My insane narcissistic coworker.

Posted on May 23, 2015 by luckyotter

In my part of the country, good jobs are scarce, and it’s very difficult to find decent work, especially in the field of writing or publishing. So, to make ends meet (barely) I clean houses. Yes, I’m definitely underemployed (who isn’t these days?), but I’m really not ashamed of what I do — it’s actually not as bad a job as you might think. In fact, most of the time I rather enjoy it (though it’s certainly not what I had in mind as a career for myself and never will be). It’s physical, keeps my weight down, and most of the time I don’t have to interact with people much, which I like. I also get to see some beautiful homes and some customers tip.

When I work alone (which I prefer), I can zone out and let my mind wander as I clean. I barely have to talk to anyone at all. I hate office politics and having to socialize as part of my job. With this job I just let myself into a house, do what I need to do, and leave. I don’t have to sit in a stuffy office all day dealing with people I would never spend time with if I didn’t have to.

But I don’t always get to work by myself, and from one day to the next, I don’t know if I’ll be working alone, or with a partner, or if I have to work with a partner, who I’ll be working with. Aspies like me hate that sort of unpredictability. Sometimes I get to work with someone I get along with, but things don’t always work out that way.

Today I got stuck working with the company narcissist. Everyone hates working with this young woman, but they won’t put her by herself because she sucks and can’t be trusted. She also can’t drive. No one will ride in a car with her, because she can’t focus on the road at all. She texts while she drives, gets distracted, and almost wrecked several times. She also wastes time, and snoops through people’s drawers, closets and personal belongings (she hasn’t been caught stealing though). I heard an incredible story that in one customer’s house, she found a gun in a drawer and started waving it around in the air, saying “Hey, look at this.” She was reported for that by her partner that day but incredibly, she wasn’t fired. She also talks to customers about inappropriate things, but for some stupid reason, the company will not fire her. I have no idea why. She’s a ticking time bomb, a liability, and everyone hates working with her.

Here’s how my day went today. Initially I was to clean two houses by myself, and was packed up and ready to go. Then at the last minute, I was told I’d be working with a partner. My heart sank when I heard it would be this woman, who I’ll call Karen.

I told Karen straight out I would drive. She doesn’t like my driving so she took her own car (she doesn’t like anyone’s driving). That was fine with me because I didn’t want to have to spend time riding with her.

We got to the first house, one I’m very familiar with. She had never been in it before. She told me she would do the “dry” work (vacuuming and dusting) because she couldn’t bend over. I said that would be fine; I didn’t really care. I just wanted the day to be over with. I listened to Karen brag about how much all the customers loved her and how she never gets complaints.

I cleaned the bathrooms and kitchen. As I was cleaning the master bathroom, Karen loudly asked me who normally does the dusting and then complained that the person who was doing it wasn’t doing it right. I came over to look. There was a thin coating of baby powder on top of a dresser. I told her it was that way every week; the customers use a lot of baby powder. Karen argued with me, saying no, that couldn’t be it, the person who had been cleaning it wasn’t doing their job right. I informed Karen the person who was doing it was a supervisor and knew what she was doing. Karen still kept arguing with me, saying that supervisor needed to learn how to do her job right. I ignored her after that, and Karen started talking to the customer, who was working in his garage. As Karen always does, she started yammering to the customer about personal issues with her husband; I wanted to sink through the floor in embarrassment, but I said nothing.

We had no further altercations until after I finished cleaning the kitchen. Karen hadn’t even started vacuuming the downstairs yet. As always she was wasting time on bullshit, like spending 20 minutes arranging the tote of cleaning chemicals (she is very OCD too) and yapping to the customer who was obviously busy and just being polite. Instead of doing her job, she came into the kitchen and started cleaning it again.

I told Karen I had already cleaned it, and she said, “well if, you did your job right, blah blah blah…you missed, this, this and this.”
Whenever I had to clean this house (which I knew well) with anyone else, no one in a supervisory position over me ever had a problem with my work. I told her I resented her telling me how to do my job, especially because she hadn’t finished doing her own work yet and we had already been in the house far longer than we should have been. Karen’s response was, “Well, when you work with me, I’m your team captain and I’m supposed to check your work for quality.”

I found it hard to believe this incompetent, time wasting, snooping, yapping troublemaker would have been put in charge of anything. Besides, a team captain isn’t supposed to do their partner’s work over, just check it. But Karen was cleaning the entire kitchen which I had just finished a second time. I was livid. We had been in this house almost 2 1/2 hours; we should have been done an hour earlier. It never takes that long to clean.

Of course I started feeling victimized, wondering why the office would think Karen was a better worker than I was and putting her in charge, when no one else had ever complained about my work and no customers ever complained either. And although I’m not very fast (due to being older), I’m efficient and could have cleaned this entire house by myself in the amount of time we’d already been there.

I told her I didn’t believe her and was going to ask management if she was really put in charge of me that day. She shut up after that, and didn’t say another word to me, other than to tell me her back hurt and asked me to do her vacuuming for her. I conceded, while she sat in the car texting people and smoking cigarettes. I wound up doing about 75% of the work in that house, and we were there three hours when it should have taken less than two. To make matters worse, I would have to be sharing my commission with her instead of getting to keep it myself.

We finally made it to our second house but she was late, so I let myself in and started to clean it. I hoped she wouldn’t show up but she finally did. The customer wasn’t home, so Karen started looking at the designer shoes in the huge walk-in closet. I said nothing but made a mental note to tell management about that. Karen didn’t boss me around this time, but once again I wound up doing most of the work because she was complaining she didn’t feel well and had to keep sitting down. She left before the house was finished, leaving me to finish it by myself. I was actually glad to be rid of her. She was worse then useless.

I was still upset when I got back to the office and spoke to the manager. When I told her Karen had re-cleaned my kitchen and then justified that by saying she was my team captain, the manager cracked up laughing. She said, “Karen’s a troublemaker. I would never put her in charge of anyone.” I knew she had been lying, which was why she shut up after I told her I didn’t believe her and pretended to be sick after that.

I don’t know why they won’t fire Karen, but at least I know I won’t have to work with her again. My boss even said, “I knew I should have just let you work by yourself, so I’ll go ahead and pay you as if you did since it sounds like you did all the work anyway.” That was a big win, and I left work feeling much better.

I was physically and emotionally exhausted though, and when I got home fell asleep and didn’t wake up for hours.
That’s how narcissists can suck the life out of you.

Note: There seems to be a glitch in this post, with the large ad appearing at the top of the article. I don’t know how to fix that. I apologize if it looks tacky. It’s supposed to be at the bottom.

The first flea bite :/

Posted on May 19, 2015 by luckyotter

You’re disgusting. I hate you.

I have a telltale red itchy spot on my ankle. It’s the first one of the season.
I know what it is.

It’s a fucking flea bite. The first of about 1000 flea bites that I will continue to get until around October. By that time my lower legs, ankles and even a small area at the front of my stomach will be red, sore, oozing and unbearably itchy.

I am highly allergic to flea bites. I have 4 cats, and 3 of them go outside. I can’t keep them indoors, and no matter how many flea baths I give them, no matter how many flea collars I put on them, no matter how much off-brand flea treatment I massage into their fur (I can’t afford Frontline or Advantage), the fleas will stay. They will lay their disgusting eggs in my cats’ fur and my own skin. They will suck our blood like little vampires. They will burrow into my rugs and crawl in and out through the weave of my bedding. No matter how much I spray, flea-bomb, vacuum, and carpet-powder my house to kill the little fuckers, they will not go away. They never do.

By the end of the summer, I will, as always, look like I have a deadly contagious skin disease. Fleas love my blood for some reason. They never go after anyone else the way they go after me. I can’t wear shorts in the summer because my legs look like raw slabs of hamburger meat. I might scare people away. They might think I’m a leper.

Why do fleas exist? What evolutionary purpose do they have? Even maggots, disgusting as they are, at least break down dead meat into its basic elements. What do fleas do? They suck blood and make everyone miserable. They have. no. purpose. at. all.

You can’t swat them like a fly either. You can’t squish them like a cockroach. They don’t die. I have picked them up and tried to squeeze them to death by rolling them between my fingers, and THEY DON’T DIE. THEY JUMP AWAY.

It’s the only thing about summer I really hate. The damn fleas.

Maybe I should start a flea circus. At least that would put them to work.

Why are there no appropriate Mothers Day cards if your mother is a narcissist?

Posted on May 10, 2015 by luckyotter

Uh…no it wouldn’t.

“Honor thy mother and father.”

For people who have loving parents this may good advice, but I don’t think this Commandment applies if you were raised by malignant narcissists.

I know many adult children of narcissists who have gone No Contact with them will not celebrate Mothers (or Fathers) Day. Some won’t even send a card.

I’m not one of those who won’t send a card for Mothers Day (I don’t hate my mom, it just saddens me that we never can have a normal, loving mother-daughter relationship) but sending cards on Christmas, Mothers Day and her birthday is just about the only contact I will have with her.

The frustrating thing is looking in the stores for an appropriate Mother’s Day card. Almost all the cards in the stores are sappy and sentimental that express sentiments like, “You are my hero and my inspiration,” “You were always there for me when I was down,” or “your heart is larger than Chris Christie’s underpants.” It’s very difficult to find an impersonal card that simply says, “Happy Mothers Day.” Sometimes the only cards I can find that don’t express a sappy fake sentiment I don’t feel for my mother are the funny ones. But my mother has no sense of humor, so those aren’t really appropriate either.

Usually I can eventually find a card that applies and doesn’t have a phoney message. But it’s not easy. I always have to spend a while looking.

What have your own experiences been, if your mother (or other relative) is a narcissist? Are you so No Contact you don’t even bother with cards, or do you have the same sort of difficulty finding an appropriate card that isn’t all flowery and expresses feelings you just don’t feel?

Mothers Day is sad for me, because sometimes I do so wish I could feel those flowery sentiments for my mother, but I just can’t. I don’t hate her though. When I think of my mother, I really don’t feel anything much at all. I feel as indifferent to her as I would to a stranger.

I need to set the record straight, for all the good it’s going to do.

Posted on May 8, 2015 by luckyotter

Several ACON bloggers over at Blogger are VERY upset with me right now. It all started with the article I posted last week about not bashing all narcissists. I won’t bother to link it here. Most of you who follow this blog have seen the article and have been following the ensuing drama.

Somehow now I’ve become a “narc sympathizer,” but not only that, they say I’m hurting victims of abuse and dismissing their experiences. That is simply not true at all. I feel that the person that initially read the article and posted about it on their blog didn’t read it carefully. Heck, even the title was missing the word “all” which does change the entire context of what I was saying! (she finally made that correction but it’s too late — the damage is done).

I’m so sick and tired of this whole stupid drama and just want to move on from it and forget it ever happened. I am sure others would like that too. Maybe I shouldn’t have posted that article at all, but at the time I saw no reason not to. I had no idea it would be as triggering and upsetting to some as it proved to be. If I knew it would be that triggering, I probably would not have posted it, or at least mulled it over a few days before making a decision to post it. But heck, it’s my blog. Why should I not be allowed to post an opinion on my blog, even if it’s not a popular one????

All because of that article, I’ve read the following things written about me on several other blogs: I’m a narc sympathizer; I’m trying to be “popular,” I’m trying to be cool, I’m a narcissist, I’m flirting with evil, I don’t care about or have empathy for victims of abuse, I am trying to SILENCE abuse victims (?!?), I’m trying to get people to forgive their abusers, I only care about the narcs.

But that’s not all! Now it seems I’m a thief too. Okay, I need to explain how THAT got started. About a month or two ago, I linked to an article written by another ACON blogger–because I liked the article. Yes, it is true that I linked to it on the day it was posted (I understand that was part of the objection). That was probably bad manners but I didn’t know that at the time I linked to it. I stand corrected. I did NOT copy the article here, nor did I take credit for it. I credited the author and I wrote a nice intro. To read the article, you must click on the link and will be taken to that blogger’s page. How is that stealing? If anything, it should have brought the blogger more hits. Why is it such an issue?

Here at WordPress, we reblog each other’s posts all the time. I guess reblogging a Blogger post is bad etiquette. (sorry, I didn’t know!) If that blogger wants me to remove the link to her blog, she can simply ask and I will happily do so. Really, I didn’t think it was hurting anyone and if it were me, I would have been flattered. But no, I’m being accused of STEALING the article, because I can’t think of original ideas of my own (“riding on other people’s coattails” was how someone put it).

Let me set the record straight on THAT too: I have original ideas and plenty of them, but there are some days I’m simply too tired or time-pressed to write an original article so I’ll reblog someone else’s. I ALWAYS give credit. Word Press bloggers don’t mind this; we do it all the time. Other bloggers here have reblogged my articles. They don’t ask for permission first. It’s pretty standard form. Whenever I get reblogged I get a notification (pingback/trackback) if it’s a WP blogger. I guess from now on I must only reblog WP bloggers’ articles because at Blogger, this appears to be bad form.

I just saw a comment from another blogger accusing me of favoritism because I didn’t provide a link to her blog in my blog roll. She said that I probably think I’m “too cool” to provide a link to her blog. No, that’s not it at all. I do not think I’m too cool. I didn’t provide a link to it for the simple reason there are far too many ACON blogs for me to include every last one. It was an oversight, that is all. It was not a personal slight in any way, shape or form. I apologize to this person if she took that as a slight, but I’m sure she doesn’t want me to link to her blog now anyway, since now I’m one of the “narc sympathizers” or even a narcissist myself.

I feel like I’ve been unfairly maligned, demonized, accused, and attacked. Words I never said are being put in my mouth, my original message was twisted into something completely different than what I was actually saying, things are being assumed about me that simply aren’t true, and now there’s a hate campaign against me, at least at Blogspot. People I thought were friends have turned against me and have apparently joined this hate campaign. Maybe they want me to take this blog down. Sorry, but I won’t do that.

I just don’t understand why if some people don’t like a blog or its author, just don’t follow that blog? Why pile on and bully the blogger? Isn’t abuse something we are all trying to get away from? Am I attacking other bloggers here? Have I started a hate campaign against anyone? NO I HAVE NOT.

All this coming from people who are abuse victims themselves, people who KNOW what it’s like to be shunned, ignored, mistreated and bullied. People who are supposed to have empathy. Why the need to scapegoat me and this blog, just because they disagree with something I wrote-and didn’t read the article right in the first place? I’m a victim just like they are, have been through the hell of growing up with narcissist parents and being married to a psychopath. I am not a “friend of narcs.” What I have experienced this past week is very hurtful and very damaging. In fact, I’m afraid it’s setting me back in my recovery. Do they feel any empathy at all for the way all this makes me feel? Do they CARE? I wonder about that.

Sorry, but I’m not taking this blog down. No one is going to silence me. I am so tired of some people making wrong assumptions and putting words in my mouth and attributing ill intentions to me and this blog just because they disagreed with something I wrote a week ago. This ABUSE and GASLIGHTING has gotten way, WAY out of hand and just. will. not. stop.
Do these people care how I feel at all?

I just want to move on and post about other things. I’m so sick of the drama. I’m sick of having to rehash the fallout of that article over and over and over. I am sick of constantly feeling like I’m on the defensive.

This blog was the one place I felt safe. It was the one thing that made me happy in my otherwise unhappy life. Now I don’t feel safe blogging anymore. I have no where else to turn. Somehow I must have the courage to keep pressing on and not let haters terrorize me back into my small joyless life where I have no voice at all.

Please, to those of you who keep pressing this issue, can we please just let it drop now? If you can’t feel compassion for the way your treatment of me is making me feel, can you please just ignore me and not visit this blog anymore? I won’t post on your blogs or say anything else about the matter. I just want this to be OVER already.

ETA: It’s gotten worse.
One of the flying monkeys wrote this to mock this rant.
http://rumblestripq.blogspot.com/2015/05/spring-time-for-hitler-and-germany.html
It was followed by this comment from the author:
“If any litigious individuals want to fuck with me, get familiar with the term summary judgment.”

This is beyond cruel and unusual. I had no idea the hatred was this severe or the individuals involved this malignant.
I also read a comment saying my writing makes no sense. It just doesn’t stop.

I have issues.

Posted on April 28, 2015 by luckyotter

This post is going to suck.

Today I’ve been obsessing about the hefty lump sum payment my sperm donor is getting in SSI back pay for the seven years I supported him. I have never heard of anyone getting such a large lump sum from the government nor do I know of anyone who will be getting the amount every month he will be raking in.

So now I’m having to cope with the nearly unbearable sting of envy AND righteous anger (because if I hadn’t supported him all those years he would not have been able to sit at home and go through the whole disability application process, which took almost that long; and also because his payments were increased because he’s “homicidal”).

I’m beyond enraged that I have to continue to toil away at a job I dislike, that really doesn’t suit my personality or interests and I have no health insurance, while he will be living quite well off the benefits my goodwill made possible for him without having to work. All because he’s “homicidal.” (I do not know what his diagnosis was. I’m surprised there would be compensation for something like ASPD; maybe it’s his fake “schizophrenia.”). I think he’s gaming the system.

When he was over here on Sunday collecting his belongings (and trying to take some of mine), he started talking about the pottery classes he’s going to take with some of the money and the new car he’s going to buy (I have to drive a 14 year old clunker that’s got an expired registration because I can’t afford to get the tuneup it desperately needs). I finally told him I did not want to discuss money. I didn’t want to think about it, and I’m sure he was rubbing it in on purpose.

Must be nice. Yes, I’m bitter. I hate feeling this envious. It’s bad enough on its own, but add to that the GUILT I feel over being consumed by this…narcissistic emotion. I don’t think there’s any uglier or more painful emotion than envy, in this case envy mixed with righteous anger. I’m praying for God to remove this horrible character defect before he actually gets his lump sum payment, because I have no idea what I will do when that happens.

Maybe he sold his soul to the devil or something, because no matter what, he always seems to come out on top in the end.

Where’s Karma when you need her?

Who will take care of me if I become disabled so I could apply for benefits?

I wish I could just stop feeling like this. I sound like a damned baby.

GOD, I hate this.

Narc attack!

Posted on April 27, 2015 by luckyotter

Sigh.
I can’t get rid of them.
Today I thought I died and went to narc hell.

My narcissist sperm donor has finally moved into his own place. I’d been storing a lot of his crap in my house (for no charge) since I kicked him out over a year ago. Many times I felt like just hauling it all to Goodwill but he kept begging me not to so I didn’t. Of course any attempts to collect financial compensation for storing his crap were met with deaf ears or excuses.

So anyway, today he came over to pick up his stuff. I had most of it packed in bags and boxes for him so he wouldn’t have to stay long rummaging through my house. I didn’t want him to invade my boundaries, but of course asking a narc not to invade your boundaries is like asking a mosquito not to bite you. They are every bit as annoying as a mosquito too.

He kept walking from one room to the next, trying to take things that weren’t his or that had been both of ours but I wanted to keep. I had to negotiate with him over at least 20 items, including the little bit of wall art that I have, and the few decorative items in the living room. He kept trying to take my little white Buddha that sits next to my bamboo plant in the kitchen. I finally convinced him why I needed to have it (“it makes my plant grow”–it really does!) He wanted to take my geodes off the kitchen sill. I wouldn’t let him have them.

He was here for two hours, wanting to go through EVERYTHING, opening every drawer, rummaging in the closets for things I might have missed (there was nothing of his left), even pawing through all the stuff in the medicine cabinet, the cabinet over the toilet, and the kitchen. I couldn’t get rid of him fast enough.

But no, this wasn’t all. I didn’t just have one narc following me around the house going through my stuff–I had TWO! My annoying narcissistic roommate was following us around too. Any time I have company she is ALWAYS out of her room, making sure she’s noticed and hijacking the conversation with her inane blabber. She followed us from room to room, talking nonstop about nothing as usual and asking an awful lot of questions that were none of her business. I finally told her I was stressed and I would prefer she didn’t follow us around asking questions, so she went back in her room (sulking, of course), but 5 minutes later was out again, saying she was “just getting some air.” The nonstop talking resumed. I just tried to ignore her but it was hard.

The ex didn’t take much besides what I had packed, but dealing with him being here and pawing through my belongings felt like a huge violation of my boundaries. Meanwhile being yabbered at nonstop by my idiot narcissist roommate was another type of boundary violation. Even my ex was getting irritated with her.

Can you imagine being in your own home followed around by two narcissists, one who wants to rummage through (and possibly take) your belongings, and another who never shuts the hell up?
After he left (finally!) I was so exhausted I had to take a long nap. They just suck everything out of you. Like vampires.

At least my house feels like mine again and I have a lot more room for my OWN stuff now.

Why is it so damn cold outside?

Posted on April 25, 2015 by luckyotter

It’s the end of April and it might as well be early March. It’s cold enough I had to turn on the heat and wear a coat when I went out earlier.

I came home and put on my toe socks and burrowed under some blankets because I thought I was going to freeze to death.
Alright, maybe I’m exaggerating, but only a little!

Why did WordPress get rid of the “classic editor”?

Posted on April 23, 2015 by luckyotter

I haven’t mentioned it, but for the past few weeks, I no longer seem to have the option to switch to the old WordPress editor. I’ve been forced to use the “beep beep boop” new editor, which I can’t stand. I’m really afraid WP might make the old stats page disappear too, which shows far more information and is easier to use (in my opinion) than the “new and improved” stats page.

Why does WP keep dumbing down the blogging experience, and taking away features that improve that experience for its users? I don’t know one person who prefers the “new and improved” versions of the editor and stats page.

What gives, WordPress?

I also noticed the StumbleUpon share button is no longer available. Why?

Here is my previous rant about these “new and improved” features. Judging by the comments, I’m not alone in my dissatisfaction and disgust.
Here is another one.

ETA: I finally found out what you must do to get to the Classic (old) editor.
Go to WP-Admin page.
Click on Posts–add New.
Too bad there’s no “switch to Classic editor” option anymore.

Apparently WP is dead set on forcing this “beep beep boop” editor on us in spite of an OVERWHELMING number of people disliking it.
Here is a screenshot of the poll asking what editor people preferred. Wow!

Please vote in this poll if you hate the new editor!
http://www.poll-maker.com/poll277402x1D5c4173-10

Worldly Annoyances: “Bloggers are Narcs”

Posted on April 17, 2015 by luckyotter

Here’s a reposting of a short article from Worldly Annoyances–in this case, a defense of my intentions for blogging about narcissism, after I posted my article, “Replying to My Haters.” WA’s owner was angered by one one of my haters who told me to “get a real job.”

This was the comment I got that raised her ire:

All Bloggers are Narcissists. Heres some advise. Get a job or a real hobby and stop writing about things you don’t know jackshit about as if your shit doesn’t stink. Thank you.

“Bloggers are narcs.” Comments like that only serve to send up a green flag – a big one 😉

Over at Lucky Otter’s blog, she just posted some comments from people who evidence harboring serious envy-issues. Lucky has a quality blog – uhm, it’s quite obvious, she puts alot of time and effort into it. And concerning the comment about getting a real job, the little donkey-wipe who excreted that one, obviously does not care to come to grips with the reality that some people are well-gifted to do both – hold down a job AND post articles (that people want to read). Perhaps, if Lucky’s detractors started / worked on their own blogs (instead of watching the boob-tube) they’d have a better attitude.

Yeah, i’m a bit cranked. Have heard similar sheite from people (in pre-internet days) who obviously can’t stand it when someone, of whom they look down on, actually is actively interested in things other than TV. It was covertly said to me that because i don’t possess a 300 iq, i’d no business reading books about our solar-system or what earth was like long ago.

Been no contact for two years. Need it take an iq of 85 to figure 😉 But seriously, the negativity spouting from people like that, does untold damage to immortal souls, everywhere.

I appreciate this blogger’s defense of me and my motives for doing this, but honestly, I’m not really all that upset by comments like these anymore. Framed in a different way, they can be funny or even serve as fodder for new blog posts!

It’s good to remember that if your blog is growing and doing well, some people–your haters–are probably pathologically envious of you. They are probably narcissists projecting their own narcissism onto the bloggers who make them feel envious. They want to bring you down a notch or ten–and rub their hands together with glee when they see your confidence and drive crumble under their envy-fueled vitriol.
I apologize if that sounds narcissistic of me, but it also happens to be the truth. OM (Opinionated Man) has a ton of haters–people are jealous of the fact his blog has over 50K followers (and is still growing fast) and is one of the most successful personal blogs on the Internet.

The bigger this blog gets, the more haters I have. It’s something I’ve come to accept. It’s an occupational hazard (and yes, this is a job–my REAL job–even if I only make about $20 a month from running ads on this site–which is better than the $13 I made last month!)

Anyone ever notice how troll comments and hater comments almost always have terrible spelling and grammar? Basement dwellers getting their jollies from writing illiterate hate comments on blogs they probably can’t even read properly would benefit from going back to third grade. Then they’ll have enough writing skills to start their own blog about how narcissistic they think all bloggers are!
Failing that, maybe they should go outside for awhile and take in some sun for a change.

Fleas or narcs?

Posted on April 7, 2015 by luckyotter

The only thing I don’t like about the coming of spring and summer (besides the high humidity later on) is fleas. But because I have so many pets, every summer I do mighty battle with these leaping little bastards from hell.

Fleas! Argggghhh! I hate fleas more than just about anything else–and that’s a lot of things.

I have no idea why fleas ever evolved or how they ever really fit into the food chain. Or if you believe in creation, why God would have put these teeny weeny jumping demons on the Ark along with Noah. I don’t know why they exist or what their earthly purpose could possibly be.

Fleas are annoying, they suck your blood, they are everywhere, and they’re nearly impossible to get rid of. At least maggots, gross they are, help break down dead meat so they have a dirty job to do, just like that guy on TLC who made a reality show out of doing all the gross jobs no one else wanted to do. But someone’s got to do it.

What do fleas do? Fleas are the planet’s parasitic losers (except they seem to be winning).

You know what else is useless, annoying, everywhere, sucks your blood, and nearly impossible to get rid of? What else on this planet are parasitic losers who seem to be winning?

Narcs.

Maybe some Frontline can help keep the narcs under control too.

The only thing better about a narc than a flea is they don’t make your lower legs itch like hell and develop raw red sores that make you look like you have a bad skin disease. But instead of fucking with your epidermis, they fuck with your grey matter.

Hey, I got it. Let’s find a way to make all the narcs attractive to fleas–maybe there’s some sort of pheromone cologne we can splash all over them–and the rest of us and our pets can live flea-free. The narcs will be too busy scratching to bother us much anymore.