Important updates about this blog.

New blog Down The Rabbit Hole

Things are beginning to gel together finally, after not quite knowing what direction this blog was going to take, after my shattering discovery about myself early this month.

I’ve been writing (and of course reading) a lot more about healing/treating NPD and BPD, but I felt strongly that those types of articles were out of place on a blog meant for survivors of narcissistic abuse. In the past, I posted them here, but they were becoming numerous as my own self awareness began to percolate to the surface of my conscious mind.

When I made my devastating self-discovery (which is actually one of the three best things that ever happened to me!), I didn’t feel at all comfortable posting those articles here anymore, and decided a separate blog was necessary, so I created Down The Rabbit Hole, intended to document my own experiences on this next stretch of my journey as well as try to offer support to people with BPD and self-aware NPD who want to be well again. A secondary goal is to help spread awareness of mental illness stigma, especially the Cluster B disorders.

It’s all a lot to process but I’ve decided, for now, to keep this blog the same as it’s always been. Almost everyone has been really supportive, and as a victim of abuse myself, I’m there with you. So I’m going to keep posting articles about how to survive narcissistic abuse, my own personal experiences, how to get away from abusers, recognize narcissistic behaviors, research, etc., as well as posting unrelated material as I see fit (and have always done). So you won’t be seeing too many changes. 🙂

Certain articles will (and have been) posted on both blogs, if they’re relevant to both. That’s why you might see double entries on my Twitter feed.

Update on “The dead mall in town” article.

For those of you who are fans of dead malls and liked my article about The Innsbruck Mall, I found a couple of photos on Google (including one of the outdated DMV office) and a “virtual tour” on Youtube (from 2011)!

Update on my “Courtney Love, murderous psychopath” manifesto.

I wrote “Courtney Love, Murderous Psychopath” the other night on a whim after a conversation, and really didn’t think it would gain much notice or be that interesting to people anymore. But apparently I was wrong. Not only am I being followed by every Kurt Cobain conspiracy theorist on Twitter (I had no clue there were so many), I’m also being followed by the Seattle Police Department, who apparently saw my article too! I doubt anything will come of that, but I think it’s kind of hilarious.

Sam Vaknin read my post (and has a few corrections)!


I feel silly and a little childish being so impressed by this, but Mr. Vaknin himself commented on yesterday’s article and also said there were a few corrections to be made. I made the changes to that post, but I also thought this warranted a brand new post. There is some information I neglected to include in the article, which includes a video (one of many on his Youtube channel), a rebuttal on his website, and a IMDB review of “I, Psychopath” that paints Vaknin as a psychopathic monster but at least an HONEST monster–while painting Ian Walker, the director, as a dishonest, unethical monster who misrepresented Vaknin’s credentials and character by using clever editing.

Comment from Sam Vaknin:
Thank you for this honest take on “I, Psychopath”. Just several minor corrections: (1) I have twice diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (in 1986 and in 1995); (2) My book was first published in 1997; (3) The PDF version available on my Website comprises only EXCERPTS; (4) I have commented on “I, Psychopath” here: I find Shmezl’s review of the film to most accurately reflect my opinion of it: Thank you again. Sam

Thanks for the update! 🙂 — Lucky Otter


ETA: I found Shmezl’s IMDB review of “I, Psychopath” and will repost what he says here. He doesn’t seem to have many positive things to say about Vaknin, but I guess Vaknin approves of being classified this way, because it makes him the big bad psychopathic narcissist he believes he is (and maybe he really is!) Schmezl doesn’t seem to hold the film’s director, Ian Walker, in very high regard either. Perhaps both of them are raging narcissists, and that probably isn’t too far from the truth, because Vaknin and Walker seemed to dislike each other intensely in the film. When two narcissists are put together, they almost always can’t stand each other. Neither will allow themselves to be used as “narcissistic supply,” unless one of the narcissists is stronger and overtakes the weaker one. But they will still hate each other.

Can’t trust the director
Author: Shemzl from Israel

24 March 2010
Sam Vaknin, the subject of this documentary, we are told, has a high IQ (185!!!), a sense of humor, an irresistible charm, a fake doctorate, and a submissive-codependent doll of a wife. I saw no sign of the first three. Sam is nothing short of loathsome, with a reptilian quality that would send shivers down any normal spine. He is a sadistic and robotically methodical verbal thug who exalts in his handiwork as he reduces everyone around him to stammering nervous wrecks. His wife, Lydia, is a tragic, heart-wrenching, truly lovable figure. What she sees in this physically and spiritually repulsive putrid shell of a human being is beyond me. The moments with her were the strongest in the movie and Walker made a bad call of not pivoting the film around her demure presence. >I hope she doesn’t get her wish and have kids with Vaknin. She and her children deserve far better.

But I harbor grave suspicions regarding the director of this “gem”, Ian Walker. Clearly, there is no love lost between him and his protagonist, Vaknin. Equally clearly, we cannot trust him to be truthful and to avoid the kind of editing that borders on misleading the viewer.

Consider Sam’s allegedly forged academic degree. Whatever his shortcomings and repugnant traits, Sam is brutally and unflinchingly and invariably and unfailingly honest about himself, his disorder, and what a monster he is. Why would he lie about an irrelevant and minor topic like his academic degree? Throughout the film and in its closing 2 minutes Sam protests that he had attended a full-fledged university with campus, faculty and students; that he had submitted a doctoral dissertation (indeed, it can be found in the Library of Congress!); and that he has had to defend it. Walker than plucks a sentence out of context and adds it artificially to Vaknin’s previous protestations to create the (patently false!) impression that Vaknin admits to having a fake doctorate!!!

Or, consider this: Walker meticulously documents Vaknin’s abusive raging outbursts. On many occasions, it is crystal-clear that Vaknin is reacting to off-camera taunting and ill-treatment by Walker. Walker even admits in his PR material to having “poked this snake with a stick”. The film’s logo is an image of Walker decapitating Vaknin! But Walker never shows us what he did to Vaknin – only what Vaknin did to him, ostensibly unprovoked. Walker uses clever, one-sided editing to achieve a highly unethical result: a misrepresentation of what happened, for sure!

This is what I mean when I say that I cannot trust the seethingly hateful, resentful, and envious Walker to be an impartial guide to Vaknin’s circumstances, conduct, and psyche.

Shouldn’t documentary filmmakers harbor at least a modicum of sympathy and compassion in order to avoid the voyeuristic pornography that most exposes become? Walker failed to skirt this particular trap. Hence 7 stars instead of 10.

A few quick things

For those of you who care, my screen/browser problem is fixed! I didn’t do anything to fix it, but it just fixed itself!

2 articles on the agenda for tonight (if I have time after my RCIA class):

Sam Vaknin, self-identified narcissist and author of the book “Malignant Self-Love” and subject of the film “I, Psychopath” is a fascinating character and my blog wouldn’t be complete without an article about him. He is mentioned in the Info and Support tab, however. Narcissist or not, his book about people like himself has been helpful to many people.

I promised a “family album” of my son’s photos, since I did one for my daughter. Uploading pictures takes more time, so that might have to wait until tomorrow.

Have a great day!