Song about narcissistic abuse: It’s In Your Head (introspectrum)

Posted on November 9, 2015 by luckyotter

My friend who is in recovery from narcissistic abuse has started an indie rock band and has a great new song about her experience.

Here is what she has to say:

Hello everyone!!
I put a band together as a way to heal from Narcissistic abuse, after the Narc I knew told me I needed to give him my Gibson Les Paul and that I’d never play music in a band called, NarCissistic Mary. Here is the Sound Cloud link to my first studio recorded song called, “Its In Your Head” (Introspectrum). I will be releasing more songs shortly with my band. Please join me and will all journey together artistically and musically on my Facebook band page called: NarCissistic Mary (the capital C is intentional!)
Thanks 🙂

Here is the song on Soundcloud–enjoy! And please share.

12 more songs about narcissists–part 2!

Posted on July 25, 2015 by luckyotter

Two additional songs about narcissism were brought to my attention so rather than start a new list, I decided to add them to this older one.
Enjoy! 🙂

Lucky Otters Haven

Due to the enormous popularity of my previous articles about this topic (both of which now appear at the top of page one of Google–thanks everyone for making these so popular!), I’m adding ten more songs about narcissists today. Music and narcissism go together well– that’s one good thing narcissism has going for it, I guess. 🙂

The Songs.

1. “The Backstabbers” — The O’Jays

It’s very difficult to find songs about narcissists/psychopaths prior to the 1980s, but here’s an excellent one from the early 1970s.

2. “Ain’t It Fun” — Paramore

Catchy pop offering a badass challenge to a narcissist’s gameplaying.

3. “You Don’t Own Me” — Lesley Gore

Here’s another oldie (from the early ’60s) about a young woman involved with a narcissistic man.

4. “Mr. Know It All” — Kelly Clarkson

A modern take on Lesley Gore’s lament.

5. “Shadowboxer” — Fiona Apple

Apple’s musical poetry eloquently…

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11 songs about Borderline Personality Disorder

Posted on June 25, 2015 by luckyotter

Everyone who reads this blog knows I’m a huge music fan, so I thought I’d start a series of songs about the experience of being Borderline (or being in relationships with Borderlines), as I already have with songs about Narcissism.

Here are 11 songs to get started. I’ll do another one of these later.
I tried to include the lyric videos whenever possible.

1. Green Day: Boulevard of Broken Dreams

A huge 2005 comeback hit by the alternative rock band. I think this song really captures the horror and loneliness of what it’s like to have BPD.

I’m walking down the line that divides me somewhere in my mind
One the borderline of the edge and where I walk alone
Read between the lines what’s fucked up and everything’s alright
Check my vital signs to know that I’m still alive and I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone
My shadow’s the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart’s the only thing that’s beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there would find me
Til then I walk alone

These lines pretty much say it all. It’s a great song.

2. Three Days Grace: I Hate Everything About You

The early 2000’s seemed to have a surplus of songs that described Borderline-like mental conditions. Three Days Grace seemed to specialize in these sort of songs. Here is a song that describes the “splitting” (black and white thinking) Borderlines tend to do in relationships, as well as idealization/devaluation of a lover.

3. Katy Perry: Hot and Cold

A poppier, less serious song about the crazymaking rapid mood swings and tendency toward splitting Borderlines tend to do and the instability of their relationships. Here, Perry is singing to her BPD lover. (Although the word “Bipolar” is mentioned in the song, the lover’s moods swing too rapidly for it to be Bipolar I Disorder, which is characterized by long-term severe mood changes.

4. David Nail: Whatever She’s Got

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gju4CyAsMhI

The bro-country singer seems to be singing about his girlfriend who displays the unpredictable rapid mood swings of someone with BPD.

5. The Offspring: Self Esteem

Classic early ’90s rocker about a guy who may be a Borderline who appears to be involved with a girl with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Or she could be an abusive Borderline. It’s hard to tell. Anyway, they’re both pretty messed up in the head. I’d say their relationship is doomed. Enjoy the tune.

6. Meat Loaf: Paradise By The Dashboard Light

1978 classic rock song about a guy who appears to be dating a girl who has BPD (or is just extremely demanding and high maintenance, which probably indicates BPD or Histrionic personality disorder anyway).

The girlfriend’s lyric:
Stop right there!
I gotta know right now, do you love me?
Will you love me forever? Do you need me?
Will you never leave me?
Will you make me so happy for the rest of my life?
Will you take me away and will you make me your wife?
I gotta know right now before we go any further
Do you love me? And will you love me forever?
What’s it gonna be, boy? Come on
I can wait all night
What’s it gonna be, boy? Yes or no
What’s it gonna be, boy? Yes or no

7. Hurt: Johnny Cash

Some of the most eloquent (and depressing) descriptive lyrics ever. Warning: this song may be extremely triggering.

8. Meredith Brooks: Bitch

The lyrics tell it all. No further editorializing necessary.

9. Radiohead: Creep

The “creep” in this song has either BPD or possibly covert (“vulnerable”) Narcissism. He seems to be severely conflicted between dismally low self esteem and pathological envy. He idealizes his lover and hates her for being “more” than he is. Whatever disorder he has, the self hatred and excruciating pain of his disordered mind is evident.

10. Hole: Doll Parts

The lyrics to “Doll Parts” mirror “Creep” in many ways, especially the idealization/pathological envy of qualities she idealizes, and her desire to “even the score.” Once again, the subject of the song could be either Borderline or NPD. (Courtney Love actually has a BPD diagnosis).

11. Jason Mraz: Beautiful Mess

A tender ballad sung to his obviously Borderline lover.

“Glycerine”– new music video my son made.

Posted on June 3, 2015 by luckyotter

Here’s my son’s latest music video–“Glycerine” by Bush (he was only three when this song was released in 1994). I love this song and this is an interesting interpretation.

You can view his other music videos in this post:

4 music videos my son made

100 years of rock in less than a minute.

Posted on April 28, 2015 by luckyotter

Something just a little bit different…

This has got to be one of the coolest animations I’ve ever seen. Every genre of rock music is included along with when it appeared.

You can click on each icon to hear a sample of the music.

I really enjoyed this and I hope you do too.

http://www.concerthotels.com/100-years-of-rock/

Click image to see the full interactive music graphic(via Concert Hotels).

12 more songs about narcissists–part 2!

Posted on April 22, 2015 by luckyotter

Due to the enormous popularity of my previous articles about this topic (both of which now appear at the top of page one of Google–thanks everyone for making these so popular!), I’m adding 12 more songs about narcissism. Music and narcissism go together well– that’s one good thing narcissism has going for it, I guess. 🙂

The Songs.

1. “The Backstabbers” — The O’Jays

It’s very difficult to find songs about narcissists/psychopaths prior to the 1980s, but here’s an excellent one from the early 1970s.

2. “Ain’t It Fun” — Paramore

Catchy pop offering a badass challenge to a narcissist’s gameplaying.

3. “You Don’t Own Me” — Lesley Gore

Here’s another oldie (from the early ’60s) about a young woman involved with a narcissistic man.

4. “Mr. Know It All” — Kelly Clarkson

A modern take on Lesley Gore’s lament.

5. “Shadowboxer” — Fiona Apple

Apple’s musical poetry eloquently describes the way narcissistic mind games make you feel. Thanks to Amanda for suggesting this.

6. “Trouble” — Taylor Swift

The intro is pretentious and badly written, but Taylor does seem to have a way of attracting abusive and narcissistic men, at least in her songs, and this one is catchy as anything else she’s done.

7. “Black Sun” — Death Cab for Cutie

Alternative rock song about divorcing a narcissist. Thanks to Sachi for suggesting this one.

8. “Words as Weapons” — Seether

A man’s view on trying to deal with a narcissistic woman.

9. Disney’s “Tangled (Rapunzel)–Mother Knows Best”

Song from the Disney movie sung by Rapunzel’s narcissistic mother, who has made Rapunzel her “golden child.”

10. “Out of the Blue” — Julian Casablancas

Good indie rock about a narcissistic relationship.

11. “Mirrors” — Justin Timberlake

Thanks to Quixie for suggesting this one to me. Seems like a nice love song, doesn’t it? Oh, but it’s not. Listen to the lyrics.

12. “Hard to Love” — Lee Brice

A warning to his lady that he’s hard to love. Listen to the lyrics–sounds like a narcissist to me. At least he’s nice enough to warn her in advance.

I hope you enjoyed these.

For more songs about narcissists, see my previous articles:
1. 20 Songs About Narcissists (#11-20): https://luckyottershaven.com/2014/12/12/20-songs-about-narcissists-part-two-of-two/
2. 20 Songs About Narcissists (#1-10): https://luckyottershaven.com/2014/12/12/ten-songs-about-narcissists-part-one/
3. 12 More Songs About Narcissists, part 1: https://luckyottershaven.com/2015/01/05/10-more-songs-about-narcissism/

Caleb Johnson “Fighting Gravity” video

Posted on April 5, 2015 by luckyotter

Last March I started watched American Idol (after several years of skipping the show due to loss of interest) when my kids told me a young man they knew from high school and who lives in our town had made the Top 13. In fact, one of my daughter’s best friends from middle school had been in this boy’s band when they performed locally (she also auditioned for American Idol several years earlier and got to Hollywood but was eliminated before semifinals).

The young man’s name is Caleb Johnson. Every week he made it through to the next round. When he made it to the Top 3, we attended his homecoming here in Asheville, not only a great deal of fun (I almost got trampled though and lost a shoe in the process!) but also fantastic publicity for our city. A little over a week later I remember sitting with my daughter as we bit our nails almost to the point of bleeding on finale night.

Well, he did win, in spite of most people thinking his equally talented competition (Jena Irene) would. Signs of congratulations went up all over town and it was front page news in the local newspapers. It was a HUGE deal here (not a whole lot happens in Asheville, haha).

Caleb is an old-school rocker, very Journey-esque. He even sounds a lot like Journey’s lead singer, Steve Perry. I didn’t buy his album (which didn’t sell very well) but I just love his new release from it, so here it is. Caleb works with kids suffering from cancer, and there is some very emotional footage here of a young cancer patient going to the “other side.”

I hope you like this as much as I do.

Psychopathic malignant narcissists are real-life body snatchers.

Posted on March 23, 2015 by luckyotter

In the late 1990s, poet, musician and activist Henry Rollins recorded his alternative rock hit “Liar,” which probably describes the evil of the psychopath/malignant narcissist more eloquently than any other song I’ve heard about narcissism. I posted about it here.

The lyrics describe what these human bags of dogsh*t do so well I’m going to pick the song apart by sections and talk about the way malignant narcissists and psychopaths attempt to destroy your soul and turn you into one of them.

You think you’re gonna to live your life alone
In darkness
And seclusion
Yeah I know
You’ve been out there
Tried to mix with those animals
And it just left you full of humiliated confusion
So you stagger back home
And wait for nothing
But the solitary refinement of your room spits you back out onto the street
And now you’re desperate
And in need of human contact

A potential victim is at their most vulnerable to narcissistic abuse when they have been abandoned, hurt or are down on their luck. A malignant narcissist, using “cold empathy,” knows exactly what you’re thinking, and knows how lonely you are and how much you’ve been hurt by past abuse. They smell vulnerability like a wolf smells blood and will make a beeline toward you.

And then
You meet me
And you whole world changes
Because everything I say is everything you’ve ever wanted to hear
So you drop all your defenses and you drop all your fears
And you trust me completely
I’m perfect
In every way
Cause I make you feel so strong and so powerful inside
You feel so lucky

When you meet the psychopathic narcissist, he or she will pretend to understand you and be sympathetic. If the narc is a good actor, you may be duped into thinking this is the most empathetic, understanding person you have ever met. You cannot resist their charms and attention and you trust them enough to tell them your darkest and most intimate secrets. Make no mistake–they will use this against you. This love bombing phase is really just the narc’s way of finding out where your buttons are and knowing where to hit you later on where it’s going to hurt the most.

But your ego obscures reality
And you never bother to wonder why
Things are going so well

Bingo. The malignant POS is lying to you and thinks you’re a blithering idiot for believing their lies. “Things going well” is just temporary. They are fattening you up for the kill like a Thanksgiving turkey. Gobble, gobble!

You wanna know why?
Cause I’m a liar
Yeah I’m a liar
I’ll tear your mind out
I’ll burn your soul
I’ll turn you into me
I’ll turn you into me
Cause I’m a liar, a liar
A liar, a liar

They tear your mind out by cruelly playing with your head using the whole bag of narcissist tricks: gaslighting, projecting, lying, projecting their faults onto you, triangulating, hoovering, blame-shifting, invading your mental, emotional and physical boundaries and generally making you doubt your own reality. Constant gaslighting in particular can drive a person to think they’re insane, and it’s possible that actual insanity could be the end result.

In your weakened emotional and mental state, you may suffer Stockholm Syndrome and begin to identify with your abuser. You may begin to do things that go against your morals and ethics in order to please them. They may force you to engage in illegal or immoral acts, and because you dare not disobey them and you doubt your own reality, you will go along with what they want.

Many victims of abuse have been arrested for heinous acts they were coerced into by their abuser. Going against one’s own morals eventually will turn a person evil. See my post Stephen’s Story (“The Choice”) for a description of how a victimized person can turn evil when attempting to pacify evil people. M. Scott Peck also described this phenomenon in his book, “People of the Lie.”

I’ll hide behind a smile
And understanding eyes
And I’ll tell you things that you already know
So you can say
I really identify with you, so much
And all the time that you’re needing me
Is just the time that I’m bleeding you

Malignant narcissists don’t really have any of their own thoughts or feelings. They learn to feign emotion. What you think of as empathy and understanding is really just the narcissist reflecting back to you what you want to hear. They are very good at knowing exactly what you are thinking and what you want. They can parrot things you have already told them in a different way so you think what they said is insightful and original. It isn’t. It’s just a paraphrasing of what you have already told them or what they have figured out about you.

Don’t you get it yet?

They hold you in contempt for your stupidity for believing them. Of course you are not stupid, and are understandably confused, but they are contemptuous of the trust you have handed over to them. They will work on destroying it and at the same time, destroy your trust in others, by using them as flying monkeys against you. Eventually you will trust no one and when this happens, you may do anything to earn back their “love,” even things you are morally against. There are so many victims of abuse who have done things for their psychopathic lovers like lie on tax returns, steal for them, buy drugs for them, and even kill for them. In most “killer couple” partnerships, one of the couple (usually the woman but not always) is a long-term victim of a psychopath and has become evil by association.

In 1978, there was science fiction/horror movie called “Invasion of the Body Snatchers.” It became a huge hit. Malignant narcissists and psychopaths are real life body snatchers. Your continued association with one of these creatures is dangerous because they can infect you with their evil and your soul can be lost, just like the harpie-like body snatchers that retained only their human physique in the movie.

I’ll come to you like an affliction
And I’ll leave you like an addiction
You’ll never forget me
You wanna know why?

A relationship with a psychopathic malignant narcissist is an affliction, even if at first it feels like the greatest thing ever. Even after they have nearly destroyed you with their abuse, you may still believe you need your narcissist and feel lost without them. That’s the way they want you–helpless and adrift. That’s because having you that way makes it easier for them to hoover you back in later on with love bombing and fake apologies, or if they are very sadistic and have no intention of returning, it makes them happy to see you alone and miserable without them.

Cause I’m a liar
Yeah I’m a liar
I’ll rip your mind out
I’ll burn your soul
I’ll turn you into me
I’ll turn you into me
Cause I’m a liar, a liar
Liar, liar, liar, liar

I don’t know why I feel the need to lie
And cause you so much pain
Maybe it’s something inside
Maybe it’s something I can’t explain
Cause all I do
Is mess you up and lie to you
I’m a liar
Oh, I am a liar

They may know there’s something very wrong with their minds and souls, but they don’t care. They know they’re messing with your mind but again, they don’t care.

If you’ll give me one more chance
I swear that I will never lie to you again
Because now I see the destructive power of a lie
They’re stronger than truth
I can’t believe I ever hurt you
I swear
I will never to you lie again, please
Just give me one more chance
I will never lie to you again
I swear
That I will never tell a lie
I will never tell a lie
No, no

The psychopathic malignant narc is using fake apologies, lies and love bombing in their attempt to hoover you, their mark, back in for more abuse.

Ha ha ha ha ha hah haa haa haa haaa
Sucker
Sucker!
Oh, sucker
I am a liar
Yeah, I am a liar
Yeah I like it
I feel good
Ohh I am a liar
Yeah
I lie
I lie
I lie
Oh, I lie
Oh I lie
I lie
Yeah
Ohhh I’m a liar
I lie
Yeah
I like it
I feel good
I’ll lie again
And again
I’ll lie again and again
And I’ll keep lying

They love doing what they do because it makes them feel powerful and in control. Their “fix” of abusing you makes them feel good. There is no intention on their part to change because it’s you who suffers, not them.

I promise.

Probably the only promise they’ll ever keep.

Livin’ in the ’80s: “Livin’ on a Prayer” (Bon Jovi)

Posted on March 22, 2015 by luckyotter

I can’t believe this song is closing in on three decades now. It was released in 1986.

There’s a reason why “Livin’ On A Prayer” is remembered fondly by so many after so much time has passed.

Jon Bon Jovi is still a hottie too. Here is the proof:

I’m adding this song to the “Soundtrack of my Journey” (in the header) because, well, it just belongs there.

Listen to one of my favorite 90s songs.

Posted on March 14, 2015 by luckyotter

I posted about this song before in this post about 1990s nostalgia.

I’m posting it again because it’s another song that’s been very inspirational to me in my journey and always reminds me to appreciate the moment, the day I am presently occupying.
Every day can be a great day!