelt opinions, even if they are unpopular ones.

Tell the haters to take a hike. You are going to have them. They don’t matter.

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About luckyotter

Recovering from BPD and C-PTSD due to narcissistic abuse from childhood. Married to a sociopath for 20 years. Proud INFJ, Enneagram type 4w5. Animal lover, music lover, cat mom, unapologetic geek, fan of the absurd, progressive Catholic, mom to 2, mental illness stigma activist, anti-Trumper. #RESISTANCE
This entry was posted in Blogging, blogs, controversial issues, courage, dealing with haters, haters, Internet bullies, online trolls, political correctness, self-confidence, writing and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

107 Responses to Blogging is not for pussies.

  1. Cat says:

    Thankfully, I’ve not had any haters yet…lol…I hope that doesn’t mean I have a boring blog 🙂 I think you should continue to write as you are because for every one person who has a wasp in their pants, there are another 10 taking something meaningful from your blog

    Liked by 1 person

    • luckyotter says:

      Your blog isn’t boring. You have just been lucky so far. It’s only been recently I’ve had a few bad experiences with haters and critics. It’s kind of discouraging when it happens, to say the least (I let myself get all depressed over it) but I realized how stupid that is. It’s inevitable, and if it happens to you down the line (it took awhile for me to have haters or become aware of them) remember these words: Haters gonna hate. They don’t matter.

      Like

  2. Thumbup says:

    Oh, okay.

    Liked by 4 people

  3. Joan S says:

    I haven’t had haters yet either. Mine’s about the same age as yours. Even I give pointers for dating and relationships and still no haters. But I’m small, not alot of traffic, I like it that way. But lately, I’ve been writing more because of my mood, and my traffic is skyrocketing, I’ll have to come back to your article, I’m getting a little scared.

    Liked by 1 person

    • luckyotter says:

      Don’t be scared. Just write from your heart. That’s fantastic your visibility is growing! 🙂
      It took a good six months for me to realize I had haters. I probably already had them but didn’t know about them. If you figure thousands of people all over the world are reading your words, not ALL of them are going to love you. Be prepared down the line. But I’m happy to hear your blog is doing well! I think it’s a great blog and I enjoy reading it, even though I have little time to comment.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. You are doing great, just go on that way 😀
    It is possible for a human with both pessimists and as an Aspie to get a more positive view at the world, but it demands that you work for it. And it is hard work yes, but possible. I have seen it inside my own family and this person has now a much more positive view at life.

    Take good care of yourself 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Buddha9 says:

    Reblogged this on Live Love Laugh and commented:
    Must read… So tru

    Like

  6. Buddha9 says:

    i want you to know that I reblog this to Live Love Laugh website .. Excellent blog…

    Liked by 2 people

    • luckyotter says:

      Thank you so much. 🙂 It’s much appreciated,

      Like

    • Thumbup says:

      Buddha9,
      Maybe you explain a little bit of what had happened to you at the deaf websites?

      Liked by 1 person

      • Buddha9 says:

        For example.. i came on deaf website soon after my husband passed away. ohh those awful lonely nights.. I discovered internet, went on DeafPiratevideo.. It was soooo fun and i laughed soooo much. This one lady joined about a year later , for some reasons she does not like me. I liked everyone there,, she does not like verymany people . She commented to me that she does not like me becasue i like this certain person.. I told her not to tell me who to be friend with.. Right there she said she was sooo happy that my husband died and that i must have kill him… that reallllllllllly got me…. wow… I learned never never tell your private life on internet! Period. I learned like you did… learned to grow some thick skins and Thumbup came on much later . That same lady accused thumbup that she is really Buddha9 , Its just crazy.

        Liked by 2 people

  7. Amen to this post. Blogging is not for the faint of heart. Give yourself a pat on the back for being one of us brave souls 😉

    Liked by 2 people

    • luckyotter says:

      It can definitely be a very scary undertaking, but worth every minute, even the less pleasant ones. Repeat to self 100 times:
      I will not let my haters silence me or keep me from speaking my truth.

      Liked by 3 people

  8. Reblogged this on HarsH ReaLiTy and commented:
    You and your blog are doing great. Press on and only use haters and trolls as post fodder if you wish to. That is what I do and sometimes poking at them can be fun, but we can’t let them take over what we are trying to accomplish! -OM
    Note: Comments disabled here, please visit their blog.

    Liked by 2 people

  9. If you have haters that means you have readers that took you seriously! Keep up the great work.

    Liked by 2 people

  10. me1an says:

    I don’t have any haters yet, lots of spammers, but no haters. However, over the last few months I have come to the realization that haters can be beneficial. Haters talk about whatever has pissed them off to anybody who will listen; sometimes, this creates a lot of noise. Here is the beneficial part. There are people, such as myself, who want to know what all the fuss is about. For instance, I never planned on reading the Harry Potter series until different religious groups started threatening to ban it. My advice, let them hate it gives everyone else free publicity 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  11. miusho says:

    Haters gonna hate and be jealous. People need to stop feeling attacked.
    Ignore them, they are like mosquito’s. Ever present but only annoying when they turn into a mass.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Shari Staten says:

    Reblogged this on The MS Closet and commented:
    One of my favorite bloggers.//and I so concur.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. You can not make everyone happy all the time, might as well make yourself happy!

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Shari Staten says:

    When I first started blogging on WP, I was told that the first sign of knowing what to blog about was not knowing weather or not you should. Life may keep me from checking in very often, but there is nothing as of yet that has offended me. If it ever does? I have the option to stop reading. But, you have the right to write whatever you damn well please.

    Liked by 2 people

    • luckyotter says:

      I had that happen several weeks ago. There was something very, very personal that I wouldn’t have even told my next door neighbor or even a casual friend, because I thought it made me seem incredibly vulnerable. Even after I wrote the post, I kept it set to Private for several days, reading it over and over and feeling a little embarrassed to read it because the information was so personal.

      After three days I finally held my breath and with my heart pounding, hit that “make public” button.

      I was terrified to even read my comment for a few days because I thought the post made me so vulnerable and I’d get hordes of bullies and trolls descending on my site.

      But nothing bad happened. In fact, I got a lot of compliments and thank you’s and I actually think it was one of the best written posts I ever wrote, BECAUSE it was so personal and came from my heart. Now I have no regrets. This was a great exercise in gaining courage.

      Liked by 3 people

  15. annepm2015 says:

    I don’t give a “damn” what other people think of me – haters or not. I have been called everything from dumbass to other vulgar names when younger. i don’t even recognize the haters and bullies; they aren’t worth my time.

    Liked by 3 people

  16. idiotwriter says:

    What? Are you trying to tell me there may be people who actually hate me? 😉
    Nicely written! – And keep on blogging as you will – of course you will!

    Liked by 1 person

  17. Reblogged this on Niki.V.all.ways.My.way. and commented:
    ACTUALLY, the TRUTH is, Blogging IS for pussies. Hiding your opinion online behind a screen where anyone can be as mean as they want and it feels like … ah, we’ll just block them is a weak person’s expression of their thoughts. Now, actually going out in public and sharing those with your local community . . . or confronting the issues directly — That takes real balls. Blogging is for pussies and weak people who don’t stand behind their words unless they go out and stand and speak their words out loud to the public they can hide from online! Showo me some real strength and courage: #OccupyCityHall and go say what you do online on the official record at public comment.

    Liked by 1 person

    • luckyotter says:

      Interesting observations and some truth to this, but blogging is also more convenient and more fun. Sometimes it just isn’t practical to go to City Hall and state your case and soemtimes it’s not a topic that really even HAS a public platform. Some people also live in rural areas and stating your case on a computer screen is much easier (and cheaper) than making a trip to the closest city or public place to get up on a soapbox. I have no desire to run for office anyway, I just want my voice to be heard, even if only in cyberspace.

      Liked by 1 person

      • totally, but when only done online, a voice is minimized unless someone takes that voice and actually uses it in real life (and sometimes that happens). =) a government by the consent requires the government to be informed what we consent to … bloggers could be more active in our actual community instead of safe and convenient at home, our world is pretty much beyond fuq’d up because we are so not to be bothered with our responsibility to create a government, and we all need to get a little bit more involved beyond our convenience — and really a voice online means very little with the google of voices there, in a city council meeting, you may be the only voice — that’s power. Context is, of course, important, but almost anything that is blogged about should be brought into the public debate if its political or societal in nature. Perhaps this is where the line is drawn between “#Blogger” and “#SocialMediaArtist”.

        Liked by 1 person

  18. T.R. Sanders says:

    There are people who only want to upend and destroy the serenity of others. Fuck ’em! *dusts off shoulder*

    Now, let me check my notifications…Aww, goddamnit! My feelers… 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  19. Alyssa K. says:

    This is such a huge thing for me. My mind is continuously coming back to this very topic. I’m literally constantly going back and forth between “I am SO writing something about this on the blog tomorrow..It’s my blog and I’ll write whatever I please!” and “Maybe I won’t. I don’t want to piss the readers off and have to deal with drama.” In real life; however, I never think a second thought about calling everything like I see it. I think this happened mainly because my blog has primarily become mostly makeup/beauty and so I feel like that’s what people are there for, and that if I come out of the wood-work with a “OUR GOVERNMENT NEEDS A GOOD BITCHSLAP” post (you get the idea) that they might get confused haha! I know I need to just quit caring so much!!! Thanks for sharing this. I love it.

    Liked by 2 people

    • luckyotter says:

      Alyssa,
      I had to LOL at the idea of a post ranting about government incompetence (Hmmm I think that is an oxymoron!) suddenly appearing in a blog about fashion and beauty!
      It would be sooooo random, though, don’t ya think? But yes, an audience like yours just looking for makeup or beauty tips could get annoyed.

      So for you, if you wanted to write about something controversial, should proobably start a second blog for that.

      Because my blog has a serious focus, a little humor or an occasional “fluff post” is a welcome diversion to my readers–and to me, because the topic I write about can be so emotionally triggering. I ould write about political issues too (and I have) without it seeming too out of place here, and in fact the topic of mental disorders can very easily be tied in with a “the government who does nothing for our veterans suffering PTSD” or “more government funds need to be allotted to research into NPD” post. It would be a lot harder to tie beauty and fashion into a political screed, though a creative blogger could probably find a way to do it.

      Like

      • Alyssa K. says:

        Haha yes yes, I just threw that out there because it was the first “controversial” thing that popped into my head 🙂 I just agree with your overall point, which is “write for you and not anybody else”. I love a good challenge so, I’m sure one day I’ll shift the energy and start incorporating other types of posts more gradually. I hope you have a great Wednesday.

        Liked by 1 person

  20. bethbyrnes says:

    I write for myself, to express my ideas out loud. If people read it, great, if not, I wasn’t doing this to draw thousands of readers anyway. That said, people crave acceptance. I am forthright but respectful of others and so far that has worked. It may indeed be that I am boring, but not for lack of speaking my mind. 😀

    Liked by 2 people

    • luckyotter says:

      Beth, my primary motivation in blogging is to get my thoughts on “paper” and this gives me clarity into myself and what has happened to me. It’s an effective form of therapy.
      That being said, I won’t lie and say I don’t love watching my blog grow and get more popular. We all have a little narcissist in us, and we all like validation and knowing we have a “voice” that is heard by many.

      Like

  21. Erica Herd says:

    Bravo! I can relate to the narcissism thing in my family too. I look forward to reading more of your posts.

    Like

  22. I love what you write – always look forward to reading your posts. Don’t let ’em get you down. I like the image of Jason doing dust angels. May have to try one tonight!
    ~Audrey

    Liked by 1 person

  23. lorac888890 says:

    I understand exactly what you mean, but I blog just about everyday on some heavy issues. Fortunately, I haven’t received one hating remark and I hope it will stay that way. But no, don’t let them get you down. Have them blocked and report to your internet provider. I don’t mind when someone disagrees with my point-of-view, but those haters are really too much.

    Liked by 2 people

  24. lumenuniverse says:

    Haters are gonna hate. Luckly a life long real life job as james bond will build imunity to strangers saying they will kill you then lamely half assing it or not trying at all. But since most people arent james bond we should probably be nicer to one another. After all properly educated haters turn into tomorrows contructive critics which can do wonders.

    Liked by 1 person

  25. You are correct. I read “OM” and he is tough. We all need to be.
    Scott

    Like

  26. I have only had one hater on my blog and I only approved one of their comments to respond to it. Unfortunately I set it to that only people with wordpress accounts can leave a comment because I can’t stand cowards who hide behind the screen to make hateful comments and I knew it was the same person thanks to their IP. I did experience hate for the first time on another website about my blog when I linked myself to it. I am fortunate I have not drawn a lot of attention to my blog because I seldom get comments and I also post things sometimes that are unPC. I offended someone with one of my unPC blog entries lol. Oopsie.

    Liked by 1 person

    • luckyotter says:

      I’m just starting to experience hate on this blog. I have to grow a thicker skin. The more popular your blog gets (more views), the more haters you’re going to have, especially if your blog is about something controversial and not just flower arranging or something. Even then, someone might object to the colors of the flowers in your arragement or object to the fact the flowers have been killed for ornamental purposes.

      Like

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