A field guide to the most common narcissist subspecies.

Posted on July 17, 2015 by luckyotter

Narcissists are predators, but they can be turned into prey fairly easily. Here’s a quick field guide to the most common types of narcissists you may find out in the wilderness of real life. Binoculars are good to have on hand to spot them, but make sure you keep yourself camouflaged well and carry the weapon of Truth. Truth to a narc is like garlic to a vampire–they will run faster than Montezuma’s Revenge.

It’s easy to learn how to identify the subspecies of common narcissists by using this Field Guide to help you identify the most common types, their preferred habitat, and chosen source of supply (food). They can all be either male or female, but where a particular gender is more commonly seen, it will be indicated in the subspecies description.

1. Narcissus grandiosis.

N. grandiosis is the “classic”, grandiose, aggressively ambitious (and often successful) narcissist. Usually male but there are many females too. N. grandiosis is full of himself, boasts about his achievements, uses and consumes others to get ahead, and the only emotion they show is rage and occasional glee over their own greatness. A close subtype of N. grandiosis is N. grandiosis cerebrus. He is smarter than you and wants to make sure you and everyone else knows just how superior his mind is to the all the plebes like yourself.
Habitat: the corner office in big corporations, the political trail, Hollywood, Wall Street.
Preferred food: unassertive, codependent people they can boss around, impress, use, and have complete control over.

2. Narcissus coverticus vulnerabilis.

Looks can be deceiving. N. vulnerabilis may appear to be some other species of psychological or personality disorder. N. vulnerabilis is likely to be female (but not always). They seem almost cloyingly nice, but watch out–they are predators of the emotional vampire subspecies. They seem to have endless problems and misfortunes and emotional crises and expect you to ALWAYS be there for them. If you are not, they will sulk, whine, cry, give you the silent treatment, or tell everyone what a heartless, cold narcissist YOU are. Or make endless excuses why the advice you give them will NEVER work. Eventually, they will suck away your soul until you’re as down and out as they are. They’re going down and taking you with them.
Habitat: Unemployment and social service offices, food banks, therapist’s offices, your couch, your bed.
Preferred food: Highly empathetic people, people working in the helping professions.

3. Narcissus religiosis.

N. religiosis is likely to be female, but don’t be fooled. Males often rise to positions of leadership in churches, at which point they can be easily confused with N. grandiosis (a subspecies who may share their habitat). N. religiosis is always holy, always pious, always reads their Bible and attends church (or other place of worship) whenever they can, and is always right. They love to lord their self-righteousness over those they deem unworthy of salvation, and secretly desire to be Gods themselves. If anyone tells you you’re going to hell for believing what you believe, you are looking at a N. religiosis. Many of this subspecies are hypocritical and don’t practice what they preach.
Habitat: Churches, synagogues, religious events. They are also common on the political trail and can be spotted on school boards trying to get certain books or the teaching of sex education or evolution banned.
Preferred food: The unworthy, the ungodly, the sinful, all atheists and agnostics, or anyone who doesn’t believe exactly as they do.

4. Narcissus generosa.

This subspecies can fool you because they appear to be so giving. N. generosa is usually female. They are big givers to charitable organizations and causes and loudly talk about how much they gave. They don’t really care about helping others–they are doing it to impress you with how altruistic and selfless they are. N. generosa gets a huge dose of narcissistic supply when others are impressed by their giving nature and makes sure you know about all those other times they gave selflessly too. N. generosa is often the long-suffering female relative, often a mother, who endlessly reminds you how much they have done for you and what a martyr they have been for doing so.
Habitat: Charitable events and meetings, volunteer organizations, church groups, the kitchen (slaving away to cook dinner for you). They have also been spotted in hospitals, spending time with the sick and disabled.
Preferred food: The poor, the sick, the disabled, the down on their luck, the very young and old, and vulnerable prey of all kinds.

5. Narcissus minimus.

N. minimus may be a hybrid species because they show fewer traits of the Narcissus species. The only subspecies who may have the ability to become a member of Homo sapiens with the appropriate care and feeding. They may have narcissistic traits and act arrogant and full of themselves, but have small levels of empathy and a slight ability to feel bad about their predatory behaviors.
Habitat: Anywhere.
Preferred food: N. minimus can survive on a low calorie diet and can go for long periods without food at all, although they would prefer to have a more frequent diet, and are willing to hunt for their prey, although with less aggression than the other subspecies.

6. Narcissus hypochondrosis.

N. hypochondrosis can be male or female. They are always sick or complaining about their endless ailments. Their chronic fake maladies make it possible for them to get supply from others in the form of medical or nursing care, or just the sympathy they crave. Being “sick” so often also frees them from the need to have to work for a living, because, you see, they are too sick. N. hypochondrisis is often a hybrid type combined with N. parasitis. Also known by their alternative name, N. Malingerosa. Being “sick” could also mean they “suffer” from a nonexistent mental disorder such as schizophrenia or Bipolar. Because they are “crazy,” this gives them carte blanche to treat you in whatever shabby manner they desire and exempts them from societal expectations to treat others with respect and manners.
Habitat: Doctor’s offices, hospital emergency rooms, at home in bed, at home in your bed or on your couch.
Preferred food: The sympathetic and people pleasing, the nurturing, nurses and doctors.

7. Narcissus parasitis.

Closely related to N. hypochondronsis and N. coverticus vulnerabilis, N. parasitis seems meek and unassuming. But she will eat you alive in her neverending quest for nurturing, sympathy, a bed to sleep in, free access to your home, fridge and bank account, and an aversion to having to hunt for their own food.
Habitat: Your home and your entire life.
Preferred food: codependent and people-pleasing people, the generous, the softhearted, the maternal, or anyone who can be easily manipulated and used.

8. Narcissus psychopathis dangerosa.

N. psychopathis dangerosa is also known as the malignant narcissist, or sometimes, psychopath. Many are hybrid with Antisocialis dangerosa. These are the most aggressive and dangerous predators in the narcissist kingdom, and will stop at nothing to get what they want, even if it means they have to kill you to get it. Some enjoy the means to that end, and others just do what they have to do to get their fix of supply. To them, you are no better than common housefly and they will think nothing of swatting the life out of you.
Habitat: Everywhere. While not the most common subspecies, they have no preferred habitat. However, prisons and jails seem to have a surplus of this subspecies.
Preferred food: Everyone who appears to be “weaker” or nicer than they are, which means almost everybody. They will avoid other individuals of their own subtype, however.

9. Narcissus somaticus histrionicus.

Here we find the Somatic subtype of narcissist. These predators care only about their physical appearance, and like a cat, will preen and primp all day if they weren’t required to also hunt to survive. They are much better looking and enjoy much better health than you, you ugly piece of garbage. If you fail to give them the attention they deserve, expect a vicious attack.
Habitat: gyms, health clubs, the beach (to show off their perfect bodies), in front of a camera, especially their own. They have perfected the skill of taking the Selfie to a fine art form.
Preferred food: Anyone who fawns over how beautiful or handsome they are and worships them for the gods and goddesses they are.

10. Narcissus borderlinensis.

N. borderlinensis is another hybrid type, with Borderline traits. N. borderlinensis is emotionally unstable, moody, and prone to frequent rages and temper tantrums. It’s surprising this subspecies hasn’t gone extinct yet, since so many of them display self destructive tendencies and are prone to self-starvation, self-induced vomiting, using mind-expanding (or more likely mind numbing) substances, habitual risk taking, and other forms of self abuse. While these are dangerous predators, spotters have noticed when things are not going well for them, they are as likely to attack themselves as they are to attack you. Unlike most other subspecies, N. borderlinensis have been spotted apologizing for their actions.
Habitat: Everywhere.
Preferred food: Anyone they can take out their anger and bad temper on.

Protect Yourself!
Make sure you come well armed with either of these two products to repel them.

Spray this on the narcs:

Spray this on yourself:

Finally, it’s always prudent to remember this slogan–

Most important of all: the Truth will set you free and make the narcs flee!

10 great things about narcissists.

Posted on April 24, 2015 by luckyotter

1. You will never be bored because of all the drama they provide!

2. They can be a lot of fun when they’re reeling you in.

3. They can hone your spelling skills! I probably wouldn’t know how to spell ~~narccisist~~ ~~narssist~~ ~~narcisist~~ narcissist if I wasn’t so inspired to write about them all the time.

4. They generated renewed interest in old movie classics like “Gaslight” and “The Wizard of Oz.”

5. You should be flattered they have chosen you to be their source of supply.

6. If they didn’t exist, those of us who write about them would have to find something else to blog about.

7. They test our anger management skills!

8. They are always full of surprises!

9. Their delusions can be hilarious.

And finally (on a more serious note):

10. They can teach you things about yourself (once you have disconnected). In fact, they can be our greatest teachers we ever had (if they haven’t destroyed our souls first).

Catching FLEAS from narcissists and abusers. (reblogged from Nyssa’s Hobbit Hole)

Posted on April 8, 2015 by luckyotter

When I was Googling “fleas and narcissists” for the previous article, I learned something new. It’s also something I very much have been needing to know, due to my worries lately about my own narcissistic behaviors.

The article, reposted from Nyssa’s Hobbit Hole, decribes the way a long-term relationship with a narcissist can lead to a condition in their victims called FLEAS. I have never heard this term used before, but apparently it’s part of the narcissistic abuse lexicon, and refers to the bad or narcissistic behaviors ACONs and other abuse survivors have picked up from the narcissists who influenced or raised them. These behaviors, unlike those of a true narcissist, can be unlearned. Here is the article in its entirety.

Catching FLEAS from Narcissists and Abusers
By Nyssa (“Clarissa Harlowe,” pseudonym)

I have caught my own FLEAS while dealing with Tracy.

Sometimes, we who have been targeted by the abuses of a narcissist, wonder if we, too, are now narcissists. It can be catching, especially if we are raised by narcs.

But the recovery community uses the term “fleas” to describe our own harmful behaviors, picked up from the narcs, but which do not mean we ourselves are narcs. The trick is to figure out whether you are a narc yourself, or just have “fleas” which you can kill off with a good flea bath.

As posted in FLEAS – Bad Behavior Patterns and Habits Picked Up from Living or Dealing with a Narcissist by Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers:

Now, you may not have NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder). Some children of Narcissists do, and some don’t. Let’s say you don’t, but you were raised by someone who did/does. Therefore you have some issues that can take the shape of NPD – like a shadow or a snow angel, or even an echo.

You’ll have some issues in the same sorts of areas that Narcissism occupies, because you picked up these fleas FROM a Narcissist.

…..But you don’t have NPD.

What you have is the shadow – “maladaptive behaviors”, as psychologists call them, the unhelpful patterns you have been taught, and which you have had to resort all your life.

And they are glued in, most often, by the shame you have been made to carry.

What you have is nicknamed “FLEAS.” They’re the bad behavior patterns and habits we picked up from living with a nutcase who had total and unhealthy control over us. They are the pain and guilt and crazy patterns we had to take on as children in order to just survive. And they’re completely un-learnable. (Meaning, you can un-learn them!)

One of the most common issues that newbies demonstrate is a tremendous fear that they themselves have NPD.

It’s a perfectly understandable fear. All human beings do Narcissistic things, and when DoNM’s who don’t have NPD recognize and acknowledge their own self-centered behaviors, they sometimes worry that they have NPD.

They feel guilty about possibly having hurt someone’s feelings, been self-centered, etc., and they panic. It can really be upsetting, even terrifying. And they beat themselves up mercilessly for it – because that’s what they’ve been taught to do.

You’ll notice that I said, “Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers who don’t have NPD”…

In order for someone to recognize, acknowledge and feel guilty about their own Narcissistic behaviors, they first have to have a level of empathy and sense of emotional responsibility that Narcissists, by definition, do not possess.

On the DoNM forum, the usual response to such a person is, ‘If you’re that worried about the impact of your behavior on others, and you’re willing to publicly share your fear of being NPD, trust us — you don’t have NPD… you just have FLEAS.’ “

Violet writes in Am I a Narcissist, Too? All About Fleas:

We can pick up fleas anywhere. I have seen things on FaceBook, people saying really hurtful, mean things about LGBT people, about people of colour, about the poor and disadvantaged, about women, and they are absolutely shameless about it.

Some of these people are narcissists, but others have picked up fleas from narcissistic politicians, pastors, or other authority figures they either revere or fear. Taken out of that environment and shown how their words and attitudes actually hurt other living, breathing human beings, some of these people will feel shame for what they said and the hurt they caused.

Others will not, and they will rationalize and justify what they said, even blame their victims for their hurt (I have actually seen someone say that feeling hurt by the words of a bully is a choice, that you can choose not to be hurt and therefore what the bullies say and do is OK!) : these people are most likely narcissists.
I’ve seen versions of this as well. For example, statements that we choose to be offended by others; that we can simply stop being offended. Or, “I’m not responsible for your emotions.”

There are different ways people mean this, however. The first was said in the context of, Yes, what they said is offensive, but you can choose your own reactions–thereby not giving the offender power over you.

The second, I’ve seen used as an excuse to do whatever you want, because it’s the other person’s fault if they’re offended. It was said by Richard to me, after I told him he was doing some things that hurt me. I forget what they were, just that it was close to the time we broke off the friendship, and that he basically took the responsibility for my being hurt off his shoulders, putting it on mine. ???!!!

I’ve seen it in other places as well, the excuse that if we hurt somebody, it’s their fault for being hurt. That’s very narcissistic, and goes against everything my husband and I were taught growing up. It’s yet another sign that I’ve pegged Richard correctly as a narcissist.

If you’ve hurt and offended someone, the very least you can do is apologize for hurting them, even if you don’t feel your action was wrong in and of itself. You can listen to how you can avoid hurting that person again.

Sure there are times when that person was offended by an innocent action which should not be offensive (ie, offended by a gay man kissing his partner in public, or offended by an introvert who means well but is quiet, or offended by a woman breastfeeding her baby at the mall).

But oftentimes, the offensive act could simply be avoided next time.

Tracy, too, as I saw time and again, would justify whatever she did, even though it hurt others. She hurt Todd, so she justified it as his fault. She hurt me, so to this day she justifies her actions as “nothing wrong” and talks like my being hurt is somehow “childish.”

Even Richard told me back in February 2008, Good luck getting an apology out of her, because she rarely apologizes to anyone, thinking whatever she does is justified. I don’t have the e-mail in front of me and don’t recall if I kept it, but I still remember it.

(I remember thinking when I got it, “I don’t want to deal with that woman anymore!” This was the first time I seriously thought about breaking off the friendship.)

She used Richard’s past abuses of the children to justify her own abuses of the children (I have an e-mail proving this). Which means she’s like this to everybody: me, Todd, even Richard. And this is one of the signs of a narcissist, according to the above.

There is more good stuff in that blog post, explaining how we can tell if we’re narcissists or have just picked up some “fleas”–and how to eradicate those fleas.

From the website Out of the Fog (Fear, Obligation, Guilt):

Fleas – When a non-personality-disordered individual (Non-PD) begins imitating or emulating some of the disordered behavior of a loved one or family member with a personality disorder this is sometimes referred to as “getting fleas”….

Sometimes, when a person has been exposed to an abusive situation for a sustained period, they will look for ways to escape – and sometimes they will experiment or resort to behaviors which are not characteristic but serve as a mechanism to demonstrate their anger.

These behaviors are often destructive and counter-productive and rarely get the abuse victim what they want. These behaviors usually result in regret, shame and apologies from the abuse victim towards their perpetrator. Some perpetrators may seize on such incidents as justification for their own abusive behavior or as a diversion from it….

However, most Non-PD’s are more accustomed to “keeping the peace” than being aggressors and most of us are not comfortable or accomplished in winning arguments or fights.

We will often back down or feel remorse after lashing out. We may begin to compare our behavior to that of the person with the personality disorder and wonder if we are the ones who have “the” problem.

It is common for Non-PD’s to begin to question if they are the one who suffers from a personality disorder. It is also common for Non-PD’s to greatly fear retribution after an angry outburst and engage in a manipulative campaign, similar to hoovering to try to deflect consequences or payback.

To read the rest of this post, please see the rest of Nyssa’s article here.

For more about how Narcissists can give you FLEAS, read this article, “The Shocking Truth: Staying with a Narcissist can Give You Fleas” from Let Me Reach with Kim Saeed.

That’s enough about fleas and FLEAS for one night. I’m getting itchy.

Fleas or narcs?

Posted on April 7, 2015 by luckyotter

The only thing I don’t like about the coming of spring and summer (besides the high humidity later on) is fleas. But because I have so many pets, every summer I do mighty battle with these leaping little bastards from hell.

Fleas! Argggghhh! I hate fleas more than just about anything else–and that’s a lot of things.

I have no idea why fleas ever evolved or how they ever really fit into the food chain. Or if you believe in creation, why God would have put these teeny weeny jumping demons on the Ark along with Noah. I don’t know why they exist or what their earthly purpose could possibly be.

Fleas are annoying, they suck your blood, they are everywhere, and they’re nearly impossible to get rid of. At least maggots, gross they are, help break down dead meat so they have a dirty job to do, just like that guy on TLC who made a reality show out of doing all the gross jobs no one else wanted to do. But someone’s got to do it.

What do fleas do? Fleas are the planet’s parasitic losers (except they seem to be winning).

You know what else is useless, annoying, everywhere, sucks your blood, and nearly impossible to get rid of? What else on this planet are parasitic losers who seem to be winning?

Narcs.

Maybe some Frontline can help keep the narcs under control too.

The only thing better about a narc than a flea is they don’t make your lower legs itch like hell and develop raw red sores that make you look like you have a bad skin disease. But instead of fucking with your epidermis, they fuck with your grey matter.

Hey, I got it. Let’s find a way to make all the narcs attractive to fleas–maybe there’s some sort of pheromone cologne we can splash all over them–and the rest of us and our pets can live flea-free. The narcs will be too busy scratching to bother us much anymore.