I’ve always railed against the fake kind of happiness whose intent is to diminish, belittle, and avoid responsibility or compassion, but there’s certainly nothing wrong with a little authentic positivity. When you really think about it, there are always things to be grateful for, no matter how seemingly insignificant they are.
So let’s start the new year thinking of things to be grateful for.
1. My relationship with God
2. My church
3. My empathetic therapist
4. My incredible son and daughter
5. My 2 cats
6. my small but cozy home
7. my 2 blogs, one which has grown enough I make a little money from it (about $40 a month from ads)
8. my ability to write what I feel and write it well (most of the time)
9. music — almost all kinds
10. my insight into myself (even my therapist is impressed)
Music always lifts my soul, so here’s a few of my favorite mood-lifting songs (this is by no means all of them!)
This ’90s rock hit, meant ironically or not, always makes me feel better even when I’m at my lowest.
I think James Taylor was talking about God here:
This emotional ballad helped me get through some really rough times.
I never grow tired of this huge dance hit from about 2 years ago because it’s just such a great song with a positive vibe and it makes me want to turn somersaults all over my house (which I can’t do but I still want to!)
My friend Mary’s ’90s-style hard rocker, “It’s In Your Head,” a song about narcissistic abuse, is now up on Youtube! (I posted the soundcloud version a few weeks back).
Please listen! She and her band are great. More new music from them will be coming soon!
Mary is a huge inspiration to me because since she left her abuser(s), she has come out of her shell and had the confidence to finally discover her musical talents and put together her band.
The two mirror images of Mary with her guitar form two white owls. You might have to look at the graphic from a distance, but it’s clear as day once you see it. Mary assured me this was COMPLETELY unintentional. So eerie!
My friend who is in recovery from narcissistic abuse has started an indie rock band and has a great new song about her experience.
Here is what she has to say:
Hello everyone!!
I put a band together as a way to heal from Narcissistic abuse, after the Narc I knew told me I needed to give him my Gibson Les Paul and that I’d never play music in a band called, NarCissistic Mary. Here is the Sound Cloud link to my first studio recorded song called, “Its In Your Head” (Introspectrum). I will be releasing more songs shortly with my band. Please join me and will all journey together artistically and musically on my Facebook band page called: NarCissistic Mary (the capital C is intentional!)
Thanks 🙂
Here is the song on Soundcloud–enjoy! And please share.
The following story intrigued me and I think there’s a lesson here about appreciation that gets lost as we grow older. Small children are fascinated by everything, but that fascination soon becomes indifference or even boredom as the cares of the world begin to bear down and the daily grind of survival and “keeping up with the Joneses” seems to take priority over the really important things in life, which are usually the little things we take for granted.
Here’s the story.
A man sat at a metro station in Washington DC and started to play the violin; it was a cold January morning. He played six Bach pieces for about 45 minutes. During that time, since it was rush hour, it was calculated that thousands of people went through the station, most of them on their way to work.
Three minutes went by and a middle aged man noticed there was musician playing. He slowed his pace and stopped for a few seconds and then hurried up to meet his schedule.
A minute later, the violinist received his first dollar tip: a woman threw the money in the till and without stopping continued to walk.
A few minutes later, someone leaned against the wall to listen to him, but the man looked at his watch and started to walk again. Clearly he was late for work.
The one who paid the most attention was a 3 year old boy. His mother tagged him along, hurried but the kid stopped to look at the violinist.
Finally the mother pushed hard and the child continued to walk turning his head all the time. This action was repeated by several other children. All the parents, without exception, forced them to move on.
In the 45 minutes the musician played, only 6 people stopped and stayed for a while. About 20 gave him money but continued to walk their normal pace. He collected $32. When he finished playing and silence took over, no one noticed it. No one applauded, nor was there any recognition.
This is a true story. No one knew this but the violinist was Joshua Bell, one of the top musicians in the world. He played one of the most intricate pieces ever written,with a violin worth 3.5 million dollars. Two days before his playing in the subway, Joshua Bell sold out at a theater in Boston and the seats average $100.
The above scenario was an experiment organized by the Washington Post as part of a sociology study about human perception, taste and priorities. The central question was this: in a commonplace environment at an inappropriate hour, can we perceive beauty?
If we do not have a moment to stop and listen when one of the greatest musicians in the world is playing one of the best music pieces ever written, how many other things are we missing in our daily lives? It’s as if most of us are walking around half asleep. I found it interesting that only the little children actually stopped to listen to the man for any length of time. In some ways, it would benefit us all to be more like a small child.
To make use of the old cliche (because it’s a good one), take time to stop and smell the roses. They fade and wither fast.
A friend sent me this video. Have the tissues ready. 😥
Lyrics:
There’s no place for a sensitive soul
In a space where your ego freely roams
And you’re a little bit narcissistic
And I’m a little too understanding, sadly
So you held me like your rose
Only to watch me whither slowly
But there’s no hope for the weaker minds
This, I know
You can’t take me down
For my fragile heart
I’ll start over now
With my fragile heart
I was bored so I made a video of myself covering Blake Shelton “Sure B Cool if You Did.” I never made a karaoke video before, so I apologize about the poor video quality.
Due to the enormous popularity of my previous articles about this topic (both of which now appear at the top of page one of Google–thanks everyone for making these so popular!), I’m adding ten more songs about narcissists today. Music and narcissism go together well– that’s one good thing narcissism has going for it, I guess. 🙂
The Songs.
1. “The Backstabbers” — The O’Jays
It’s very difficult to find songs about narcissists/psychopaths prior to the 1980s, but here’s an excellent one from the early 1970s.
2. “Ain’t It Fun” — Paramore
Catchy pop offering a badass challenge to a narcissist’s gameplaying.
3. “You Don’t Own Me” — Lesley Gore
Here’s another oldie (from the early ’60s) about a young woman involved with a narcissistic man.
Everyone who reads this blog knows I’m a huge music fan, so I thought I’d start a series of songs about the experience of being Borderline (or being in relationships with Borderlines), as I already have with songs about Narcissism.
Here are 11 songs to get started. I’ll do another one of these later.
I tried to include the lyric videos whenever possible.
1. Green Day: Boulevard of Broken Dreams
A huge 2005 comeback hit by the alternative rock band. I think this song really captures the horror and loneliness of what it’s like to have BPD.
I’m walking down the line that divides me somewhere in my mind
One the borderline of the edge and where I walk alone
Read between the lines what’s fucked up and everything’s alright
Check my vital signs to know that I’m still alive and I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone
My shadow’s the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart’s the only thing that’s beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there would find me
Til then I walk alone
These lines pretty much say it all. It’s a great song.
2. Three Days Grace: I Hate Everything About You
The early 2000’s seemed to have a surplus of songs that described Borderline-like mental conditions. Three Days Grace seemed to specialize in these sort of songs. Here is a song that describes the “splitting” (black and white thinking) Borderlines tend to do in relationships, as well as idealization/devaluation of a lover.
3. Katy Perry: Hot and Cold
A poppier, less serious song about the crazymaking rapid mood swings and tendency toward splitting Borderlines tend to do and the instability of their relationships. Here, Perry is singing to her BPD lover. (Although the word “Bipolar” is mentioned in the song, the lover’s moods swing too rapidly for it to be Bipolar I Disorder, which is characterized by long-term severe mood changes.
The bro-country singer seems to be singing about his girlfriend who displays the unpredictable rapid mood swings of someone with BPD.
5. The Offspring: Self Esteem
Classic early ’90s rocker about a guy who may be a Borderline who appears to be involved with a girl with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Or she could be an abusive Borderline. It’s hard to tell. Anyway, they’re both pretty messed up in the head. I’d say their relationship is doomed. Enjoy the tune.
6. Meat Loaf: Paradise By The Dashboard Light
1978 classic rock song about a guy who appears to be dating a girl who has BPD (or is just extremely demanding and high maintenance, which probably indicates BPD or Histrionic personality disorder anyway).
The girlfriend’s lyric: Stop right there!
I gotta know right now, do you love me?
Will you love me forever? Do you need me?
Will you never leave me?
Will you make me so happy for the rest of my life?
Will you take me away and will you make me your wife?
I gotta know right now before we go any further
Do you love me? And will you love me forever?
What’s it gonna be, boy? Come on
I can wait all night
What’s it gonna be, boy? Yes or no
What’s it gonna be, boy? Yes or no
7. Hurt: Johnny Cash
Some of the most eloquent (and depressing) descriptive lyrics ever. Warning: this song may be extremely triggering.
8. Meredith Brooks: Bitch
The lyrics tell it all. No further editorializing necessary.
9. Radiohead: Creep
The “creep” in this song has either BPD or possibly covert (“vulnerable”) Narcissism. He seems to be severely conflicted between dismally low self esteem and pathological envy. He idealizes his lover and hates her for being “more” than he is. Whatever disorder he has, the self hatred and excruciating pain of his disordered mind is evident.
10. Hole: Doll Parts
The lyrics to “Doll Parts” mirror “Creep” in many ways, especially the idealization/pathological envy of qualities she idealizes, and her desire to “even the score.” Once again, the subject of the song could be either Borderline or NPD. (Courtney Love actually has a BPD diagnosis).
11. Jason Mraz: Beautiful Mess
A tender ballad sung to his obviously Borderline lover.
Due to the enormous popularity of my previous articles about this topic (both of which now appear at the top of page one of Google–thanks everyone for making these so popular!), I’m adding 12 more songs about narcissism. Music and narcissism go together well– that’s one good thing narcissism has going for it, I guess. 🙂
The Songs.
1. “The Backstabbers” — The O’Jays
It’s very difficult to find songs about narcissists/psychopaths prior to the 1980s, but here’s an excellent one from the early 1970s.
2. “Ain’t It Fun” — Paramore
Catchy pop offering a badass challenge to a narcissist’s gameplaying.
3. “You Don’t Own Me” — Lesley Gore
Here’s another oldie (from the early ’60s) about a young woman involved with a narcissistic man.
4. “Mr. Know It All” — Kelly Clarkson
A modern take on Lesley Gore’s lament.
5. “Shadowboxer” — Fiona Apple
Apple’s musical poetry eloquently describes the way narcissistic mind games make you feel. Thanks to Amanda for suggesting this.
6. “Trouble” — Taylor Swift
The intro is pretentious and badly written, but Taylor does seem to have a way of attracting abusive and narcissistic men, at least in her songs, and this one is catchy as anything else she’s done.
7. “Black Sun” — Death Cab for Cutie
Alternative rock song about divorcing a narcissist. Thanks to Sachi for suggesting this one.
8. “Words as Weapons” — Seether
A man’s view on trying to deal with a narcissistic woman.
Lucky Otters Haven 