Scrambled eggs for brains.

eggs
This is my brain on drugs psychopathic mindfuckery.

I am not going to make this long. Frankly, I’m tired of writing about the saga of my daughter’s recent troubles. And more than a little exhausted. But I owe it to my readers to fill them in on the final chapter of this horrible saga.

My daughter is fine. The other day I posted a request for prayers because I thought (well, I was told by her recent boyfriend who she is no longer with) that she got addicted to meth in jail and was taken off in a van by methheads and heroin addicts and was living in a meth cooker’s house.

All of this turned out to be a colossal and evil lie, told by a man who I was duped into trusting, who my daughter was duped into trusting, a man who gave a very good first impression, seemed like a nice down to earth guy, and lived in a nice house, had a good job, and money.

Due to my daughter’s past escapades with men far beneath her (intellectually challenged basement dwellers who spend all their free time smoking pot and playing video games), I really wanted this relationship to work. So did she.

Oh, there were red flags, alright. Plenty of them. In retrospect I can’t believe I could have been so ignorant or stupid to dismiss them. But when dealing with psychopaths or very malignant narcissists, especially those who are skilled at the charm and putting on a good appearance, we still want to trust them. We want to give them the benefit of the doubt. And because he would have been so perfect for my daughter (had he not been a raging psychopath), I ignored all the red flags.

Here were just some of these red flags that I missed or ignored:
— Moving very fast in a new relationship: Paul was talking about marriage less than one month into their relationship. This is a typical narcissist/psychopathic ploy to trap their prey.
— Wined, dined and gave her gifts until she moved in with him, then that suddenly stopped and he started complaining how much she was costing him.
— When they went to Tampa, Florida prior to her 30 day jail sentence, he refused to let her visit her brother, who lived the next town over (and she hasn’t seen in 8 months). She was very upset about this, but he kept saying he didn’t have the gas money but went to see all his friends and family.
— Extreme jealousy of any of her male friends, ex boyfriends, and even female friends. He wanted her to delete all her Facebook contacts. Because some of her friends *do* have drug problems, and by speaking so “reasonably” to me about this, he was able to convince me that abiding by his wishes would be in her best interests.
— Impatience with her needs or requests. Easily irritated when she wanted something from him, but would also get irritated and annoyed when she didn’t immediately give in to his wishes.
— Leaving the house at odd hours–3 or 4 in the morning and coming back an hour later. My daughter told me he was smoking crack and once she found out about it, he started to become openly abusive toward her, including physically.
— When I was there over Christmas, he acted fine toward me at first, but then began ‘confiding” in me about Molly’s fictional meth addiction and that’s why she was acting so “crazy.” Actually she was acting crazy because she was scared to death of him and no one believed her, not even me. Because she isn’t the most trustworthy person and has had drug problems, and because he did not seem high on anything (crack highs don’t always show), I believed him. I did notice he seemed to have a hair trigger temper though and that concerned me.

Even Molly’s father had problems with him. Of course he’s a psychopath himself, but a much less “charming” one and therefore probably less dangerous than Paul because his illness is more obvious. He has other mental problems too which make people avoid him. Two psychopaths living in the same house are going to wind up hating each other’s guts. Paul’s complaints to me about Michael were probably all true (not washing the dishes, lying on the couch doing nothing all day) because I had experienced all that with him myself. Interesting dynamic there, no?

When Molly left (in a van filled with methheads, according to Paul), he stopped being nice to me and started texting me what a horrible, evil drug addict my daughter was, and that I owed him $200 for Molly breaking his door (he broke the door himself when she tried to leave).

Molly had brought Babycat (who I talked about in an earlier post, “Saying Goodbye to Babycat”) to live with them, and Paul seemed to like the cat fine the few times I was over there, but after Molly left, he texted me that I needed to come get my cat immediately. I told him it would have to be after work, or could he bring the cat to me (since he had a carrier and I didn’t). I didn’t hear back from him and he never answered any of my texts for the rest of the day.

The next day, he finally texted me an address the cat was at–no phone number, no name, just an address. I looked it up online and found out this was an animal shelter. I called the shelter and they said they put the animals to sleep in 2 days. In a panic, I had to arrange to leave work early to go pick Babycat up, but when I called she wasn’t there. I texted Paul and asked where Babycat was. He said he didn’t have time to take her and left her in the woods (AFTER he lied and told me she was already taken to the shelter).

The shelter personnel were kind enough to find her, and within one hour of her “incarceration” at the shelter, Babycat was returned to me–but I had to pay them $85.00 to get her back. Paul was just making me jump through hoops and jeopardizing Babycat’s life because he could. Because he’s a damn psychopath who wants to see others suffer. Of course, it would have been much easier for him to just return her to me, but psychopaths always have to make sure they do things in such a way to make things difficult for everyone, because they get off on it.

Worst of all, he convinced me to hand over $1,600 of my daughter’s settlement from her car accident to HIM–because she was so untrustworthy with money (which she is, but he turned out to be FAR worse). I should have just held onto it. Because neither Molly or I will ever see that money again. He said he didn’t have it when she left, but she remembers him leaving the house shortly after I gave him the envelope of cash, and she thinks he bought crack with it.

He still has the Christmas gifts she received from me at his house as well as all her clothing, because he wouldn’t allow her to take anything with her (he was trying to keep her from leaving). But he tells ME she took everything and there is nothing of hers at his house. He is lying. I told Molly to have the police escort her to his house to retrieve her things. If he hasn’t thrown them away or sold them already.

So I’m supposed to be this big expert on psychopathic malignant narcissists and yet, I was taken in by one again–and believed him over my own daughter!

flyingmonkey

I should have paid attention to the red flags–because they were all there, waving right in my face the whole time, but my wishful thinking and denial made me ignore them and hurt my daughter and my cat in the process.

My daughter was not staying with a meth cooker–she was staying with the parents of one of her girlfriends. She was picked up in a van by some guys she knew, but all they did was drive her to her friend’s house. She didn’t have any other way to get there.

Molly had a date last night with an old boyfriend of hers–a nice guy who works as an auto mechanic. No, he’s not the sharpest knife in the drawer, but he’s honest and doesn’t do drugs or drink, and he’s always been good to my daughter. They stopped by today and Molly cried when she saw Babycat, who ran to her. I apologized for not believing her, and believing a malignant psychopath instead, but she admitted she could understand why I would. She was duped by him too. This guy is good. Not a good person, just a very good psychopath with a Ted Bundy charm.

On Saturday we’re going out to eat and will discuss the possibility of her moving back in with me for awhile–but there are going to be some strict rules this time if she does. The tough love caveat still stands. I thank God she is alright. She said she wants to go to church with me on Sunday. That made my heart sing.

For two days I haven’t written about this, because this whole incredible mindfuck made me so confused and off balance I felt like my brains had been scrambled like a pan full of eggs. When you’re dealing with a daughter who may be a narcissist (or BPD with narc tendencies, at least) AND a malignant psychopath with a lot of charm and intelligence, it’s hard to know what or who to believe. Add in a psychopathic father and you feel like you’re in some demonic house of mirrors. My daughter and I seem to attract the narcs and the paths like shit attracts flies. For the love of God, WHY?

Paul’s triangulation, gaslighting, lies and projections of his own character flaws onto Molly were off the charts. AND I BELIEVED HIM. She is not NEARLY that bad, and I take back everything I said about her being a MALIGNANT narcissist. (I will leave that post though, so people reading the whole insane saga can get an idea of the kind of mindfuckery that was being conducted on me). HE ALMOST SUCCEEDED IN TURNING ME INTO A GODDAMNED FLYING MONKEY AGAINST MY OWN DAUGHTER!

She just texted me, “Mom, I just know 2015 is going to be a much better year for both of us.”
And you know what? I agree.

Moral of this story: NEVER, EVER IGNORE RED FLAGS. If you see them, RUN.

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34 thoughts on “Scrambled eggs for brains.

  1. I am glad it wasn’t what you thought but be careful. Also you should try to do a small claims against him for your daughter to get her money and her things back. Might not work but what the hell at least you would feel you did something. It seems like your daughter is attracted to people like her father. I hope you can find some therapy for her. What an awful situation.

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    • Probably would be worth taking him to small claims court because it’s probably at least $2000 worth of stuff he stole. I might look into this. Or maybe just let the whole thing pass, idk. I’ll probably let my daughter decide what she wants to do since it was her things and technically her money.

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  2. Hopefully this awful situation makes you wiser, so that perhaps you can be more proactive in the future! More importantly, I hope you can strengthen your relationship with your daughter in 2015!

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  3. I cried at this… I am so glad that you saw the red flags, and that your daughter got out! I am not surprised about the cat, or that he denies having her belongings…These “people” are slick…I was a flying monkey for a time with a narcissist too. Turned against my own kids (from a previous marriage), and against everyone in my life! In his eyes, they were all jerks/liars/users…when the truth was, he was the one with the darkness! Really…so happy for you and your daughter to break free…I had 2 police escorts escort me to get my things-he wasn’t going to let them in, and I knew he had unregistered guns that he had been threatening with recently. I got very little, as I was not recovered enough from back surgery to carry much. He stood there staring me down the whole time, with police as barriers between he and I. Praying for you and your daughter💜

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    • Thank you for sharing your story. Because I feel so damned GUILTY now over this whole mess–and STILL confused and off balance. I feel like my mind has been jerked back and forth like a rope dog toy and there’s even a tiny part of my mind that thinks things will change again and maybe I’m wrong. ARRRGGGHHHH! So frustrating.
      I’m so relieved she is okay though.
      These MNs and psychopaths should be all put on a deserted island and made to hunt each other down.

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  4. I am happy to read about your daughter and wish both of you the best.
    There is a reason why we can become flying monkeys. Narcissists and psykopathic souls are so good to read us, when they wish to, make themselves trustable to us, so we do not see the reasons not to believe them.
    They are experts to do this, why we do not always see them, as they are.
    Do not hit yourself for this, it is not your fault.

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    • Usually I’ve been the scapegoat of the MNs and their flying monkeys–so I’m not used to having been put in the flying monkey role this time. it’s a bit unsettling to say the least. I won’t beat myself up over it. I already have done enough of that.

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  5. It’s a fact (unfortunately in some cases) that girls tend to get involved with guys who are like their fathers. I certainly did; I dated a whole string of abusive losers when I was in my teens. Looking back on it now, I can’t believe some of the crap I put up with… but I had been conditioned since childhood to believe that I didn’t really deserve anything better. Thus does the cycle of abuse perpetuate itself, sucking in more victims as it goes.

    Well, here’s hoping that the future will hold better things for you and your daughter than what you’ve both gone through in the past.

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    • I appreciate that. Thank you for the encouragement. 🙂
      It is true girs are attracted to men like their dads. Most of her bf’s have not been narcs or psychopaths, but most have been unmotivated lazy bums who live off their parents well into their 20s ( I do realize the difficulties Millennials have finding decent jobs though, especially in the South)–and her father certainly fits the definition of a lazy bum.

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  6. Wow, hey if something is too good to be true, well you know…..I think your daughter should be in major counseling before dating again, because she needs to avoid being attracted to psychopaths. Was he hiding the crack use too? and keeping a job while doing it? Millennials are screwed money wise, my advice for millennials, well ones who are healthy is to go overseas, there is an actual report out that says Baby Boomers have 47 times the number of wealth of even Gen X and Millennials. So of course they are all poor, and do not have jobs that can pay the normal bills of a life. The young have been so betrayed. Paul sounds like a piece of work and then some. He sounds like a high functioning narc/sociopath. These are the kind I am more used to then the poor one like your ex. Your ex, who is borderline homeless etc, is actually less dangerous then the ones who fool everyone. Paul appears as the reasonable one. He told endless lies. I am glad you found out in time. Hope you and your daughter will be okay.

    One thing that happened to me as I went NC, is I realized the preponderance of narcissists and psychopaths around me was quite high in the family. Even the side members I still have contact with, one I may need DNA test with, now make me ill inside, as I see them for more of what they are. A victim of narcs and psychopaths can be stuck in a damn nest of them in other words.

    One thing as I got older I learned to be far less trusting. Don’t touch my money, etc. From now on make it your policy to approach all with caution and never let them have control of any money or anything else. Make them prove themselves to you. Don’t feel guilt for what happened to you though, Paul I think is one of the top tier types and sounds good at what he does in fooling people and being a liar. He probably will see the streets though like your ex if he keeps up with the crack smoking.

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    • I agree with you Millennials and Gen X are really screwed. That’s incredible Boomers are so much better off. I think Millennials are the most victimized because they came of age at a time when the economy was in turmoil, jobs were being shipped overseas, and then the housing crisis, etc. Everyone loves to blame them though, as if their problems finding employment are their own fault. Millennials are NOT narcissistic (well, some are–jsut as narcs occur in all generations) — our narcissistic society is PROJECTING its own narcissism onto THEM. And blaming them for the problems in this country and for their poverty. Gen X to a lesser extent, but Gen Xers at least were able to get a foot in the door before the shit hit the fan unlike Millennials.
      Paul is Gen X (born 1976) but there are bad (and good) people of every generation. I think he was probably too old for her anyway.
      I would agree Boomers are the most overall narcissistic generation in history. Not ALL of them of course, or even most of them–but a lot.

      I am not trusting at all–and yet I am. I don’t know how to explain it. I guess I want to give people the benefit of the doubt and I like to look for the good in people–but I am still paranoid, hypervigilant and suspicious of everyone. Go figure.

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      • Yes the last two generations got a very short end of the stick. Yes Boomers are that much better off even more so then Gen X. Google Baby Boomer Dad meme if you want to get some laughs. I get tired of the Millennials being blamed but the Narc Baby Boomers also blamed Gen X. If you are around and remember the time of “Clerks” and “Slackers” as Gen X entered the job market we got abused with being called Slackers and being given horrible temp jobs and no real way to build a future. We could get our rented rooms and milk crates and eat ramen noodles but the selfish Boomers managed to knock down the next generation by an even lower peg. [I agree these are generalities, there are good and bad in each generation and I have met Boomers who agree their generation sucks]

        I think Paul was too old for your daughter too. He probably used the caring “Daddy” figure to lure her in. I am so sorry that happened to her.

        The reason I am less trusting is I worked in odd environments, juvenile home and then with violent youth as a residential counselor. I never was a cop, but it’s kind of like being a cop where you see so much BS and dregs of society, your world view is altered to the extreme. [LOL Maybe like a war veteran?] I worked with gang bangers, teen murderers–well they were fewer in number because they usually got sent to adult jail, rapists, assault. I had to do home visits with clients with in the worse parts of one of the most violent cities in America. I saw things like walls covered in cockroaches and had my life threatened more then once. I suppose this changed me. I know it makes me kind of intense beyond the crazy-maker childhood. Yeah my trust of people is so low, when I escaped to my old small town it took me probably 5 years to mellow out. I may be extreme in the don’t trust anyone category but saw too much crazy stuff. It is better to try to see the good in people, but you know Aspies, we have to be a bit more vigilant to make it in this world.

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        • Even though I am technically a “boomer” I am at the tail end of the generation and identify more with Gen X. I feel like I had much more of the “Gen X experience” than the Boomer experience. I don’t identify with Boomers much at all, as a generation anyway. Of course there are individual Boomers who are just great. I’m actually part of Generation Jones, a term I prefer to Boomer.
          That’s a pretty awful experience you had working in those sort of gritty urban environments. That could make anyone cynical and suspicious of others.

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  7. Glad molly is ok. Be careful though. This guy might have a propensity for violence that you havent seen yet. Keep an eye out when you guys go home, etc. Molly dating may set him off. Good luck

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  8. This is exactly why I’m afraid of getting into a relationship. Because I’m autistic, I know I’m vulnerable to what you described. I’m so immature that, even on my own, my parents still watch every move I make, when it comes to friendships/relationships, online or in real life. It causes me great anxiety and worry that I’ll make the wrong move and be exploited.

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    • I agree it’s very hard to “read” people when you’re an Aspie or autistic. I have been either a victim or turned into a flying monkey to psychopaths and narcs my whole life because of my inability to read social cues that might have been big red warning signs.
      This time, though, I did see the red flags but ignored them because I wanted to think he was a good person for my daughter’s sake. So in a way this is my fault for letting him use us the way he did and put my cat’s life in jeapardy too.

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      • Oh, and for the record, I have sworn off relationships. Been there, done that, and too many bad experiences to count. I attract narcs like bees to honey. And it’s hard for me sometimes (because of my Aspieness and willingness to give the benefit of the doubt) to cut ties before it’s too late. At the same time I don’t trust anyone. I don’t know how to explain it but I am both hypervigiliant and paranoid/overly trusting and optimistic at the same time.

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        • I agree with what you said. What frustrates me the most, though, are the lack of services for adults with high-functioning autism. We’re smart enough to be self-sufficient, but at the same time, disabled enough to need help. When my parents pass on, I’m worried about not being able to function totally on my own, with things such as finances and relationships. Being autistic in a neurotypical society is a scary endeavor. Because you could break a rule, and not know what you’re doing is wrong. It’s like being socially blind. I wish more people in society would pay attention to these issues, especially our politicians!

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          • I haven’t looked into it much, but if there are Aspie rights movements now. Some people with Aspergers and autism want it to be recognized as a variation (like being gay or non-white) rather than a mental disorder–I haven’t read up on this too much, but they have rallies, activism, and everything else any other marginalized group has used to be more recognized and respected in society. I agree it should be considered a variation rather than an abormality. People with physical handicaps have also lobbied for things like ramps, handicapped friendly establishments, etc. , why should Aspergers/autism be any different? It’s hard for us to adapt to the NT (neurotypical) world.

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        • Do you think you’d be safer dating other Aspies? I will admit there is risk, in that Aspies aren’t always high functioning and two together there can be some areas that are challenges. Some of my household struggles are because there are two Aspies in here. My husband doesn’t accept the label and isn’t officially diagnosed but he at least has strong traits.

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          • I actually almost started attending an Aspie support group that was being held at the local hospital. I never did follow through on that though.
            I may look into it again. It would be nice to have someone special in my life again, but I just kind of assumed it wasn’t in the cards for me anymore due to my hypervigilance.
            Can an Aspie also be a narc? I would need to look into that too (that was actually a search term the other day and made me wonder…)

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