Can I do it? Can I do it?

littleengine

“I think I can. I think I can.”
–The Little Engine who Could

Although my blog has been definitely picking up (a couple of my articles even have been appearing on PAGE ONE of Google!!!), September 21st is still my “Best Day Ever”–the day my “I’m Frustrated” rant was reblogged by OM at Harsh Reality and I was swarmed with new viewers and followers (354 views that day to be exact). It was a heady day, especially because I was new at this and had only been blogging for 11 days. Prior to that I had a pitiful 12 followers and almost no comments or views (and that’s why I was so frustrated and wrote that rant).

This month, I’ve noticed my views have been increasing a lot. If I knew how to “screencap” the graph on my stats page, I would. But now I’m getting views and comments even on days I haven’t posted anything new, and I’m getting more views every day. So far today I have a whopping 244 views, which is the most I’ve had since September 21. That’s exciting!

I’m hoping to beat my “best day ever.” I still have a few hours left. I wonder if I can do it?

A little validation goes a long way

I was checking my stats, and under the “referrers” section, I found a new referrer: League of Geeks. I clicked it on, and it took me to a forum topic about furries. I scrolled down and found the post that mentioned my most popular article.

It’s a very long post, so I’ll just excerpt from it.

My husband and I like to joke that the only true common thread with furries is with how we are screwed up socially in some way. It is not something to be upset or afraid about, though. Most furries find it liberating to behave contrary to the status quo as an escape. Others find the courage to do things behind the mask of a suit they never could have done otherwise (this article is an outstanding read, and could give you some inspiration: https://otterlover58.wordpress.com/2014/09/20/my-son-is-furry-got-a-problem-with-that/).

This was a very little thing, but it still made me feel like a million dollars after having had such an otherwise crappy day. I know most of you bloggers can relate. This sort of validation is one of the things that keeps us motivated. At least it is for me.

WordPress Classic Editor vs. the “new, improved” Editor

beepboopshutup
Yeah. I made this. It sucks. That thing that looks like a dandelion drawn by a 5 year old is supposed to be a ninja star weapon. Oh, well.

For some reason, WordPress keeps switching me over to the new editor (the beep beep boop one) and I have to manually switch it back to classic, which I like much better.

First of all, I think the classic editor is more readable. Second, my photos automatically resize themselves to the size I specified in my settings. The new editor doesn’t do that (maybe there’s a glitch), and I wind up having to upload my photos to Photobucket, and then resize them there, and that is time consuming. But the worst thing I noticed is the new editor doesn’t always save my changes. If I go in to edit a post again (I usually edit a post anywhere between 5 and 10 times, sometimes even more for longer posts), all my previous changes are lost. I finally figured out if I use the classic editor, my photos default to the correct size and I don’t have to worry about my changes being lost. Easy peasy!

I just wish I knew how to keep the classic editor from switching to the new one. I really don’t know what’s better about it. I really don’t need juvenile prompts like “Your post is lookin’ great!” and “Beep Beep Boop.” I’m not in kindergarten. And I will be the judge of whether my post looks great or not.

If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.
Remember New Coke? It was an epic fail. Everyone still wanted “Classic Coke.”

What do other bloggers prefer? The new editor or the classic mode?

Counting down!

top10

This is my 98th post.  Only two more and I’ll have 100.    Back on September 10th when I started this blog,  I promised myself I’d write one post a day.  I wasn’t sure I could do it.  But  I’ve outdone myself, since September 10th is only 60 days ago and this is my 98th post.   That motivates me.  I think I might be able to reach my goal by tonight.

OM (Harsh Reality) always likes to help us new bloggers and provides regular showcases for us to link to our blogs on his site.     Today he asked what our Top Ten posts are.   I had never looked to see what they were before, and wasn’t too surprised to see my first Furry article at the top of the list, since that is the only article I’ve written that STILL always appears in my Top Posts list on my homepage.  It also got a huge boost from Twitter.     I think it’s one of my best written articles and the title is awesome.      The #2 spot article, which was a rant back when I was a newbie and wasn’t getting many views or followers, got a big boost from a reblog by OM, which gave my entire blog the push into the cyber-universe it needed.  Never again would I log into my account in the morning to find only crickets and tumbleweeds.

 

Here is my entire Top 10.

2014-08-11 to Today

So today (or the latest, tomorrow) I will reach 100 posts.  I’m also nearing another milestone:  200 followers.     I never thought my blog would be this active in two short months.   I want to take this opportunity to say “thanks” to all you awesome people who are following and reading my blog.

Two kinds of stealth trolls

stealthtroll

In two earlier posts I wrote about online bullies and trolls (not exactly the same thing, but close enough). I won’t explain here how they differ and are the same (you can read the articles which I’ve posted links at the end of this article), but I neglected to mention stealth trolls. Stealth trolls seem benign, but can wreak havoc on web forums and social media. I will describe two types of stealth trolls. There are probably others.

The Concern Troll

concerntrolls

The Urban Dictionary defines a concern troll as:

A person who posts on a blog thread, in the guise of “concern,” to disrupt dialogue or undermine morale by pointing out that posters and/or the site may be getting themselves in trouble, usually with an authority or power. They point out problems that don’t really exist. The intent is to derail, stifle, control, the dialogue. It is viewed as insincere and condescending.

A concern troll on a progressive blog might write, “I don’t think it’s wise to say things like that because you might get in trouble with the government.” Or, “This controversy is making your side look disorganized.

The concern troll’s M.O. is stealth. They appear harmless. In the guise of “concern,” the troll infiltrates the website, seeming helpful, but their true intention is not to help, but to disrupt the community, dialogue or morale on the site. They probably know little if anything about the subject matter and their complaints are of a general nature. Their “concern” makes them feel superior. Concern trolls are probably narcissistic or even psychopathic, and their self-righteous “concern” makes them feel superior. Any attempt to pin them down and explain their “concerns” in greater detail or a request to explain the topic being discussed will usually cause them to disappear, but they’re likely to reappear under a “sockpuppet” account (another handle). The sockpuppet may be more aggressive in their trolling behavior and may even bully individual members or make openly hostile remarks about the site or its subject matter. A troll’s goal is to destroy the online community in the usual manner: by making its members leave the site.

The Triangulator.

triangleman

This is a dangerous troll who who pits people against each other by sending private messages containing lies about another user. It’s an online form of the triangulating that psychopaths and narcissists do. They are almost always found on social media and forums. I’ll give a hypothetical example of what a Triangulator does. Let’s say Lisa and Brian are online friends. The Triangulator (let’s call him John) befriends both Lisa and Brian. One day John sends Lisa a PM saying Brian told him that Brian thinks she’s dumb (he never said this). Lisa gets mad and sends Brian a PM saying her feelings are hurt that he went behind her back and told John she was dumb. Brian says he never told John he thought she was dumb, and he doesn’t think she’s dumb anyway. Lisa isn’t sure who to believe, so the trust between her and Brian is compromised. John then sends Brian a PM telling him Lisa thinks Brian acts like a know it all (she never said this). When Brian talks to Lisa and she tells him she never said this, he isn’t sure who to believe and the trust between them is compromised. The Triangulator can destroy a friendship this way, and that’s exactly what he wants to accomplish. By using this tactic, Triangulators can totally break down communication on a site and cause regular users to defect.

Don’t feed the trolls.

Trolls are simply narcissists who derive pleasure upsetting and destroying a healthy online community. If you can’t ban them yourself, the best way to deal with a troll is to report them to the admin or if that isn’t possible, ignore them.

Earlier articles about online bullies and trolls:
Internet Psychopaths: the difference between Trolls and Bullies
Internet Trolls are Psychopaths

Ever have one of those days…

…where you just don’t feel like writing anything? I’m having one of them today. I’ve found they happen just after I write a “big” post about a major issue in my life. It’s as if I need a few days to decompress and get my creative mojo back. I feel guilty if I don’t write, so I’m posting this so at least I can say I wrote something.

I decided to add a poll to flesh this out a little more, plus I’m genuinely curious about other bloggers’ writing habits.

Fluff piece

I try to balance my blog without losing its focus on narcissism and related personality disorders, because that’s the whole reason I started this blog–to help myself and others enmeshed in psychopathic relationships and/or recovering from the wounds they inflicted on us. So if I notice too many posts in a row unrelated to narcissism, I’ll deliberately post a few about narcissism. But even people interested in a topic can grow bored, so if I think I’ve blogged too much about narcissism, or if I notice they’re not getting as many hits or likes, I figure people need a break and I’ll post about something else.

I also try to include a fluff piece here and there to keep things light–something humorous or silly, or a nice photo with just a few words. Today was going to be my day to do that, since I haven’t posted one in a while. My post “Saying goodbye to a friend” qualifies I suppose, but its subject matter is so sad I have to post a real fluff piece today. So here it is.

fluffpiece
Fluff balls!

The narcissism of blogging

I saw this and just had to reblog it. It’s hilarious because it’s so true!

Internet trolls are psychopaths

internet-troll

There’s a very interesting website I found called SociopathWorld. Little if no distinction is made there between sociopaths (more likely to have APD and be impulsive) and psychopaths (NPD and more likely to plan out their actions). Most of the activity on the board is by and for the character-disordered, and includes blog posts by psychopaths and sociopaths, both prose and poetry. It’s interesting because it allows the rest of us to have a peek inside their heads. The experience of “getting inside their heads” seems very surreal to those of us who don’t think the way they do. It’s like a visit to another planet.

But even more interesting is the comments. One of the posts was by a non-psychopath talking about her psychopathic child. She was out of her mind with worry and grief over his actions.

Bad place to make a post like that. Almost all the responses either ignored her and kept on bantering about inconsequential things that were already being discussed, or if they addressed the issue she raised, were snarky “inside jokes” about the post or unsympathetic one-line replies.

That got me thinking about Internet trolls and bullies. Forums in particular are swarming with them (I’m not sure why trolls seem so attracted to forums over blogs), and that’s why moderators are needed, to weed out the worst posts and ban them from the forum.

I used to be very active on a political forum, but after several years the moderator quit and was never replaced, and when I went back recently, the forum was overrun by trolls and bullies. Most of the regular posters had left, and the few that stuck around were attacked left and right by the trolls. It’s sad what happened to that site, because at one time it was filled with intelligent and thoughtful people. Obviously most of them were run off a long time ago.

Some websites have a lot more bullies and trolls than others, and a lot of it has to do with the way the forum or site is moderated, and sometimes the subject matter has a lot to do with it too.

There are a few ways you can identify a troll or Internet bully, and I think almost all of these people are psychopaths:

— They rarely post anything original; mostly they just reply to or about someone else’s.
— Their posts are almost always very short.
— Their posts are snarky and filled with “jokes” meant to put a certain poster or their ideas down, or sometimes inside jokes when there is a swarm of bullies present who are on the same page against the non-troll.
— Trying to reason with them never works.
— If they are banned, they may come back under a different handle.
— Never PM or email them your concerns–they can use this against you and suddenly you may find your private message to them posted publicly elsewhere or being made fun of. This has happened to me.
— If you report them, be sure the moderator or admin is not on the side of the bullies; if they allow the presence of the trolls and bullies, that’s a red flag.
— Just like in real life, they will often gang up on a poster who appears to be vulnerable or have a differing opinion.
— They will take offense easily if you criticize them and usually fire back an insult at you.
— They are huge fans of humorous or snarky memes, gifs and photos, and will use these as a distraction away from the topic supposedly being discussed.
— They often go off topic and discuss irrelevant (and usually trivial) things among themselves.
— They gossip openly about past posters.
— They may respond to your comments with a “reaction gif” or meme instead of a real response.
— Some trolls come out of nowhere and make incendiary comments designed to upset the community or individual posters. These trolls are often banned or leave of their own accord.

All these tactics are meant to put the honest posters down, drive them away, or belittle them. Beware of any website where you see these tactics being used. Most of these people are psychopathic or narcissistic.
trolls

“Don’t feed the trolls” is excellent advice, if you must deal with them. Don’t respond to anything they say, or better yet, block them if you have that option.

This is what I was born to do.

borntodothis

Writing has always been what I’ve excelled at more than anything else, but because of the emotional and mental damage done to me by my psychopaths throughout my life, I never pursued it seriously and always felt I didn’t know what I should be or do. At an early age I started to believe I wasn’t much good at anything anyway.

These are the lies and half lies that were told about and to me by the various psychopaths who got to control me (some are based on half truths):
1. Suzanne is smart, but will never excel at anything because she doesn’t apply herself (true, but I didn’t apply myself because I was told I couldn’t do anything).
2. She is too sensitive to make it in this world (you can be sensitive and be successful).
3. She doesn’t make friends easily because she has a terrible personality (I am shy and not very social but I do not have a terrible personality).
4. She’s negative and lives on the pity pot so she will never achieve anything (this has been true at times).
5. She’s lazy and unmotivated and always gives up (see # 1).
6. She doesn’t stick with anything long enough to get really good at anything (see #1).
7. No one wants to be around Suzanne because she’s such a Debbie downer (depression and PTSD caused by being abused by psychopaths).
8. She isn’t any good at office politics (This is true).
9. She should have become a nurse or a teacher because then she’d always have a good job. (I am totally unsuited for nursing and teaching).
10. If Suzanne was thinner she would be more successful and get better jobs (I have never been seriously overweight so this is a lie).
11. If Suzanne smiled more people would like her better (probably true, but smiling doesn’t come second nature to me–I am working on that).
12. She’s stupid and has no common sense (I am not stupid but it’s true I can be a bit of the “absentminded professor”)
13. She’s insane (insanity implies someone who isn’t aware of their own actions or motives or is deluded–I suffer and have suffered from major depression, C-PTSD, autism and avoidant personality disorder. These are not “insane” diagnoses).

You get the idea.

yousuck

The closest I ever came to having a writing career were my two jobs as an editor–I was a technical writer and editor back in the late 1980s, then became a copy editor and later associate editor for a medical journal from 1989-1991. My job included writing a one page regular column, and I also used to write freelance reviews for self help and pop psychology books. These were all good jobs but none paid well. But honestly, I didn’t really like what I was doing (except for writing the book reviews). It was a very corporate environment and there was a lot of office politics so I was never 100% comfortable there.

After moving to North Carolina in 1993 after my second child was born, I never again had a job even remotely related to publishing or writing, and I thought I never would again.

I wrote a novel in 2003 but it was rejected by several publishers (and my narcissist mother said she hated it and I wasn’t ready to write a novel) so I put it in a box in the back of my closet and never looked at it again. It embarrassed me. So from then on I limited my writing to posts on forums or comments on other people’s blogs. I believed I had forgotten how to write, and even worse, I thought I lost my creativity. I never seemed to be able to come up with ideas anymore. What was really happening was I was so terrified of failure (and so brainwashed by my abusers that I always would fail) that it was just safer to never try anything new or take any risks. If I never tried anything, then I couldn’t really fail, could I? Why have ideas if you’re never going to act on them?

That’s faulty logic though, because if you never try anything new, accept a challenge, or take a risk, you may not fail at any activity but you will fail at life, and that’s a lot worse.

One of the benefits of freeing myself from the psychopaths in my life is occasional unexpected bursts of inspiration, and that’s how this blog came to be. Now that I write something every day, my creative muscle is strengthening and I feel like new ideas pop into my head several times a day now. I thought I’d have trouble even coming up with one post a day, but most days I have ideas for two or three. Blogging is something I should have started years ago; it might have led to something bigger and maybe even become a career.

But you know what? There’s no reason why it still can’t. I feel like I finally found my purpose after so many years of feeling like a lost ship without a rudder. I have a good feeling about it.

writer