My weird phobia.

Terrified Woman Screaming --- Image by Ā© Images.com/CORBIS

Terrified Woman Screaming — Image by Ā© Images.com/CORBIS

I remember watching an episode of one of those daytime talk shows (I forget which one) in which people with strange phobias were forced to confront the object of their terror. There was a man who lived in mortal fear of cotton balls and a woman afraid of balloons. I read later these fears aren’t as uncommon as you would think. Fear of Styrofoam is also pretty common. It apparently has something to do with the noise it makes. These phobias seem silly to me, but a lot of people have them. I have a silly phobia of my own, and I’ve never met anyone else who has it. It’s so uncommon it doesn’t even have a name. I’ve Googled it and no one in the world except me seems to have it.

I’m terrified of amputated insect wings. You know, like when you see an insect wing just sitting there not attached to the insect. I have no idea why that freaks me out so much, but whenever I see that, I feel like screaming and fainting at the same time and I feel like I’m going insane.

insect_wing
I had to put a drawing here, because if it was a photograph I wouldn’t be able to look at this post without freaking out.

The worst experience I ever had with my phobia was the time we had a termite infestation. I was home alone at the time, watching TV in the living room and something made me look across the room. Something weird was happening on the hardwood floor. It looked like it was sort of…undulating. I got up to investigate and saw what appeared to be THOUSANDS of ant-like insects walking, flying, and DROPPING THEIR WINGS ALL OVER THE FLOOR. I started shivering and crying as I frantically went to go find the vacuum cleaner. I couldn’t think straight. Whimpering in terror, I had trouble plugging the damn thing into the wall because my hands were shaking so badly. In a panic, I sucked up every last one I could see, but MORE KEPT COMING OUT OF THE WALL. I didn’t know they were termites–I didn’t know about the “swarmers” (the termites who mate in the spring and have temporary wings until they mate) until Terminex told me that’s what those were. THOSE UNHOLY FLYING FAKE ANTS WERE HAVING SEX ALL OVER MY LIVING ROOM FLOOR!

I also can’t stand large winged insects. Cicadas in particular really freak me out and it’s because of those damn wings they have. They’re so creepy looking the way those brown veins run through them and I hate the pattern they make. It looks evil to me. Put me in a room full of spiders first. Most people are terrified of spiders but I don’t really mind them as long as they’re not crawling on me or biting me. Oddly enough, I like dragonflies. I don’t want one landing on me or anything (I don’t want any large flying insects landing on me), but I think they’re pretty and I even have a tattoo of one.

I think amputated bug wings is my weirdest phobia. What’s yours?

80 thoughts on “My weird phobia.

  1. Termites swarming and mating and dropping their wings all over your living room floor? Egads!

    I don’t know if you can call it a phobia, but seeing the Facebook icon gives me the shivers. Ditto the shrill “wee-wee-wee”sound of a drunken ranting hate-mongering psychotic wetbrained little pig.

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  2. How horrible to have bugs in your house, having sex all over your floor! Ick! I think your fear is perfectly natural–besides their grossness, they remind you of the termite invasion. I don’t fear them, just dislike. My rule is, anything with fewer than 2 or more than 4 legs is not an appropriate companion!

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    • I feel the same way! Bugs may be necessary for pollination, etc. (I don’t think fleas serve ANY purpose though–I hate the little fuckers) but I don’t like them.

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  3. My fears are more “standard” I guess – spiders, close spaces, the dark (yeah – even at my age) – too many to think about. Haven’t heard of the “wings” thing – but I sure understand the instant panic when unexpectedly confronted with something you fear. Thanks for sharing this!!

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      • Let’s see , irrational fears. The only thing I can think of is how those giant “water bug” roaches I lived with on the coast for 10 years never bothered me, but those small roaches I saw as child are obviously dangerous and evil. Thankfully here in Texas the arrival of the fire ant has caused the small roach , scorpion, many spiders to lessen in number. I was stung four times as a child by scorpions but the roaches still scared me more.

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  4. The possibility of getting in a car crash is a big worry of mine. I think it’s a normal fear and not an irrational phobia. But when I’m hyperventilating and stomping on imaginary brakes on the passenger side of the car, my husband calls it irrational.

    Especially when I scream. He really hates when I scream. šŸ™‚

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    • I hear ya. I have another phobia. It’s going up a steep hill in a car. I don’t mind going down, it’s going up that makes me freak out. I always think the car is going to roll backwards.

      I also hate elevators. I always take the stairs whenever I can. I get panic attacks in elevators.

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      • OMG! It’s been about a week ago now, but I had a dream I was driving a car up a super steep hill and thought it was going to flip over. So weird you brought that up here.

        Liked by 2 people

      • Escalators freak me out. Saw a man collapse on one once. When his body got to the bottom people checked for a pulse and couldn’t find one. Probably had a heart attack. I was five I think, shopping with my mother.

        ….But you know, for the first time in all these years it occurs to me — he went really quick, didn’t seem to suffer at all. Since we all have to go some time, if it’s your time, what better way to go than dropping while shopping. šŸ™‚

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        • Well, that’s one way of looking at it.
          I always thought the “nicest” death I ever heard of was my mother’s uncle. He lived into his 90s and was still in good health and active until the day he died.

          This man loved to golf. It was his passion. One sunny day, he was golfing and suddenly had a massive heart attack and died right there on the green. Now that would be the way to go: doing something you love, no suffering, just one minute you’re here and the next you’re not.
          Unfortunately most people don’t die with such ease. There is pain, terror and suffering of some kind usually.

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            • I’m very conflicted about the great beyond, Alex. Twice I’ve been so close to death that I left my body. The first time I didn’t get far, so I didn’t see any white light or anything, just the tops of the nurses’ heads as I floated above them. I heard one say “I can’t find a pulse,” then the other nurse said, “Her lips are turning blue” — then ZAP I went back into my body. I was fifteen when that happened.

              The second time that I seemed to leave my body in a near death experience, I was 39. That time I got far enough along that I experienced an awesome, wonderful, perfect feeling of peace, love, and joy. I wasn’t sure I wanted to come back, that time, it was so awesome. But I’m glad I did come back.

              Like Otter, my main problem with the great beyond is the getting there. Potential pain, stress, suffering, that kind of thing. And losing my loved ones. I hate that the most.

              Okay, that’s enough of this scary movie, don’t you think? šŸ™‚

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  5. Every time the door closes when I’m in an elevator I get this bizarre urge to whisper “death trap”. ?
    I never do, but my mind always goes there.

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  6. I laughed when I read the sentence that told your phobia. Um, sorry, kind of? I don’t know why but it made me seriously laugh out loud. I guess because it is unusual and I’d never heard anyone say that before.

    I’m not a fan of swarms of bugs. I guess you could call that a phobia, but I don’t really think it is. It seems pretty rational because they look really gross when they’re all together as one big bug body. Yuck.

    I think insect wings are interesting though as are big spiders. But I’m with you on getting too close to them. I don’t want them on me or as pets.

    Speaking of which I used to know a couple who owned a feed store and they had a tarantula. I never saw it, but they used to talk to me about it when I’d go in there to shop for my rats. Unfortunately it died when one of them dropped it. Their tarantula, not my rat. They said it exploded when it hit the floor. First time I think I felt empathy for an insect I think.

    I would never intentionally squish a really big bug because of what’s inside. Nasty.

    Ok, I guess I’m done now, I’m a bit chatty on this topic. lol.

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    • I actually laughed too when I read it over. It sounds so stupid!
      Now tarantulas, I think they’re pretty cool. I wouldn’t want one as a pet or anything, but I don’t think they’re scary, they’re kind of cute to me. But one exploding on the floor? ACK! Their insides are creepy. Their blood is green or yellow instead of red. *shudder*

      Food phobia: I won’t eat crabs or lobster because they’re basically giant sea insects (and very closely related to spiders). I won’t eat bugs, and those are basically sea bugs.

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      • Ew yeah, the insides is why I never squished them intentionally. Now it’s because I have somewhat of a buddhist mindset when it comes to killing bugs. But I have my exceptions, like ants and certainly termites. Ticks and fleas can bite it too.

        I haven’t had shell fish in a long time but love king crab legs. However I go through periods where they gross me out because of the sea insect thing.

        They’re also bottom feeders so I’ve been staying away from them for that reason too. Lots of toxins.

        Tarantulas aren’t cute to me. They are way too big and hairy for being a damn bug. Lol.

        Aren’t they technically not a bug though or an insect? I don’t know if arachnids are considered insects, I forget how that works. And I’m too lazy to google it right now.

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      • On my iPad keypad is this smiling emoticon face, when I hit it , this whole emoticon keyboard kicks up. It’s fun! ā­ļøā˜€ļøā›„ļøā„ļøšŸŒŽšŸŒŠšŸƒšŸ‚šŸŒ²šŸŒšŸ„šŸ€šŸšŸ„šŸ‡šŸ…šŸøšŸ¶šŸ½šŸ’‹šŸŒ‚šŸ’ŽšŸ’–šŸ’”šŸ‘„šŸ’—šŸ’¬šŸ‘¤šŸ’­šŸ‘£šŸ‘ šŸ’…šŸŽ©šŸ™‡šŸ‘šŸ’¼šŸ‘˜šŸ‘ššŸ‘€šŸ‘€šŸ‘€šŸ‘€šŸ‘€šŸ‘…šŸ‘…šŸ‘…šŸ‘…šŸ‘…

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  7. Alaina , I can’t imagine what it must be like to have been not once , but twice in that in between space between life and death. My fears about death and dying are so strong. And I’ve never even experienced such a thing. I’ve had a few near death experiences, but they were close calls, not the actual crossing over of the flesh. You’ve had amazing experiences in your life on so many levels. If you ever decide to write a memoir , sign me up for the first copy!

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    • I can’t wait to read her memoir, Alex. I’ve read some of her posts and her life reads like a suspenseful novel. Please don’t take that the wrong way, Alaina. A lot of it has to do with the fact you are an amazing writer too. But yes, she has definitely had an eventful life, that’s for sure.

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      • I didn’t see these comments until just now, Alex and Lucky O, sorry!

        My life really has been weird, hasn’t it? One of the biggest worries I’ve had about writing and publishing my memoir is that people who read it may think I’m making a lot of it up. Some of my real life experiences are so far out, that even *I* have trouble believing those things really happened. Seriously, if there hadn’t been at least one other person there to witness what was going on during most of my wildest experiences, I definitely would have thought that I must have dreamed or hallucinated it.

        Seeing that long “war train” two and a half days ago, stopped beside the highway, loaded with armored tanks, weapons, and other military vehicles… that was a freaky, jaw-dropping, surreal experience, too. I’ve lived around military bases most of my life, but I’ve never seen anything like that. I’m glad I was able to take all those pictures and post them on my blog, so people can see that I didn’t just dream it or make it up.

        It’s tempting to leave a lot of the more bizarre stuff out of my memoir, because I don’t want people to think I’m a liar. Lucky Otter, the amazing courage you have in openly sharing so much on your blog, regardless of what people might think — that is super inspiring to me. As I’m writing my memoir, when I am tempted to leave out a too-weird but pertinent part of my story, I now ask myself: “What Would Lauren Do?” šŸ™‚

        I just want you to know, though — I’ve shared a lot of my story in my comments, here and on some other blogs, and on my own blog — and some of what I’ve shared is pretty crazy. But I still haven’t shared the weirdest, most unbelievable parts of my story yet, except in private with my husband, my therapist, and a handful of close friends over the years. So, this is my way of saying… you haven’t heard anything yet! šŸ˜‰

        Sometimes I wonder “why me?” I am nobody at all, there is truly nothing special about me, so why have so many far-out things happened in my life? I think part of the answer has to do with the occult — which I have renounced and want no part of today! My paternal grandfather practiced witchcraft, and he made me his sole heir, both of his worldly goods and of his dark powers. It was…. a terrible inheritance. He tried to warn me and apologize for leaving me that horrible legacy, a few nights after he died… but… uhm…. I am saying too much now, so I will shut up. It’s past my bedtime anyway. Good night!

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        • OMG….!
          Now I really can’t wait to read your memoirs.
          I know that surreal experience — kind of. 9/11: I think everyone remembers what they were doing at the moment it happened. I was at work, a bright sunshiny day….suddenly everything went quiet and someone said one of the Twin Towers in NY was down…a plane crashed into it….I thought this person was joking but I could tell by their face they were not. I followed him into the room where a TV was on and everyone crowded around watching…no one cared that no one was working….I saw the playback of the plane crashing through the tower….I thought no, this has to be a movie, it looks exactly like a movie, this isn’t real, this isn’t happening…and then as I watched the other tower got hit and came crashing down…fuck, I need to write about this.
          It was like time stopped and yes very surreal.

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          • Yes, 9/11 was too surreal and bizarre to be true… and yet it was true.

            I was living in Pennsylvania at the time. The World Trade Center towers were northeast of us. The Pentagon in Washington D.C. where another hijacked jet crashed was about eighty miles due south. And the Pennsylvania field where the fourth hijacked plane went down was to our west. So we were surrounded. Very surreal, very terrifying. I drove straight to where my younger son was working. He was twenty. He said, “Mom, if we go to war, I am joining the military.”

            I said, “I know. That’s why I’m here.” Whew…. our country, our entire world, hasn’t been the same since.

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  8. I really hate moths. Cicadas too. Wasps… good god don’t get me started on wasps. I just scream my head off and freak out. I also hate clowns but that’s for another time lol

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  9. Oh that’s an interesting one! I’m trying hard to figure out if I have a phobia at all. I’m not sure. I might have not discovered it yet. I don’t like Emus they freak me out. There is a Wildlife Park where we take the kids often and the Emus and Kangaroos walk around there. I really don’t like walking past an Emu. I can’t look at them. They scare me…

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  10. I have a fear of some loud sounds and needles make me nervous. I used to fear dogs when I was real little because our neighbor had a mean dog and he bit my brother so I thought all dogs were mean and they attack. I also fear violence so whenever I hear about a kid or an adult being aggressive, right away I think they should be locked up because they are dangerous. But this might be a normal fear. I have seen a lot of bashing online about aggressive children and disabled people and people with mental illnesses. I also have anxiety so I can say I get a lot of fear and I also have money anxiety. I don’t like roller coasters either and I used to fear this one shadow in my room caused by my lamp on the wall and I feared balloons popping for a while and the fire drill used to scare me until I got used to it and then it wasn’t as loud. Lot of people seem to be afraid of rodents and spiders but I am not. I used to fear bees but I find if I don’t bother them, they won’t sting me but they still make me nervous if I have to get near one or put my hand to where they are unless they fly away. I used to fear water slides.

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    • That’s a long list of fears. As a child I was afraid of just about everything. I used to be terrified of thunderstorms, so much I’d hide under the bed. The real bad ones still make me nervous, and I HATE driving in them but if I’m in my house and they’re not too intense, then I actually love them. Sometimes I’ll even go sit on my porch to watch one.

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      • Driving with a lot of traffic also makes me nervous. I was also afraid of thunderstorm because of the sound of the thunder and the unexpected flashing. I get nervous driving on bridges sometimes. Oh yeah don’t get me started on making phone calls lol.

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        • I can’t stand phones. A ringing phone drives me insane. It always seems like a rude interruption of whatever I’m doing at the time. I got rid of my house phone and only use a cell now. I find those less offensive, maybe because I can use a ring tone I like and can tell who’s calling.

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          • My grandparents had a phone that was way loud and it would hurt my ears and one time I got in trouble when I would take the receiver off the deck and hang it back up so it would stop ringing but none of the other phones bothered me. It was an older phone my grandparents had and those things were loud. Phones are quieter these days and they come with caller IDs built in and I believe you can turn down the volume on them now.

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