An interesting and slightly scary walk along the narcissistic continuum, from “healthy” (adaptive) narcissism up to sociopathic or malignant narcissism…
Song about narcissistic abuse: It’s In Your Head (introspectrum)
My friend who is in recovery from narcissistic abuse has started an indie rock band and has a great new song about her experience.
Here is what she has to say:
Hello everyone!!
I put a band together as a way to heal from Narcissistic abuse, after the Narc I knew told me I needed to give him my Gibson Les Paul and that I’d never play music in a band called, NarCissistic Mary. Here is the Sound Cloud link to my first studio recorded song called, “Its In Your Head” (Introspectrum). I will be releasing more songs shortly with my band. Please join me and will all journey together artistically and musically on my Facebook band page called: NarCissistic Mary (the capital C is intentional!)
Thanks 🙂
Here is the song on Soundcloud–enjoy! And please share.
Letting go of fear.
Sometimes I have funny thoughts when I’m just lying on my bed half asleep. It’s at those times my subconscious mind sometimes bubbles into consciousness (which makes the half asleep state similar to meditation). Anyway, the thought I had was simple and profound. I was just lying there with random thoughts drifting through my head, and thinking about how “small” my life is, how little I have both materially and emotionally. But it wasn’t self pity, it was just an observation of reality. Suddenly another thought bubbled into awareness: you only get what you put out.
“You only get what you put out.” Suddenly I was wide awake and almost shocked by the simplicity of this message. I thought about how little I put into anything–I have very little interest in most things, don’t join anything, don’t take any action, don’t reach out to people, don’t look for new opportunities (or even recognize them when they are staring me in the face), always make excuses, always allow things to just “happen.” And then I wonder why I feel like life controls me, rather than the other way around. I realized that my life isn’t *horrible* really (many people have it much worse), it’s just extremely unsatisfying and seems empty and devoid of any color or life. That’s because I approach it with very little enthusiasm and don’t want to make the effort to take on more or reach out to other people.
And why is this? It’s because of fear. I’m afraid of..everything. To let go of fear, somehow..and replace that fear with love…that’s the remedy for all my problems.
To become comfortable with myself and allow vulnerability into the equation requires letting go of fear. Recognizing and embracing vulnerability is the most courageous thing any of us trapped by fear and its outer trappings (narcissism, irrational anger, avoidance, all the personality disorders, etc.) will ever have to do. But it’s the only way.
It sounds easy…but it’s not. Letting go of fear is the hardest thing I’ll ever have to do. I’m used to it. I’ve had it all my life. I don’t know how to live without it. It’s a dysfunctional relationship, the one I have with fear, and I’m codependent to it.
Surviving the holidays
Ugh. It seems to be that time again. Now that Halloween’s over, all the Christmas decorations are going up. Annoying Christmas carols being blasted in all the stores. Even more annoying office Christmas parties and fakey-cheerful people wearing Santa hats and reindeer antlers. Please. Bah humbug.
What happened to Thanksgiving? Does anyone care about it anymore? Oh, that’s right–everyone’s rushing out after eating to be the first in line at the stores for Black Friday deals. 🙄
Anyway, I wrote this last year but I thought it was time to post it again.
I relate to Charlie Brown. As a kid, “Peanuts” was my favorite comic strip (I owned all the Peanuts books too), and Charlie Brown was a lot like me–fearful of what others thought of him, frequently bullied and taken advantage of, and often pessimistic. But he also had a good heart, and his faithful dog Snoopy brought joy to his life when he was ready to give up. So I have used some photos from the classic “A Charlie Brown Christmas” in my post.
The holidays are a rough time for many people, but they are especially hard on those of us who have been victims of narcissistic abuse and been cut off (or have gone No Contact) with our families. It sure doesn’t help either that I have SAD (seasonal affective disorder) and become very depressed during the shortest and coldest days of the year.
I have described the…
View original post 1,222 more words
The best of fall and spring.
Here’s a collection of my favorite photos from each week I did this series.
Spring.
March 8th:
March 15th:
March 22nd:
March 29th:
April 5th:
April 12th:
April 20th:
April 25th:
May 3rd:
Fall:
September 7th:
September 13th:
September 20th:
September 27th:
October 7th:
October 17th:
October 24th:
November 5th:
New look!
I decided to completely change the header, background and blurb. I think it’s cleaner and less clunky looking, and it was time for something new. I hope everyone likes it.
Welp, I have a therapist!
I didn’t think I could afford psychodynamic therapy, but there’s a program called Open Path Collective, and the rates are about half the market rate. All you need to do is pay a $49 lifetime membership fee to have access to their list of therapists. I already chose a therapist in my area who has weekend and evening hours and who specializes in trauma, PTSD and attachment issues. This is real psychodynamic therapy that gets to the roots of the problems, not just behavioral treatment, which is usually all that’s available when you’re limited on funds.
I feel really good about this decision, because for months I’ve known I really needed it. I can’t do this on my own anymore. I’m actually excited about it. As soon as I get my Member ID in my email, I can set up my first appointment. 🙂
A blog for the INFJ personality type.
I just found a blog for INFJs today, called, simply enough, The INFJ Blog. INFJ happens to be my personality type.
INFJ is one of the rarest Myers-Briggs personality types. The letters stand for Introverted-iNtuitive-Feeling-Judging. (their opposites are Extroverted, Sensing, Thinking, Perceiving). Here’s a good description of this personality type.
Making up anywhere from 1 to 3 percent of the population, INFJ is considered to be the rarest of the 16 Myers-Briggs personality types. For this reason, INFJs often struggle with feeling different or weird, and so they often hide large parts of their personality from others, until they feel comfortable enough to reveal their true selves.
INFJs are introverts, and like any other introvert, they place a high value on alone time. They love spending time with those they are close too, but need just as much, if not more, time to themselves in order to ¨recharge¨. Even as introverts, INFJs have a strong love of people. They genuinely care about understanding others to the point that at times it can even become an obsession. Since INFJs know what it’s like to feel misunderstood, they spend a lot of time trying to really dissect the personalities of others and understand their true feelings and intentions. This often leads an INFJ to put the needs of close friends and family before their own. It is important for INFJs to spend just as much time paying attention to their own wants and needs in order to live a peaceful and happy existence.
Like other idealists, INFJs are imaginative, creative and dream of helping to make the world a better place. INFJs may at first impression come across as overly agreeable, but they have strong ideals and values, especially when it comes to helping others, and stubbornly stick to these values regardless of the person or situation. Others are usually shocked to see the side of the INFJ that comes out when their values are dismissed or questioned.
INFJs are known as the Counselor type, and it is no surprise that many INFJs choose counseling or a similar field as a career choice. INFJs are potentially the best type when it comes to helping others deal with their problems. Because of their extroverted feeling function, they are able to see the issue from the other persons perspective, but use their introverted intuition and thinking functions to separate themselves from the situation and guide the person down a healthier path. As introverts and feeling types, INFJs are great listeners and genuinely care about the concerns of others, which is a trait that makes them very appealing, and even if it is not their profession, INFJs often find themselves playing the Counselor role among friends, family, coworkers and sometimes even casual acquaintances.
INFJs are perfectionists and spend a lot of time thinking about how to make themselves and others better. In relationships, they are best matched with people who share their ideals and also strive for growth both personally and within the relationship. The ideal partner for an INFJ is someone who listens and makes effort to understand the INFJ and who also allows the INFJ to be their true selves without judgment or criticism.
Read more at The INFJ Blog.
I’m looking forward to reading more of the articles.
For further reading:
The 16 MBTI Personality Types: http://www.myersbriggs.org/my-mbti-personality-type/mbti-basics/the-16-mbti-types.htm
Why introverts hate talking on the phone.
Finally, someone gets it! I detest phones. The lack of visual cues, the awkward silences, the AUDACITY of an annoying and insistent ringing phone interrupting me when I’m deep in thought, dropped calls that wind up having you talking to no one at all…ENOUGH! I hate phones and have always hated phones. At least nowadays I can see who’s calling and choose to answer by text instead of calling back or having to answer.
Why Introverts Hate Talking on the Phone
The other day, while talking on Skype with one of my best friends, I realized that something was horribly wrong. The video option was turned off. And, as we all know, Skype without video is just a phone.
Like most introverts, I detest talking on the phone. This begs the question, why do introverts hate the phone so much? After giving it some thought, I’ve come up with a few possibilities.
Lets begin with the ring. Whether your phone sings, buzzes or plays a piano tune, a ringing telephone is annoying. The phone doesn’t care that you are busy, or deep in thought. It pays no mind to the fact that you really don’t feel like talking right now. A ringing phone wants your attention – and it wants it RIGHT NOW!
I once had a friend who often put his home phone in the fridge in order to avoid its intrusive squawking. Thankfully, cell phones can be set to silent or vibrate.
Read the rest of this article here.
The progression of autumn: November 5
This is the last post in this series. Enjoy!
Previous posts in this series:
October 24th: https://luckyottershaven.com/2015/10/24/the-progression-of-autumn-october-24/
October 17th: https://luckyottershaven.com/2015/10/17/the-progression-of-autumn-october-17/
October 7th: https://luckyottershaven.com/2015/10/07/the-progression-of-autumn-october-7/
September 27th: https://luckyottershaven.com/2015/09/27/the-progression-of-autumn-september-27/
September 20th: https://luckyottershaven.com/2015/09/20/the-progression-of-autumn-september-20/
September 13th: https://luckyottershaven.com/2015/09/13/the-progression-of-autumn-september-13/
September 7th: https://luckyottershaven.com/2015/09/07/the-progression-of-autumn-september-7/
Lucky Otters Haven 