Never forget.
It’s hard to believe that this blog, which I started on a whim one year ago today, was just the beginning of a life changing journey that would take way too long to detail here.
In one year, Lucky Otter’s Haven has achieved the following milestones:
187,101 views
87,188 visitors from 177 countries
1,012 posts
1,183 followers
LOH has been viewed most often by:
1. United States
2. United Kingdom
3. Canada
4. Australia
5. Germany
6. Netherlands
7. South Africa
8. India
9. Ireland
10. France
Top 10 posts (2015 only):
1. A Match Made in Hell: Narcissists and HSPs: 8,980 views
2. 20 Songs About Narcissists (#11-20): 7,999 views
3. 20 Songs About Narcissists (#1-10): 5,503 views
4. Grandiose and Vulnerable Narcissists: 4,868 views
5. Famous People Who Have NPD: 3,838 views
6. The Distinctive “Look” of Psychopathy: 3,394 views
7. Why You Should Never Jump into a New Relationship After Narcissistic Abuse: 3,278 views
8. Do Narcissists Cry? 2,317 views
9. 12 Weird Things You Might See a Narcissist Do: 1,942 views
10. 12 More Songs About Narcissism: 1,620 views
Baby picture (what LOH looked like in January 2015):
It’s been several months since I posted this and since I haven’t written anything new about narcissism in a few days (I’m a little burned out on narcissism right now, to be perfectly honest–but I’m sure that’s temporary), I thought I’d repost this one since it seems to be getting some traction and it’s also one of my favorite posts.
These are all red flags not commonly mentioned and you may not know about, but they can help you identify a potential narcissist.Be sure to also click on the link at the bottom of the article (5 More Weird Things You Might See a Narcissist Do).
There are some strange things I’ve noticed narcissists do that aren’t usually mentioned as symptoms of their disorder, but seem to be common enough perhaps they should be included as additional criteria for NPD.
If you know someone who does only one or two of these things, it doesn’t necessarily mean they’re a narc, but if they do several of them regularly and also seem to fit the more well-known criteria for NPD, these things could be red flags to watch out for.
1. They don’t blink when they look at you.
Some narcs have a penetrating, predatory gaze. If a person of the opposite sex looks at you this way, you may take it as sexual interest (and it could be), but watch carefully: if they do not blink this could mean they are sizing you up as prey. Whether they blink or not, if their stare makes you…
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I’m not proud of the fact I still smoke. I smoke less than a pack a day, but I still hate it and so does everyone else. It’s expensive, disgusting, dirty, and inconvenient. It’s also incredibly unhealthy (duh!)
I just got this e-cig from my daughter, who doesn’t need it anymore, because she’s now nicotine-free. 🙂 The funny thing is, she didn’t even want to quit smoking, but a couple of months ago she didn’t have money to buy cigarettes and a friend gave her this. She started using it, decided she liked it better than cigarettes (because of the different flavor refills) and now doesn’t even need that.
Another acquaintance from work has been using one, and hasn’t smoked a cigarette in over a month.
So it appears these things really must work! I was skeptical but it does satisfy the craving and tastes better than a cigarette, and is a lot less messy. I could save about $100 a month if I quit, and I sure could use that extra cash.
This isn’t a very good photograph. The two flavors here are Chocolate and Caramel Cappuccino.
The other day I posted a photo of my son dancing outside during a thunderstorm. Here’s the entire video he made of himself while dancing to two songs.
Dancing in an open space during a thunderstorm probably isn’t the smartest thing to do, but the effect of the lightning in the background is pretty cool.
I have a very physical job. The good thing about this is it keeps me in good shape and my weight has stayed down. I also like the fact I don’t have to sit in an office all day and deal with petty and stupid office politics, something that’s about as good for me as chocolate is for dogs. 🙄 I quit my desk job two years ago because of the politics. I like working alone.
The bad thing about having such a physical job is that I’m getting too old to be doing this much longer. Two nights this week I have come home so exhausted I lay down to take a “nap” and both times, slept until the wee hours of the morning, only a few hours before I have to get ready to go back to my grueling job again. Both times, I didn’t even eat dinner. Who wants to eat a meal at 3 in the morning? Not me.
It makes me so mad that what I really want to do–write on my blogs–I seem to have so little time for. My job just takes everything out me. Why are so many of us slaving away at jobs we don’t like and have so little to show for our labor? I hardly make anything. My car’s in the shop now and I can’t even afford to get it fixed. Why can’t we live in a world where it’s possible for most of us to make a living wage doing what we love instead of what we must? Why do we even bother?
I’d quit, but the problem is, there isn’t really anything else in this part of the country for a shy and socially awkward person in the second half of life whose only real skill is writing and blogging.
One day I’ll write that book I’ve been meaning to write.
Photo of my son dancing during a storm. The white area isn’t sunlight–it’s lightning. This was taken after dark!
Click to enlarge.
I know my blog can get pretty crazy sometimes. I’ve made no bones about my struggles with several mental disorders, my disastrous marriage to a psychopath, my history as an hypersensitive head-banging, hair-chewing child-dartboard, my early-adulthood stint with Scientology, my current poverty, my own narcissistic tendencies, my somewhat offbeat religio-political views, my unpopular opinions, and my tendency to be a socially awkward underachiever, among other delicate, controversial, and sometimes embarrassing things most people wouldn’t tell their second-best friend (or maybe not even their best friend).
I’ve gotten a lot more comfortable posting things about myself that are extremely personal or potentially embarrassing, knowing full well that thousands of strangers all over the world know things about me even my own children don’t know. I call this “running naked in public.” It’s liberating once you get used to it. (Of course it helps that I use an assumed name, not my real one). I feel like being this honest has made this blog more interesting than if I just posted my latest cookie recipe or about how to grow healthier backyard tomatoes. I feel like sometimes my most controversial, crazy, and strange posts become my most popular posts, just because they’re controversial, crazy and strange.
I don’t write those posts to be popular or cool though. I write them because I’m a strange and difficult person with a strange and difficult life. Maybe this blog gets so many views as a kind of online rubbernecking–“Hey, let’s find out what that weird borderline cat lady who thought she was an Aspie but really isn’t and who obsesses about narcissists and psychopaths and is afraid of relationships is doing today” or “Let’s see if that crazy woman who does exhibitionist self-therapy online and treats it like performance art has had any new ‘breakthroughs’ today.”
Or maybe it’s because somehow my brutal honesty about my personal life and recovery and my…well, overall weirdness somehow resonates with people and provides a voice for others who feel the same way as I do but don’t dare say it in public. Sometimes I wonder why people read this blog, but really, it doesn’t matter why if people like reading it, does it?
So I have to post this article I just saw at Forbes.com, because it sums up why weird and crazy blogs like mine tend to do pretty well.
Why Crazy People Make Better Bloggers
By Susannah Breslin, for Forbes
“Here’s to the crazy ones, the misfits, the rebels, the troublemakers, the round pegs in the square holes… the ones who see things differently …” — Steve Jobs
Crazy people make better bloggers.
Heather Armstrong parlayed postpartum depression and a stint in a mental institution into a cash cow blog.
Penelope Trunk grew her blog to over 750,000 page views last month as someone willing to write about stabbing herself in the head, smashing herself in the head with a lamp, and having a miscarriage during a board meeting while dispensing career advice.
James Altucher shares with his blog readers a history of suicidal ideation, depression, and going broke with a manic frenzy that inspires others to buy his books.
In the Forever Recession, we are all entrepreneurs, and everybody knows the best entrepreneurs are crazy.
1. We’ll say what you won’t.
I started blogging in 2002. Over the years, as a blogger and journalist, I’ve written about developing PTSD, the time I wanted to kill myself, and why I loved writing about the adult movie industry. After I got downsized, anyone who Googled me about a job I had applied for could find these stories online. This probably didn’t help my chances of getting a job. It’s probably part of what led me to conclude I’m unemployable.
But that I had been working and living outside of the box for so long — bending the rules or refusing to admit they existed — is what helped me go from unemployed to self-employed in a matter of months.
I used to be on TV. Being on TV can be stressful. You have no idea what’s going to happen, and there are cameras recording whatever does. After one of my first TV gigs, I was driving home on a Los Angeles freeway. I was vibrating from the stress of what I had done, and I wasn’t sure what to make of it. Was what I had done good or bad? That’s when I decided it didn’t matter. I decided what did matter was that I was brave. I hold that true to this day. I don’t want to be a coward.
Read the rest of this post here.
Fore more about crazy blogging, please see my article, Crazy Ride.
If you’ve been around here awhile, you may remember my “Progression of Spring” series, which I ran weekly from early March through early May. That series was a lot of fun for me, because spring is my favorite season. I love the way everything comes alive, the flowers are blooming, the days are getting warmer and longer, and the heavy winter clothing can finally be put away.
I don’t get as excited about Fall, because although it’s pretty (at least through early November or so), it depresses me. The days are growing shorter, the changes (to me) aren’t as spectacular as those in the spring (the changing colors–which are shortlived–just mean the leaves are about to die and fall to the ground to rot), and although the cooler temperatures are a relief after the hot days of summer, it also means the ice and snow aren’t far behind. You may have guessed I’m not a big fan of winter.
I do like Halloween and Thanksgiving, but the string of holidays during the Fall (including the ridiculously overblown and overcommercialized Christmas season), fail to bring that much cheer to the depressing, gloomy, cold chill of late fall with all its monotonous dark browns and gray overcast skies and long freezing nights.
All that being said, autumn is still pretty, so I decided to start a Progression of Autumn series. This is the first installment. Maybe by doing this, I’ll start to appreciate it more!
This year has been a strange one: Fall came early. I started noticing the trees changing colors as early as mid-August. Obviously this wasn’t due to cool temperatures since it’s still swelteringly hot, but probably having such a dry summer that stressed the trees.
So this is the first set of photos I took for this series, which I’ll try to continue each week until things start to look like winter again (ugh).
Early changing colors.
Crabapples on these trees!
Early evening, around 5:30 PM
I’m sure a lot of victims of narcissist parents will be able to relate to this graphic example of how a mother with obviously high spectrum NPD abuses, mocks, and scapegoats her daughter. Warning: these videos may be triggering.
In watching this, you can graphically see how a malignant narcissist operates, by exhausting the victim to the point that eventually the victim “loses it” (which the daughter here did not do) and then the narcissist can sit back and tell everyone how “crazy” or “irrational” the victim is. It’s an insidious kind of gaslighting.
Here are two Youtube videos that graphically show exactly how a mother with a bad case of NPD (malignant narcissism) operates. These videos are entertaining in a scary and disturbing way, like watching a train wreck.
Pay close attention to what the mother says–she uses every trick in the narcissist’s book of tricks: blame, insults, changing the subject, interrupting, raging, mocking, “talking over”, gaslighting, projecting, invading boundaries, not taking responsibility, showing no empathy, and just about every other “tool” the narcissist uses to get their own way or avoid taking responsibility for their behavior and actions. Notice how childish the overall effect is–the mother sounds like a four year old having a temper tantrum.
The daughter who made the videos is trying hard to get her mother to listen, but her words seem to fall on deaf ears. She might as well be talking to a wall, for all the…
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