Not bragging, but…

Posted on April 30, 2015 by luckyotter

Why I run ads here.

Posted on April 17, 2015 by luckyotter

But don’t stop!

Fine, I’m a creative and sensitive INFJ who DESPISES this kind of stuff, but because I think it might help people like me, I really do need to write a little bit about the boring, mundane, business end of blogging.

A discussion came up under my last article, “Bloggers are Narcs!” about how to go about running ads on your blog. It’s a good question, because I think many of us who are blogaholics would love to be able to write and blog for a living, and running ads on your website is obviously a good start toward a goal like that.

I decided it might be helpful to some bloggers who want to make money from their site to turn that discussion into a whole blog post.

Three things to ask yourself before you run ads.

1. Are you serious about blogging? Do you post at least once a day? If you don’t, you probably aren’t generating enough traffic to qualify to run ads (which I’ll explain in a minute)

2. How do you feel about the look of having ads on your blog? If you don’t care about earning anything and only blog casually and you hate the disruption the ad would cause the pristine look of your blog, then running ads probably isn’t something you want to do.

3. Are you morally opposed to running ads on a personal blog, especially if it’s about a serious issue? That’s something to think about. This was an issue for me for awhile, even though I desperately needed any income this blog could provide for me. At first I thought running ads on a site like this would be a little gauche if not insensitive, but I decided to go for it when I found out it would only be one small ad per page and not that intrusive to the subject matter.

If you decide to run ads.

You have to sign up for the WordAds program WordPress offers. In order to do this, you must have your own domain name– that means without the “wordpress.com” in the URL.

I paid for my own domain name (you do it through WordPress and I think it’s only $18 a year) because I decided I wanted to run ads and make some money from doing this. The ads don’t clutter up the site or cheapen its look or mood, thank goodness. I would hate that.

Once you submit your application for WordAds, it has to be approved–which means you are required to have a certain amount of traffic (I don’t know how they determine how much is enough “traffic”). Then if they approve you, you get an invitation by email and it gives you all the instructions for setting up WordAds on your site (no, you do not get to choose which ads are run). You also have to set up a Paypal account to collect your earnings.

You also have to tell WordPress (via the dashboard) whether you want the ads visible to WP members who are signed into WP, or only to visitors who do not have a WordPress account. I opted for everyone to see them (you can make more that way). You are not paid by clicks, but by impression. According to the WordAds site,

[…]the more visits you get, and the more each visitor uses your site, the more you will earn. What you earn can vary greatly per blog, depending on the following factors:
–The amount of traffic.
–Where the majority of the traffic is coming from. (North American ad placements currently pay-out at a much greater level than international ads.)
–How many are using ad blockers.
–The actual ads that are displayed.

I have noticed that since January, the type of ads I see on this blog have changed–at first they were just little print ads that looked like headlines in the National Enquirer with titles like, “The Miracle Food that Can make Your Eyes Change Color!” Now sometimes I see sleek looking videos for big companies like Verizon, H&R Block, and car manufacturers. There’s a lot of local ads too, that would be different for you than it would for me. But lately I have been seeing fewer of the cheap looking print ads and more of the big ads, and i did earn more in March than I did in January and Feb.

For now I have to keep my day job.

So far my account has a whopping $46.85 in it (that’s over 3 months time–I started running the ads in January), and I can’t cash it in until it reaches $100. I’m hoping down the line to make more. But rest assured my purpose for this blog is not to make money, but to help myself and others. And because I love to write. Any money earned is just an added bonus and worth the the little bit of effort.

Here is the link for WordAds if you want to get started: https://wordads.co/

Narcissism’s Emotional Fallout

Posted on April 16, 2015 by luckyotter

Here is another great blog I found, and this is a great article. We are all at different stages of processing the narcissistic abuse that was done to us, and this writer points out that we should not take negative comments personally and as people in recovery, we may ourselves act testy or negative at times, even when blogging.

For me, blogging about narcissism is smething that makes me happy–even though the topic is a dark one. I love everything about writing and blogging about narcissism, even the emotional pain and yes, testiness and negativity that tends to arise from time to time. We have lived in an emotional war zone for most of our lives and it wouldn’t be realistic to expect us to be Sunshine Susies all all the time. Sometimes we’re going to be Debbie Downers instead.

Blogging about narcissism is hard, hard work, because at the time we are blogging, we are also doing deep self-therapy and painful emotions can come to the surface and cause us to say and do things we normally wouldn’t. But in spite of all this, I feel like this is my life’s calling and is leading to a future career as a writer. I have never been more deeply involved or emotionally invested in any hobby I ever had…and this is a hobby, but more, so much more. Read on!

In the Net! - Pictures and Stories of Life

I’ve noticed from time to time a tendency on some of the narcissism blogs that I read, for people to get a little testy about the things said about narcissism, narcissists and their victims. I have experienced testy commentary a couple of times and in one case, an outright angry response to a comment that I made – an accusation that I didn’t understand narcissism, that I didn’t know what I was talking about, that I didn’t know what it is like to be a victim.

Initially, I was hurt by the remark. I took it personally.

Reading, writing and thinking about narcissism is an emotional and arduous task. It requires a great deal of work, very difficult work that takes time, effort and sometimes, money.

When I first separated from my ex-narcissist, I went for counselling. I was fortunate on several fronts. First, I had a health care account that allowed…

View original post 413 more words

I love my lurkers!

Posted on April 7, 2015 by luckyotter

Butchcountry67 gave me an idea for a new post tonight. (By the way, his blog about living on the Canadian prairie with his young son is wonderful, so please follow him.) In my earlier post, “What Do You Like Best (and Least) About Blogging,” a comment of his really got me thinking.

Butch said (as one of the things he likes least),

[…]the uncertainty of just who is reading my blogs … not so much those that follow my blog, but those that do not and read it nonetheless.

My reply:
If I stop and think about the hundreds of strangers every day reading this blog–not fellow bloggers from WP who already follow me–but everyone else (and there’s so many more of them than WP bloggers!) it can freak you out just a little. I try not to think about it when hitting the Publish button, especially if it’s a post about a personal or sensitive subject.

But at the same time, it’s exciting and thrilling, because you never know what sort of important people who can help you (or that you may be helping!) may be reading your words.

I’ve had a few people read this blog or a post on this blog I never expected to in a million years.
Some examples:

1. Sam Vaknin was one of the first, and he even used to comment and helped my visibility so much for awhile (seriously, whether or not you like the guy, this blog would not be where it is today were it not for him, and Sam, if you are still reading, thank you!)
2. a researcher and Ph.D candidate from the University of Georgia who wanted me to help disseminate a study questionnaire. I’m still waiting for the results of that study and will post them as soon as I get the information, which has been promised to me and I do have permission to post the results.
3. Owners and admins of non-WP blogs that are well established in the narcissistic abuse community
4. various other authors of both fiction and nonfiction who I can’t remember the names of at the moment.

Sometimes I don’t find out until I check Twitter and find out someone I never expected favorited, DM’d me with thanks, or retweeted one of my posts (which meant they probably read at least the post concerning them). Two that come to mind are Eric Casaccio, director of the short film “Narcissist” and Christian singer Danny Gokey. Both expressed gratitude for my attention (and in so doing, helped me out too).

The 90-9-1 rule of online community participation. 90% of your readership consists of lurkers.

It’s such a cool feeling when something like that happens. It’s one of the highlights of having a slightly visible blog. You should have a Twitter account connected to your blog. It’s the easiest way to find out who some of your important lurkers may be and helps give your blog visibility.

You just never know who your “lurkers” may be. 🙂 Don’t be afraid of them–love your lurkers! It’s not your friends and followers, but your lurkers, who help your blog gain visibility, and you just might be helping them out too.

And thanks to Butch too, for giving me this idea tonight.

I feel like an explanation is in order

Posted on April 7, 2015 by luckyotter

I’ve been thinking about (and feeling guilty about) the fact I follow so many blogs, but rarely comment on anyone’s blog posts anymore.

It makes me feel bad too, because I don’t want any of you to think I don’t care about what you write or am not reading your posts. I am (when I can).

When I first started blogging, I used to read a lot of other blogs and comment a lot on other people’s posts, but due to the sheer volume of comments I have been receiving lately (and still having to work for a living, run a household, take care of pets, maintain this blog, sort through spam, write new posts, etc.), I simply cannot find the time to comment as much as I’d like to, because I’m so busy replying to mine.

I try to read other blogs when I can, but to read everything I want to read and comment on posts too, I would not be able to get any sleep! When I do read, I may “like” your post, but will probably not comment, because there just isn’t any time anymore. I’ve received so much inspiration from so many of you, even when I don’t Like or comment on a post of yours.

This is the problem I dreamed of having when I started this blog in September. Please keep the comments coming! 🙂

What do you like best (and least) about blogging?

Posted on April 6, 2015 by luckyotter

My favorite things about blogging.

1. Formulating a new idea into words.
2. Hitting that Publish button.
3. Finding pictures and graphics to illustrate my articles. (Not as hard as you might think!)
4. Checking my stats (if they’re good).
5. Making new friends who can actually relate to what I write about.
6. The way it’s changing me.
7. Someone telling me a post of mine gave them hope or even inspired them to make changes in their lives.
8. Reading and replying to my comments.

My least favorite things about blogging.

1. Dealing with trolls and bullies (fortunately I haven’t had too many). Sometimes though, even their rants can make good fodder for new blog posts.
2. Proofreading and editing for clarity, correcting spelling and grammar
3. Adding tags and categories to a post.
4. Having a slow day with low stats and few comments.
5. Not having a good new idea. It happens to all of us but it’s still discouraging.
6. Offending people (it’s inevitable though).
7. Fear of making certain posts available to the public. (I eventually do though, and it’s very liberating!)
8. Dealing with spam.

This is a free for all for all bloggers.
What are your favorite and least favorite things about blogging? Please share in the comments.

The art of blogging: new static page!

Posted on April 4, 2015 by luckyotter

I just added this list of links to all my blogging and writing articles to the header for easier reference.

Following is a list of links to the articles I have written about blogging and writing. I hope these tips prove as helpful to others as they have to me. Some of the advice I give is really just tried and true suggestions used by other bloggers that I tried too and have worked for me, while others are just things I have picked up along the way.

As with everything else on this blog, I’ve tried to keep a light touch to balance all the deadly seriousness of the subject matter and some of these posts are more for fun than for learning.

Blogging and Writing

Is Profanity in Blog Rants Okay?

Blogging is Not for Pussies

The Drudgery of Blogging

Blogging

The Narcissism of Blogging

Blogging Drunk

Blogging is Crack for the Soul, but is Blogging about Narcissism, um, well, Narcissistic?

This Blog is Half a Year Old Today

Why This Blog is Becoming Successful and How Yours Can Too

Why is Narcissism so Hot These Days (peripherally related to blogging, but it still belongs here)

The Chatterbox and the Hermit

An Open Letter to WordPress (originally posted on FishofGold.com)

Running Naked in Public

I’m Holding My Nose

A Vast Wasteland

On Political Correctness and the Inevitability of Offending People

Writing is Cheaper then Therapy or Drugs

This Blog is Growing. Your Can Too

Nano Poblano is Over. Wow, What a Ride

Three People Who Deserve My Thanks

Can I Do It? Can I Do It?

The Article That Grew Legs

Best Day Ever

This Is What I Was Born to Do

Aspies Rule the Internet

How Writing Every Day Has Changed Me

Gratitude

I’m Frustrated

My Own Little Kingdom

Nobody Knew Who I Was

7 Science Based Reasons to Use Emoticons

My Decision to Run Ads on This Site

642 Views?! It’s My Second Best Day Since Christmas!

Narcissism on the Internet: What Vaknin Has to Say

My Most Popular Posts (as of 2/19/15)

Ever Have One of Those Days?

Handling Online Trolls and Bullies

Internet Psychopaths: The Difference Between Trolls and Bullies

Two Kinds of Stealth Trolls

Internet Trolls are Psychopaths

Can We Please End This Flame War?

Beware of N’s Who Use Mental Illness as an Excuse to Abuse

Beware of Malignant Narcissists Posting as Victims in the Psychopathic Abuse Community

Replying to My Haters

Is profanity in blog rants okay?

Posted on April 4, 2015 by luckyotter

My friend Gale Molinari at Galesmind.com posted this meme yesterday.

In general, I agree with the above sentiment. We all know people who cuss constantly and after awhile it can become annoying and offensive. People who pepper every sentence with the 7 verboten words not approved by the FCC sound, well, stupid, crude and boring.

However, I also think an occasional, well placed epithet can add impact and emotional urgency under certain circumstances. We’re all grownups here, and it’s not as if we haven’t all heard these words and know what they mean. They have stuck around the English language for so long for a good reason, and while their original references to various private parts, bodily functions or female dogs in heat have been diluted by their myriad other uses in recent times, if they’re not overused, they retain their power to drive your point home.

I don’t think there are too many people who won’t tolerate an occasional F-bomb, S-bomb or even the dreaded MF-bomb when it’s warranted.

For example, if you are writing a rant about how much you hate tailgaters (one of my biggest pet peeves), it’s much more attention grabbing to write, “I want to brake-check those fuckers. I hope they all rot in hell,” than “I want to brake-check those jerks. I hope they all fall off a cliff.” Or, “I was a complete bitch to him” has more emotional power than “I wasn’t very nice to him.”

Emotional impact what is what your rant is all about. You want your readers to feel your rage with you–you don’t want to be all polite and politically correct, a concept which is overrated as hell anyway. Because in real life, if you’re mad, really mad, you’re not going to be thinking about being polite. You are going to cuss like a drunk who just stepped on the edge of a rusty beer can.

That being said, if profanity is overused in a rant, the effect will be the opposite–then these words lose their emotional impact and you just sound like a fucking asshole or an uneducated, crude person no one wants to listen to–and your readers will go elsewhere to find another writer who doesn’t use the F-bomb as a verbal tick.

Another advantage swear words have is that they’re cathartic. It just FEELS a whole lot better to refer to that obnoxious tailgater, that psychopathic boss trying to gaslight you, or that inconsiderate person who blocks your way down the aisle at Walmart as a “fucking dick” than as a “big dumb heartless poopiehead.” You feel a little bit better, even if the words were only said safely behind the windshield of your car or muttered to yourself out of earshot.

Swear words can be valuable tools in your writer’s toolbox, but like a high calorie, high-fat dessert, they can be bad for you if you overindulge. Use your best judgment, and of course, if using these words really makes you squirm or you really are morally opposed to them, then don’t use them.

If you’re a really good writer, there are other ways to give your rant emotional impact without using swear words. You can also use a series of keyboard symbols, such as g$#&*@&m f&%#@#g b$##&d!!

For the rest of us, profanity can be a handy shortcut to emphasize the impact of your anger, rage, shock or surprise. Just keep the kids away.

I have decided to take this blog down.

Posted on April 1, 2015 by luckyotter

After much soul searching, I have come to the decision to take down this blog.

I simply have too many things going on at the moment to devote so much time to writing about mental health issues and realize I’m just not that interested in this subject anymore.

So, until I find a new focus, I am taking this blog down.

I apologize to my followers for this last minute decision. I know some of you visit here every day. Rest assured, I will miss you all as much as you will miss visiting here. But I have no other choice right now.
There are plenty of other blogs covering the topics of narcissism and mental health issues. Please check Info and Support in the header for some of my suggestions.

There is one last thing I have to say before I sign off for good.

APRIL FOOL!

Gotcha!

Blogging is not for pussies.

Posted on April 1, 2015 by luckyotter

Don’t be a pussy.

Anyone who blogs about a sensitive topic, especially one that focuses on mental health issues (religion and politics would be up there too), is bound to run into haters and detractors at some point. If you blog about a controversial topic, such as narcissism and narcissistic abuse (which is my #1 topic), religion, politics, or the ethical ramifications of breeding pit bulls, by default you make yourself vulnerable to online narcissists, trolls, bullies, and psychopaths. You are going to attract people who do not wish you well. It’s a built-in hazard of the trade.

Even if your blog isn’t particularly controversial or doesn’t focus on a sensitive issue, you are going to have haters and maybe even bullies. OM (Opinionated Man) is a perfect example of this (he insists he has a LOT of haters), and his blog is one of the most popular on WordPress. He doesn’t let the haters get him down, and neither should I and neither should you.

I’ve wasted a lot of time beating myself up for things beyond my control. Over people who do not wish me or my blog well. Way too often I allow other people’s negative opinions of me, my blog, or my articles to get me down and even make me want to change my blog’s focus or remove posts that I thought might have offended them.

You cannot please everyone. It’s not possible. If by some fluke you somehow do please everyone, then you probably have the most boring blog in the universe, one that’s all sweetness and light 24/7, and never approaches anything the slightest bit triggering or controversial.

Someone is going to be offended.

Even if you blog about something as benign as cake decorating or flower arranging, you are probably going to offend someone. Maybe someone doesn’t like the fact you write recipes using cream cheese icing instead of buttercream, or vice versa. Maybe they are diabetics who take offense to the fact you don’t include sugarless cake decorations in your recipes. They might even assume you are prejudiced against people with diabetes. Maybe someone doesn’t like the color yellow in your floral arrangements because they have bad associations with that color. Maybe they are angry at you because the flowers are dead and they are are morally opposed to killing plant life for ornamental purposes. They could be offended by your fonts or your layout. Maybe they hate your avatar because your picture reminds them of their rude neighbor who lets their dog bark all night and revs their engine every morning at 5 AM. You have no control over these things. My point is that no matter what you blog about, someone is going to take offense.

If you can’t stand having bullies and haters, you probably shouldn’t be blogging at all. If you blog about a sensitive or controversial issue, as I do, you are going to attract even more of them than you would if you only blogged about cake decorating or flower arranging or baby koalas.

The Green-Eyed Monster.

Some people are also going to be jealous of you. If your blog becomes successful, expect to have haters. That’s probably why OM has so many haters. His blog is one of the most popular and well-known on the Internet. I’m not tooting my own horn here, but I’ve noticed as my blog has grown, I also have acquired more haters and critics. As a self-identified HSP (highly sensitive person), this realization has been hard for me to accept. I need to grow a thicker skin and just write about what I want and not worry about what the haters think.

On Political Correctness.

I don’t like political correctness. I don’t like feeling like I have to censor my own thoughts and feelings, because openness and honesty has made my blog what it is. If my words offend someone, they just need to deal with it. If they hate me or my blog, sucks for them. There are other blogs they can read instead. No one is holding a gun to their head telling them they have to read this blog. I even have an Escape button that will take them to the Huffington Post (it’s not lost on me that some may be offended by THAT). It’s not like I’m the only voice on the Internet that addresses the issues I write the most about. There are hundreds of others.

I’m a natural pessimist. If I enter a room and everyone is friendly and welcoming except for one person who scowls at me, I’m the type who will fret and ruminate about that one grumpy person rather than feel blessed and grateful that everyone else is happy to see me. Focusing on that one negative person keeps me from enjoying the party.

It’s the same thing with blogging. I have a lot of supporters and friends in the blogging community. There are lots of people who enjoy my blog posts and visit every day. I shouldn’t worry about the few people who are critical of me or my blog, because they don’t matter. They are probably not the sort of people I would want to have as friends anyway.

So, if you blog, don’t be a wuss. Grow a tougher skin and accept the fact you are going to have haters. You don’t have to approve their comments. You don’t have to search Google to see what your detractors may be saying about you. You don’t have to let their vitriol ruin your day. They don’t matter.

Don’t censor yourself. Most people will be able to tell if you are trying to hard to be “politically correct,” and your blog will become boring and insincere and no one will want to read it. People aren’t stupid and can tell if you’re not being honest or are censoring yourself because of your fear of criticism or offending someone.

Blog from your heart and soul. Be courageous. Write about what you want, no matter how controversial. Don’t be afraid to stir the pot and stand by your heartfelt opinions, even if they are unpopular ones.

Tell the haters to take a hike. You are going to have them. They don’t matter.