Tag Archives: Down The Rabbit Hole

How I decide what to post on my blogs.

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choices

Most of you probably know I have two blogs.  This is my primary one, and the first one I started.  It’s now a year and half old.    It’s been through a lot of changes.  It started as a blog for journaling my feelings after going No Contact with my NPD/ASPD ex, and although I still post a lot about  narcissism and narcissistic abuse, I’ve expanded the scope quite a bit to include my own disorders (Borderline Personality Disorder, Avoidant Personality Disorder, Seasonal Affective Disorder, Complex PTSD) as well as the issues of mental illness stigma and mental illness in general.   After mental illness I probably write the most about blogging.  But these days I post about pretty much  anything that interests me, and that includes reblogged posts of others.  On this blog, I post primarily about the following subjects, in roughly this order:

  • Narcissism and narcissistic abuse — both informative and experiential
  • Borderline Personality Disorder / complex PTSD — informative and experiential
  • Personality Disorders in general
  • Mental illness and mental health (including the Sunday guest posts)
  • Mental illness stigma
  • Blogging and writing
  • Inspiration/spirituality
  • Social and cultural issues
  • Photography
  • Music
  • Humor
  • Anecdotal essays and general musings
  • Book and movie reviews (related to narcissism and narcissistic abuse)
  • Everything else

 

My other blog, Down The Rabbit Hole, is now 7 months old.     The articles on LOH and DTRH overlap quite a bit, and I do a lot of double posting.   Down The Rabbit Hole has a much narrower focus (and a much smaller audience), and has now become primarily a blog to document and journal about my journey in therapy, which seems less appropriate on a blog with as wide a focus as LOH (even though I do cross-post to both blogs).

Unlike LOH, on which I generally add new content at least once a day if not more, I may only add new content to DTRH once a week or so, though lately it’s been more often than that.   While anyone is welcome to read its content (please follow if you want!), DTRH is more personal and I write it primarily for myself.     For that reason it’s written more like a journal or diary.  Some articles which are too personal or which I feel are too controversial for this blog get posted on DTRH instead.     Like LOH, DTRH has also shifted its focus since I started it, moving from my experience with various types of self-healing following some upsetting self-discoveries to actual psychodynamic therapy.

These are the topics DTRH posts about in roughly this order:

  • Experiential and personal essays about my therapy sessions
  • Articles about treatments and therapy techniques for Complex PTSD and Cluster B disorders, mainly BPD and NPD
  • Subjective observations and essays about BPD and other cluster B disorders
  • Mental illness stigma, especially BPD stigma
  • New research about BPD, NPD, and personality disorders in general
  • Mindfulness and inspiration
  • Poetry about the therapy experience/living with BPD

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Deconstructing the confusion about my disorders.

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The crazy history of my other blog.
I know what my real diagnosis is: CPD (Confused Personality Disorder). Enjoy!

Domain name change for Down The Rabbit Hole

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mirror2

As of today, my other blog, Down The Rabbit Hole, has a new domain name:

http://downtherabbitholeblog.org/

If you have been using the old URL, you will be redirected, but please make a note of the new URL because in August the old one will expire.

What’s my problem?

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confused

After over a month of being convinced I’m a covert narcissist, now I’m starting to wonder if my assessment of myself could be incorrect. Most people are having trouble believing me (even good friends) and there are so many disorders that appear similar to it. I no longer think my symptoms are due to Aspergers the way I used to, but BPD + Avoidant PD in the same person can look exactly like covert NPD. So can complex PTSD in some cases.

I’ve been told again and again that real narcissists are unlikely to ever admit they are narcissists, and if they do, they won’t be beating themselves up that much over it. I don’t know if that’s always true (I’ve met a few low spectrum covert narcissists on Psychforums who actually have a diagnosis and feel terrible about things they’ve done and want to change, but maybe the diagnosis they got is wrong and they just have more than the normal amount of N traits). Victims of narcissistic abuse are often quick to diagnose narcissism in themselves and others. We’re hypervigilant and tend to see narcissism everywhere, and we don’t even exempt ourselves. The real narcissists are probably more likely to keep insisting that they are not. Abuse victims think too damn much. It’s all very confusing.

narcissism_selfies

I guess there was a reason why I never added “Covert NPD” to “My Disorders” in the header. Without an official diagnosis for that, I really can’t say that’s what my problem is. It could be, but if so I think it’s at a low level. I know I have a number of narcissistic traits, but most abuse victims do. That doesn’t necessarily mean I have NPD, covert or otherwise. I could just have a really bad case of “fleas,” or just BPD + AvPD, or even complex PTSD.

I’m still glad I started Down The Rabbit Hole because it’s also intended for people with BPD, which I have an actual diagnosis for. I still think my “trip down the rabbit hole” early in August was real but that doesn’t necessarily mean I have NPD. It was still a trip to the walled off parts of my mind, and most abuse victims are at least partly walled off from themselves. We may be partially narcissistic but not enough to qualify for the label.

I care about people with low spectrum NPD and BPD who want to heal or improve, so that’s another reason I’m going to keep DTRH going. It’s getting a good reception. Another one of my missions is to help reduce the negative stigma against people with BPD. I don’t ever expect DTRH to gain the amount of activity this blog has received, but if only one or two people can be helped by my posts, and I can help myself by continuing to do exactly what I’ve been doing, then it’s worth it to keep it going, isn’t it?

Really, at the end of the day, all these labels are just labels and don’t really mean anything at all.

Important updates about this blog.

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alice3
New blog Down The Rabbit Hole

Things are beginning to gel together finally, after not quite knowing what direction this blog was going to take, after my shattering discovery about myself early this month.

I’ve been writing (and of course reading) a lot more about healing/treating NPD and BPD, but I felt strongly that those types of articles were out of place on a blog meant for survivors of narcissistic abuse. In the past, I posted them here, but they were becoming numerous as my own self awareness began to percolate to the surface of my conscious mind.

When I made my devastating self-discovery (which is actually one of the three best things that ever happened to me!), I didn’t feel at all comfortable posting those articles here anymore, and decided a separate blog was necessary, so I created Down The Rabbit Hole, intended to document my own experiences on this next stretch of my journey as well as try to offer support to people with BPD and self-aware NPD who want to be well again. A secondary goal is to help spread awareness of mental illness stigma, especially the Cluster B disorders.

It’s all a lot to process but I’ve decided, for now, to keep this blog the same as it’s always been. Almost everyone has been really supportive, and as a victim of abuse myself, I’m there with you. So I’m going to keep posting articles about how to survive narcissistic abuse, my own personal experiences, how to get away from abusers, recognize narcissistic behaviors, research, etc., as well as posting unrelated material as I see fit (and have always done). So you won’t be seeing too many changes. 🙂

Certain articles will (and have been) posted on both blogs, if they’re relevant to both. That’s why you might see double entries on my Twitter feed.