Always waiting for the other shoe to drop…

An older post that I’d forgotten I wrote, but I think people will be able to relate to the traumatic experience I describe here.

Lucky Otters Haven

afraid-to-be-happy

I think I made a kind of breakthrough in my therapy session tonight. For years one of my problems has been this overwhelming fear that something bad will happen to one of my kids. (I don’t like to even say the D word because I irrationally believe if I say it, I’ll somehow make it happen, by putting it out into the universe or something).

Of course all parents worry about their adult kids, especially when they know they’re out there somewhere in cars, which we all know are dangerous hunks of metal capable of the most ghastly and gory deaths you can imagine and operated by countless idiots and drunks on the road who can’t drive. I think my apprehension about something bad happening to my adult children edges into OCD-type territory though, because of how overpowering and pervasive these thoughts are, intruding where and when they are not…

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About luckyotter

Recovering from BPD and C-PTSD due to narcissistic abuse from childhood. Married to a sociopath for 20 years. Proud INFJ, Enneagram type 4w5. Animal lover, music lover, cat mom, unapologetic geek, fan of the absurd, progressive Catholic, mom to 2, mental illness stigma activist, anti-Trumper. #RESISTANCE
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One Response to Always waiting for the other shoe to drop…

  1. Fear of harm syndrome, common to victims of parental narcissism. I had dreams that my toddler got killed. In retrospect I realize no “fear” dream is from God, therefore it cannot be a prediction of truth.

    My son is now 28 and very healthy. One time more recently I dreamt he was a toddler again and could barely breath. I had been fearing he was making mistakes with his life, or the victim of his own father’s behavioral disorders.

    Interesting, the very next day the sermon at mass was about Jesus telling the mother “Fear not” , bringing her son back to life, and giving him back to her.

    Like

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