Can we please end this flame war?

flamewars

I hate flame wars but it looks like Seeing Plural is not going to bury the hatchet and agree to disagree which is what I would prefer.

He/she wrote a trollish, abusive post about me today and won’t let go of his/her grudge against me and the fact I have not removed my NPD joke page. I have explained over and over again why the joke page is there, and have already removed the offending article about DID (MPD). I have apologized for posting an article about DID with misinformation. I don’t know what more I can do. I just want to put this ugly flame war to rest.

hatersgonnahate

I would just let this whole thing pass and let them hate, but I simply can’t because of the vitriol in their comments about me today as well as their nasty remark about my commenters and supporters (thank you everyone! ❀ )

In their latest article bashing me and my blog, I found this highly offensive (and wrong) assumption about me:

But, I as a protector need to get something out there, mostly in response to the incredibly ugly comments of support that this woman with borderline abusive ideals has garnered over the past few days. [borderline abusive ideals?]

For just a tiny bit of background, I want to point out that Bennett is more than twice our age, and is a white cishetero Christian who appears to be more or less able-bodied and is functioning well enough to keep and take care of her children. As opposed to our Latino origin, trans presentation, queer background, and mostly-satanistic or agnostic system who can’t, most days, function enough to leave the house. Bennett is on the winning side of social power structure here.

Excuse me? Winning side of what social structure? I may be white, able bodied, and Christian (non-fundamentalist though and do not interpret the Bible literally) but I am also a supporter of gay rights (my son is gay) and I highly resent this accusation of racism on my part. I also don’t give a damn if someone is agnostic (I used to be myself) or atheist or any other religion.

Most importantly, I am hardly winning in the “social structure.” In fact the “social structure” is something I feel like I have to do battle with every day of my life. I live near or at the poverty level, and have a low paying job that allows me to live paycheck to paycheck and no more. I do not own my own home, I drive an old car, and have very little disposable income. So I would like to know where this person gets this ridiculous idea I am on the winning side of the social structure?

I wish this person would stop visiting this blog if they hate it and me so much. My advice: stop make nasty assumptions about me unless you actually know me, because obviously you do not know anything about me, my ideals, or what I believe in.

This blogger is a bully. I have said nothing so personal and offensive against them as they have against me.

I apologize for the negativity in this post. I want this to remain a positive experience for people who come here, not a place for flame wars. But bullies who make personally offensive remarks against me and my followers deserve to be called out.

I am now letting this drop.

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About luckyotter

This blog is my journal. I just choose to share it with the world instead of keeping everything inside my head. I'm a recovering Borderline and have also struggled with Avoidant Personality Disorder. I also have Complex PTSD due to having been the victim of narcissistic abuse for most of my life. I write mostly about narcissism, because I was the child of a narcissistic mother, and then married to a sociopathic malignant narcissist for 20 years. But there's a silver lining too. In some ways they taught me about myself. This blog is about all that. Not all my articles will be about NPD, BPD or other personality disorders or mental conditions. I pretty much write about whatever's on my mind at the moment. So there's something for everyone here. Blogging about stuff is crack for my soul. It's self therapy, and hopefully my insights and observations may help others too.
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31 Responses to Can we please end this flame war?

  1. Reblogged this on galesmind and commented:
    You haven’t done anything to deserve that and if you keep it up you just feed the trolls. I have been on the receiving end of this kind of nonsense and usually it is just a person that needs a stage. Don’t give them one. It just isn’t worth it. There are no winners just whiners.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. That blogger is obviously really hurting inside and for some reason you rub him/her the wrong way. The comparison war is ridiculous. So, is he/she saying thst because you are “old,” white, Christian, and straight that you have not suffered and also you are not entitled to an opinion? ridiculous! Perhaps he/she sees narcissistic qualities in themselves they don’t like? Regardless, he/she is being a bully.Boo!😀

    Liked by 2 people

    • luckyotter says:

      I think you are probably onto something. I am not going to diagnose this blogger because I am not qualified to do so and I do not know them (I will not make assumptions the way they are doing about me) but I’m sure you can imagine what I am thinking this person may really be right now.

      I agree that something about this blog has raised their ire and perhaps they are projecting their own negativity onto me for some reason. I’m sorry they are hurting so much inside they feel they need to take it out on someone they do not know.

      Oh, and there are plenty of blogs like this one that are MUCH more hostile toward people with NPD than this one ever has been.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. clusterfrck says:

    Hey so, I’m the partner of Seeing Plural. I’m a neutralish party here, don’t want to start shit, we are all in agreement of letting this die, I’m here on request to clear things up, that’s all nothing more. In the post he wasn’t accusing you of racism, homophobia, or transphobia, it was just meant as a comparison to the fact your situation is more stable than theirs. That’s all and if it was taken as anything else it wasn’t intended. They’re in a bad situation and really fearful when it comes to the safety of those suffering with mental illnesses, especially ones not as openly welcome to support. That’s where the passion in their posts comes from.
    This is also a personal request but could you stop with the he/she thing. Our partners are male, present as male, and go by male pronouns (the only exception is when the girls of that system front) that’s a personal request that has nothing to do with them, it comes from me. I know shit got nasty, I know that everyone wants this to end and that’s great, No one’s requesting you take this down or anything but could you just, not, please? He’s a male, they’re a majority male, doing the he/she thing is really unnecessary and no matter how upset people are misgendering or hinting at it is, well, unnecessary.
    I’m sorry for everything that happened on both sides. I’m sorry it got to this level. I just wanted to clear some things up, and leave the rest to lay. Thank you for your time.
    -M

    Liked by 1 person

    • luckyotter says:

      Thank you for being a voice of reason here, and yes, I want to put this to rest.
      I apologize about the gender thing, but I honestly did not know they were male so that’s why I used he/she.
      I’m sorry this happened and I honestly didn’t mean to offend anyone. Let’s just move on now. Thank you for reaching out.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I knew I liked you.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. ahhsioux says:

    Bkaaaah. If you are going to stick you you neck out, know when NOT to dance.

    Like

  6. If they start talking about privilege, please send me a cyber barf bag.

    http://fivehundredpoundpeeps.blogspot.com/2014/04/whose-privileged-whose-not.html

    Do these people know what Aspergers is?

    Aspies are special snowflakes on top of the social power structure?

    What are these people smoking?

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I have people diss me on my blog. Remember you don’t have to post everything. Sometimes I will post a detractor/bully/etc if I feel like having a debate, otherwise, into the trash bin it goes.

    Being extremely overweight, I had to get a thick skin fast. I have seen insults about me internet wide. Reddit had it out for me a couple times. I know it’s not easy. You almost have to get the attitude, if they don’t like what I have to say, tough!

    Sincere disagreement is okay, but there is that line you know…I wonder if these people are pulling your leg. How many disaffected categories can they fit in to? I thought I had everyone beat being a super fat, deaf, lippy Aspie. :p

    Liked by 2 people

  8. I am poor as dirt too, so if they start that talk about me being an “oppressor”, I’ll need a second barf bag.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Alaina says:

    I’m stuck on that comment about you being more than twice their age. So….. what? You wake up, you live through a day, you go to sleep, you wake up, you live through a day, you go to sleep, you have another birthday, you wake up, you go to sleep… one by one the days/weeks/months/years keep pilng up. As long as you don’t die, the number of candles on your birthday cake keeps increasing, but again I ask: So What? You are still you!

    I am a great-grandmother. Yes that’s right, I have children in their forties, I have grandchildren in their twenties, and I have two, count ’em, two toddler great-grandchildren. But in my heart and in my soul I feel about 25 on a typical good day, around 10 or 12 on a not so good day, and I feel like a 2-year-old on the kind of day your bully person seems to be having.

    I love you, Lucky Otter. I think you handled this situation like a real mature emotionally stable grown-up. I am super impressed. If it had been me, the old great-grandma, I fear I wouldn’t have been half as mature.

    Liked by 1 person

    • luckyotter says:

      I thought my age being “twice theirs” as a reason to hate was just stupid. I would think my being so much older than him would give me wisdom. Oh, well, some people are just going to be haters!
      I love you too, Alaina! Thank you.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Alaina says:

        Thanks! By the way, my profile picture was taken when I was 58. Today I don’t look so young. But, like I said, I’m still me!

        It’s bad enough that I almost gave myself a heart attack recently when I tried taking a new selfie to update my profile pic. I don’t need a raging ranter using ageism to invalidate my very existence, on top of it.

        I understand, as some of the comments here have pointed out, that Seeing Plural may be very sick and in a lot of pain. Hurting people hurt people, as the saying goes. However, I, too, have been very sick, just about as sick as a person can possibly get. When I was 14, after living through a series of extreme traumas, I was diagnosed with schizophrenia and put in a state insane asylum for almost two years – one of those massive, Gothic-looking “snake pits” that has since been closed and torn down. This was back in the day when the typical treatment for anyone with a mental health issue was to lock you in a human warehouse and throw away the key.

        Shortly after my incarceration there, I asked the ward psychiatrist when I would be well enough to go home. He coldly informed me that schizophrenia was not something he could cure. Furthermore, he said, according to the statistics at that time, more than 97% of the people committed to that institution were never permanently released. If I remained there longer than one year, he added, my odds of ever being released would go down to less than 1%! (This was the biggest reason why I hung myself with my bedding one year later. I thank God that the substantial-looking pipe I hung myself from broke!)

        Seeing what must have been a look of shocked disbelief on my face, this great doctor told me to ask the other patients on the ward how long they had been there, if I didn’t believe him. I did, and the shortest answer I got was 8 years, the majority more than 20 years. SO, I did the only thing that seemed logical under those circumstances – I ran away at the first opportunity. Which is why, although I had never been violent in any way, I was put on maximum security where they kept the criminally insane, a ward so dangerous that the nurse attendants rarely stepped outside the safety of their locked office.

        But I survived this hell on earth. Somehow, I managed to get over my trauma-induced schizophrenic breakdown, and I have been psychosis-free for the past 46 years. If I could heal, I believe there is hope for anyone to heal.

        However, being “very sick” and in “a lot of pain” is no excuse for attacking and hurting other people. It may be a reason… but it is never an excuse.

        After everything I have lived through in my almost 62 years, I have come to believe two things:
        1) Most people, most of the time, are doing the best they can with what they have.
        2) For this reason, we all deserve respect and to be given the benefit of the doubt.

        It really isn’t all that difficult to disagree, without being disagreeable. Even with people who are (gasp!) more than twice your age.

        Liked by 1 person

        • luckyotter says:

          First of all, you look fantastic in that photo. I would have said you were in your 40’s!

          I agree Seeing Plural is a very sick person, and is lashing out because he’s hurting. I’ve been learning that. People who lash out are people in pain. And that includes narcs.

          Unlike a lot of ACONs who demonize all narcissists and dismiss them as thoroughly evil people who have no hope of ever changing, I think that in most of them, even the malignants, there is a core of goodness but it’s very difficult or impossible to access. They are not monsters, although they may act like monsters. They are still human beings and they do have feelings, even if they aren’t able to parlay their feelings about themselves into caring or empathy for anyone else.

          Curing one is another matter. Unlike most, I don’t believe a cure is impossible. I think it’s a very difficult undertaking and would require insight and a desire to change. You cannot force a narcissist to get help if they don’t think they have a problem or don’t care or know the way they act or why. There are those who have the insight and desire. But a cure would still be very difficult because the way they behave is so ingrained it’s become part of who they are. Right now, CBT can work on the behaviors and help them act more socially acceptable, but it’s not really a cure. Obviously, non-malignants would be cured more easily I still have hope there will one day be a case of a MN becoming cured. Maybe that’s unrealistic but it’s something I pray for all the time. Because it bothers me so much that someone with NPD who wants to change/knows what they are has no hope at all. I simply cannot accept that.

          What a horrible story about your institutionalization in a state hospital. It sounded like hell on earth. The doctors there sounded terrible too, and sure didn’t give you much in the way of hope, did they? Good for you for having the courage to escape. I think those kind of institutions are really just warehouses for getting “crazy people” off the streets and do little or nothing to help the patients under their “care.” Of course, what we have now is just as bad — people with severe mental illness like schizophrenia being turned out on the streets. Many of the homeless are the mentally ill who would have been warehoused years ago. I don’t know which is worse.

          Liked by 1 person

  10. Alaina says:

    I agree with everything you said.

    Liked by 1 person

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