Category Archives: shame

I should stay the hell off Facebook.

I’ve hated Facebook for a long time, and last night reminded me of one of the biggest reasons why.   My mother’s entire side of the family is on Facebook, and of course I just *had* to go look at … Continue reading

Posted in essays, shame | Tagged , , , , | 36 Comments

Self-pity and self-compassion: there’s a huge difference!

I read a post yesterday on another blog that I agreed with, except there was one thing that didn’t quite sit right with me. The post said that self-pity is an important part of healing from Complex PTSD. In his … Continue reading

Posted in self pity, self-compassion, shame | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

“Saving face”

“Saving face” is the concept of avoiding facing the consequences of having been shamed, sometimes by sacrificing something you value. A perfect example is what I almost did yesterday when my irresponsibility for posting a certain article was called out … Continue reading

Posted in "saving face", accountability, shame | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 20 Comments

An upsetting memory.

I remembered something today. Little by little my mind is pulling up ancient memories from dark and forgotten corners as I move further along in my recovery. This one almost knocked me over. For years…YEARS!…I couldn’t write. This past year … Continue reading

Posted in boundary violations, childhood memories, narcissistic abuse, narcissistic parents, recovery, shame, writing | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 19 Comments

On freaking out.

I shouldn’t freak out so much whenever I post something I’m embarrassed by or ashamed of or that is very personal. I always forget how good running naked in public can feel. The outcome is never bad, and always leads … Continue reading

Posted in essays, shame, vulnerability | Tagged , , , , , , , | 7 Comments

Where I stand on “positive thinking.”

Positive thinking taken to extremes is deluded thinking. I’ve seen several blog posts about the problem of forced positive thinking lately, and since this is an issue that has concerned me for a long time, I thought I’d add my … Continue reading

Posted in Ayn Rand, empathy, guilt, misfortune, narcissism in society, positive thinking, prosperity gospel, psychopathy in society, shame, societal gaslighting, victim blaming | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 18 Comments

I still have so much to learn…

I just spent a few minutes ordering (used) books about Borderline and Narcissistic Personality Disorders from Amazon. There’s still so much I don’t know, especially about my own BPD, which trips me up constantly, in spite of my attempts to … Continue reading

Posted in borderline personality disorder, BPD acting out, destroyed relationships, guilt, passive-aggressive behaviors, shame | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 9 Comments

“The Power of Vulnerability” with Brene Brown

A friend of mine sent me this video, and it’s exactly what I needed to hear today. I found myself tearing up as I listened to Dr. Brown speak, because she speaks the truth. “At the core of vulnerability is … Continue reading

Posted in authenticity, Dr. Brene Brown, shame, vulnerability | Tagged , , , , | 4 Comments

Why family scapegoats become lifelong victims.

If you were scapegoated by your family, two things can happen. You can become a narcissist yourself (narcissism being an elaborate defense mechanism to avoid further hurt and abuse) or you will internalize the early message that you’re worthless, defective … Continue reading

Posted in child abuse, fear, golden children, malignant narcissism, narcissistic abuse, narcissistic parents, scapegoated children, scapegoating, shame | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | 89 Comments

I feel like I’m a bad friend.

Tonight on a whim I looked up an old Facebook friend I hadn’t talked to since 2012 (we had been close from 2009-2011) and was shocked and very upset to learn that she died this past September of Merkel cell … Continue reading

Posted in abandonment, bereavement, betrayal, death, friendship, guilt, illness, regret, selfishness, shame, suicide | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 7 Comments