Year in review: 2016

2016_review

I was concerned because I hadn’t received a 2016 WordPress Year in Review as I did in 2014 and 2015. So I checked the Support forums and found out some bad news–WordPress is not doing those this year.  That makes me sad.  I was really looking forward to that, but it is what it is.

I decided to go ahead and compile my own review which will cover this blog’s most important stats for 2016. I’m following the same format that the automatically-generated annual reports did in the past, so without further ado, here is how Lucky Otters Haven performed in 2016. Of course this post is missing the fun fireworks and other digital doodads the generated reports always had.

Most of these are culled from the WordPress metrics page.

Views and Visitors:

870,190 views

498,114 visitors

1,226,703 views (669,288 visitors) for all time (2014 – 2016)

Likes and Comments:

15,682 Likes
9,545 comments

Busiest Day of the Year:

February 9, 2016 (4,438 views, also my Best Day Ever)

Most Popular Hour:

9:00 PM (5% of views)

Most Popular Day:

Monday (15% of views)

Longest Streak (posting every day without skipping a day):

December 30, 2015 to March 11, 2016

Posting Activity:

postingactivity2016

As you can see, I tend to post the most in January and February (lots of time spent indoors!) and taper off in the fall (when my SAD kicks in).   Last year showed pretty much the same pattern.

Total Posts (all time):

2,029

5 most popular posts:

1. Eight Fun Games Narcissists Like to Play (and one they can’t play): 61,659 views

2. 12 Weird Things You Might See a Narcissist Do: 49,779 views

3. Why Family Scapegoats Become Lifelong Victims: 34,916 views

4. The 7 Things Narcissists Are Most Afraid Of: 30,956 views

5. How To Recognize a Covert Narcissist: 26,235 views

As you can see, my narcissism and narcissistic abuse posts (I include posts about HSPs/empaths and the other personality disorders within this category because there’s so much overlap) continue to be the most popular BY FAR, even though lately I’ve been focusing on a lot of other related and unrelated topics.

The most popular non-narcissism (or related) posts in 2016:

Anyone Remember Merrimints? Well , They’re Back (sort of) is my most popular off-topic post.   This post is in 46th place, with 2,646 views, mostly referred here by foodie forums like Roadfood.com.

My second-most popular non-narcissism related post, Terrible Real Estate Agent Photos, is way down in 56th place, with 2,163 views.

Top 5 Referring Sites in 2016:

1. Google Search: 449,765 views

2. Facebook: 32,515 views

3. StumbleUpon: 17,104 views

4. Twitter: 2,836 views

5. Pinterest: 1,487 views

Where Did My Visitors Come From (Top Ten)?

1. United States: 524,255
2. United Kingdom: 90,395
3. Canada: 54,808
4. Australia: 47,509
5. Netherlands: 12,472
6. Germany: 10,751
7. South Africa: 8,248
8. India: 7,933
9. Ireland: 7,534
10. Sweden: 6,163

Views Around the World:

2017viewers

Total Posts with Comment Followers:

791 posts

Top 5 People Commenting (not including me):

1. Linda Lee: 73 comments
2. nowve666: 31 comments
3. Nyssa The Hobbit: 28 comments
4. Aura Gael: 27 comments
5. Wolfgirl/Bluebird of Bitterness (tie): 21 comments each

Alexa Information:

I have the Alexa toolbar, so I’ll throw this in too (Yeah, I know, Google Analytics is a lot better), but whatevs.

Global Rank:  380,150

Rank in US: 99,801

Bounce Rate:  52.30%

Pageviews (per visitor): 2.90

Daily Time on Site:  10 minutes

Sites Linking In:  28

Lucky Otters Haven’s viewers are almost evenly split between male and female, with males having a slight edge.

The vast majority of Lucky Otters Haven’s readers have some college education, followed by readers with a college degree, and then those with graduate degrees.

*****

That’s it!

Thank you to everyone who has made this blog what it is and continues to visit and comment!

Have a great 2017!

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Heap Coals of Fire on Their Head (A 2017 Thought)

Wise and beautiful thoughts for the new year!

Comments have been disabled. Please leave comments under the original post.

patrickhawthorne01's avatarSGM

By Patrick Hawthorne

brazier

In prayer this morning, I could not get the thought out of my head.  “Heap coals of fire on their head.”  This word was for me, but I thought you might receive from it as well.

Many in the West have taken the verse of Scripture, “Heap coals of fire on their head,”  to mean we are to kill people with kindness…that when someone does us wrong, we are to repay with kindness.  While the thought may sound reasonable, it is totally missing the point.

In the time this was written, coals for home fires was contained in a pot called a brazier.  If a home fire went out, it was customary to run over to the next door neighbors to obtain more coals.  Would you like to take a guess on how the fire was transported?  You got it.  It was on the head.  If the…

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What motivates me to keep going.

treasure

A few people have asked me how I remain so motivated to stay in therapy and so determined to become whole one day, in spite of the many setbacks I’ve faced and the inevitable triggers I’ve willingly confronted. Even my therapist has said I’m one of the most motivated clients he’s come across. People wonder if I’m just a sucker for punishment and even have masochistic tendencies.  Why on earth would I want to voluntarily embrace so much psychic pain instead of opting to remain emotionally numb the way I used to be?

I think the number one motivator for me is that I’ve learned to think of the road to wellness as an adventure of the mind and soul, not unlike climbing Mount Everest or exploring the ocean depths.    The only difference is that it doesn’t involve bodily risk. Staying as emotionally dead as I used to be seems as boring as staring at a wall all day.  Now that I’ve seen a glimpse of what I can attain, I never want to go back.  Knowing what I know now about myself, remaining in that particular hell would drive me insane.  So these days, I’d rather face the unpleasant challenges and do battle with them.   None are too big for me to conquer, even though at times they can seem to be.

By nature, I’m not a huge risk taker, but I’ve always been fascinated by the workings of the human mind.  My own mind is like a labyrinth right before my eyes, but within its dark tunnels and crevices I never know when I’ll find some treasure.

Being in therapy for anyone who suffered severe trauma and abuse can be extremely triggering and at times very painful.    I’ve left some sessions and fallen into vast yawning depressions afterward, feeling lost within the emptiness that I always knew was there even before I knew what was really wrong with me.

Faith that a higher power (or God, if you prefer) will show me the way to the treasure chest I know lies deep within is a huge motivator for me, but even now, without knowing exactly where it lies, occasionally I stumble across evidence that I’m getting closer.   A diamond here, an emerald over there, a small vein of gold embedded in the unforgiving granite.   It gives me hope and motivation to keep going.    I no longer doubt that it’s there….somewhere.   All I need is to keep going.   Therapy provides me with a compass to know which direction to go and the assurance that I won’t die trying to find it.   The journey may appear dangerous at times, but I know it never really is.   Staying mindful helps me conquer any fear that I’ve gone too far or too deep.

Discovering things about yourself that you never knew can be really sobering, even upsetting, but it’s also enlightening.   Awareness and insight about your own motivations is the key to healing from anything that plagues the mind and soul.   Self discovery is always fascinating and full of the unexpected.    It may seem like hard work, and it is, but I know the reward will be worth all the pain, and there are enough pleasant surprises along the way to keep me trudging along the rugged trail.   I can do this!    You can too, if you want it badly enough.

Subtypes of ASPD.

heresjohnny

I never knew that Antisocial Personality Disorder had different subtypes, but it does make sense that it would.     These are Millon’s ten subtypes of ASPD (antisocial personality disorder).   Theodore Millon was a psychologist who specialized in personality disorders and subdivided them into various subtypes.   (In a future article, I’ll write a post about his Borderline Personality Disorder divisions.)

This was a post I found on Psychforums (in the ASPD forum).  I don’t know who wrote it, so I can’t give credit to the original source, only a link to where I found it.

In the post I found, the the term “psychopath” is used, but I think these types more properly describe people with ASPD, most who are sociopaths (an acquired condition due to trauma that may also involve brain dysfunction), not psychopaths (a condition of the brain you are born with that has nothing or little to do with early trauma).   There are also pro-social psychopaths (though all psychopaths lack a conscience), and none of these types seem very pro-social to me.  So even though many psychopaths may fit these subtypes, I think it’s misleading so I took out the term “psychopath” in the subheads.

Unprincipled 

Activities kept near or at the boundaries of the law; stereotyped social roles; con man, charlatan, fast-talking used car salesman.Expansive fantasies and exaggerated sense of self-importance.Willing to take advantage of and humiliate those who leave themselves open to deceit.

May cultivate persuasiveness or charm as a means of getting others to lower their guard, but sees all prosocial behaviour as ultimately self-serving.

Contemptuous of “the system”; working “the system” to avoid punishment seen as just “part of the game“.

Covetous 

Sees self as wrongfully deprived of life’s necessities, leading to envy and resentment.

Compensates by taking what he or she is entitled to as a means of revenging wrong and restoring “karmic balance” in life.

Sees self as a victim of external forces, misunderstood by others and by society.

Manipulates others as a meaning of proving own superiority, as well as avenging attributions of worthlessness.

Smug and contemptuous toward victims, who may be viewed as pawns in the larger game.

Prone to ostentatious displays of conspicuous consumption.

Risk-Taking 

Chronic underarousal leads to risk-taking as means of “feeling alive”.

Fails to realize the consequences of risk-taking; believes that social rules are unnecessarily confining of own sense of adventure.

Eschews normal desire for safety as evidence of cowardice.

Proves own mettle as a means of proving self-esteem and worthiness to self and others.

Disingenuous 

Superficial sociability (or even seductiveness) hides an impulsive, moody and resentful core.

Emotionally labile, prone to excitement-seeking, stimulus-dependant behaviour, lacking in forethought, with a high potential for painful consequences.

Rationalizes and projects blame onto others when attempts to solicit attention go awry.

Spineless

Aggression not intrinsically rewarding; psychopathic acts intended to others that the psychopath is not weak.

Has first-strike mentality; strikes whenever own fearfulness peaks (perhaps in episodes of panic), regardless of objective degree of threat.

Experiences fantasies of vulnerability; sees others as sadistic or exploiting.  [my note–I’m not sure what “fantasies of vulnerability” would refer to]

Abrasive 

Prefers to be overtly contentious, confrontational, antagonistic rather than indirectly manipulative.

Expects hostility from others, and pre-empts insults with own abrasiveness.

Prefers to escalate arguments; experiences pleasure by frustrating others, making them back down.

Inherently oppositional to any form of emotional control; seeks to break constraints simply because they exist.

Tyrannical 

Realizes pleasure through total control of others.

Employs violence instrumentally, to force perceived opponents to cower or submit.

Projects image of power or brutality; supports self-image of power and superiority by inflicting pain and suffering, if not power.

Explosive 

Low frustration threshold, resulting in episodes of uncontrollable rage and violent attack.

Episodes may be instantaneous reaction to frustration or perceived insult, and thus may be perceived by others as random and unprovoked.

Malevolent

Hateful, destructive defiance of values of social life.

inherently distrustful, ruthless, cold-blooded, revengeful, punitive.

Malignant 

Often isolated, paranoid, with ruminative fantasies of power and revenge.

Sees others as inherently persecutory or treacherous.

Uses hostility as a means of armoring self, forcin adversaries to take issue and withdraw.

http://www.psychforums.com/antisocial-personality/topic95961.html

Bloggers Recognition Award!

Cyranny’s Cove awarded Lucky Otters Haven a Bloggers Recognition Award! I’m honored even though I no longer accept awards (I was getting too many and didn’t have room to display them in the sidebar).

But I’m still reblogging the post she wrote about her nominees because (a) she’s my “partner in crime” (and is still the only one — any other takers?) and (b) because she has listed a number of good blogs here with short (and funny) descriptions. I may check some of these out that I haven’t heard of.

Cyranny's avatarCyranny's Cove

blogger-recognition-award

Some time back, not so long ago, but still, a little while in the past, I have been nominated for this much, much, very-very much appreciated Award by someone very special to me (and very special altogether, I am pretty sure anyone would agree)

Now, I just thought about describing her without naming her anywhere through my whole post, as a joke, but since she is mad a me at the moment (:P) I won’t do that.

Thank you Suze, you very sweet you! For those (few, I am sure) of you who don’t already know Madame Suze, please, do yourself a favor, and visit her blog! Suze is one of the most amazing people I’ve met on Word Press! She is brilliant, soooo dang funny, caring, and if she decides to stalk your blog, you’ll be sure to have the most incredible exchanges via your “comment” box.

Suze…

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Drifting.

love-yourself-cloud-nine
Credit: unknown.

Today I did nothing at all, and I didn’t even feel guilty about it.

I slept on and off all day, drifting in and out of dreams. Even awake I felt pleasantly sleepy,  almost as if drugged, floating languorously on the lingering fragments and eddies of dissolved dreams.  In between bouts of light sleep, I browsed the web, colored a little, and nibbled on leftovers and dark chocolate.

Finally I’d drift back into sleep, trying to chase some faded dream from earlier, but another dream would fall into its place, distracting me from whatever I’d been seeking to recapture.

I never even left my house.

Days like this remind me of my younger years, when I would sleep on and off all day after a night spent engaged in frenetic activity, never worrying that such a reversal might be wrong or somehow immoral.

Maybe it’s the cold medicine I’ve been taking making me feel so gloriously sleepy.

I feel like my body and mind is in some healing process, and this do-nothing day actually was anything but that.  I feel like there was some profound purpose for it; some hard work was going on inside my soul, forcing my mind and body to rest.

Choosing your battles.

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stopbeingoffended

Monday Melody: Careless Whisper (George Michael)

Since George Michael died today (f*ck you, 2016!) I thought I’d use one of his songs for this week’s Monday Melody.  Careless Whisper (released in 1984) is probably my favorite George Michael tune.   Now it’s touched with sadness for me, but is still a classic.

 

RIP, George Michael.

george_michael

I just found out George Michael died, at home, at age 53, of an undisclosed illness.

He’s one in a long line of musical icons that 2016 took away from us:  first David Bowie, then Prince, then Leonard Cohen, and now George Michael.

What a sad year this has been for the music world and for these musicians’ fans.

RIP, George.

http://www.bbc.com/news/uk-38432862

Merry Christmas, Charlie Brown!

Here is my favorite Christmas TV special ever. I’ve watched it almost every year since I was a small child. I always felt like I could relate to Charlie Brown–self doubting, a worrywart, a little avoidant–basically an introvert who tries hard to be liked. He’s never mean to anyone but often seems to be the butt of jokes and pranks, the same way I often was.

Charlie also sees all the commercialism around him every holiday season (yes, it was bad even in the ’60s, when this was made) and yearns to know the true meaning of Christmas. Linus, always the philosopher and deep thinker, has the answer.

It’s refreshing that the story of Christ’s birth is central to this movie, which has been shown every year since it first aired in 1965.

So here’s my Christmas gift to my followers. Enjoy! (This isn’t the entire show, which can’t be found on Youtube, but includes the most important excerpts).

Opening with the cool jazzy music always used in Peanuts specials:

Linus explains the true meaning of Christmas.

The famous Christmas dance: