These are the things I want to do before I die. Of course, these are subject to change and new ones will come along!
1. Write and publish a book about everything I’ve learned from growing up in a narcissistic family and being married to a narcissistic husband.
2. Write a bestselling novel or self help book based on my own experiences.
2. Be able to quit my day job and make an income from this (or another) blog.
3. Go to an exotic or remote country, preferably tropical.
4. Sing in a karaoke contest. (People say I have a decent voice but it’s one of those things I never developed)
5. Learn a musical instrument.
6. Get married again someday to a supportive, fun-loving, non-narcissistic man, who likes to travel and is good at home projects too.
7. Buy a Bengal cat.
8. Buy a small but quaint home near the ocean on the Gulf Coast of Florida.
9. Be completely self confident and at ease with myself.
10. Get over my fear of dying.
11. Redecorate my home exactly the way I want it.
12. Live for several months among people from a different culture.
13. Finally be able to give up smoking completely.
14. Drive cross country with a good friend or lover in a camper-trailer.
16. Finally be free of all my irrational fears.
17. Make a Beef Wellington.
18. Enter an art show and win a prize!
19. Do something really unconventional or eccentric in public and not worry about people thinking I’m crazy.
20. Hike the entire Appalachian Trail (Georgia to Maine; this takes about 6 months).
21. Be happy.
Now, I am going to ask something of you. I’m inviting my readers to add their own bucket lists in the comments. What would you most like to do before you die?
1. EVERYONE is on there. I mean EVERYONE. And they WILL find you.
2. It’s the new Big Brother. Potential employers and actual employers use FB to check up on you. You can be fired or rejected for a job for “liking” the wrong thing or posting the wrong photo or meme. Make no mistake. You are being watched.
3. The layout is confusing, cluttered and not attractive.
4. Way too many notifications about dumb things you don’t care about and invitations to “like” commercial products and suggestions of who to “friend.” Okay, well all social media has that. Still, it’s more annoying on Facebook.
5. Too many people posting selfies and photos of themselves with all their friends partying and having fun all the time. Or photos of their renovated house or their Caribbean vacation or their ugly new baby. It’s a narcissist’s wet dream.
6. This breeds envy in people who see those photos. You always wind up comparing yourself to others and you always seem to come up short.
7. Too many games and “gifts” from games you don’t play appearing on your wall. Although I’ll confess in around 2007-8 when Facebook was new and seemed cool, I got addicted to Cafe World and Farmville. Those games were fun, I won’t lie.
8. Overrated.
9. Too many people from my RL trying to get me to “friend” them.
10. You can’t choose your own theme or change the look of your profile much. Even Twitter allows more creativity than Facebook. Not that I think we should go back to the days of MySpace with its jarring profiles of neon green on shocking pink backgrounds with their glittering Blingies, flashing signs, badly sized photos that took a year to load, and other digital doodads that slowed your system down to a crawl and sometimes made it crash.
Mainly, I like to keep my online life separate from my personal life, and Facebook doesn’t make that easy because EVERY PERSON IN THE FREAKING WORLD IS ON THERE and THEY WILL FIND YOU. Yep, all 7 billion human beings on this planet. They’re all there. Waiting. Watching.
I’ll check my Facebook sometimes but I hesitate to post anything there. I never, EVER share this blog on my own profile. I wouldn’t dare. And once I’ve checked whatever I’m looking for, I sign out ASAP. Facebook is scary.
Maybe that’s what Hell is. After you die, you go into the Matrix and find yourself trapped in Facebook for all eternity.
1. Get as far away from them as you can, preferably No Contact. This isn’t always possible especially if there are children involved.
2. Do not let them manipulate you. If you can’t cut them out of your life, if they start manipulating you, cut them off by changing the subject, interrupting, or straight up telling them to stop in a firm voice as if talking to a three year old. Keep doing this if you can’t get away.
3. Deny them narcissistic supply!
This will actually help them because it will send them into a narcissistic rage (that is going to be difficult for you but you must be strong and not back down). But the rage will pass and then the narcissist will sink into a narcissistic crisis–which means then you are probably going to be dealing with an extremely depressed person but narcissists rarely attempt suicide. They may be open to getting help if this happens. They may also leave you in their attempt to find a new source of supply if it’s become clear you are not going to feed it anymore.
If the narcissist leaves you, it’s you who wins. Even if you think your life depends on them. It doesn’t.
4. It’s okay to have empathy for the narcissist because deep down they are in pain. If you don’t that’s okay too (and probably better to lack empathy for them if you’re trying to get out of the relationship). Once disengaged then it’s okay to be empathetic if that’s in your nature, but remember they have chosen to be narcissists and are still very dangerous. Hate the sin, love the sinner.
5. The only kind of “love” they should get from you is TOUGH LOVE. Especially with a child who is a narcissist.
6. Be very, VERY clear about your boundaries. Do not tolerate any violation of them. Be firm, do not back down even if they become enraged. Stand your ground. If you feel intimidated remember you are dealing with an eternal 2 or 3 year old. Would you let a toddler get the better of you? Of course not. It’s the same thing with a narcissist. They are really just small children throwing a tantrum to get their way.
7. If you can’t escape, have some kind of outlet or get away to do things for yourself.
8. If your narcissist has isolated you from everyone else, use art, music or writing as an outlet. Creating things frees us, even if only in our minds and hearts. It’s something that’s all about you, and no one else. A narcissist can criticize it, but cannot penetrate your creative vision. I believe everyone has at least one creative/artistic ability they can develop.
9. Read everything you can. Go to as many websites about narcissistic abuse as you can. Read blogs, books by experts and survivors, find out how others have coped or are coping.
10. Realize you are not alone and many suffer with you. Malignant narcissists are at fault for your condition, not you.
11. If you believe in God, ask Him for guidance and strength. You will need it. If you are an atheist or agnostic, ask the Universe or your Higher Power or even the Tooth Fairy for the same.
Here’s another installment of recent search terms. I can’t get enough of these. My comments are in bold.
the 16 signs of a narcsisist scot basset 2 I’ll have to look him up. I have no idea who he is.
psychopaths and pets 1
narcissism 12 step program 1
saddam hussein personality traits 1 Psychopathic, if you ask me.
songs about narcissists 1 Narcs do inspire great music! I might make a compliation disc of the ones I’ve put together. There’s only 2 or 3 of those songs I don’t like.
my son won a competition blog 1 Wow, someone actually searched for this. (my son got 2nd place in a dance competition)
interview with narcissist 1
narcissist cries tears of joy 1 Is that possible? I thought their tears were only for themselves when they’ve been injured or they want something.
merrimints candy 1 I didn’t know these were so popular. They are great!
why are neurotypicals so stupid 1 LMAO!
has a malignant narcissist ever been cured 1 I would love to find out one has been.
fark caturday january 4 2015 1 fark?
hsp narcissistic 1
is chakra balancing good for clusterb personality disorder It probably can’t hurt. Though Christian, I believe in chakra healing. I think the chakras in someone with BPD or NPD are disconnected and the higher ones (crown, third eye, and heart) are close to nonfunctional.
Narcissism is a hot topic, and popular music is no exception, especially since so many songs are about relationships gone bad and breakups with narcissistic lovers. Whenever possible, I tried to include lyric videos.
1. Christina Aguilera: Vanity
Speaks for itself.
2. Sara Bareilles: King of Anything
Fairly recent, nice indie pop song about a not so nice malignant narcissist.
3. Queen: I Want it All
I couldn’t find a lyric video, but here’s the lyrics:
Adventure seeker on an empty street,
Just an alley creeper, light on his feet
A young fighter screaming, with no time for doubt
With the pain and anger can’t see a way out,
It ain’t much I’m asking, I heard him say,
Gotta find me a future move out of my way,
I want it all, I want it all, I want it all, and I want it now,
I want it all, I want it all, I want it all, and I want it now,
Listen all you people, come gather round
I gotta get me a game plan, gotta shake you to the ground
Just give me what I know is mine,
People do you hear me, just give me the sign,
It ain’t much I’m asking, if you want the truth
Here’s to the future for the dreams of youth,
I want it all, I want it all, I want it all, and I want it now,
I want it all, I want it all, I want it all, and I want it now,
I’m a man with a one track mind,
So much to do in one life time (people do you hear me)
Not a man for compromise and where’s and why’s and living lies
So I’m living it all, yes I’m living it all,
And I’m giving it all, and I’m giving it all,
It ain’t much I’m asking, if you want the truth,
Here’s to the future, hear the cry of youth,
I want it all, I want it all, I want it all, and I want it now,
I want it all, I want it all, I want it all, and I want it now…
4. Madonna: Material Girl
Madonna purportedly suffers from NPD herself. I don’t doubt it. Still a great 1980s classic though.
5. Rush: Malignant Narcissism (instrumental)
No words, but the title says it all so it belongs here anyway. Good hard rock jam.
6. The Police: Every Breath You Take
The dude in this 1986 megahit definitely seems psychopathic to me.
7. Michelle Branch: Are You Happy Now
Angry pop rock from 2003 about a girl left by her narcissisict lover.
8. Three Days Grace: Just Like You
Don’t want to get infected by her evil!
9. Shawn Colvin: Get Out of this House
The lyrics are oblique and this song may not be about a narcissistic relationship, it could be just a bad breakup but it’s still a great song so I’m posting it anyway. I could not find a lyric video for this.
I have looked, but there seem to be very, very few songs about narcissism prior to the 1980s (isn’t that an interesting statement about how our society has changed?), but here’s a disco song with a victorious message about escaping from what appears to have been an abusive relationship with a narcissist. This has become a sort of female empowerment anthem but I don’t see why it couldn’t apply to guys escaping from narcissistic women too.
11. Imagine Dragons: Demons
Sounds like an insightful malignant narcissist to me, warning his prey! Sam, did you actually write this?
12. Carrie Underwood: Cowboy Casanova
Catchy country-pop take on a narcissistic relationship.
I love reading my search terms. Among the predictable and dull, there are always some hilarious ones there too. Here are my latest (from the past 7 days). I’ve highlighted the ones that made me spew various beverages out of my nose. (My comments, if I included any, are highlighted in parentheses.)
2014-12-25 to Today
Search Views
thanks 3
narcissistic abuse comment 3 https://otterlover58.wordpress.com/2014/12/10/narcissism-is-a-family-disease/ 3
narcissists hate happy people 2
can narcissists also be autistic 2 (Interesting–this may be worth looking into and writing about)
malignant narcissism vaknin 2
parents hate furries 2
500 pound peep 2
thanxx 1
raised by narcissists 1
psychopathic stare & smirk 1
hsp and narcissist 1
narcissistic supply mother 1
famous people with npd 1
sam vaknin say jesus is narcissist 1
why people with personality disorders ruin the holidays 1
2014 pop song: im narcissistic and 1
psychopaths hate intamacy 1
merrimints candy 1
what do psycos hate 1
sam vaknin liar 1
did sam vankin say he’s a narcissist? 1
what causes a child that is very intelligent to become stupid in adulthood 1
beth psychopath 1
npd mother so i reject my beauty 1 (Interesting)
how to change my origin email 1
somatic narcissism and relationships 1
is joel osteen narcissistic 1
jodi arias 1
millennials are narcissistic 1 sam vaknin narcissist dog 1(Ermmm…thinking of keeping Sam as a pet? You might want to check with his wife about that first)
the psychopathic stare celebrities 1 narcissists are in hell 1
vain and narcissistic hip hop music 1 (I think pretty much all of it is?)
narcissist mother blog december 2014 1
avoidant scapegoat 1 my “toad” dad and my narcissistic mom 1(Is that what happened when she kissed him?) stupid narcissist bitch 1
konversation narcissist 1
sam vatkin traits 1 why are psychopaths so good to their pets 1(Ummmm…see this:https://otterlover58.wordpress.com/2014/11/16/psychopaths-and-pets/)
jesus 1
i hate cream cheese 1
dad pimps daughter 1 nipping narcissistic behavior 1(maybe this is the same person mistaking Sam Vaknin for a dog).
narcissist and the occult 1
narcissists golden child and theft of money 1
Unknown search terms 149
A commenter named Sinderella suggested this one to me. I never heard it before, but it’s a great rock song and it also comes from the point of view of the narcissist, instead of the victim, which makes it a bit different. Thank you, Sinderella.
12. “Hurt” by Nine Inch Nails
Disturbing look inside the psyche of a malignant narcissist by the well known ’90s rock band.
13. “Live to Tell” by Madonna
One of Madonna’s best and most haunting songs ever. The lyrics are a bit oblique but I read somewhere this was a song about her abusive, psychopathic father. It could be about a love relationship with a narcissist too. (Madonna herself allegedly has NPD–since it’s a family disease, many ACONS also have the disorder).
14. “Farmer’s Daughter” by Crystal Bowersox
Catchy but angry and emotionally cathartic autobiographical folk-pop song about the singer’s abusive, drunk, psychopathic mother, who badly damaged both her children. There wasn’t a lyric video for this because the song was never a big hit, but I think you can understand all the words and the video tells the story.
15. “Don’t You Want Me’ by the Human League
The synth-pop hit from 1981 tells the story of a woman whose narcissistic, manipulative manager/lover is no longer of any use to her because he’s made her a big celebrity and now she wants to move on. It’s hard to tell who’s the real narcissist here. This may be one of those rare relationships with two narcissists using each other for their own gain. Such a relationship cannot last.
16. “Foolish Games” by Jewel
Hauntingly beautiful song by the folk-turned-country singer about being dumped by a narcissistic man who only used her as long as he needed her.
17. “Sweet Nothing” by Calvin Harris featuring Florence Welch
Fairly new dance-pop hit about a woman dealing with a narcissistic lover.
18. “The Chauffeur” by The Deftones
The lyrics are very poetic and somewhat oblique but this seems to be about a relationship with a malignantly narcissistic woman.
19. “Somebody That I Used to Know” by Gotye featuring Kimbra
I never really thought of this as a song about narcissism, but if you listen to the short verse by Kimbra (really the most telling lyric in the song), she is calling her lover out for his narcissistic, manipulative behavior, while Gotye appears to be experiencing a narcissistic crisis/loss of narcissistic supply and blaming his lover for leaving him.
And to close this post…
20. “My Way” by Frank Sinatra
Classic song by the blue eyed crooner paints a picture of a narcissist from his own point of view.
Because so many relationships are unequal, predatory, and abusive, and songs about relationships are so common in popular music, narcissism comes up in them often. I have posted songs about narcissism before, but I wanted to put them all in one post. I will be posting 20 songs, 10 in each post.
These songs are not ranked (because ranking them is impossible and isn’t my focus here anyway), so the songs are posted in totally random order.
Almost every genre of popular music is represented here. I have tried to include lyric videos whenever possible, so you can read the words.
1. “Narcissist” by The420Four:
Indie stoner garage rock that hits the nail on the head (but is nearly unlistenable). It still belongs on the list.
2. “Mean” by Taylor Swift
The pop country princess seems like someone who’s been in more than her fair share of abusive relationships with narcissistic, selfish men. From what I’ve heard, fame has never gone to her head–she’s super nice and falls in love easily, so she probably attracts narcissistic men who want to use her. But in this song, Taylor finally shows a little badass attitude and calls out her latest narcissist for what he really is in her ridiculously catchy 2012 pop-country hit “Mean.”
3. “Narcissus” by Alanis Morissette
Tribute to a narcissistic lover by the popular ’90s singer. This is one of her more current, less well known songs, but it’s still great.
4. “Building a Mystery” by Sarah McLachlan
The video is so well done in this hauntingly beautiful 1997 hit that I didn’t search for a lyric video. If you want to read the lyrics, I posted them here. This has remained one of my favorite songs ever.
5. “Voices Carry” by ‘Til Tuesday
The turquoise on hot pink typeface is a little hard on the eyes, but this was the only lyric video I could find for this enormously popular 1985 electropop hit about a relationship with a narcissist who wanted to keep their relationship a secret.
6. “Father of Mine” by Everclear
Here’s a hit from the early 2000’s from a man’s perspective–this song was written by the lead singer about his abusive and uncaring father (who was most likely a malignant narcissist) and how it’s still having repercussions on his life as an adult.
7. “You’re So Vain” by Carly Simon
This was a huge radio hit in 1972. Simon wrote this song about the narcissistic actor Warren Beatty, who she had had a stormy one-sided relationship with. I couldn’t find a decent lyric video, but you can read the words here.
Speaking of vanity, I thought this video was extremely advanced for 1972 technology, so I looked into it further and found out this was a remix video of the original song made in 2010! Carly still looks terrific!
8. “Liar” by Henry Rollins
This song from the late 1990s absolutely nails the evil mindset of the psychopathic malignant narcissist. This video is incredibly well done and powerful, so I didn’t include a lyric video. You probably won’t need one because Rollins’ enunciation is clear as a bell. The singer/actor/activist is not actually narcissistic in the slightest, but he plays the part here incredibly well
9. “Me Myself and I” by de la soul. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L90dy5lUh5I
A narcissistic r&b/hip hop anthem for the self absorbed. Hip hop in particular seems to be an especially narcissistic music genre. Some of the N attitude in hip hop may not be genuine but a type of posing for effect, but one still wonders.
I know I made a similar post about a month ago, but here’s the updated version of my ten most popular articles over the entire time this blog has existed. (“My Story” is actually not an article, but a page of links in my header).
Here’s the list of the search terms that appear in my stats over the entire time this blog has been in existence. I thought it was sort of entertaining.
2014-08-25 to Today
Search Views
abusive narcissistic psychopath 7
lucky otter haven 6
why i love halloween 3
is he has mild narcissist 2
avoidant personality tornado dream 2
my psychopath mom didn’t want me to laugh 2
childhood back stories of psychopaths 2
can narcissism personality disorder be treated 2
albert einstein personality disorder 2
sarah mclachlan narcissist 2 https://otterlover58.wordpress.com/2014/09/20/my-son-is-furry-got-a-problem-with-that/ 2
sarah mclachlan sucks 2
new insights on narcissism 2
no need to live trolls 2
merrimints recipe 2
are psychopaths born or raised 2
is christianity true 2014 2
different styles to renovate a plain long rancher 2
how to program a flying monkey by a narcissist 2
psychopathic abuse and ptsd 2
malignant narcissistic mothers murder people 2
ted bundy autism 2
arrogant self-centred homosexual “aspergers” drug abuse 1
in the movie we need to talk about kevin what was wrong with kevin to why he had to wear diapers until he was 9 years old 1
greek god narcism 1
12 step program 1
narcissistic abusive autism moms 1
psychopath sleeping on couch 1
narcissists hopeless 1
prairie houses in 2014 1
narcissists in 12 step program 1
leaving an abusive relationship quotes 1
how can aspie work with narcissist 1
avoidant personality disorder laundromat 1
furries popular 1
high pitch roof design split level 1
narcissistic ex husband using religion as a scapegoat 1
conversation with a narcissist 1
sayings about narcissists 1
ptsd from psychopathic mother 1
where is beth thomas today children husband 1
alcoholism and narcissistic personality disorder 1
scott m. peck meyers-brigg 1
narcissists in aa program 1
beth thomas child of rage today 1
raised by narcissist 1
son is a furry 1
npd autism 1
narcissists and holidays 1
how to have a conversation with a narcissist 1
why the narcissist uses you 1
narcissits in aa program 1
narcassists agenda 1
funny essays on hating winter 1
narcissists only care about appearancess 1
narcissism scapegoat 1
what happened to beth the psychopath girl 1
sycophants and bullies 1
imaginary friend and attracting narcissism 1
ordinary people conrad scapegoat 1
narcissists ed blog 1
briggs pants 1
animal love stories 1
house-of-mirrors narcissist meme 1
cream cheese alternatives 1
customers don’t tip 1
cream cheese icing 1
charles manson antisocial personality 1
hsp narcissist 1
my son’s a furry 1
narcissistic blyying troll 1
jokes about psychopathic businessmen 1
eyes are the soul of the alcoholic 1
mommie dearest 1
raised by narcissists 1
merrimints sugar mints 1
borderline personality disorder victims 1
how to deal with a narcissist husband 1
songs about narcissists 1
i trust u more than myself 1
psychopaths and love 1
psychopathic gaze 1
famous people once on public assistance 1
delson mint cream dark chocolate 1
how to survive holidays with avoidant personality disorder 1
is npd part of autism 1
Unknown search terms 459
Lucky Otters Haven 