Before this blog changed its focus, a few times I said that religion and politics were subjects I wanted to avoid.  I was afraid of putting people off who may not agree with my political and religious beliefs.    It’s ironic that now those two things seem to have become my main focus.

I feel called to write about them now because they are both so intertwined and both have been corrupted by unbridled greed and narcissism.   This isn’t just partisan politics as usual.  It’s not liberal vs. conservative.  It’s not about transgender bathrooms or gay marriage or whether abortion should be federally funded or not.

We’re not in the same world anymore, when people could fight over whether George W. Bush or Barack Obama was the better president or had the better policies.   Both men, in my opinion, were at heart moral men.  Both made mistakes, sometimes big ones.  Neither were perfect.  Neither were bad people and neither deliberately tried to destroy our country.   You might have preferred one over the other based on your political or religious leanings, and you would have had good reasons for feeling the way you did either way (even if I didn’t agree with your reasons).

But we’re no longer in that universe.   Things are not normal.  This isn’t politics as usual.  Trump is not a normal president and he is not a good or moral man.  Neither are the people who are working for him.  Say what you want about Hillary Clinton (and I wasn’t a huge fan myself), but there is no way any rational person could think that Trump is the better person.   I’ll just leave it at that because I know how polarizing Ms. Clinton is.

When you have a president who is actively trying to tear down democracy  itself,  who appears to be dead set on harming or killing tens of millions of people by dismantling their safety nets, who wants to build a wall against our ally to the south, who threatens to take away Medicare and Medicaid, who denies that our climate is changing and denies science itself, who intends to destroy the laws that protect our environment, who writes up a budget that de-fund any programs that improve the quality of our lives, who gaslights anyone who disagrees with him or disapproves of his policies, who lies on a daily basis, who refuses to release his tax returns, who is pathologically envious of his predecessor and started a smear campaign against him (the “birther” lies),  who fires an honest FBI agent for investigating possible collusion with a hostile foreign power, who has shady business dealings (possibly with a hostile foreign power), who hires family members  (who also have shady business dealings) with no experience for cabinet positions, who is isolating us from our allies (the same way narcissists will try to isolate you from your support systems), who chooses people for cabinet positions for the sole purpose of destroying the very things their departments are supposed to protect, who is vindictive, who threatens, who bullies and calls other people abusive names, who mocks the disabled, who brags about grabbing women’s private parts, who shows no empathy toward anyone, who tweets constantly about how badly he is treated, who never apologizes or admits wrongdoing, who calls any news he doesn’t like fake, who encourages violence and hatred and racism at his rallies, who admits he doesn’t even need God’s forgiveness  — well, then we are no longer talking about partisan politics as usual.  We are talking about right versus wrong, good versus evil.

I have a background in narcissistic abuse as the survivor of narcissists and sociopaths, and now I can see clear as day the massive narcissistic abuse occurring on the national level with this president and his cold-hearted cabinet members who care only about money and power, and gleefully celebrate the prospect of taking healthcare away from millions of people.

So I feel like I’ve been called to shed light on the truth and help expose the lies and abuse and corruption in this presidency.    I feel like I’ve been called to speak up for those who have no power and no voice.   No, I’m not special or any different from anyone else; many other people have also recognized this need and are doing the same thing I am.   I feel like if I wasn’t doing this, I would be failing in what I know I’ve been called to do.

It’s exhausting, and some days I just can’t deal with it.   Some days I feel so depressed over all this I just want to lie down and never wake up.   Some days I feel so filled with despair, scared, and helpless — much the same way I felt as a little child in a narcissistic family.   Some days I’ve actually cried about it.  (Go ahead and call me a snowflake).

I’ve been on a blogging roll the past few days, but I think the occasional hopelessness and terror that overcomes me is what has been keeping me from posting for days at a time. This work is exhausting and saps your energy.   Sometimes I just need a break from it to stay sane.

When I wrote about my own abuse situation, I was already No Contact with my narcissists.  It was easier to write every day about it because I wasn’t in the midst of it anymore.   It was easier to process from a distance.   It was cathartic and therapeutic to spill out everything here on my blog.

But now, I feel like I’m back in the midst of the abuse, only in an abusive situation that’s so much bigger and more dangerous than the other ones, and sometimes I feel incredibly tiny and helpless.  Sometimes I feel like there’s nothing I can do at all, like there’s nothing anyone can do.  Sometimes I feel like I’m on the Titanic and I know it’s going to sink and I know I won’t get a lifeboat and there’s not a damn thing I can do except hope and pray for a miracle.

At the same time, I know that giving into despair and helplessness or fear won’t help me or anyone.  Giving in and giving up means THEY win.

We cannot allow the bullies and abusers to win.   We have to fight back. We can’t throw our hands up and say, “oh, well, there’s nothing I or anyone can do.  The situation is hopeless.”

We may be weak and scared but there are more of us than them.   A lot more.

I know I’ve been prepared for many years  for the work I have to do now, and writing about the spiritual war going on in this country right now (I do believe it is a spiritual war) and exposing the abuse and the lies is something I feel compelled to do, even though it’s not fun and is sometimes personally triggering.

For some reason I don’t understand, I have a sinking feeling about the healthcare bill vote tomorrow.  Mitch McConnell and the rest of the greedy sociopaths trying to take away the safety net of millions of Americans are relentless and merciless.   They don’t care about us.  They don’t care how much we protest and plead.   They turn a deaf ear to the tragic stories so many people tell them.

They just don’t stop, no matter how many times their heartless bill fails to pass.  They are dead set on getting their lousy tax break, no matter how many people they hurt and how insane and panic-stricken they are making so many thousands, if not millions, of people feel.   It is truly crazymaking, the way they keep trying to ram it through over and over and over.   You can’t ever relax, you’re constantly on guard, constantly worried and panicked. I wish they would just drop it already. I wish they would engage Democrats and work together to try to improve the ACA instead (or come up with something that really is better), but nope, they want things their way.   They want their damned tax breaks.  They refuse to compromise.

I feel like it’s going to pass this time, and I’m scared, along with millions of others.

But there is something you can do.  It’s not fun and it’s tedious and annoying and time consuming.   We shouldn’t HAVE to be doing this.  It makes me angry that we do.  In no civilized society should we have to fight for our basic rights and even for our lives.   But if you care about saving the Affordable Care Act, you won’t care how tedious or boring or infuriating this task is.

I am asking you to call these people sometime in the next 24 hours, preferably tonight or tomorrow morning.    Please tell them to vote No on the Republican health care bill.

We can’t let them win on this.  It’s immoral and it’s cruel.   It’s not about partisan politics, it’s about lives.  It’s about your children and mine.  It’s about the disabled, the working poor, familes with children, your grandparents, your parents, your sister, your brother, your friends and your neighbors.    It’s about you if you aren’t wealthy or if you are older or have a pre-existing condition.   Even if you have insurance through the place you work, under this bill, employers would no longer be obligated to offer you insurance.  So don’t think you’re not in danger too.

Everyone will get sick.  No matter how healthy you are now, at some point you won’t be.  Even if you never get in an accident or develop a disease like cancer, you will grow old one day and need affordable healthcare.  Unless you are wealthy, under this bill you may be left with no safety net when that happens.

There’s no excuse for this bill that punishes people for being vulnerable, other than greed and possibly, a group of evil people who actually want to see “the takers” and “nonproducers” (anyone who isn’t just like them) suffer and die.

So please make these calls.  I am going to now.