The dirty dozen.

These are my 12 most popular posts for 2016 so far.    I wish I could show a list for ALL TIME, but WordPress doesn’t seem to have a function for that.  Anyway, without further ado, here they are!  (If you want to read these posts, use the search bar.)

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I also thought it was interesting comparing views/visitors for the years I’ve had this blog.   2014 is low because I only started this blog in September of that year, but it would have been a lot lower anyway, because I hadn’t built much of a following yet.   I’ve already surpassed 2015 though, which is awesome.

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Freefall.

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Credit: Dude Falling, albinoblacksheep.com

Although I don’t write this blog to be popular, I like it when my stats are rising and I’m getting lots of views. It’s great when an older post suddenly takes off, too. I always feel motivated to post more when this blog is doing well.

This week my views have been in the toilet. In fact, they’re plummeting. I know this shouldn’t bother me too much because I don’t blog for that reason and it’s probably just a temporary slump anyway, but it’s still alarming. It’s also discouraging and saps my motivation. I tell myself: why bother posting since no one comes here anymore anyway? I know that’s patently, laughably ridiculous. I have lots of great friends who I know are reading and who comment every day. I still get plenty of views, even if they’re not what they were a couple of weeks ago. But sometimes my rational mind is in another galaxy from my emotions. It’s an example of my all-or-nothing thinking. I’ve always gotten discouraged and given up too easily. I don’t seem to tolerate setbacks very well.

If you blog, how do you react when you have setbacks? Do you get discouraged or give up easily? What do you do to combat those feelings?

Meet & Greet! When You Grow Up

Another blogger is hosting a Meet and Greet this weekend. Come share your link or just find new blogs to follow.

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The Richness of a Simple Life

Welcome back to another meet and greet weekend! For this event, I’d like to explore what you’d want to be “when you grow up” if there were no limits.

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Domain name change for Down The Rabbit Hole

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As of today, my other blog, Down The Rabbit Hole, has a new domain name:

http://downtherabbitholeblog.org/

If you have been using the old URL, you will be redirected, but please make a note of the new URL because in August the old one will expire.

A list of useful blogs and books about NPD, narcissistic abuse, and BPD.

These are all listed under my “Resources and Support” tab in the header, but I wanted to call attention to them. I have added some new ones. My apologies if you don’t see your blog listed here. Unfortunately, I can’t list them all but if you want me to add yours, please comment and I’ll be happy to add it.

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Here are some websites, books and blogs focusing primarily on Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), narcissistic abuse, and Borderline personality disorder (BPD), though some touch on other personality disorders as well. This is only a small sampling of what’s available. The Internet is loaded with websites about NPD and narcissistic abuse; a quick Google search will bring up many that I have neglected to list here. BPD is not so widely covered, but is becoming more so.

Blogs, Websites and Forums

Dealing with Manipulative People — Dr. George K. Simon’s excellent blog about Cluster B personality disorders (Narcissistic, Borderline, Antisocial, and Histrionic Personality Disorders) with a focus on NPD. Dr. Simon is also the author of several books, which are listed below.

Out of the Fog — excellent support forum for people dealing with those with personality disorders and other mental health problems (or who have a disorder themselves). Every personality disorder recognized by the DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) is covered. I never posted here myself, but I’ve lurked there a lot and found the site very interesting and helpful.

Narcissists Suck — Anna Valerious is a survivor of psychopathic parents, and her blog is excellent. It can also be irreverent and hilarious. Her take no prisoners style may take some getting used to, but she has a lot of heart and a LOT to say about narcissists. Valerious is a Christian, and she sometimes quotes from the Bible, but for the most part, you don’t have to be a Christian or any sort of believer to appreciate her blog. She hasn’t posted in it for awhile, but the articles are still relevant, entertaining, and useful.

An Upturned Soul — longer articles than average, but well written, intelligent, and always fascinating to read. There was no way I could leave this one off this list, since I have reblogged several of her articles already.

PsychopathyAwareness Blog — good blog about psychopathy right here at WordPress. The blogger really knows their stuff.

What Makes Narcissists Tick?— This blog was created by Kathy Krajco, an author about narcissistic abuse who was well respected in the community of narcissistic abuse victims, until her untimely death several years ago. Due to that, the blog hasn’t been updated in a long time, and many of the links don’t work, but it still contains both practical and fascinating information about narcissists and why they are the way they are and why they do what they do.

NarcissisticMother.com is a website focusing on self help for the adult children of narcissistic parents (ACONs), particularly mothers, since in our culture, mothers still have the strongest influence on their children.

SociopathWorld is an intriguing website from the point of view of sociopaths (not exactly the same as psychopaths but very similar). It’s interesting to “get inside their heads” to help understand why they act the way they do. It’s creepy and fascinating how dissociated from emotions, themselves and others they often feel and some explain it surprisingly well.
Similar to SociopathWorld is Psychopathic Writings, a blog written by a psychopath whose articles are interesting and well informed. If you like sites like these, please also check out Kiasherosjourney.

Country of Liars: a website by and for the victims of sociopaths and psychopaths. The blog’s owner, like so many other similar blog owners was the scapegoat of a family of such people. Well written blog.

Lady With A Truck’s Blog: Like so many survivors of narcissistic abuse, LWAT struggles with poverty. Our abusers ruin us on every level, even our ability to earn a living. This is a wonderful blog by a lady with an attitude and a heart. Her writing draws you in like a novel, she’s inspirational, and she’s often quite funny too.

Constant Supply: The Narcissist’s Wife. A blog by a woman married to a malignant narcissist.

Faces of Narcissism: a fairly new blog written by Joanna Moore, a narcissistic abuse survivor. She was married to an abusive, sociopathic man who she is No Contact with today. A good mix of practical, no nonsense advice and personal stories.

Grace for My Heart: Although this blog written by a Christian pastor isn’t specifically about narcissism, it’s a popular topic on his blog (he writes about narcissism every Friday in his “Narcissist Friday” posts) because of all mental disorders, NPD (along with Antisocial Personality Disorder) is the most likely to have a spiritual component. Interesting and uplifting blog for Christians and those interested in God’s grace and spirituality. One of my favorite blogs.

Worldly Annoyances — ACON blog with a biblical Christian perspective. Sue can also be extremely funny at times.  I don’t always agree with her literal Biblical views, but I agree with much of what she has to say just the same.   Her posts are short and sometimes make me smile.

Galesmind:  Blogger who writes about narcissism and a lot of other topics too.  Often funny and entertaining.  Gale also writes a lot about Internet abuse (bullies, trolls and other sociopaths roaming the web).

Narcwriters: a listing of personal blogs about narcissism and blogs by psychologists with a focus on NPD. A good resource that lists many blogs that I have overlooked here.

The Narcissistic Continuum: This blog is great. It differs a bit in format from most other narcissism blogs because of the way its articles are ordered according to severity across the narcissistic spectrum, from “healthy narcissism” (narcissism is good in very small doses–just like heavy metals in the blood are necessary but become poison if excessive) all the way to psychopathy/sociopathy. CZBZ’s blog is also very easy on the eyes, in my opinion.

TNC’s owner also has a forum, Web of Narcissism (WoN), which is inactive but there’s still a lot of great information there.

Lenora Thompson — Psychcentral/narcissism: Lenora Thompson is a survivor of narcissistic abuse who writes a blog about narcissism on Psychcentral.  Check her out!

No! It is Not Your Fault!   A blog about narcissism and narcissistic abuse from an unlikely writer who himself has an NPD diagnosis but is unusual because of his self-awareness and desire to heal from his disorder (he is in treatment).   Ruud’s blog is definitely worth a follow.  Reading his story brought me to tears and I don’t cry easily.  He also gives good, practical advice to narcissistic abuse survivors.

Psychforums: Online support for anyone with a mental disorder and those trying to understand and help loved ones who have them. Active section on NPD and other personality disorders, and includes posts from people suffering from NPD as well as their victims.  I posted here for awhile, and the narcs and “nons” (as they are called) seem to co-exist here quite nicely.

Discussing Dissociation: Thoughts from a Trauma Therapist — Although this site focuses on those suffering from DID (dissociative identity disorder), there is much information and help here for anyone suffering from other mental disorders caused by abuse and trauma, such as C-PTSD. The symptoms of C-PTSD can closely mimic those of Borderline Personality Disorder and include dissociative features.

BPD Transformation — Blog written by a former sufferer of BPD who was cured. Ed’s posts are sometimes a bit scholarly but incredibly educational for those who like a bit of meat in their blog posts and dislike things being dumbed down the way they so often are on the web. This blogger probably knows more about the Cluster B disorders and their treatment methods than most mental health experts. But it’s not all graduate-level reading. Some of his articles are quite hilarious too.

Make BPD Stigma Free! — a blog devoted to getting BPD recognized as a form of complex PTSD and taking away the harmful “crazy” and “evil” stigmas a BPD diagnosis carries.

Healing From BPD is a good website for people suffering from BPD with information about DBT and other treatments.

Borderline Bella is a university student from England who has struggled with both having BPD and the stigma it often carries.   She is a new blogger here on WordPress and her writing is always honest and heartfelt.  Her blog is definitely worth a follow!

Ramen Noodle Nation: Humans Need Not Apply: This blog is not specifically for ACONs and survivors of narcissistic abuse, but because so many of us struggle with poverty (either after being taken for everything we own or just because we were trained to be “failures” by our parents and never given the tools to do well in life), I think this website can be helpful and validating to those of us struggling with poverty or even just living on a very tight budget. Definitely on the fiscally liberal side of the political fence, this blog calls out the malignant narcissism inherent in our culture of greed and low empathy for the poor.

There are also many other personal blogs of survivors of psychopathic abuse on WordPress. There’s way too many to list  here!   If you have a blog that focuses on narcissism or BPD that you don’t see listed here, let me know and I will add it to the list. Also, if you know of any other websites you would like to see listed, let me know and I will add them.

Books
Malignant Self-Love — You can purchase or download the free eBook by Sam Vaknin. Vaknin is a narcissist who wrote this extremely detailed book about NPD. You can read part of it free online (PDF format). It is also available for purchase. There’s been a lot of controversy surrounding Vaknin’s credentials but it can’t be denied he definitely knows a lot about this subject and gives advice on how to deal with people like himself. Vaknin is unusual–a narcissist who has enough insight to know his own motives and warn people accordingly. However, given that insight is a characteristic narcissists generally don’t have, is Vaknin really a narcissist at all?  Well…yes, he is.

Vaknin is also the subject of the documentary, I, Psychopath. He may or may not actually be a psychopath, but he does act pretty narcissistic in the film most of the time and bullies the filmmaker. Definitely worth watching even if you don’t bother with his book.

People of the Lie: The Hope for Healing Human Evil, by M. Scott Peck, MD: First published in 1983, this is probably the first book that accurately described the malignant narcissist. I wrote a review of this book in this post. While not perfect, this book holds a special place in my heart because it was the book that allowed me to first identify my mother as an “evil” narcissist. Ironically, my narc-enabler father sent it to me (even though he always defended my mother’s behavior).

Dr. George K. Simon (mentioned above) is the author of several self help books about “character disorders,” especially NPD. I have read his In Sheep’s Clothing: Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People, and Character Disturbance: The Phenomenon of our Age (longer and goes into much more detail about psychopathy and malignant forms of narcissism than In Sheep’s Clothing but both books are excellent.

Without Conscience: The Disturbing World of Psychopaths Among Us, by William Hare, MD. Extremely readable and informative book about psychopathic behavior, from everyday psychopaths who try to make our lives miserable through the worst serial killers and other criminals who show no remorse for their deeds. Hare describes the different types of psychopaths, and the possible origins of their psychopathy, whether it’s genetic or acquired later through their environment and learning. Many quotes from psychopaths are included, and some of these are chilling. Hare sums up by discussing what may be done to help the psychopath (not much!) and for those who must deal with them, advice for handling them better. I definitely recommend this book.

Skills Training Manual for Treating Borderline Personality Disorder by Marsha M. Linehan. This is a workbook of practical exercises to help people suffering from Borderline Personality Disorder better cope with their unstable emotions and learn how to regulate them better. It was a great help to me while I was hospitalized in 1996 for Major Depression and was at that time also diagnosed with BPD. I still have my copy and recently dusted it off and started using it again.

Martha Stout’s “The Sociopath Next Door,”  is more about antisocial personality disorder (ASPD) than narcissism, but as ASPD is also marked by an inability to feel empathy or have a conscience (and may be on the same spectrum as NPD), so it fits here.

I also recommend Dr. James F. Masterson’s “The Emerging Self,” a scholarly manual on treating narcissistic disorders of the self, complete with case histories from therapy sessions.  He has successfully treated people with both the Borderline and Narcissistic personality disorders. If you like something a little less scholarly, his excellent book Search for the Real Self: Unmasking the Personality Disorders of Our Age, about BPD and NPD, also contains case histories from his practice and tools for understanding these disorders and what causes them.

Knowing the Narcissist: a triggering blog for ACONs but could be useful.

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I stumbled across a WordPress blog yesterday written by a self-professed Malignant Narcissist. The name of his blog is, simply enough, Knowing the Narcissist.

Indeed, to read Malignarc’s entries is to know the mind of a high spectrum, unrepentant, sociopathic malignant narcissist. I can’t tell too much about the man from the posts I have read, other than that he claims some sort of renown (his fame may be exaggerated for all I know, after all he’s a narcissist and they’re known to exaggerate their achievements*), he lives in Great Britain, and he’s unceremoniously devalued and discarded (and possibly done worse) many hapless women. He’s in treatment and talks about his sessions quite a bit. He likes to challenge, gaslight, and play mind games with his therapist. From what I can gather, he’s not in treatment by choice but by obligation, which makes me wonder if he committed some sort of crime.

Knowing the Narcissist is creepy and unsettling, and could be triggering to many victims of narcissistic abuse. The first thing that hits you on the blog is a huge banner with a fiery background on which huge black letters spell out the word “EVIL” (it turns out this is the name of one of his novels but it’s still fitting).   It’s not exactly a subtle warning. You can leave now, or keep reading at your own risk. Being endlessly curious, of course I kept reading. His posts are addictive. They grab you and hold you in a vise grip, and even when you don’t think you can stand another second of the bleak and frightening view from inside the man’s deeply disordered mind, you simply can’t tear yourself away.

As with another narcissistic writer who writes about his NPD, Sam Vaknin, you feel pulled against your will into Malignarc’s dark vortex, but unlike Vaknin, he’s completely self-satisfied and happy (as much as it’s possible for a narcissist to be happy) with his own narcissism. Also unlike Vaknin, he hasn’t had the good manners to exile himself to a remote Eastern European country and marry a woman from there. Malignarc is still very much at large. Ladies beware!

I boldly commented under one of his posts, asking him why he writes a blog like this, thinking he must have some small semblance of a conscience that drives him to do so. He replied back almost right away, explaining that he started it because he “likes an audience” and that it’s also a requisite of his treatment. Well, at least he answered my question, and promptly at that.

Whoever has required him to get psychological treatment is wasting their time (and money, if it’s being paid for). I’m one of those who thinks that certain lower-spectrum narcissists (usually covert) who become self-aware can be healed if they’re willing to do the emotional work, but a narcissist like Malignarc can’t ever be cured or successfully treated, since he expresses no regrets over how he has treated the people in his life and appears to have no conscience or empathy whatsoever. He also appears to have almost no emotions other than seething rage. He gloats about the way he devalued and discarded one of his victims, writing glowingly about his new source of supply (who no doubt will become his next victim):

Yes I am with Lauren now. She is wonderful. She is everything I have ever wanted and I am her soul mate. I know that we are going to be very happy together now. She is the one. I know I thought that of you, but you misled me. Lauren is not like that. I am moving in with her next week. It makes perfect sense. I want to be with her all of the time. She is beautiful, just look at her, perfectly put together. She is so shiny and new. I am head over heels in love with her, I cannot be apart from her. Take a look. If you had been more like her then I would not have had to punish you the way I did. That is not going to happen with Lauren. No way. I can only see a bright and beautiful future for us. I hope she falls pregnant soon as our child will be such a wonder to behold. Thank God I did not have a child with you. Imagine that? Good God that would have been terrible having to share a child with a monster like you. Lauren will be a first class mother, we have already talked about it and I can tell that she is keen. She adores me and always will. Not like you. You had your chance but you messed it up. You only have yourself to blame.

This diatribe goes on and on. The discarded woman the post is directed to shouldn’t hate or be jealous of Lauren; she should warn her.

Knowing the Narcissist could be useful to victims, if you’re able to stomach it. You do get a close-up look inside the mind of a person with severe NPD and he does a good job of explaining the motivations, machine-like manipulations, and soulless Machiavellianism driving his toxic actions. His words could serve as a warning to the rest of us, by serving as a graphic example of what really makes a narcissist tick so you don’t get duped into falling for one of these characters ever again. I can’t say he’s performing a public service, since that’s clearly not this man’s intention, but it could be a side-benefit.

*He’s an author who writes under the name of HG Tudor

Introducing my guest bloggers!

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Following are the blogs of those who have kindly volunteered to write guest posts for this blog.   They are listed in the order in which they volunteered.   Please visit their blogs!

1. discoveringratchet.wordpress.com
Topic: Depression and ADD

2. theinvisiblef.com
Topic: C-PTSD

3. justplainolvic.com
Topic: Unspecified

4. confessions92.wordpress.com
Topic: Mental illness stigma

5. lettersnevermeanttobedelivered.wordpress.com
Topic: Bipolar, ADHD, anxiety and C-PTSD

6. survivorroad.wordpress.com
Topic: Depression and C-PTSD; childhood sexual abuse

7. bipolarcompass.com
Topic: Bipolar II (manic phase: hypersexuality)

8. wtmlpart2.wordpress.com
Topic: Bipolar I (rapid cycling)

9. https://ablogabouthealingfromptsd.wordpress.com/
Topic: C-PTSD; mental illness stigma
(Note to Linda Lee: don’t you dare end your blog! Still not getting your comments in my notifications though.:( )

10. tessacandoit.com
Topic: BPD, Bipolar, PTSD

11. swmseeks.wordpress.com
Topic: C-PTSD due to abuse and wartime trauma; mental illness stigma

12. theothersideofme.net
Topic: Depression, anxiety and alcoholism

13. donshelby.wordpress.com
Topic: C-PTSD caused by narcissistic abuse

14. abodyofhope.wordpress.com
Topic: Mental illness (unspecified); mental illness stigma

15. enabilityblog.wordpress.com
Topic: Narcissistic abuse (provisional–this blogger hasn’t decided whether or not to write a post yet but I still want to feature their blog.)

16. cherished79.wordpress.com
Topic: Unspecified–possibly narcissistic abuse

Blogging party #2

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My first ever blogger meet & greet was almost a month ago, and it was a huge success (thanks everyone!), so I decided to have another one. There are so many great blogs I don’t know about that I’m sure I should (and others should know about too), so please share your blogs, articles, projects, etc. Everyone’s invited!

What’s in it for you: you should notice at least a small boost in your views after sharing your links here.

Bloggers: share your stuff here!

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Good morning, fellow bloggers! I’m taking a page out of Opinionated Man’s book of tricks and asking you to share your blog, favorite post, or most recent post here. I also feel like it’s time to pay it forward for all the help I received when I was new to blogging. This blog gets enough traffic now that posting your link here should give you a small boost in hits.

If I’m really impressed by your article or blog, I may reblog it or write a short post about your blog. So let’s see what you’ve got.
If this experiment has a good turnout I may do more of these in the future.

A blog for the INFJ personality type.

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I just found a blog for INFJs today, called, simply enough, The INFJ Blog. INFJ happens to be my personality type.

INFJ is one of the rarest Myers-Briggs personality types. The letters stand for Introverted-iNtuitive-Feeling-Judging. (their opposites are Extroverted, Sensing, Thinking, Perceiving). Here’s a good description of this personality type.

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Making up anywhere from 1 to 3 percent of the population, INFJ is considered to be the rarest of the 16 Myers-Briggs personality types. For this reason, INFJs often struggle with feeling different or weird, and so they often hide large parts of their personality from others, until they feel comfortable enough to reveal their true selves.

INFJs are introverts, and like any other introvert, they place a high value on alone time. They love spending time with those they are close too, but need just as much, if not more, time to themselves in order to ¨recharge¨. Even as introverts, INFJs have a strong love of people. They genuinely care about understanding others to the point that at times it can even become an obsession. Since INFJs know what it’s like to feel misunderstood, they spend a lot of time trying to really dissect the personalities of others and understand their true feelings and intentions. This often leads an INFJ to put the needs of close friends and family before their own. It is important for INFJs to spend just as much time paying attention to their own wants and needs in order to live a peaceful and happy existence.

Like other idealists, INFJs are imaginative, creative and dream of helping to make the world a better place. INFJs may at first impression come across as overly agreeable, but they have strong ideals and values, especially when it comes to helping others, and stubbornly stick to these values regardless of the person or situation. Others are usually shocked to see the side of the INFJ that comes out when their values are dismissed or questioned.

INFJs are known as the Counselor type, and it is no surprise that many INFJs choose counseling or a similar field as a career choice. INFJs are potentially the best type when it comes to helping others deal with their problems. Because of their extroverted feeling function, they are able to see the issue from the other persons perspective, but use their introverted intuition and thinking functions to separate themselves from the situation and guide the person down a healthier path. As introverts and feeling types, INFJs are great listeners and genuinely care about the concerns of others, which is a trait that makes them very appealing, and even if it is not their profession, INFJs often find themselves playing the Counselor role among friends, family, coworkers and sometimes even casual acquaintances.

INFJs are perfectionists and spend a lot of time thinking about how to make themselves and others better. In relationships, they are best matched with people who share their ideals and also strive for growth both personally and within the relationship. The ideal partner for an INFJ is someone who listens and makes effort to understand the INFJ and who also allows the INFJ to be their true selves without judgment or criticism.

Read more at The INFJ Blog.

I’m looking forward to reading more of the articles.

For further reading:
The 16 MBTI Personality Types: http://www.myersbriggs.org/my-mbti-personality-type/mbti-basics/the-16-mbti-types.htm