‘Snowflake’ is a term used to gaslight those who dare speak out against the new authoritarianism.

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‘Snowflake’ (sometimes ‘special snowflake’) is a slang term used in recent years, usually directed against “entitled” Millennials who complain about the America they inherited — one full of debt, minimum wage jobs,  exhorbitant student loans they can never hope to pay back, and few opportunities.

The term “snowflake” has its roots back in the 1990s and early 2000s when Millennials were still schoolchildren.   In those days, it was fashionable for teachers to recognize that “every child was special” and give awards and prizes just for participating, etc.  so that no one would feel left out.    A real snowflake is a common and unremarkable thing, as common as dust.  But since, purportedly, no two snowflakes are alike, every snowflake is special.

Over time, “snowflake” became a pejorative term, intended to shame a person for allegedly wanting “special” (or in most cases, maybe just “fair” or “just”) treatment.

Since Trump’s win in November, the meaning of ‘snowflake’ has shifted to a more political definition and is no longer confined to Millennials.    The formerly non-political insult has been used frequently by alt-right Trump supporters to dismiss and minimalize the concerns of  “the lib’ruls” (another insult they frequently use against those who oppose their far right views).  “Snowflake” is used to trivialize the very real concerns of those who oppose the Trump presidency, regardless of their generation.  It’s used against anyone of any age who dislikes Trump’s authoritarian, cruel, and controversial policies.  So, if you’re an aging person and afraid you might lose your health insurance or Medicare or social security, are worried about accelerated climate change and the shut down of the EPA when we need it the most,  fear and loathe Trump’s dismantling of democracy, are deeply offended by his war on truth, or oppose the Muslim ban, then, according to the Trump supporters, you are a pathetic snowflake who just expects special treatment or entitlements, when all you really expect is decent and humane treatment and your civil and human rights to not be taken away from you.

Calling people ‘snowflakes’ under these circumstances is gaslighting and shaming.   It’s only one small example of the nationwide narcissistic abuse this administration is already dishing out on all of us, but it’s one of the more obvious (and annoying) ones.   Complain because your mother has cancer and may lose her health care and die, and you’re a snowflake.    Speak out against the president’s constant lies and twisting of the truth into “alternative facts” and “fake news” and you’re a snowflake.   Express concern that this administration’s bigoted policies may  bring back discrimination and sanction public bullying of non-whites, and you’re a snowflake.  Object to Trump’s discussing women like chattel and sex objects, and you’re a snowflake.

In Trump’s strongman world, there is no room for anything feminine, sensitive, or soft.  There is no room for compassion, kindness,  or empathy, for in Trumpland, all those things are weakness.   If you’re bullied, well, you probably deserve it because you’re a loser anyway and probably a snowflake too.   Already I hear stories about bullying of kids who are “different” now being condoned among the kids of alt-right parents. They feel empowered to bully those who aren’t like them, because  Trump is the President and he says it’s okay and he does it himself, so it must be okay.

This administration is bringing out the worst in everyone.  For Trump’s  supporters, they now feel emboldened, because they now have permission to bully and abuse those who don’t agree with them or are different than they are, and for everyone else — especially those of us who suffered abuse —  we feel triggered: dissociated, afraid and hypervigilant, caught in a downward spiral of increasing chaos, hopelessness, and despair.

What I Know About Autism And NPD Families And You Should Too by Rick London

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I really didn’t want to post another article about the dysfunctional Trump family today, but I just finished reading this and I think it’s too important to pass by. The writer of this post has autism and was raised by NPD parents who kept him isolated and alone. Here he discusses Barron Trump and how being isolated alone on his own floor of the Trump tower is very toxic for his emotional development, especially if he in fact suffers from autism, as many people have speculated.

Rick makes a case here that such isolation is a form of scapegoating or abusing a child, and if Barron is autistic, it would make sense that his father would target and punish him for being less than perfect.

40 cats with unusual markings.

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I’m sure the “goldfish” markings on the one cat toward the end are fake (and another one looks like a stuffed animal), but the rest seem real.  Some are really unusual, beautiful, or funny.

The golden child and scapegoat in the Trump family.

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Because I am fascinated with child roles in narcissistic families, this video was interesting to me.    I’ve suspected for awhile that Tiffany (the daughter of Trump and Marla Maples, his only American-born wife) is the scapegoat among Trump’s children.  He never talks about her, seems distant from her, and doesn’t seem to idealize her the way he does his other children, particularly Ivanka, who is obviously the golden child.

This video explains more.   Trump admits himself that physical appearance is extremely important to him, and he’s disappointed in Tiffany’s appearance.   Tiffany also isn’t a successful businessperson like the rest of his adult children.  She tried to make it as a singer instead, but things didn’t go well for her and she didn’t get a recording contract.

What I find extremely disturbing is the way he sexualizes his daughters.   In this video, Trump is shown being interviewed about the infant Tiffany, and he talks about her legs in a suggestive way, and later jokes about her “inner beauty” not being as important as what’s on the outside.    Even Tiffany’s siblings admit that Ivanka is obviously Trump’s favorite child.      I don’t think that’s news to anyone, but could Tiffany actually be the scapegoat?   Most families like this have one.   I think she could be it.

Ironically, of all the children, Tiffany seems the most normal acting, humble, and well adjusted. She looks and speaks like a down to earth girl who just got out of college. So, even though she may be Donald’s scapegoat or at least his least favorite child, Tiffany wasn’t raised by him, like the others. She was raised by her mother instead, so she probably wasn’t exposed to Donald’s malignant narcissism as much as the others were. So she’s probably the most emotionally healthy.

 

Is Donald Trump Abusing His Wife Melania?

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What we’re all thinking.  That poor woman looks terrified whenever she’s with him.   She probably has C-PTSD.

The Current Political Situation (reblogged from Nyssa’s Hobbit Hole)

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I’m sure my friend Nyssa from the Hobbit Hole won’t mind me reblogging this post she wrote today.    I think politics is dominating many of our minds these days, especially  for those of us who are survivors of abusive families or marriages and are triggered to the point of hypervigilance and paranoia by the constitutional chaos and hatred that seems to have suddenly taken over ever since Trump came into office.  It’s as if the world has gone mad.

Every day since this president took office is more WTF than the last.   Staying glued to the legitimate media (oh wait, I mean ‘fake news’) is almost an unconscious reflex that has its roots in our C-PTSD.    But our morbid fascination and vigilance doesn’t have to be in vain.  It can and should be a call to take action and (peacefully) protest and expose the truth, instead of listening to the shitstorm of hatred, lies (oops, I mean alternative facts), and national-level gaslighting and projection this Hitlerian president and his army of brainwashed ‘deplorables’ is engaging in, while they gleefully gut democracy in their attempts to turn us into a banana republic with a cruel and dictatorial ruler who wants to silence the free press, dismantle all regulations, build walls, shut down the EPA, and run our nation as if it’s a religious cult.

All I know is this:  If I have to die under this new regime (and many probably will, either through acts of internal terrorism and violence, natural disasters due to unregulated plundering of our natural resources, disease caused by “mythical” global warming, or because they lost their health insurance, Medicare, Medicaid, or social security – those are all next on the table to be axed under this administration), I don’t want to die as a victim.  I almost did already and I’m never going there again.  I’d rather die fighting for truth and justice, whatever that might mean.   I’m not going to succumb and die as one of the scared sheep who did nothing.

So, here is Nyssa’s article.

The Current Political Situation.

Nyssa’s Hobbit Hole

So much is going on that I can barely keep up.  My friend Lucky Otter calls it hypervigilance, says that the abuse is now happening on a national scale…. We have the flying monkeys in large numbers….

I’m starting to burn out on news from the White House.  It’s nonstop crapstorm every day.  I spend hours just checking news feeds on Twitter. But I keep hearing that we should all be vigilant so we can protest through various channels and keep our voices heard.  But I do have other things to do….

Then I watch movies of the White Rose Society, and hear how Germans didn’t do enough to stop the Nazis, for various reasons.  We can keep the same thing from happening here, and it looks like we just might do so–but not if we stop watching.  But what about the other things I need to do?

I’m following not just American newspapers, but German and British ones as well, to get more global perspectives.  Der Spiegel is about to publish the English version of a scathing series on Trump.  That’s the magazine which also put a controversial picture on the front cover, of Trump beheading the Statue of Liberty.

It’s all maddening.  Those of us who have experienced narc abuse and other kinds of abuse, we can recognize what’s going on, but the flying monkeys call us “libtards” and laugh at us.

*****

Read the rest of Nyssa’s article here.

 

 

Psychology should be required for middle and high-school students.

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Psychology, when it’s offered at the high school level, is offered as an elective course — which means it’s not required to graduate.    Many, if not most, high schools, don’t even offer Psychology as an option.   It’s only offered at the larger high schools, and not usually until Junior or Senior year, after required courses in math, English, languages and history are fulfilled.    Abnormal psychology, which goes into more depth about mental disorders and includes personality disorders, isn’t usually offered until the college level, and only to those students who have chosen a psychology or sociology major.

I don’t understand this.  Knowledge about psychology is necessary for us to understand our own behaviors and those of our fellow humans.  It can help kids be able to detect red flags or signs of mental illness in others, including in our leaders.   In my way of thinking, psychology is a life skill and is so much more useful in our daily lives than things like algebra or trigonometry, which are rarely thought of again once a student graduates and only have practical use in the scientific or technical fields.   Do any of us in our 40s, 50s, or 60s actually remember how to do a proof in Geometry? Do any of us actually remember some of the dates we had to memorize in History or can reproduce the Table of the Elements without having to refer to outside sources?   Not that such knowledge doesn’t have value — it makes you seem smart or at least educated. But really, how are these things relevant to living a successful adult life unless you work in these fields or teach them yourself?

If Psychology were offered at the high school, or even at the middle school level, I think kids would be making better choices in their friendships, relationships, and even in their voting practices as they grow older.   They would know better what they are dealing with among the people they wind up going to school with, working with, and having to deal with day to day.

I think anti-bullying education should also be a part of a psychology program, especially for young middle school students, where bullying is at its most vicious and where kids are more vulnerable to the trauma caused by bullying than they are at the high school or college level when their sense of self is more developed.   Practical lessons in mindfulness or anger management could be adapted into a middle- or high-school curriculum as well.   I think all kids — not just kids with impulse or emotional problems — would benefit from such classes.  It would help them develop their emotional — not just their cognitive — intelligence.

We are now saddled with a president who is a diagnosed malignant narcissist (remotely diagnosed by actual psychiatrists, but it’s common knowledge now) and whose rash and impulsive actions are showing that he’s a greater threat than anyone could have imagined.   His cabinet picks aren’t much better.   I think if psychology (including abnormal psychology) had been a required course for kids, starting at the middle school level, as they reached voting age, they would reach adulthood with more emotional intelligence, and take into account the personality traits of the candidates and choose those who seemed more in touch with reality and more mentally sound, regardless of their political beliefs.

Life beyond Trump.

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Credit: Me

Meet and Greet: 2/4/17

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That one annoying commenter you can’t get rid of.

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“Tiny Yapper” — Artwork by Mike Reed

We bloggers probably all have at least one of them.   You know, that one annoying person who seems to disagree with all your opinions and just wants to argue but can’t seem to stay away from your blog no matter how often they are shot down or ignored.

I’m not talking about trolls.   Trolls are abusive and nasty and sadistic.   They seem to get their jollies from angering and upsetting site owners and their readers with abusive, ad-hominem attacks and name-calling.  They can never back up their arguments.  They seem to exist just to upset others.

No, I’m talking about people who have vastly different opinions and beliefs than the prevailing opinions and beliefs on the blogs they read.   They don’t actually abuse, though they can be very sanctimonious and self-righteous. They waste their breath arguing with you and your like-minded commenters, and act as if we’re all wrong and only their belief system is the right one.

I have a commenter like this right now.    This individual is extremely annoying to me.  It’s not even because we have vastly different opinions about most things; it’s that this individual is so self-righteous and smug about it.    I could just delete their comments, but this person does have a right to their opinion, so I approve them anyway, as much as dislike most of them.   I don’t like this person though, so after posting one useless counter-argument, I refuse to engage this person further.   Now I just let the comments stand as they are, without further comment or engagement.  I think that’s more effective than arguing with someone whose mind probably can’t be changed because they’re so sure you’re wrong and they’re just trying to “save” you from your wrong thinking.    I just don’t feel like wasting my time.  I have better things to do.

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I thought my freezing them out might have made this person disappear, but no such luck.  They are still posting comments that seem intended to make me ragey, although I don’t express my annoyance.   This person seems completely oblivious that I’m giving them the cold shoulder by not Liking or commenting on any of their comments.

I don’t understand people like that.   Fine, I can understand a troll’s motives.  Sort of.  They are usually sociopaths and like to stir up trouble.   Upsetting people is entertainment to them. They get off on it.   But “that one commenter” isn’t a troll.  They believe what they are saying.  They are right. You are wrong.  Period.   They don’t name call or use ad hominem attacks.   They are just insufferably smug and self righteous about your wrongness and their rightness.

I don’t understand why someone like that would spend time writing comments on a blog whose prevailing views are so different than theirs.  Why not read blogs where most of the people there will agree with you?    It just seems like a huge waste of time to me.

If you blog, how do YOU handle these kinds of commenters?