Haters gonna hate.

Posted on May 10, 2015 by luckyotter

For the past few days I’ve allowed a group of online bullies to really get me down and even make me consider not blogging anymore (God forbid, that will NEVER happen!)

I’m not willing to stop posting my unpopular opinions about controversial issues. I’m not going to censor myself for fear that certain small-minded people might not like me.

Someone pointed out something important though. If I’m going to take negativity from others so much to heart, then I either need to stop posting about controversial things that might make people upset, or accept the fact I’m going to have haters, especially since this blog is getting more popular.

I’ll keep the haters.

Opinionated Man is one of my blogging heroes. From the very beginning, his blog has inspired me. He has one of the most popular personal blogs on the Internet, but he sometimes posts his unpopular opinions and admits he has many haters who would love nothing more than for him to take down his blog. A lot of this is probably due to envy because of the swift growth of his blog, which has 50K plus followers. So obviously many more people like what he has to say, than those who want him to fall into a manhole and get trapped in it.

It’s a very small group of people who have been giving me trouble. I have so many more supporters and friends and I should focus on them, rather than on those who wish me or this blog ill. I’m like a person who frets about the one person scowling at me at a party, even though everyone else is happy to see me.

Not long ago, I wrote this post about having the courage to write about what you want. I need to follow my own advice.

Anyone know where I can buy a skin-thickening agent?

I need to set the record straight, for all the good it’s going to do.

Posted on May 8, 2015 by luckyotter

Several ACON bloggers over at Blogger are VERY upset with me right now. It all started with the article I posted last week about not bashing all narcissists. I won’t bother to link it here. Most of you who follow this blog have seen the article and have been following the ensuing drama.

Somehow now I’ve become a “narc sympathizer,” but not only that, they say I’m hurting victims of abuse and dismissing their experiences. That is simply not true at all. I feel that the person that initially read the article and posted about it on their blog didn’t read it carefully. Heck, even the title was missing the word “all” which does change the entire context of what I was saying! (she finally made that correction but it’s too late — the damage is done).

I’m so sick and tired of this whole stupid drama and just want to move on from it and forget it ever happened. I am sure others would like that too. Maybe I shouldn’t have posted that article at all, but at the time I saw no reason not to. I had no idea it would be as triggering and upsetting to some as it proved to be. If I knew it would be that triggering, I probably would not have posted it, or at least mulled it over a few days before making a decision to post it. But heck, it’s my blog. Why should I not be allowed to post an opinion on my blog, even if it’s not a popular one????

All because of that article, I’ve read the following things written about me on several other blogs: I’m a narc sympathizer; I’m trying to be “popular,” I’m trying to be cool, I’m a narcissist, I’m flirting with evil, I don’t care about or have empathy for victims of abuse, I am trying to SILENCE abuse victims (?!?), I’m trying to get people to forgive their abusers, I only care about the narcs.

But that’s not all! Now it seems I’m a thief too. Okay, I need to explain how THAT got started. About a month or two ago, I linked to an article written by another ACON blogger–because I liked the article. Yes, it is true that I linked to it on the day it was posted (I understand that was part of the objection). That was probably bad manners but I didn’t know that at the time I linked to it. I stand corrected. I did NOT copy the article here, nor did I take credit for it. I credited the author and I wrote a nice intro. To read the article, you must click on the link and will be taken to that blogger’s page. How is that stealing? If anything, it should have brought the blogger more hits. Why is it such an issue?

Here at WordPress, we reblog each other’s posts all the time. I guess reblogging a Blogger post is bad etiquette. (sorry, I didn’t know!) If that blogger wants me to remove the link to her blog, she can simply ask and I will happily do so. Really, I didn’t think it was hurting anyone and if it were me, I would have been flattered. But no, I’m being accused of STEALING the article, because I can’t think of original ideas of my own (“riding on other people’s coattails” was how someone put it).

Let me set the record straight on THAT too: I have original ideas and plenty of them, but there are some days I’m simply too tired or time-pressed to write an original article so I’ll reblog someone else’s. I ALWAYS give credit. Word Press bloggers don’t mind this; we do it all the time. Other bloggers here have reblogged my articles. They don’t ask for permission first. It’s pretty standard form. Whenever I get reblogged I get a notification (pingback/trackback) if it’s a WP blogger. I guess from now on I must only reblog WP bloggers’ articles because at Blogger, this appears to be bad form.

I just saw a comment from another blogger accusing me of favoritism because I didn’t provide a link to her blog in my blog roll. She said that I probably think I’m “too cool” to provide a link to her blog. No, that’s not it at all. I do not think I’m too cool. I didn’t provide a link to it for the simple reason there are far too many ACON blogs for me to include every last one. It was an oversight, that is all. It was not a personal slight in any way, shape or form. I apologize to this person if she took that as a slight, but I’m sure she doesn’t want me to link to her blog now anyway, since now I’m one of the “narc sympathizers” or even a narcissist myself.

I feel like I’ve been unfairly maligned, demonized, accused, and attacked. Words I never said are being put in my mouth, my original message was twisted into something completely different than what I was actually saying, things are being assumed about me that simply aren’t true, and now there’s a hate campaign against me, at least at Blogspot. People I thought were friends have turned against me and have apparently joined this hate campaign. Maybe they want me to take this blog down. Sorry, but I won’t do that.

I just don’t understand why if some people don’t like a blog or its author, just don’t follow that blog? Why pile on and bully the blogger? Isn’t abuse something we are all trying to get away from? Am I attacking other bloggers here? Have I started a hate campaign against anyone? NO I HAVE NOT.

All this coming from people who are abuse victims themselves, people who KNOW what it’s like to be shunned, ignored, mistreated and bullied. People who are supposed to have empathy. Why the need to scapegoat me and this blog, just because they disagree with something I wrote-and didn’t read the article right in the first place? I’m a victim just like they are, have been through the hell of growing up with narcissist parents and being married to a psychopath. I am not a “friend of narcs.” What I have experienced this past week is very hurtful and very damaging. In fact, I’m afraid it’s setting me back in my recovery. Do they feel any empathy at all for the way all this makes me feel? Do they CARE? I wonder about that.

Sorry, but I’m not taking this blog down. No one is going to silence me. I am so tired of some people making wrong assumptions and putting words in my mouth and attributing ill intentions to me and this blog just because they disagreed with something I wrote a week ago. This ABUSE and GASLIGHTING has gotten way, WAY out of hand and just. will. not. stop.
Do these people care how I feel at all?

I just want to move on and post about other things. I’m so sick of the drama. I’m sick of having to rehash the fallout of that article over and over and over. I am sick of constantly feeling like I’m on the defensive.

This blog was the one place I felt safe. It was the one thing that made me happy in my otherwise unhappy life. Now I don’t feel safe blogging anymore. I have no where else to turn. Somehow I must have the courage to keep pressing on and not let haters terrorize me back into my small joyless life where I have no voice at all.

Please, to those of you who keep pressing this issue, can we please just let it drop now? If you can’t feel compassion for the way your treatment of me is making me feel, can you please just ignore me and not visit this blog anymore? I won’t post on your blogs or say anything else about the matter. I just want this to be OVER already.

ETA: It’s gotten worse.
One of the flying monkeys wrote this to mock this rant.
http://rumblestripq.blogspot.com/2015/05/spring-time-for-hitler-and-germany.html
It was followed by this comment from the author:
“If any litigious individuals want to fuck with me, get familiar with the term summary judgment.”

This is beyond cruel and unusual. I had no idea the hatred was this severe or the individuals involved this malignant.
I also read a comment saying my writing makes no sense. It just doesn’t stop.

Shifting this blog’s focus.

Posted on May 5, 2015 by luckyotter

When I started this blog back in September, its primary intent was to provide an outlet for me to journal about my experiences as a victim of narcissistic abuse and try to understand what happened to me. My early articles were far angrier than most of those I write now, because I was just emerging from a long-term relationship with a malignant narcissist and was still suffering from PTSD to some extent. I was finding my bearings as an independent person and learning how to make my own decisions and find out who I really was.

It was the best thing I ever did. Journaling brought me far, so very far–but lately I’ve wondered why I’ve been having more trouble coming up with new ideas and getting less excited about what I do post.

I feel like this blog has been stagnating. I’ve been less interested in focusing on my past and all the negativity that goes with that. I’m moving on and growing, but something happened that really brought home the fact I was ready to take this blog (and me) to the next level.

At first it seemed like a negative, hurtful thing, but today I realized what happened was exactly what needed to happen to bring me to the next level and take this blog new places it hasn’t gone before. As I’ve said so many times before, everything that happens can be a learning experience. People who appear to be your enemies can actually be your teachers.

It was brought to my attention–due to a very controversial article I wrote the other day (far more controversial than I realized it would be!)–that most or many ACONs object to what they think of as my “narc hugging.” Some people have said I’m too wishy washy about them because of statements I have made where I’ve admitted I have some empathy for them (actually I only have empathy for what they could have been, not for the way they are now). Several people I thought were friends have even speculated that I’m a narcissist myself! That hurt a lot. I briefly considered not blogging anymore!

But I think there’s a lot of misunderstanding surrounding Borderlines, who can easily be mistaken for narcissists to those who don’t know much about the other Cluster B disorders. I think that’s why I need to write more about BPD.

I never did and still don’t accept the things narcissists do, and will never forget the abuse they inflicted on me. I will also never stop empathizing and trying to offer support to those of you who have suffered such abuse. I understand how painful and frightening it is. I have been there. But at the same time, I’m simply tired of focusing on all the negatives and on my sad and abusive past. Instead, my desire is to better understand people with NPD (let me reiterate this does NOT in any way mean I condone or approve of their abusive behaviors). This does not in any way mean I think we should give them the benefit of the doubt or continue to stay with them.

I also have recently become interested in further exploring my own Borderline personality disorder, and as a Cluster B disorder, writing about BPD isn’t taking me too far away from the original focus of this blog. I’ve already been writing about BPD a lot more lately anyway.

So to sum up, while I will still address the serious issue of narcissistic abuse and offer a place for victims to vent and get support, future articles will focus more on understanding both NPD and BPD (and other personality disorders), without “selling out” or turning against victims of abuse or forgetting what we have all been through.

I already started this shift when I started writing articles about treating or healing narcissism (I have now included BPD in the static page about that because treatment methods for both disorders are so similar).

I just felt like this blog had reached a place where it couldn’t go any further with the focus it had. I wasn’t getting as excited about writing new posts anymore and I couldn’t figure out why. Now I know why–I needed a change in focus. I didn’t realize that was the solution until several people vehemently objected to the article I mentioned above.

I don’t approve of narcissism, but I simply don’t need all that anger and negativity in my life anymore. I feel like I’m coming to a place where I want to better understand the people who abused me, and that will help me better understand myself.

I realize I may lose a few followers in implementing this shift (I think I already have when I posted the linked article above), but I don’t think it will be many, because really, not a whole lot will change. In addition, I also expect to gain a new type of follower that might have looked askance at this blog before as just another ACON blog. Another way of saying this is I hope more Borderlines will follow this blog.

I feel like I’m growing and moving forward, and making this slight change will help me with this transition. You may have noticed I changed the blog’s title back to it’s original, “Lucky Otter’s Haven” and took out “Museum of Narcissism” because I will also be writing about BPD just as much as NPD. I also think “haven” has a more positive feel to it than “museum of narcissism,” which suggests a sort of freak show. Running a freak show is not my purpose or desire. I also changed the tagline.

I hope most of you welcome these changes and continue to read and support this blog.

God bless,
Lauren Bennett

The top 6!

Posted on May 5, 2015 by luckyotter

Because I can’t think of anything more interesting to post about right now, here are my Top 6 most popular articles since I started this blog back in September, that have at least 1,001 hits apiece. (I am not including static pages–my Homepage/archives would have the #1 spot if I did that).

1. 20 Songs About Narcissists (#s 11-20) : 3,702 hits

2. 20 Songs About Narcissists (#s 1-10): 1,914 hits

3. Narcissism is a Family Disease: 1,821 hits

4. Famous People Who Have NPD: 1,222 hits

5. Anyone Remember Merrimints: Well, They’re Back (Sort of): 1,191 hits

6. My Son is Furry — Got a Problem With That? 1,001 hits

Other than #3, all these articles have something to do with pop culture or junk food. Not too surprising actually.

I don’t care who reads this blog.

Posted on May 1, 2015 by luckyotter

Back in February, my parents discovered this blog, despite my using a fake name. At first I was horrified, and then decided to write a letter to them and post it here in an attempt to defuse what I thought could be an…awkward situation.

Of course nothing happened. It’s not like my family (my mother in particular) has much to do with me anyway. I don’t use anyone’s real names so I can’t be sued. The worst that could happen would be…(drum roll please) SHE MIGHT SAY BAD THINGS ABOUT ME. 😮
Woo.

My FOO was already saying bad things about me anyway. After awhile of being afraid to post things about them, I started to again. I figured why the f*ck not.

It occurred to me maybe they were supposed to find it. Maybe it was God’s will. Maybe reading about how I felt for a change might even be GOOD for them. It’s certainly been good for me to get it out of my system–and has had the added benefit of opening up doors I thought were locked forever or never knew were there at all.

They look down on me because I never became “successful.” Well, I may yet become successful–not quite the way they had hoped though.

Writing about narcissism (and mental disorders caused by abuse) is my calling. It’s what I was born to do. I’ve never been more passionate about anything, ever. The life I was given was the best education I could have ever hoped for and has led to this.

Now my psychopathic ex knows I have a blog about narcissism too. He is trying to find it. He probably will. It’s not that hard to find. Apparently one of my kids told him and he’s worried that I might be writing about him.

Not bragging, but…

Posted on April 30, 2015 by luckyotter

Why you see more ads here now.

Posted on April 27, 2015 by luckyotter

After giving this a lot of thought, I decided to opt for running additional ads through WordPress’s WordAds program. Here was my article about why I decided to run ads at all.

My primary intent for this blog is NOT to make money. It’s not as if I can make a living at in anyway right now. I also love doing this so much I’d do it for free forever. Hell, I’d PAY to do this! (Hopefully Comcast doesn’t get its way in this whole Net Neutrality fight and turn the whole Internet the way TV has gone, where you’d have to pay Comcast to be able to access your usual websites. That would suck so hard, especially for those of us who are…financially challenged.)

But my dream is to be able to quit my regular job and blog and write for a living. I made $20 last month ($46.85 total from January – March) by running the one big ad that appears under the first article. (I do not get to choose which ads are run or their placement, but I do have the option to remove anything I think is offensive). Because this blog is growing fairly quickly and I have decided to run additional ads, I should start making more money from this now. It probably won’t be enough to enable me to do this for a living right away, but it’s a step in the right direction.

I must confess I don’t care for the look of the additional ads, which now appear above the title of this blog and along the top of the sidebar (for the small ads) and another large one under the second article. I think it makes the blog look a bit tacky and cluttered. I certainly hope it doesn’t make loading this site slower.

Please let me know if you are having any problems with the addition of the extra ads, or if it’s slowing down loading for you. I’m not sure if anything could be done about that if it is a problem, but I would like your feedback anyway.

Again, I apologize for the cluttered look but after giving this a lot of thought, I decided it was worth it if there’s a possibility I could make a living doing this.

I write so my head won’t explode.

Posted on April 23, 2015 by luckyotter

Alaina, a frequent commenter on this blog, said she almost named her blog “I Write So My Head Won’t Explode” but decided it was too stupid to be a blog name.

I think it’s great. So great I decided to write an article with that name. It’s great because it’s the truth. If I didn’t have this blog and wasn’t able to write every day about the good, the bad, and the ugly, I think I would have gone insane by now.

Writers are by nature people with issues. We have mental problems. That’s why we write. If we didn’t write, we’d be drinking, drugging, sleeping all day or stuffing our faces with junk food, or engaging in any number of other unhealthy and self-destructive activities. I know I did until I started writing.

If you can write, you are blessed. If you enjoy and are good at any creative endeavor (writing, art, acting, singing, dancing, etc.) that can add something useful, entertaining, educational or beautiful to the world and at the same time provide an outlet for your deepest, most painful or confusing emotions, for the love of God, use your God-given gift.

Writing is my safety valve. It’s something I love doing that isn’t going to destroy my mind or my body. But it’s a discipline too. Sometimes I have to force myself to write, even when I don’t want to. I’m always glad I did.

As ACONs and survivors of narcissistic abuse, we also have a calling and a responsibility to educate others about what we have experienced. Nothing happens for no reason. We were given the lives we were given as an education so we could help others. Part of our responsibility as narcissism bloggers is exposing the N’s of the world who have nothing but ill will for other human beings–and we do that through writing.

Since my daughter moved out Tuesday night, I’ve been more depressed than usual. In fact, I haven’t been this depressed in over a year. It’s not so much because she’s not here(though I do miss her), but that she lied to me when she was leaving. I confronted her about the lie yesterday–she told me her grandfather had sent her birthday money in a card, when he actually did not because I called him and asked–and she explained it was a bluff because she thought maybe I had stolen it and was possibly trying to get money out of me (playing on my “guilt” for having “stolen” it).

I felt betrayed and hurt by her lack of trust in me as well as her lying to me in such a mean spirited way. It’s been bothering me since it happened. It made me worry that she may really be a narcissist and not a borderline at all. I started thinking maybe she was diagnosed with BPD so her insurance would pay for her treatment (I don’t think NPD is covered by most insurance companies). I really don’t want my daughter to have NPD. It’s a painful and horrible thing to face–that your own kid who you love more than anything in the universe, may be a narc. I’d rather believe she has BPD. Maybe that’s all it is. I hope.

Yesterday I didn’t even go to work, I was so depressed about all this. I lay in bed sleeping most of the day instead, which is what I do when I’m depressed. Of course that just made me feel even worse. I didn’t want to write, I just wanted to sleep and feel sorry for myself.

But I also felt like pressure was building up in my head and that if I didn’t write, my brain might explode. So I forced myself to write, and I did feel a lot better–I no longer feel stressed to the point that I think I have to wear a head truss to to keep it in one piece.

Why did WordPress get rid of the “classic editor”?

Posted on April 23, 2015 by luckyotter

I haven’t mentioned it, but for the past few weeks, I no longer seem to have the option to switch to the old WordPress editor. I’ve been forced to use the “beep beep boop” new editor, which I can’t stand. I’m really afraid WP might make the old stats page disappear too, which shows far more information and is easier to use (in my opinion) than the “new and improved” stats page.

Why does WP keep dumbing down the blogging experience, and taking away features that improve that experience for its users? I don’t know one person who prefers the “new and improved” versions of the editor and stats page.

What gives, WordPress?

I also noticed the StumbleUpon share button is no longer available. Why?

Here is my previous rant about these “new and improved” features. Judging by the comments, I’m not alone in my dissatisfaction and disgust.
Here is another one.

ETA: I finally found out what you must do to get to the Classic (old) editor.
Go to WP-Admin page.
Click on Posts–add New.
Too bad there’s no “switch to Classic editor” option anymore.

Apparently WP is dead set on forcing this “beep beep boop” editor on us in spite of an OVERWHELMING number of people disliking it.
Here is a screenshot of the poll asking what editor people preferred. Wow!

Please vote in this poll if you hate the new editor!
http://www.poll-maker.com/poll277402x1D5c4173-10

I finally broke 4K views per week!

Posted on April 19, 2015 by luckyotter

Click graph to enlarge.

The most views I’ve ever had for one day remains 862 (on December 25th of all days!), but I’ve never broken 4,000 views in one week before. 😀 I think it’s a good sign.