Why do so many narcissistic abuse survivors support Donald Trump?


I read a post on a narcissistic abuse blog last night in which the blogger expressed concern and confusion over Ollie Matthew’s support of Donald Trump.   For anyone who doesn’t know who Ollie Matthews is, he has a popular Youtube channel for survivors of narcissistic abuse and was himself raised by narcissists.   Lately he’s been posting videos that defend Trump’s narcissism by calling it “confidence” and making other excuses for the things Trump does and says.   His channel has been losing original subscribers, since so many victims are so triggered by this president and can’t understand Matthews’ need to defend and support a man who is probably the biggest narcissist in the world, and a sociopathic one at that.

Curious, I went to Ollie’s Youtube channel and started to watch one of his Trump videos and I had to turn it off.  I felt sick.  Here was a guy who has been victimized by people just like Trump and doesn’t exactly have very nice things to say about them.  I’ve found his videos– which express a lot of raw anger at “his” narcissists, particular his mother — helpful in the past, especially when I was newly No Contact.     Why on God’s green earth would someone who in no uncertain terms tells us to  avoid narcissists  like the plague be supporting a malignant narcissist who seems to have limitless power to abuse not just a few people, but millions — maybe even billions if he manages to destroy the environment or start a world war?

Unfortunately, Matthews isn’t that unusual.  I have come across several narcissistic abuse bloggers and Facebook group owners who proudly and unapologetically support Trump.   I don’t understand this.  I could understand a victim who is unaware of  narcissism or narcissistic abuse supporting him.   If becoming educated about this problem is enough to make a person take the huge step of going No Contact with an abuser, why wouldn’t it also make that person think twice before throwing their support behind a narcissist whose behavior is so extreme that mental health professionals are willing to break the Goldwater Rule and publicly diagnose him with NPD or Malignant Narcissism?

Honestly, I haven’t the foggiest idea.    Do they see Trump as a good guy?  Ollie apparently does — he says his narcissism is “confidence.”   Maybe they have Stockholm Syndrome and are unconsciously still drawn to abusive people.  Maybe they really agree with his destructive policies and don’t see them as destructive.   Maybe they see this man’s abusive language and bullying as a principled refusal to be politically correct.   “He’s being honest,” one wrote.     They apparently cannot see the gaslighting, the lies, the abusive and chaotic behavior and actions, the fragile ego, the vindictiveness, the crass self-centeredness, the scapegoating of people and groups who dare to criticize him or that he sees as “weak.”    Reading posts in support of Trump by narcissistic abuse bloggers, Youtubers, and group owners makes me feel insane.   I don’t understand it and never will.



50 things to ponder.


I think about these things all the time. Some of them drive me crazy!
Warning: some of these things have moral or religious implications.

1. Will we ever discover another habitable, earthlike planet? If one exists, will we build colonies there?

2. Are there colors we have never seen?

3. What happened to the ships and planes that have disappeared in the Bermuda triangle?

4. What really happens after you die?

5. Why have people always fought over religion? Why is it so all-important what others believe?

6. It’s said everyone has a double who looks exactly like them somewhere in the world. Where is mine?

7. When does a person’s soul actually enter their body?

8. Are souls “recycled” (reincarnation) or is each new person assigned a brand new soul?

9. What exactly is a soul? Is it a material thing or purely spiritual?

10. What does the fourth dimension actually look like (I don’t think time is it). Is it possible to “see” it or our brains to process what you’d see?

11. Are there any places in the universe where time can go backwards, stand still, or where it’s flexible, the way 3D space is in this reality?

12. Are ghosts really beings from a higher dimension?

13. Is an intelligent and friendly race of aliens going to save humanity from self-destruction?

14. When you die, do you go back to the same place you were before you were born? Will everything seem familiar, like going home?

15. Are heaven and hell actual places, or are they states of mind?

16. Do psychedelic drugs like DMT actually show you other realities, or is the experience purely due to changes in the way the brain processes information?

17. Are there as many grains of sand on the earth as there are stars in the universe?

18. What causes a molecule to become “life” as opposed to a nonliving thing?

19. Do beings on other planets have DNA? Do they have cells?

20. If the dinosaurs had lived, would they have evolved intelligence?

21. Why do you never see baby squirrels?

22. Do lower animals (fish, reptiles, insects, etc.) experience any kind of sexual pleasure when mating?

23. Do single celled, asexual animals experience pleasure when they reproduce?

24. What do animals like dogs and cats actually think about? They look like they’re always thinking about something!

25. Why do most people prefer eating unhealthy food over healthy food, when it’s worse for your survival?

26. If eating insects was socially acceptable in modern cultures, would we be able to end starvation?

27. Was 9/11 an inside job?

28. Is the Illuminati really running everything? (I’m leaning toward yes)

29. Do socks that disappear in the wash actually go into an alternate universe where random socks just appear?

30. Does the taste of something taste different to different people? Is my experience of “cheese” or “chocolate” the same as yours?

31. The same thing about color. Does “red” to me look the same as “red” to you?

32. Are there any worlds in which music is a language?

33. Do plants get cancer? (I got the answer to this and posted about it here) But it’s still a good question.

34. Does cancer always hurt? Is it possible to get cancer and not really suffer?

35. Is the treatment for cancer worse than the disease itself?

36. Why do some people seem to have “charmed lives”? Why do others seem to be cursed from the day they are born?

37. If “survival of the fittest” is real, will modern western culture eventually breed out those who have empathy and the capacity to be altruistic until we become a race of unfeeling psychopaths and that becomes the new normal? This really scares me…

38. Are some “disorders” like Aspergers really just variations of cognition and not really a disorder at all? (The Aspie rights movement does believe this)

39. If some people are born gay and can’t change their sexual orientation, how can being gay be sinful?

40. If humans have been cloned, do they have souls too?

41. Do animals have an afterlife? If heaven exists, why wouldn’t our pets be there too?

42. Why is coffee not considered a “drug”?

43. Are men really from Mars and women from Venus?

44. Is it possible for non-human animals to cry? Evidently elephants can shed emotional tears and there have been reports of certain dogs crying.

45. Does the sun have any kind of consciousness? Sometimes it seems like it does.

46. Why do so many religions stifle thinking about these kinds of things, especially since God gave us a brain to think with?

47. Does a shadow have any kind of substance, or is it the absence of substance (light)?

48. Is it possible for anything to travel faster than the speed of light?

49. Will we ever be able to time travel?

50. What kind of other universes are there? Do they have different physics than this one?

I can think of so many more. I might do another post like this sometime.

Is the Illuminati really running everything?

Madonna wearing the “Eye of Horus,” a commonly seen Illuminati symbol.

For awhile, there’s been a growing Internet meme that states that the Illuminati (a secret fraternal organization started in Bavaria in the late 1800s and closely affiliated with the Masons) is pulling the strings behind everything from politics to the economy to the entertainment industry, and the people we see on our TVs and the media are nothing more than puppets attempting to indoctrinate the rest of us. It’s been purported that 9/11 was an “inside job”, the 2008 financial collapse was planned in order to benefit the richest 1%, and most or even all successful recording artists, actors and other entertainers are secret members of the Illuminati and undergo behind-closed-doors initiations that involve brainwashing,  devil worship and depraved acts such as bestiality and human sacrifice. They believe Illuminati’s sole purpose is to establish a New World Order that rejects God and makes Satan its master. Fundamentalist millenarian Christians swallow this idea hook, line and sinker because it’s in keeping with Biblical prophecy and to them, is proof we are seeing the last of the Last Days, when humanity becomes increasingly debauched, soulless, and turns away from the God of the Bible toward the Self as God (which they purport the New Age teaches).

Being a person who values reason over hysteria, I’ve always been a skeptic when it comes to such conspiracy theories, but lately I’m beginning to wonder. I’ve always believed 9/11 was (at least in part) an inside job and I wouldn’t doubt the financial collapse being one also. I’ve never trusted the government or politicians (OR the powerful corporations and the people who run them) and I strongly believe our society serves and rewards the wealthiest 1%, not the masses. It’s gotten a whole lot worse in recent years too, and psychopathy and blatant narcissism seems to be in excess these days and is treated as almost a virtue and a means to get ahead. But even so, I was still a skeptic about the Illuminati and always laughed when I’d hear the “crazy” conspiracy theories. “Oh, the Illuminati again LOL!” was my attitude whenever I read the warnings of yet another whistle-blowing Klaxon. I wasn’t even sure such an organization existed, never mind have such a powerful influence over the civilized world.

But the other day I was watching some videos of celebrities who allegedly were inducted into the Illuminati (these videos are all over Youtube) and saw something frightening: at some point after their initiation (and usually immediately following or during a star’s sudden rise to fame and fortune), the light goes out in their eyes and they become flat and dead looking.  Of course, Photoshopping can do a lot to “convince” us of the truth of that, so this alone wouldn’t convince me the theory is true. Besides, the entertainment industry itself can certainly take a toll on your soul once you achieve fame, without there being any secret demon-worshipping activities involved at all. When you become famous you lose your right to any semblance of privacy or a life of your own: your life isn’t your own anymore; it now belongs to the music or film producers and powerful corporations who are motivated by money and greed, and you must maintain the image they want you to present at all times if you want to keep your contract. In essence, you must sell out to the fame-machine. In that sense, you can actually lose your soul.

One example of the celebrities-are-Illuminati meme. Fact or fiction?

So it wasn’t the entertainers’ blank, expressionless faces and fake smiles that made me think there could be something unholy going on in entertainment (most obviously in music) as well as big business and politics. It was the symbolism. Almost all successful musicians these days use a great deal of Illuminati symbolism in their performances, music videos, and publicity photos: some of these are The Eye of Horus (the all-seeing eye) enclosed within pyramids (both of which also appear on the back of the American dollar bill), certain hand signs associated with the Illuminati, one eye being covered in some way, satanic goat’s heads (the god Baphomet), checkerboard floors, diamonds, and other satanic or illuminati symbolism. Although some effort is made to make these symbols subliminal, they are becoming increasingly obvious.

It’s believed by many that these entertainers are forced to “pay homage” to the Illuminati through these symbols, and that they also serve as a “secret communication” between Illuminati members that the rest of us won’t catch. It’s also been said it’s meant to indoctrinate the masses to the idea of satanism and the unholy, softening us to the eventual takeover of the world by the devil.

Illuminati symbolism in entertainment and politics is nothing new, but less effort is made now to hide it, and some form of this symbolism seems to appear in EVERY music video made by extremely successful music stars. Photos of celebrities in music, film and TV; and politicians and business leaders often show them covering one eye or making the ubiquitous Illuminati hand signs:

Beyonce and her husband Jay-Z are highly rumored to be high ranking Illuminati members.

The popular “devils horns” that’s often seen at rock concerts is actually an Illuminati symbol and us used in politics as well.

Another example of an Illuminati hand sign and another symbol, a diamond.

But even this wasn’t enough to make me think the takeover of the media and entertainment by the Illuminati might be true. It was this video of Taylor Swift performing at the 2012 AMA awards:

Taylor Swift, was, until around the time of this video (and her simultaneous switch from country to pop music), was a virginal pop-country princess whose videos and shows were wholesome enough for parents to take their preteen daughters to and Taylor was held up as a role model. Her songs were catchy and tuneful and she always dressed modestly and just seemed like such a nice person in an industry full of so much depravement and immorality. But here, we see a different Taylor. Yes, she is older and with age one would expect more “worldliness,” but I’m not so sure. This performance has been said by many to be a representation of her initiation into the Illuminati (which purportedly took place in 2009, with the Kanye West incident being a “test,” which she passed).  In the beginning of this video, she comes out on stage dressed in virginal white (meant to represent the early Taylor) but then is “raped” by the dancers (representing the Illuminati) and emerges dressed in black and red, and suddenly her demeanor changes from sweet to siren-ish. The video is full of Illuminati and Masonic symbolism too.
It’s interesting that this seems to be a pattern, particularly in the music industry: once a celebrity becomes a commercial success, suddenly they take a very dark turn and the symbolism begins to appear.

While I can’t say Taylor has lost her soul or has the dead-eye look some celebrities seem to get (in her interviews she seems quite together and happy and as nice as ever), she is now the most powerful person in the music industry and her success only seems to keep growing. Her music has also become a lot darker. Did she sell out to the forces of Satan in exchange for unlimited fame and fortune? Will she harden even more as she gets deeper into the cult? Will the light go out in her eyes? What about other successful celebrities? Are they masters of their fortune or are they really victims and slaves to a sinister force they have no control over anymore?

Is there really a such thing as the Illuminati at all? If so, does it really have that much power over our society and does it really represent the takeover of evil? Or is it all a huge delusion, the product of the overactive and paranoid imaginings of unenlightened people who don’t trust anything anymore?

What do you think? Let’s talk.

Would a narcissist who lost their memory “forget” how to be a narc?


I saw this posted on Psychforums in the NPD forum:

I’ve long thought what might happen if an N suffered complete lose of memory. Would he remember he was narcissistic? There is a novel in which this happened. Ursula Brangwen in D H Lawrence’s “The Rainbow” falls gravely ill and recovers as a near as damn it normal person.

I know it’s a weird question but it’s interesting. I’ve read that sometimes people who suffer head trauma (without severe brain damage or damage to only a small part of the brain) that produces complete amnesia occasionally display dramatic personality changes when they awaken–even to the point of seeming to have a completely different type of personality than they did originally. It’s as if they are forced to use a different part of the brain and form a new personality — and new brain connections — from scratch.

In most cases, language and other basic life skills are left intact, but I have read of rare cases where even though the brain is left largely undamaged, the person must literally “grow up” and relearn basic skills. This learning usually happens at a much faster rate than it would for an actual child growing up, because the individual already has the brain of an adult.

Think of the System Restore function on your computer. Your computer gets a virus or has some other serious issue. You set the computer back to an earlier date before the problem started. Yes, you lose important files and other saved information (which can be replaced later) but the problem is gone. It’s the same concept — a traumatic brain injury that results in amnesia could work like “system restore” for a narcissistic brain. You could also erase the hard drive and re-install it. (That would be analogous to a more severe injury where the narcissist would have to start out again as a virtual infant–and receive the sort of nurturing they never got when they were a real infant.)

In either case, is it possible that a narc who suffered complete amnesia and could remember nothing of their past, might “wake up” with the capacity to learn empathy and become a non-narcissist?

If so, it gives new meaning to the idea that the best cure for a narcissist is a kick in the head.