I’m still not taking any of their crap. It’s time to roll this ball out of the back of the closet and toss it around again.
My sociopathic ex was never sorry for anything. Oh, yes, he “apologized” sometimes, but it was only to get me to shut up or because he knew he’d already lost the argument or knew I was right (but he wasn’t really sorry.) It was insulting how stupid he must have thought I was to believe these “apologies” were sincere.
Unless they are incredibly good actors and are hoovering you (trying to reel you back in, like a Hoover vacuum sucks up dirt) or love-bombing you (stalking you as prey), no apology coming out of a narc’s mouth is going to sound sincere. Of course, it’s easy to fall for those “sincere” apologies when they’re feeling needy, but there are always other red flags you can look for, such as crowding you, moving too fast, or trash-talking all their exes (make no mistake, he or she will eventually trash-talk you too).
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I think people who develop NPD do so to correct cognitive dissonance. Unfortunately for them and others, once this “correction” is made, which usually (but not always) happens in early childhood, it’s very difficult, if not impossible, for them to ever be normal again.
This post first appeared on this blog in August, 2015.
I’ve been thinking a lot about the concept of cognitive dissonance and its role in creating a narcissist or turning a narcissist into a malignant one.
Cognitive dissonance is the mental stress or discomfort experienced by an individual who holds two or more contradictory beliefs, ideas, or values at the same time, or is confronted by new information that conflicts with existing beliefs, ideas, or values.
A computer will crash or stop working when given conflicting sets of instructions. Although people are not computers (because we have emotions and a soul), if we receive conflicting sets of “instructions” or information about ourselves, it causes so much mental distress that a personality disorder can develop if the conflict appears very early in life.
A child who is constantly invalidated by narcissistic parents tries to correct the cognitive dissonance by “becoming” what the parents tell them they are. If the parents…
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I have always believed in the power of art and creativity. Engaging in painting, drawing, poetry-writing, singing, sculpture, cartooning, creative writing, music-making, arts and crafts, and even cooking, scrapbooking, and home decor relax the mind, feed the soul, and bring us closer to our Creator. Each one of us has been blessed with some kind of creative gift and it’s our job to find out what it is we love to do best, and use it to connect more deeply with the world, not just escape from it. Making art in any form also fosters mindfulness.
Even something as seemingly childish as coloring books can help us connect with our creative muse. This article explains why.
After all, it’s the child in us that gets activated when we create, and there’s no one more creative than a young child.
An increasing number of adults are handling stress by engaging with art. Specifically, art in the form of coloring books. But while some may consider this to be a temporary fad, the psychology behind it is much deeper. Neuroscience Ph.D. candidate Jordan Gaines Lewis explains the appeal of coloring books to adults, and why they work, in a piece for New York Magazine’s The Science of Us blog.
Creative engagement is a major stress-reliever for many people. If you are artistically inclined, whether it be in the visual arts, music, or literature, you already know this. However, just because one lacks artistic training doesn’t mean that this great feeling can’t be experienced. So many adults are spending time with an open coloring books because it allows us to exercise our creative muscle, as long as we can hold a coloring pencil. Lewis cites psychologist Barry Kaufman, who says that the…
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I’m really posting these for myself so I remember them later.
“8-)” 😎 “:?” 😕
“=^-^=” 🐱 “o_O” 
“:evil:” 👿 “:'(” 😥
“:twisted:” 😈 “:bear:” 🐻
“:oops:” 😳 “:star:” ⭐
Just type the keys between the ” “
😀 😬 😁 😂 😃 😄 😅 😆 😇
(testing emojis)
Get them here 💃 http://getemoji.com/
It looks like we have a brand new blog about BPD on WordPress. I know how it feels to be a newbie and how over the moon I was when Opinionated Man helped me out the first week by reblogging an early post, and I’d like to pay it forward (even though my blog is nowhere near as popular as his!) so I think I’ll do it with this blog.
Bella, I hope this helps you get some followers. 🙂 Good luck, blogging is an incredible journey in every way. Keep writing and you’ll be amazed what you’ll find out about yourself.
Bella, also make sure you follow Opinionated Man’s blog Harsh Reality (linked above). He is incredibly helpful to new bloggers and always has posts that invite you to share your posts and stuff. You never know, he might even reblog something of yours and then you can sit back and be amazed at all the activity that will bring you.
I hesitated about posting this here, but I’m going to take the plunge and do it that because I’ve never once regretted “running naked in public.” (I haven’t changed the URL yet because it costs money for me to do that so I have to wait.)
I can relate to this so much. I wake up feeling this way at least once or twice a week, if not more. Life seems so much more overwhelming and undo-able upon waking up. I really have no idea why. Sometimes the anxiety can get so intense my heart starts to race and my brain feels like it’s screaming.
This sort of free-floating morning anxiety is common in depression and might be the reason why depressed people often wake early and can’t get back to sleep. But having these attacks isn’t just limited to depressed people. It could also happen to people who suffer from anxiety disorders or are just under a lot of stress.
I’ve found the best thing to do when this happens is to get up. Trying to fall back to sleep when you’re feeling this sort of mental anguish will NOT work. You will lay there in your bed feeling panicky and wide awake. Once you get up and start going about your daily activities, no matter how daunting they seem, your anxiety level will decrease significantly.
If you wake up every morning feeling anxiety, depression and completely overwhelmed at the thought of scraping through another day, you are not alone.
Once the day gets going after a few hours, you can get into autopilot mode, or somehow tolerate the things you have to do in order to survive. But upon waking up, you feel like one more day of painful suffering existance might be too much.
You feel alone and like there is something horribly wrong with your life. It is so severe upon opening your eyes in the morning that you cannot imagine anyone else would understand.
You are not alone. This is an important situation that gets worse being left in the darkness. Feel free to express your feelings in the comments here….if you are experiencing…or have ever experienced this.
If you blog and are interested making some money from your blog, WordPress has a program called WordAds that makes this possible. You probably won’t be able to quit your day job (my earnings last month were about $40 but are going up each month in small increments based on number of “impressions”) but it’s definitely worth it, if you qualify. I don’t blog for money obviously, but it is nice to have the extra cash.
This post about the WordAds program is the most imformative I’ve seen. I can’t think of one question here left unanswered.
A new study found that people with BPD may have lowered or limited empathy, and that it may be biochemical. I sometimes think I’m a bit empathy challenged, though not in a general sense. For example, I feel just awful when I see or read about someone’s suffering (especially if it’s an animal or a child) but it’s hard to me to empathize on an interpersonal, emotional level with another person (which could be due to my introversion and social awkwardness, and also my complex PTSD). I do have cognitive empathy (KNOWING how another feels), even if its sometimes hard for me to feel WITH someone else. This is something I want to change and am working on in therapy.
I’ve known other Borderlines who seem to almost have too much empathy, and are very profoundly affected by the moods of those around them. The problem for BPDs, whether they have too much or too little empathy, is that we get so caught up in our own problems we can seem to be oblivious to what others are feeling. Usually when we’re called out on our selfishness though, we feel pretty badly about it and try to make up for it.
I think a lot more research needs to be done on this matter before any blanket judgments are made. Unlike people with NPD or Antisocial Personality Disorder, I don’t think lack of empathy is a defining characteristic for Borderlines.
Lucky Otters Haven 