My views are way down and I’m not sure why.

My views are about a third of what they used to be, if that.    This has been going on for awhile now, and it isn’t getting better, no matter what I do.

I know I don’t write new posts every day like I used to, and that probably is a factor, but it still seems odd.   Sharing to Pinterest does help, but nowhere near enough.  Search engine views in general are down.

I wonder if the Internet is being restricted in places where it wasn’t before, or if the time of year has something to do with it.

Or maybe not focusing exclusively on narcissism anymore has made my blog less popular.

Are other bloggers also experiencing this?

Does anyone know what’s going on?  Or is my blog just getting boring?

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Why do people read (and comment on) blogs they don’t like?

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This is going to be a pretty short post.   Someone who I won’t name had been commenting frequently on my political posts, and their views are almost the polar opposite of mine.   I can’t say this person is exactly a troll, because their comments weren’t offensive or abusive enough to qualify as troll comments, but their views were certainly at odds with mine and he/she wasn’t always very nice about it either.

I asked this person why they were reading my blog since what I have to say seemed to anger them so much, but got no reply.    He/she would be silent for a few days, and then make another negative comment.

Now I get that not everyone is going to agree with me, and I don’t expect them to.   I wouldn’t even want everyone to agree with me 100% of the time, because that’s boring.   Healthy debate is good.   Different points of view can make you think in different ways and consider other points of view.  But this person wasn’t open to civilized debate and seemed to disagree with me about just about everything I said.

Today this individual said they were unsubscribing.  It didn’t hurt my feelings; my only reaction was, what made you wait so long?  It wasn’t as if there was any doubt about where I stand on certain issues.

I really wonder why some people waste their time reading blogs they disagree with or don’t like.  If they just HAVE to read blogs that make them angry (like the pleasure you get picking at a scab), why do they bother commenting?    I really don’t get that.   If I don’t like a blog, I don’t bother reading it.  There are so many other things I can do with my time that are more productive and give me more pleasure than making myself angry or upset reading a blog I hate.    There are so many good blogs out there that give me great pleasure to read, so why would I read one I dislike?

Why do so many narcissistic abuse survivors support Donald Trump?

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I read a post on a narcissistic abuse blog last night in which the blogger expressed concern and confusion over Ollie Matthew’s support of Donald Trump.   For anyone who doesn’t know who Ollie Matthews is, he has a popular Youtube channel for survivors of narcissistic abuse and was himself raised by narcissists.   Lately he’s been posting videos that defend Trump’s narcissism by calling it “confidence” and making other excuses for the things Trump does and says.   His channel has been losing original subscribers, since so many victims are so triggered by this president and can’t understand Matthews’ need to defend and support a man who is probably the biggest narcissist in the world, and a sociopathic one at that.

Curious, I went to Ollie’s Youtube channel and started to watch one of his Trump videos and I had to turn it off.  I felt sick.  Here was a guy who has been victimized by people just like Trump and doesn’t exactly have very nice things to say about them.  I’ve found his videos– which express a lot of raw anger at “his” narcissists, particular his mother — helpful in the past, especially when I was newly No Contact.     Why on God’s green earth would someone who in no uncertain terms tells us to  avoid narcissists  like the plague be supporting a malignant narcissist who seems to have limitless power to abuse not just a few people, but millions — maybe even billions if he manages to destroy the environment or start a world war?

Unfortunately, Matthews isn’t that unusual.  I have come across several narcissistic abuse bloggers and Facebook group owners who proudly and unapologetically support Trump.   I don’t understand this.  I could understand a victim who is unaware of  narcissism or narcissistic abuse supporting him.   If becoming educated about this problem is enough to make a person take the huge step of going No Contact with an abuser, why wouldn’t it also make that person think twice before throwing their support behind a narcissist whose behavior is so extreme that mental health professionals are willing to break the Goldwater Rule and publicly diagnose him with NPD or Malignant Narcissism?

Honestly, I haven’t the foggiest idea.    Do they see Trump as a good guy?  Ollie apparently does — he says his narcissism is “confidence.”   Maybe they have Stockholm Syndrome and are unconsciously still drawn to abusive people.  Maybe they really agree with his destructive policies and don’t see them as destructive.   Maybe they see this man’s abusive language and bullying as a principled refusal to be politically correct.   “He’s being honest,” one wrote.     They apparently cannot see the gaslighting, the lies, the abusive and chaotic behavior and actions, the fragile ego, the vindictiveness, the crass self-centeredness, the scapegoating of people and groups who dare to criticize him or that he sees as “weak.”    Reading posts in support of Trump by narcissistic abuse bloggers, Youtubers, and group owners makes me feel insane.   I don’t understand it and never will.

 

Why do bloggers take their blogs down?

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This is something I’ve always wondered about.   I see so many bloggers take down their blogs when they lose interest or they feel like their blog has fulfilled its purpose.    I can’t tell you how many times I’ve visited a blog I like and seen a message saying the blog has been removed.

I don’t get it.  Even if I were to lose interest in blogging and stop writing posts, I would still leave my blog(s) up.    One, it costs nothing on WordPress.  Two, people will continue to stumble on my blog and may be helped, entertained, or inspired by something I wrote.  Three, people who already know about my blog want to go back and reread something they already read.

It’s always so disappointing to see that a blog I’ve grown attached to no longer exists.   If I haven’t kept in touch with the blog’s writer,  it’s as if they’ve disappeared from the face of the earth.  I always wonder what happened to them.

I understand people move on with their lives and they often reach a point where they feel as if blogging has served its purpose.  I also understand that in certain blogging communities (such as the narcissistic abuse community), the posts may be of a very personal nature.   But why remove the whole blog?   Just leave it up so others can still benefit from it.

I have no plans to stop blogging, even though I post less than I used to and have moved onto other subjects (less posts about narcissistic abuse).    If I ever did stop blogging though, I would leave my blogs alone so others could still read them.

 

That “off” feeling in dreams.

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Have you ever tried to explain something that can’t be explained?   Well, this subject came up in my post from last week about my subway dream (I have a lot of subway dreams even though I haven’t lived in a big city in many years ; vast-house dreams probably come in second — my dream houses seem like they go on and on for miles).

Most, if not all, of my dreams have that weird “off” feeling about them.   I don’t know how to explain it at all. It’s very strange, but not necessarily unpleasant.   It’s a kind of flatness but it’s not really that either.   Maybe “otherworldly” but that doesn’t really describe it either.   It’s not really an emotion, though it is kind of a “mood.”

My dreams aren’t especially surreal, except for that weird “mood.” Most of my dreams take place in rather boring but realistic locations — like vast houses or subways, or city streets at night.   I don’t dream about fantastical creatures, demons or fairies, or fantasy realms.  My dreams are prosaic: peopled by real people, or by no one at all.    Sometimes I dream about being in space — and in those dreams, the universe seems even more infinite than it actually is.   I don’t know how to explain why or how I feel that way either, since real space is freaking huger than any of us can imagine.

Sometimes though, everyday reality in my dreams is experienced as somehow enhanced — the grass in a field is greener, the house I’m exploring is endless, the streets I wander at night are more ominous, the mountains in the distance are higher.   But that doesn’t really explain the weirdness either, though it may be a part of it.

It’s not that the dream content itself that’s weird (because usually it is in some way, though you might not realize it until you wake up), because even the dreams I have that take place in everyday places or where nothing really strange happens still have that “off” feeling about them.

On rare occasions, during dissociative episodes (derealization), I get that “off” feeling about reality, and everything becomes very dreamlike.   I haven’t had that experience in a while, but when it happens when you’re awake, it’s extremely unpleasant.  Not so much in dreams.

What the hell is that “off” feeling?   I’ve searched Google and found nothing about it.  Does anyone know what I’m talking about?  Is it just me who experiences this or does everyone?   I don’t even think I can find a graphic for this post that captures that feeling so I’m just using a picture of a person sleeping.

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ETA:  I just saw this under “related posts” — I wrote about this same thing almost a year ago.  Oh well.  I still wonder about it.

The Weirdness of My Dreams

What should I write about today?

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Any ideas?  I really don’t have any.   I might not write anything today and get out instead.  I’ve been sitting in the house too much, and there’s always so much to do that isn’t inside your four walls.

But I always feel guilty if I don’t post something.  Maybe I can find a nice meme or photo.   Or write about whatever it is I wind up doing today.

Here are some other things I could be doing (that don’t involve things like laundry, shopping, or cleaning the house).

— Reading.    There are 3 books I’m currently trying to finish.

— Reading other blogs and catching up on commenting.  My track record for this is ABYSMAL and it embarrasses me.

— Drive somewhere nice and walk around

–Take myself to a movie or something else fairly cheap and fun.

— Write up a new post anyway.  Maybe tonight though.

What would you like to see a post about?  Put your ideas in the comments.

Slow load time?

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My analytics page just informed me my site is “very slow” and that 99% of other websites are faster than this one. I don’t seem to have any problems with slow load time; is anyone else having this problem? I’m not sure what can be done about it, but maybe I can look into a solution.

Question #51: What if limerence is NOT a delusion?

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This was a question I thought of after posting my list of 50 things I ponder about, but I want to explore this further because I’ve never heard anyone else ask this same question.

Limerence is a term coined by psychotherapist Dorothy Tennov in 1979 in her excellent book, Love and Limerence. Limerence is a newer word for the state of infatuation, being “in love” (as opposed to real, agape or mature love), or simply “having a crush.”  I’ve always liked her word because I think it sounds exactly like what the emotion feels like.  I never liked the term infatuation because it sounds disgusting, having a crush implies an “unserious” problem only teenagers have, and being in love is probably not accurate.

She hypothesizes that limerence is an evolutionary adaptation that makes it possible for men and women to meet and mate, and lasts just long enough for them to marry and reproduce. That’s why the typical limerent episode lasts on average two years, and why it more commonly afflicts the young.

I’ve always been what Tennov calls a “limerent”–a person who gets crushes easily. Not everyone does. People with Cluster B disorders, especially BPD, are more prone to limerence than others, because we tend to idealize other people without really knowing them well or at all. It’s actually very narcissistic, because the other person serves as a kind of mirror, reflecting back the ideal qualities you want to see in them–until they don’t. Tennov calls the object of a crush a “limerent object.” In some ways, when you’re limerent about someone, you do see them as an object, because the idealized image of the other person isn’t based on reality or even accurate. At least that’s the common belief.

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Psyche Revived by Cupid’s Kiss – Antonio Canova (Italian, 1757–1822) – Eric Pouhier (May 2007)

But what if it IS accurate? What if limerence is actually a hyper-real state where you see another person as they really are, and just aren’t seeing everyone else the way they really are? What if it’s kind of like the idiot savant phenomenon in severe autism, where the autistic person seems to focus ALL their intellect into one narrow subject at the expense of everything else? In other words, if we were all created in God’s image, then maybe we are all far more beautiful and closer to perfection than we can perceive in everyday reality, and only in the state of limerence, when all our attention is focused on one person, we can see that person the way they really are, which is the way God perceives each one of us.

If you’ve ever been limerent about someone, and especially if they return your feelings (or you believe they do), you feel heady, giddy, euphoric, almost high. It’s a very spiritual feeling, and falling in love with someone does feel very spiritual. When we look at someone we are limerent about, are we really seeing them through a small window that lets us see them the way God sees the whole universe and everything in it?

Maybe the people who are closest to God and the spiritual, and who are the happiest, walk through life feeling limerent about everything. Being able to feel that way all the time about everything is the closest thing to heaven I can imagine.

That feeling can also be induced by certain drugs. Limerence could be closer to a drug high, but I prefer to think it’s a small peek into the divine.

I read somewhere that limerence is being considered as a mental illness in later editions of the DSM. Whether or not it’s real, I think that would be a shame, because limerence can be one of the most profound and magical experiences in life.

Further reading: Do Narcissists Fall in Love?

 

 

 

50 things to ponder.

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I think about these things all the time. Some of them drive me crazy!
Warning: some of these things have moral or religious implications.

1. Will we ever discover another habitable, earthlike planet? If one exists, will we build colonies there?

2. Are there colors we have never seen?

3. What happened to the ships and planes that have disappeared in the Bermuda triangle?

4. What really happens after you die?

5. Why have people always fought over religion? Why is it so all-important what others believe?

6. It’s said everyone has a double who looks exactly like them somewhere in the world. Where is mine?

7. When does a person’s soul actually enter their body?

8. Are souls “recycled” (reincarnation) or is each new person assigned a brand new soul?

9. What exactly is a soul? Is it a material thing or purely spiritual?

10. What does the fourth dimension actually look like (I don’t think time is it). Is it possible to “see” it or our brains to process what you’d see?

11. Are there any places in the universe where time can go backwards, stand still, or where it’s flexible, the way 3D space is in this reality?

12. Are ghosts really beings from a higher dimension?

13. Is an intelligent and friendly race of aliens going to save humanity from self-destruction?

14. When you die, do you go back to the same place you were before you were born? Will everything seem familiar, like going home?

15. Are heaven and hell actual places, or are they states of mind?

16. Do psychedelic drugs like DMT actually show you other realities, or is the experience purely due to changes in the way the brain processes information?

17. Are there as many grains of sand on the earth as there are stars in the universe?

18. What causes a molecule to become “life” as opposed to a nonliving thing?

19. Do beings on other planets have DNA? Do they have cells?

20. If the dinosaurs had lived, would they have evolved intelligence?

21. Why do you never see baby squirrels?

22. Do lower animals (fish, reptiles, insects, etc.) experience any kind of sexual pleasure when mating?

23. Do single celled, asexual animals experience pleasure when they reproduce?

24. What do animals like dogs and cats actually think about? They look like they’re always thinking about something!

25. Why do most people prefer eating unhealthy food over healthy food, when it’s worse for your survival?

26. If eating insects was socially acceptable in modern cultures, would we be able to end starvation?

27. Was 9/11 an inside job?

28. Is the Illuminati really running everything? (I’m leaning toward yes)

29. Do socks that disappear in the wash actually go into an alternate universe where random socks just appear?

30. Does the taste of something taste different to different people? Is my experience of “cheese” or “chocolate” the same as yours?

31. The same thing about color. Does “red” to me look the same as “red” to you?

32. Are there any worlds in which music is a language?

33. Do plants get cancer? (I got the answer to this and posted about it here) But it’s still a good question.

34. Does cancer always hurt? Is it possible to get cancer and not really suffer?

35. Is the treatment for cancer worse than the disease itself?

36. Why do some people seem to have “charmed lives”? Why do others seem to be cursed from the day they are born?

37. If “survival of the fittest” is real, will modern western culture eventually breed out those who have empathy and the capacity to be altruistic until we become a race of unfeeling psychopaths and that becomes the new normal? This really scares me…

38. Are some “disorders” like Aspergers really just variations of cognition and not really a disorder at all? (The Aspie rights movement does believe this)

39. If some people are born gay and can’t change their sexual orientation, how can being gay be sinful?

40. If humans have been cloned, do they have souls too?

41. Do animals have an afterlife? If heaven exists, why wouldn’t our pets be there too?

42. Why is coffee not considered a “drug”?

43. Are men really from Mars and women from Venus?

44. Is it possible for non-human animals to cry? Evidently elephants can shed emotional tears and there have been reports of certain dogs crying.

45. Does the sun have any kind of consciousness? Sometimes it seems like it does.

46. Why do so many religions stifle thinking about these kinds of things, especially since God gave us a brain to think with?

47. Does a shadow have any kind of substance, or is it the absence of substance (light)?

48. Is it possible for anything to travel faster than the speed of light?

49. Will we ever be able to time travel?

50. What kind of other universes are there? Do they have different physics than this one?

I can think of so many more. I might do another post like this sometime.

What happened to CZBZ at The Narcissistic Continuum?

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One of my favorite blogs is and was The Narcissistic Continuum at Blogspot. It’s chock full of helpful information and support for narcissistic abuse survivors but at the same time its owner CZBZ avoided a lot of the stigmatizing of people with NPD, recognizing that not all narcs are created equal and not all are inherently evil.   It’s also a great-looking blog, very easy on the eyes.

The N-Continuum is a wonderful blog, but CZBZ hasn’t posted anything since May 10th of last year. Does anyone know what happened to her, or if she is alright? I’m worried. I have tried emailing her but haven’t gotten a reply. Maybe someone out there knows something?

CZBZ, if you see this, please reply in the comments or email me, so I know you’re okay.