Sean Spicer is suffering from PTSD and that’s why he resigned.

Posted on July 22, 2017 by luckyotter

spicerinthebushes

Sean Spicer has resigned as Press Secretary. The reason he gives is because his boss Trump hired Anthony Scaramucci as his new Communications Director.

This video explains Spicer’s decision. He feels that Scaramucci lacks experience (what else is new in this White House?) and Spicer would wind up doing two jobs for the price of one:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pMhrfOTCPIQ

I guess this was the last straw for Spicer, who was obviously crumbling in his thankless role of having to lie for his boss all the time. The job of Press Secretary is generally one of the easiest cabinet jobs, but in this White House, under this president, it’s probably one of the hardest.

Personally, I think Spicer was looking for a way out and this was the best opportunity for him to escape from his hellish role. I don’t despise Spicer the way I despise 99.9% of Trump’s staff. Sure, as a conservative, he accepted the position, but I don’t think he had any idea of what he was signing up for. Every time I saw Spicer speak to the press, he seemed more angry, more defensive, and more nervous, even to the point where I was sure he was going to run from the podium in sheer panic. He seemed to really hate his job, and I don’t think it’s because he hates the press.

But his boss does hate the press (most of them being the truth-tellers in this hot political mess), and undoubtedly instructed Spicer to lie to them about what his intentions were and the things he was doing (and I’ll even speculate he may have threatened him if he didn’t lie).

In spite of his combative manner, Spicer doesn’t strike me as a bad or immoral person. He strikes me as someone suffering from a bad case of PTSD. In other words, he’s a victim of narcissistic abuse under the most malignantly narcissistic, sociopathic president this country has ever seen. PTSD often manifests as anger and defensiveness. What gives him away is his jitteriness and what often appears to be terror in his eyes. He carries himself around like a whipped dog. We all remember when Spicer hid in the bushes to avoid having to speak to the press. It was farcical, but also a sad indication of a man completely unsuited to be doing this type of dirty work for a blackhearted boss.

There was also some evidence that the vulnerable Spicer was in a scapegoat role in Trump’s cabinet. White House Chief of Staff Steve Bannon said the reason Spicer was appearing less in public (replaced by the insufferable Sarah Huckabee Sanders) was because he was “getting too fat.” I think that was a lie and smear tactic. Bannon ought to look in the mirror at his own bloated, unhealthy-looking body before he fat-shames someone else.

I rather like Spicer. Or more accurately, I feel sorry for him. He seemed to crumble more by the day and lose his composure easily. Imagine standing in front of reporters from major newspapers, TV news stations, and other news outlets, most of them hostile to this president, having to field their pointed questions that flew at him like bullets. Imagine having to answer these questions with grace and intelligence, without losing your cool or sounding like you’re lying your face off.

Spicer tried, but he couldn’t do it. That’s because I don’t think he’s like the rest of them. I think he still has some semblance of a conscience and sense of right and wrong. I don’t have any proof of this, but I sense it from him. He knew he was lying for a boss who is trying his damndest to be dictator-in-chief and dismantle democracy, and he hated it. He couldn’t deal with it anymore; if he continued doing it, I think he knew he would be spiritually destroyed. That’s the danger in not breaking away from a malignant narcissist like Donald Trump and the cabal of flying monkeys and enablers he has surrounded himself with. Spicer had to go “no contact” with his boss before he lost his own soul.

I also think Spicer knows a lot he’s not saying — yet. But I think he will, when the dust settles. I’m waiting for his tell-all book.

I just saw a clip of him on the news leaving the White House, and he was smiling like a man who just won the lottery. It’s the first time I ever saw him look happy.

Thanks to Neurofeedback, I’m not just getting older, I’m getting happier and healthier!

Posted on April 23, 2017 by luckyotter

This is just begging to be reblogged. I’m so happy for your progress, Lynda Lee!

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A Blog About Surviving Trauma

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The lyrics to an old Beatles song have been dancing around in my head lately:
– – –
When I get older losing my hair
Many years from now
Will you still be sending me a Valentine
Birthday greetings, bottle of wine
If I’d been out till quarter to three
Would you lock the door
Will you still need me, will you still feed me
When I’m sixty-four
– – –

Sixty-four! That sounds OLD, doesn’t it? Especially for someone whose generational mantra was “Never trust anyone over thirty”!

Like everyone else on this planet, I started out as a very young person. I was little, and I could not wait to be big. The years passed slowly by, and I slowly grew, and then YAY!! I was all grown up, a bona fide adult. I had finally ARRIVED!!

But the years did not stop going by. Indeed, they started…

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Always waiting for the other shoe to drop…

Posted on April 2, 2017 by luckyotter

An older post that I’d forgotten I wrote, but I think people will be able to relate to the traumatic experience I describe here.

Lucky Otters Haven

I think I made a kind of breakthrough in my therapy session tonight. For years one of my problems has been this overwhelming fear that something bad will happen to one of my kids. (I don’t like to even say the D word because I irrationally believe if I say it, I’ll somehow make it happen, by putting it out into the universe or something).

Of course all parents worry about their adult kids, especially when they know they’re out there somewhere in cars, which we all know are dangerous hunks of metal capable of the most ghastly and gory deaths you can imagine and operated by countless idiots and drunks on the road who can’t drive. I think my apprehension about something bad happening to my adult children edges into OCD-type territory though, because of how overpowering and pervasive these thoughts are, intruding where and when they are not…

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I think Melania Trump is an abused woman.

Posted on March 1, 2017 by luckyotter

I think Melania Trump is showing signs of PTSD. Watch the way she flinches and looks uncomfortable when her husband passes her and touches her arm, before she starts to recite the Lord’s Prayer at the Trump rally in Florida last week. Also watch the smug expression on her husband’s face after he passes her.

Melania has admitted she hates the position of being First Lady (because she is apparently an introverted, shy person — and English is not her first language), but I wonder if there is something more going on than just natural reticence and a dislike of being in the public eye. I find it strange that she has rarely been seen in public with Donald, and seems to prefer to remain in New York with Barron, meeting up with her husband only rarely. Whenever she is with him, she looks miserable and scared, and her smile is VERY fake. When he does touch her, she always seems to stiffen, if not outright flinch. She seems either disgusted by, or afraid of him, and possibly both.

There is also this video of Trump and Melania attending a worship service. Melania is either moved by the song (which is very spiritual) or is just feeling sad and miserable, and toward the end she is wiping away tears, but Donald just sits there, with his arms folded, not offering her a hand on the shoulder or a hug or even a word of comfort. He never shows any affection or love toward his wife, and appears to treat her like an object or a prop, just like the extreme narcissist he is.

Most of us also remember that viral video of Melania’s reaction to SOMETHING Trump apparently said to her during the inauguration proceedings (he smile disappears and face falls as if he just broke her soul). This video also shows other evidence of Trump’s and Melania’s body language, that seems to indicate to me she is being abused.

Donald seems to ignore her or walk in front of her whenever they are in public, as if he’s ashamed to be seen with her or just oblivious to her presence. During his inauguration, he just walked ahead of her, and Obama and Michelle had to lead Melania up the steps instead. In contrast, Obama always acknowledges his own wife’s presence and seems to treat her respectfully and affectionately when they are together in public.

Some cynics criticize her for being a gold digger and says she got what she deserved. Personally, I don’t care why she might have married him. Maybe it was for his money, or maybe she really did love him, or maybe she’s a codependent type of person who is attracted to narcissistic men. Donald probably lied to her and swept her off her feet, the same way he is lying to an entire nation and appears to have swept at least some of his supporters off their feet. I feel sorry for Melania. I think she is a quiet, sensitive person who is being slowly destroyed by this man. She’s smart to stay behind in New York with Barron. She needs to leave him. He may not be physically abusive of her (though the flinching makes me suspect he probably is) but he is clearly at least emotionally abusive and she seems miserable. Melania Trump is literally a prisoner in a gilded cage.

This post is just my opinion. I have no proof that he is abusing her, but I think there’s a good case to be made that he is.

Post-Trump Trauma Support Group.

Posted on February 18, 2017 by luckyotter

trumptrigger

I am going to post this on both my blogs.

Troll-tweeting Trump is fun, but is no longer enough to relieve my stress (even though it’s still fun). I know I’m not the only one deeply traumatized and triggered by this administration. Some want to escape; others, who were always kind of apathetic politically (like I always was), now feel like they must take some kind of action.

I think survivors of narcissistic abuse are especially sensitive to the way we are all being gaslighted and manipulated by this administration.

I’ve been taking out my frustrations, fear, and anger on those I love, and I hate being like this. I feel like all the progress I’ve made in therapy has taken a backseat to the rage, fear and sadness I feel right now.

I needed a support group for Trump-trauma, but couldn’t find one. So I made one. It’s already pretty active and the people are really friendly. If you are feeling down, depressed, traumatized, dissociated, angry, terrified, or even just merely concerned, then this group may be for you.

It’s a closed group, so you will need to request to join. Looking forward to meeting new members, especially fellow bloggers!

For obvious reasons, Trump supporters are not welcome.

Post-Trump Trauma Support Group:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/630537017139485/

“Let me be your voice” project – Sleeping with the enemy…

Posted on January 26, 2017 by luckyotter

I don’t write a whole lot about sexual abuse — and the story told here may not qualify as what most people would define sexual abuse to be — but still, the woman who wrote this post had something that was precious to her stolen from her, and her boundaries were ruthlessly violated. This post is more explicit than what I usually post, but I think it’s important, because something so precious should be freely given, and boundaries need to be respected. I’m glad this writer ended the relationship because it sounds like her lover thought nothing of taking what wasn’t his, in essence, raping her. At the very least, he was incredibly obtuse. It sounds like the writer had a PTSD-like reaction to what happened. Rape usually does have that effect.

Comments here are disabled. Please comment on the original post.

Also, please follow Cyranny’s Cove. She has an awesome blog!

Cyranny's Cove

As part of my “Let me be your voice” project, once again, I am honored to host the story of a lovely reader who sent me a painful recalling of her past. I wish there were no such stories to share, but since there are… I hope letting it out at last will help and bring relief.

I’d also like to remind you that if you have a story you would like to get off your chest, but just don’t feel comfortable publishing on your own blog, I’ll be more than glad to help by posting it in the Cove, leaving all the credit to you! Just write to me here.

So here is her story. And I’d like to thank the author for her trust. *Hugs, my dear!*

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I decided to talk today, because I kept this story for myself for too long. And I cannot believe I…

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Looking for a Scapegoat (comments allowed)

Posted on December 17, 2016 by luckyotter

I think a lot of us can relate to this post right now. I know I can relate to it. The season really gets me down, but it’s more than that. I can’t pinpoint what it is though. I’ve also been noticing how many others seem to feel like they’re losing their minds or the world’s about to end. Linda Lee has always been there for me when I need her; I know I can’t do much but she needs big hugs and support from her WordPress friends right now, so that’s why I’m reblogging her post.

Since she’s allowing comments for this post, I’m disabling comments here.

A Blog About Surviving Trauma

I am not doing well. In fact, emotionally speaking, this is the worst I have been in a long time.

It’s embarrassing…. humiliating…. and humbling to admit this. I thought I was so much healthier than this! I had healed so much. I had learned, and grown, and blossomed, spreading my wings and flying so far…. all those happy, la la land metaphors.

My blog is about HEALING from PTSD, for heaven’s sake! I have a page posted at the top of my blog entitled “How to Heal PTSD,” which lists all the different therapeutic methods and self-help books that have helped me immeasurably. And I really, truly have come incredibly far from where I was when I was in my worst, most crazy-broken-shattered-insane condition.

My tablet wants to know if crazy-broken-shattered-insane needs to be added to the dictionary. Uhm….no.

You know what’s weird? You can’t tell by looking at…

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So excited!

Posted on October 31, 2016 by luckyotter

In my last post I talked about an answer to my prayers, that came in the form of an email offering to pay my expenses for 4-day Christian healing program (HeartSync) that runs seminars and helps many people suffering from trauma and PTSD, many who were not helped by anything else, including traditional psychotherapy. HeartSync is a spiritual therapy based on biblical principles. I talked to the woman who is funding this (Kate Miller) at length on the phone last night, and we found out a little more about each other, but I’m not really a phone person and I get a terrible signal anyway (probably because of all the mountains here), so the conversation was a little disjointed. I did get some of my questions answered though, and found out a bit more about how this program works. I also Googled HeartSync to read some testimonies, but I was tired and didn’t do an in-depth search last night. I didn’t see anything negative, though. It appeared to be a legitimate Christian healing program.

Kate and one other person have also kindly donated the money I will need, and it looks like the request I put in at work will also be approved (even though I didn’t get to talk to the boss yet). So it looked like God was moving a few obstacles for me and that this experience was really going to happen! But it all seemed so fast! It was too easy! What if it wasn’t God moving the obstacles? What if something else was doing it? It all seemed too good to be true–and I don’t trust anything that seems “too good.” I needed to have faith, but–how does one tell the difference between faith and foolishness?

Kate had suggested that I put in a request for an entire week off from work rather than just four days. I was told that the experience would likely be so intense that I’d probably need a couple extra days (plus the weekend) to process everything. Hearing that raised my shackles. Uh-oh! I felt a little afraid! What on earth was I REALLY getting into? Could I get out of it if I needed to? I was already booked though! I had to talk to Kate some more and also do some more digging on my own.

I found quite a bit of information, but this one, from a private blog called On A Mission in SF, blew my mind:

HeartSync and Wholeness

By Elise Albert

http://elisealbert.blogspot.com/2016/04/heart-sync-and-wholeness.html

We recently worked with a woman named Bri (who gave me permission to share this story:)), who had been cut off from feeling emotions because of childhood wounding. From early on, she discovered that if she shut off emotion and prevented it from having a voice, it would keep pain from being experienced. When she felt an emotion coming up due to heartbreak, pain, etc, she would shove it back down and become numb to the presenting situation. When she began receiving Heart Sync prayer, the Lord revealed that this began when her parents had gotten divorced and brought to light a decision she had made as a child to not feel in order to protect herself from more pain(something she was unaware of until He revealed it consciously). The pain was beyond her capacity to bear at the time, so a part of her had come up with a solution to keep her safe, the only way she knew how— to completely shut off to all emotion forever. But by cutting this off, she was also prevented from experiencing joy and love. But now, God was offering her protection in Himself, healing for the part of her that was wounded in the divorce, and an invitation for her to be able to fully feel again under the protection and safety of the person of Jesus. Since then, Bri is able to fully access and use her emotion in a way that is healthy. She began to experience emotions again, and not just for herself but also for others. As a missionary, she has found her heart has become tender and compassionate toward those she serves, “I feel more pain, but it feels so worth it because I am able to enter into those places of pain with people and really sympathize, where as before, my heart felt calloused. This is compassion!”

I remember the first day I sat in a training for the HeartSync approach- it felt like the Holy Spirit ran into my inner world and called every part of me to attention, even the parts I didn’t realize existed or had worked endlessly to shove down, and said,

“Hey. I see you. And I’m coming to heal and love every part of your heart that hurts. You were made to be whole and to know the love of God in the deepest parts of your heart.”I’ve come to believe that we are desperately in need of a Doctor for our hearts. Yes, even us Christians who love the Lord and have given our lives to Him. There are always new depths of intimacy and healing with the Lord–it is who He is! We have all experienced our fair share of pain and suffering, and have battle wounds and scars hidden deep within to prove it. We’ve come up with our own ways of self protection to guard against more pain.

But the most glorious of news, because of the price Jesus paid for us on the cross, those wounds and scars do not have to stay buried deep within us. There is a Healer who wants nothing more than to heal and restore that which was lost!

The HeartSync approach, the primary heart healing method we use at Linden Tree Outreach, was developed by a man named Father Andrew Miller and it focuses on synchronizing broken and divided hearts first to God and then to each other. With my counseling background, I have often wondered if there is a connection between psychology and Christ-centered inner healing, as I see the value and purpose in both. Wonderfully, there is a substantial amount of brain science correlations that not only support Father Miller’s findings but fuel it (more on this at a later point).

So how this works: each of us have Core Parts. Father Andrew has given names to them, to help identify and distinguish these parts. These consist of:

– the Function Part helps us function daily (brush our teeth, write, drive, etc.) and believes that knowing certain information about one’s history is incompatible with survival and/or function
–the Emotion Part is most closely connected to the pain, depression and trauma we have experienced
– the Guardian Part that believes the Emotion and Function parts must be kept apart or the Function will be too overwhelmed to do daily functioning, so is devoted to keep them seperated.

These Core Parts are universal and part of our creative design, but they were not designed to live in opposition, but instead work together as a team. And they were also created to all be in relationship with Jesus. But because of the fall, we have all experienced varying degrees of trauma and pain which have created desynchronization between our parts and the Lord (meaning they are no longer working in unity), and we are all in need of God to bring restoration to each area of our heart and restore them to their design and function. He does this healing places of hurt and trauma and correcting incorrect beliefs about God and ourselves.

I don’t know about you, but I am desperately in need of this kind of healing. Our world is full of people who are living in disconnection from God and parts of themselves–just trying to get by–not realizing there is so much freedom and restoration available for them.

*****

OMG! THIS WAS EXACTLY WHAT I HAVE BEEN PRAYING FOR! And now it was here, and all the obstacles that seemed so insurmountable were being moved. After finishing reading this post, I just sat there reeling in near-shock but also feeling this anticipation like I’d never felt before, anticipation so intense my eyes filled with tears. THIS…was the next step of my journey.

I immediately banged out an email to Kate. Here is part of it:

All day my mind kept bringing up these potential horror-movie scenarios (maybe because it’s Halloween?) — being hypnotized, being drugged, being brainwashed, being taken alone into a little room and feeling scared to death, completely OUT OF CONTROL! Being re-traumatized in some unknown manner, or getting there and finding out that HeartSync is something other than what it says it is. It’s probably just my hypervigilance due to PTSD but it just all seemed too good to be true and that scared me.

So I knew I needed to do some more digging. I found quite a bit of information on Google and some testimonials. Wow, it does sound like exactly what I’ve been searching for. Sometimes during mass I get a bit teary eyed and definitely feel the presence of the Holy Spirit, but then it’s all over. It doesn’t really last for any length of time. For a year, I’ve been in therapy to reconnect with my emotions (many of which I had shut off because they were too painful or I was shamed out of feeling them — as I already described to you on the phone). It’s helping but it’s a long slow process. It can be frustrating and of course, it doesn’t address my relationship with God/Jesus, which is shaky at best.

Although I’m closer to God than I ever was, I often feel disconnected or untrusting of Him too. Why should I trust God when even my own family could not be trusted? When He allowed me to spend 25 years with a cruel man who almost destroyed my soul? Sometimes I feel like he doesn’t listen or doesn’t care. I question my faith a lot. Other times I feel God’s presence and love, but as if from a distance. It’s as if my entire heart can’t handle it or is still partly closed off. So when I read some of these testimonies — this seems like a somewhat charismatic healing process?– I started to feel very excited! A little scared, but scared in a good way and mostly excited. I NEED to have that intense emotional spiritual experience! I need to really feel myself being loved unconditionally by Jesus, held in his arms and allow His love to change me. I think this is the answer I’ve been looking for.

Dear Father…

Posted on October 16, 2016 by luckyotter

“Dear Father” by Taming the Tiger

I usually shy away from anything too spiritual or religious, because I do realize many of my readers are atheist, agnostic, or of differing faiths–and I respect their right to believe as they wish. But today in church when the priest asked us to “add our own prayers,” I felt inspired to pray a particular prayer that has great meaning to me, for a myriad of reasons. I would like to share it here, so maybe others can join me in prayer for these things that are so important to me.

*****

Dear Father,

You have created us all in your own image. I don’t believe you have left anyone out of your great bounty and the hope for eternal life, in spite of what some Christians and others believe. I don’t believe that Christ’s death on the cross was a “limited atonement” meant only for a select few (as Calvinists believe). I believe he died for us all, and offers all of us the chance for redemption and healing, no matter how hopeless things may seem.

PTSD, C-PTSD, and narcissistic abuse survivors.

God, please shower your grace and compassion on all victims of narcissistic abuse and all people suffering from PTSD and C-PTSD, that they may find comfort in your arms and be able to trust again, realize that there is still goodness in the world, and eventually, that they may find loving, healthy relationships and friendships that do not turn abusive. Many survivors have turned to you when everyone else seemed to be turning away from them and rejecting them, and found that you were there and were listening. But many, especially if they were rejected or scapegoated by their own families, are so damaged they have trouble trusting anyone at all, even You. Please give them the courage to turn to you when things are at their darkest and it seems like they have no allies. Please help them to trust you, and to heal from abuse, regain their sense of self worth and self-esteem, and be whole and happy again. Please show them that what happened to them didn’t happen in vain, and that they are so much stronger than they realize because of the adversity they had to face. Please let them feel the loving arms of Jesus Christ holding and protecting them from harm. Guide them on the path to become whole again, and to use what they learned to help others heal, should that be your will for them.

Also, although anger is a necessary stage of healing (in order to leave an abusive situation or person), please allow victims who become trapped in their anger and hatred to be able to move on from it, because only then will healing be possible. I’ve seen too many survivors who remain so mired in rage that they take on the traits of their abusers and acquire a victim mentality that does not allow them to move forward in their journey to healing.

As for myself, please don’t let me stray from the path you have set me on, which is beginning to be revealed to me. Please don’t allow me to become bogged down by envy, selfishness, or pride. Don’t allow me to let my own will get in the way of what you have planned for me, for whenever I have forced my own will, it always turned out to be all wrong.

People with NPD, BPD and other Cluster B disorders.

God, please show these broken people who have made so many bad choices and act out toward others–usually because as children they were shamed for their own vulnerability by abusive caregivers or parents–that they do not need to rely on primitive defense mechanisms, abusive or aggressive behavior, or a “false self” in order to survive and be happy. Please show them the beauty of their own inner vulnerability and that being sensitive can be a great strength and is never a weakness. Please lift the scales from their eyes and show them that the things they have learned to believe about themselves and others are lies–and the truth is the opposite of what they have always believed. Please remove the fear and shame keeps them trapped inside cold, dark walls that separate them from their own vulnerability and the light of your grace. If there’s a glimmer of their original soul left in them, please help that spark grow like a mustard seed within them and burn away the darkness that surrounds it. Make them aware that their defense mechanisms are only allowing them to live the stunted, painful life of an emotional cripple, and that by jettisoning authentic feeling, they also jettison love, empathy and joy. With fewer people with narcissism and other “predatory” disorders in the world, there will be fewer abuse victims too.

In particular, please make my mother aware of what has happened to her (due to no fault of her own) and what she became, even at her very advanced age. Even if it’s too late for her to be healed, at least remove the scales from her eyes and allow her the grace of redemption.

Our increasingly narcissistic society.

Over the past 30 – 40 years, our western society–especially in America–has become increasingly cold, callous, lacking in empathy and compassion, materialistic, hubristic, and narcissistic. Wealth and power are valued over compassion and love. Individual achievement is valued over community involvement. Greed and an “I got mine!” attitude is valued over altruism and compassion for the less fortunate.

Even families buy into this lie to the point of scapegoating family members who fail to “keep up” (or who are vulnerable or attempt to expose the family dysfunction). Intolerance of those who are different, hatred, and racism abound. Every day people die because they are the wrong color, wrong religion, or have a lifestyle that the Powers That Be believe is wrong. Our society is like a huge dysfunctional family, complete with its narcissistic and abusive leaders, its golden children, and its scapegoats. This should not be the case. God, please heal the hatred and fear that permeate our society and keeps people from being neighborly and charitable toward one another. Please make dysfunctional families whole and healthy again, and give the scapegoats of both society and of dysfunctional families relief from their suffering and pain. Make “the least of these” realize they are as worthwhile and valuable to you as the powerful ruling class who seems to have every earthly thing.

I ask these things in the name of your son, Jesus Christ. Amen.