Tag Archives: Blogging

This blog is growing. Yours can too.

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statsdec2014
Click graph to see more detail.

Now that I can finally crop parts of a screenshot, I can visually show my readers how this blog has done since I started it on September 10th. Its growth has been pretty steady and seems to be increasing fairly quickly, given this blog has only existed for 3 months.

The only anomaly in the graph is the huge spike in views during my second week–the week of September 15th. That was when OM from Harsh Reality reblogged my rant about being frustrated because no one was seeing my blog (I had 12 followers at that point and almost no likes or comments–I was a whiney and impatient noobie!)

Due to OM’s act of generosity, I got 354 views that day, which remained my Best Ever day until a couple of weeks ago, when I wrote my post about whether Sam Vaknin (self professed narcissist and writer of books about narcissism) was a narcissist or not. That article itself would probably not have been all that popular–except Sam himself saw it and commented, then he did the unbelievable; he linked it all over various social media–and that brought me a ton more viewers and about 15 new followers. That was the day I beat my previous Best Day Ever, with 541 views!

While things have died down just a bit from that HUGE spike, overall it appears this blog’s visibility on the web is still growing. I was tickled to death to find several of my articles (the more popular ones mainly) now showing up on the first 3 pages of Google, instead of way back on page 68 or something. They’re starting to show up on other search engines too.

Things new bloggers can do to increase visibility and views.

Blogging (1)

–Read OM’s blog.
I try to take all OM’s advice to new bloggers, and he does know what he’s talking about. I highly recommend his blog, which offers all kinds of advice to beginners and veterans alike. He follows new blogs all the time. He even occasionally offers bloggers the opportunity to “pimp” their blog on his site. Take advantage of it! Here is his blog. Do what he says–it does work.

–The title is everything.
I find it helpful to keep my titles “grabby.” Make them stand out. Make them a little controversial (“Don’t judge me because I’m poor”), a little confessional (“People think I’m stupid” or “I’m Frustrated”), or even pose a challenge to the reader (“My Son is Furry–Have a problem with that?”) Don’t try to make them too “nice”–then they will just be boring.

Keep your titles as short as possible. Never, ever write a title that sounds like a Ph.D thesis, such as: “Preternaturally narcissistic and sociopathic actions within the social media milieu: a paradigm of the interglobal loss of interpersonal altruism.” WUT?
Never, EVER use the word “paradigm” in a title. If you do that, I will personally come to your house and pour water all over your keyboard. That’s a promise. The same goes for “milieu.” Don’t use that word. Ever. No one even knows how to spell it anyway.

paradigm

–Keep your subject matter on topic as much as you can.
It’s alright to veer off topic to tell an anecdote or provide an example–in fact that can make your post seem more personal. But try not to veer off the topic the title promises too much. It’s hard to do sometimes, but if you do, always somehow bring the article back to your original topic, and it will look like you intended for it to veer off topic a little to make a point.

–Break up your text!
Readers don’t like walls of text. While a photo or picture isn’t required for a very short post, it can make it stand out more and look more appealing. If your post is very long, break it up. Use photos or pictures or quotes at appropriate intervals that illustrate the point of your story or article. It’s easy to Google images you want to use–just type the subject matter into the browser and click on Images, and you will find the perfect image to illustrate your article. That’s the way I do it. Your own photos or pictures are fine to use too.

Beyond that, break up your paragraphs into smaller, easier to chew pieces. Readers are not cavemen gnawing an entire flank of beef at once. They are civilized humans who like their steak cut into small pieces that can be picked up and savored one at a time. The same advice goes for paragraphs. Keep them bite size and they will be much more readable and taste better too.

–Use the share buttons!
Even if you hate social media (like I do), make sure each blog post contains all the social media share buttons available, which can be found in the dashboard. Even if YOU don’t want to link your post to them, OTHER people will use them. If they’re not there under your post, people probably won’t bother sharing your post. Share buttons are a lazy way of getting your post seen by many people, only you’re letting your readers do the work for you. Nothing wrong with that.

–Link to other blogs.
Linking to other blogs within your post creates a pingback: the writer of that blog will see that you quoted them, and will come and check out your blog. It’s more than likely that blogger will start following you back. Creating a blogroll (in Widgets) will help your blog too. It shows you read other blogs as well as your own, and the other bloggers will appreciate your support.

–Reply to the comments you get!
If you ignore your comments, people will lose interest in your blog. People don’t want to feel ignored. If you fail to answer your comments, it’s insulting to the reader who wrote the comment or asked the question, and it will seem like you don’t care. If you don’t want comments on your blog, you can always disable them, but I never understood why anyone would do that. All popular blogs are interactive blogs, where people can comment and lively conversations and debates can get started. It’s helpful to comment on other people’s blogs as well.

–Write frequently.
You should challenge yourself and try to write a post a day. If you can think of nothing to write about (I have those days), post a funny or attractive photo or a quote you like. If you don’t post frequently, people will stop visiting your blog. Sometimes I write 3-5 posts a day. You don’t have to write that many, but one post a day will keep your blog from stagnating like unmoving pond water.

–A few other things to remember.
If you’re a new blogger, don’t panic if things go slowly at first. Don’t get discouraged, frustrated or give up because at first it will seem like no one is reading your blog. It takes time. Becoming visible and getting lots of views and follows takes some people longer than others. The only reason mine seems to be growing faster than some new blogs is because of fortuitous visits by a person in the field I focus on (narcissism and psychopathy) who is somewhat well known and helped get my blog out there. I also write about a topic that happens to be “hot” right now. I don’t think the growth of this blog is because it’s “better” than any other–in fact I think there are many blogs that are much better written and more professional looking than mine.

I still won’t blog about my secret, but…

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emptybook

I did tell one person, a very good friend of mine–another blogger in the psychopathic/narcissistic abuse community, the exact nature of my secret. My confession was satisfactory enough to ease the itch I had to blog about it. She advised me not to, for basically the same reasons I had for not doing so.

We Aspies sometimes don’t say things even when we should. We know how awkward we seem to others and feel like it’s better to stay silent than sound like idiots, especially in the real, flesh and blood world of face to face communication.

Other times we say too much, especially on the Internet, a place where Aspies and INFJs and INTJs like myself abound (I’m either one of those depending which Myers-Briggs test I take), because we feel more comfortable socializing behind the anonymity of a computer and like the fact we can edit what we say before we say it. But there are times we Aspies still can get carried away with our candor and our filter goes on a Caribbean vacation. We just don’t know when to STFU. And we can find ourselves in a world of trouble because of that failure to censor our real feelings.

Back in 2008 and 2009, I was an active member of a certain entertainment related forum. At first I was a respected and popular member and then my virtual mouth developed a bad case of diarrhea. I had developed a crush on a person on the forum and was way too honest about it. Inevitably, a group of bullies and trolls on the forum smelled blood. They decided to use me for target practice, and soon even regular members started to join in. I was openly mocked and even started having problems with the forum administrator. I was nearly banned but wound up leaving of my own accord because posting there was no longer fun. My username became a pejorative, and to my horror, when I Googled my username, I discovered I was being quoted and mocked on two different but related sites, and their members were having a field day making fun of everything I said. I was mortified. It was as bad as being the school pariah all the bullies went after. It didn’t matter that I was essentially still an anonymous person on the Internet and no one knew my real name–I hadn’t felt that shamed or embarrassed since my days as the school dartboard.

The secret I have is actually not what it appeared to be at first. Now I understand the real reasons for it, and to my relief they are normal, healthy ones. It was really a springboard to something else. Strange things happen when you begin to journal publicly about something so personal as narcissistic abuse. One important side effect of blogging was I developed a closer relationship with God, who I rely on now to guide me in all my decisions, including what I blog about. I have prayed about this thing, this secret–and God is providing me with answers–including one I never expected.

An idea is beginning to form in my mind, an huge idea that could totally change my life and maybe the lives of others as well if I play things smart. Or it could lead to nothing other than an interesting venture into unknown territory. Doing this thing requires self-discipline, hard work, passion, and dedication. I’ve never stuck with anything before. I’d become intensely interested in something, and then drop it when it became too hard or frustrating, or when my interest in it burned itself out. That’s one of the reasons I’m still floundering through life like a teenager even though I’m over 50.

That’s all changing. I’ve stuck with blogging now for three months and show no signs of stopping. I’m passionate about blogging. It’s my new drug of choice. Because it’s become so much more than just a way to journal publicly about my experiences with narcissism. Watching my blog do so well and watching it grow and knowing it’s helping others besides just me is raising my self esteem so I no longer hear my N mother’s accusation of “loser” or “you can’t succeed” bouncing like a poisoned ping pong ball inside my brain anytime I tried something new. My entire viewpoint on life is different. I feel like I can do things, accomplish something important, and even help others while I make myself happy. Hey, I might not even have to remain poor and underemployed the rest of my life, something I had actually become resigned to. For years I’ve taken it for granted that I would die in great pain, alone and destitute, and no one would care.

There’s a certain topic related to narcissism I desperately want to write a book about. After I wrote my “Secrets” post, after a few days this book idea began to form. I tossed the idea around in my head for a few days and am waiting for some further information before I start, but even if I don’t get the information I’ve requested, I still want to write the book. It will make it harder but I can still do it. I feel like it’s something I must do, but not only that, I’m convinced it’s also what God wants me to do. I have no idea what his reasons would be for my writing this book, but then again, God doesn’t usually explain his reasons. It isn’t until later on that we find ourselves surprised to be in places we never dreamed we’d be in our wildest fantasies.

I have a good feeling about this. Not an unrealistic, grandiose fantasy that never sees the light of day because you either don’t have a real passion for it or have no practical plan to carry it out–this time it’s a real plan that I know I can fairly easily turn into reality. I think I can stick with it this time too, because it’s where God has been trying to lead me my entire life–but I couldn’t hear him because of all the noise inside my head.

The last time I wrote a book–a novel–I made the mistake of letting my MN mother read it. She hated it, so it went in a box in the back of my closet and I didn’t write another thing (except forum posts) until I started this blog. Recently I pulled the manuscript out of its box and read parts of it. It really was cringe-worthy, but in 2003 I was coming from a very unhealthy mental space and besides, fiction writing isn’t really my thing, so.

I know this post doesn’t make much sense, because I’m trying to write about something obliquely and it’s hard to be clear when you’re being oblique.

But the important thing is I have decided to use the writing ability God gave me and use it to write a book about something I’m deeply interested in. I still have self doubt, a lot of it, but I won’t let anyone or anything let me give this up.

PS: my laptop was acting weird while I wrote this, and I just realized I typed the whole thing in airplane mode. 😀

The mystery: solved

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mystery

I came home today to find another huge increase in my view count, but couldn’t immediately figure out why. The last time this happened was when Sam Vaknin visited my blog and linked one of my earlier articles about him all over social media (Twitter and Facebook). There were no new comments from him today, so I thought maybe there was some other reason for the abnormally high view count (like maybe being Freshly Pressed! Yeah, right.)

I checked my stats and did see there were 3 views from Macedonia, which is where Sam lives. So it had to be him–after all, how many people from Macedonia are visiting my blog? I checked “referrers” and saw some ridiculously high number of Facebook shares. Still, when I clicked on the Facebook link, it only took me to my own FB page. I had to find out where all those views were coming from!

Finally, I went to Twitter and looked at Sam’s profile–and sure enough, he’d linked to this article today, just as he promised a few days ago in his last comment. Because of this, I also have 12 new followers. Narcissist or not, the man does keep his promises. Thanks, Sam!

Nano Poblano is over. Wow, what a ride.

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nanopoblano

I wrote 85 posts in November, which is almost 3 per day!

When I first started this blog, I thought writing every day would be a chore and I wouldn’t be able to think of enough ideas to keep the blog going. Like so many other things I’ve undertaken, I thought blogging might engage my interest for a few weeks and then I’d become bored or frustrated and give it up.

But that hasn’t happened. In fact, the more I write, the more I want to. It’s self-perpetuating. Writing has always been something I love to do, but I had gotten away from it for a long time. So long I thought I might have forgotten how to write.

But writing is like riding a bicycle. You don’t forget how. As a matter of fact, my writing has improved a lot since I’ve started this blog. At least I think it has.

Writing is one of those creative endeavors that if we persist at it, even if it’s a chore at first, eventually it will no longer seem like work and become a form of play. The words now flow faster than I can type them out on my screen and I’m constantly thinking of new things to write about. I never expected that.

Nano Poblano helped with that a lot. I wasn’t even trying to meet the challenge–I just couldn’t stop writing.

But now I need a short break to catch up on my reading for a change. It’s great to write every day, but writers also need to balance that by reading the writing of others. It keeps us from becoming too self-indulgent in our own writing, which I worry might be happening.

I won’t be gone long. Probably not even 24 hours. Soon enough there will be something I’m just itching to write about. It might even be tonight. But I’m going to try to resist the temptation. I may even go to bed early for a change.

Three people who deserve my thanks

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thanks

Three vastly different people have turned out to be the best things to happen to this blog, and in the spirit of Thanksgiving, they deserve credit and thanks for their positive influence, so here goes.

1. Opinionated Man.

OM’s blog (Harsh Reality), as most of us know, is a godsend to new bloggers hoping to get more visibility and learn the ropes of blogging. He follows new blogs and offers encouragement, advice (that actually works!), and support to newbies and veteran bloggers alike. He also answers all questions posed to him on his blog, no small feat for someone who is so prolific and has so many followers. He also answers them quickly.

In my case (as I’m sure in many others), OM reblogged an early post of mine, which gave my blog a huge boost in visibility and gained me a smallish but loyal following. That in itself was encouraging and made me feel welcome. I also love the fact he regularly offers bloggers the opportunity to link to his blog and showcase their stuff. He has used his huge popularity to help others get more popular. I don’t know too many bloggers who do that, or would have the confidence to do that.

Personally I find it hard to believe he has a lot of haters (he insists he does), because of all the good stuff he does. I also like reading his non-blogging posts and his poetry is good too (even though I’m not much of a poetry fan). I have a feeling OM’s haters are just jealous because he is so popular and has tens of thousands of followers and a level of Internet fame that most other bloggers would give their eyeteeth for.

2. 500 Pound Peep.

500 Pound Peep has an incredible blog over at Blogger (Aspie in a Narcissist Jungle). Like me, she is a survivor of narcissistic abuse and an ACON (adult child of narcissists). Her story is eerily reminiscent of mine. And also like me, she suffers from Aspergers syndrome. Her blog is honest, heartfelt, funny, sometimes irreverent, and always fascinating to read. There are many wonderful blogs written by survivors of narcissists, but hers is one of my favorites and one of the first ones I ever started to read. 500 Pound Peep deserves special thanks because it was she and her blog that inspired me to start my own back in September. For several months prior to starting this blog, I had been reading blogs by others, but hers was the one that made me say to myself, “That’s it. I am doing this.” And that decision is changing my life.

I have trouble posting on her site because since Blogger is connected to Google, it keeps wanting to put my real name under any comments, so I have to choose the “Anonymous” option if I comment. No matter. About a month ago, she found my own blog, and added mine to her blogroll. Since hers is a popular blog, every day my stats show more viewers have been referred to my blog from hers. She has also been supportive and made comments on many of my posts here. I’m very grateful to 500PoundPeep for her support and encouragement, and for her blog which I always find inspirational and eye-opening, even when I don’t comment.

3. Sam Vaknin.

This is a weird one. In what upside down world would I, a victim of narcissists, ever be in a position to thank a malignant narcissist and one who may even be psychopathic? And yet, Sam Vaknin has probably helped the visibility and popularity of this blog more than anyone else. Of course, I undoubtedly helped him too, by writing two articles about him that increased hits to his own site, and most likely got more people to order his books. Of course there’s something in it for him, but that’s alright. It’s even understandable. All bloggers want more hits and visibility and just because he’s a narcissist, doesn’t mean he shouldn’t want more validation too.

I’m utterly gobsmacked by the number of views and hits I got yesterday due to these two articles (541 hits on November 21, becoming my Best Day Ever). Both articles have been shared multiple times on social media, especially Twitter and Facebook, as well as on other sites that saw my article and reposted or linked to it. My stats show 63 Twitter shares (and still rising), and even more Facebook shares over the past three days between both articles. Reddit has recommended my article, it’s appeared on Tumblr, Pinterest,and LinkedIn, it’s now on a few ACON blogrolls. Mr. Vaknin himself commented a couple of times on my posts and even approved of them (for the most part). His presence undoubtedly increased views to my blog because people were curious to see what he had to say. Vaknin has many fans in the narcissistic abuse community, a topic which is pretty huge these days, and evidently a lot of his fans and followers have come to my blog or linked to it. Here is his website.

So, Sam, I do appreciate your input here and attracting your followers along with you to this blog. Sure, maybe I’m just narcissistic supply to you, but you have inadvertently also done me a huge favor, probably a bigger favor than I have done for you. I offer you my sincere thanks for that.

And to the rest of you.

Just because I’ve called out three individuals for special thanks, doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate the support and encouragement the rest of you have offered me and my blog. I value all my followers and readers, and welcome and appreciate all your comments. I also appreciate all the reblogs by several of you.

All these things help this blog get more visibility and will help it make its mark in the blogging world and the community of survivors of narcissistic abuse. And to all my fellow ACONs and survivors, I am as helped by your comments and your blogs as you may be by mine. We are all a community and are here to support and help one another in any way we can.

Namaste!

I had a good feeling about this blog today and just logged in and…

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holyshit

Message from WordPress:

A spike in your stats
Your blog, Lucky Otter’s Haven & Museum of Narcissists, appears to be getting more traffic than usual!

74 hourly views

7 hourly views on average

Is it the changes I made last night to this blog or traffic caused by the surprise appearance by (in)famous narcissist Sam Vaknin?

But why question it? It’s just awesome, is all.

stewie

ETA: I don’t know how to make a screencap of the graph, but this was my best day ever — 436 views!

I figured it out. It wasn’t hard. My stats page shows the two articles about Mr. Vaknin are KILLING it on the web. They both have a lot more views than anything else I’ve posted, and one of them has been linked to Twitter 31 times and both combined on Facebook even more times than that. Going viral maybe?!?!?!o_o
My first article about Sam is now on PAGE TWO of Google. And I thought my article about my son being furry was popular. Whoa.

I know I sound like a horrible narcissist and I apologize for that, but damn, this is EXCITING! I don’t expect it to last though.

Mr. Vaknin should be getting plenty of narcissistic ego-boosting from the fact he’s such a stats-booster. I’m sure he already knows that though. LOL

Did you notice any changes?

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You may have noticed a few changes on this blog.

— I changed the name of the blog by adding “and Museum of Narcissists” after “Lucky Otter’s Haven.” I wanted to title to include something about its primary subject matter, even though as always, I will write about other things too. I considered “Lucky Otter’s Museum of Narcissists” but that seemed to sound too much like a freak show and the “haven” part is important, because I want victims of abuse to feel like this really is a haven, because it is.

— After changing the title, it went to two lines, and I didn’t like the look of that. I wanted the title to all fit on one line, so I changed the font style from Jubilat Regular to Jubilat Light and reduced the font size down from 3 to 2.

— I changed the default user icons from the standard WordPress design to the monsters. They’re cuter.

I hope everyone likes the changes.

Blogging…

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showandtell

…it’s Show and Tell for grown up geeks.

Can I do it? Can I do it?

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littleengine

“I think I can. I think I can.”
–The Little Engine who Could

Although my blog has been definitely picking up (a couple of my articles even have been appearing on PAGE ONE of Google!!!), September 21st is still my “Best Day Ever”–the day my “I’m Frustrated” rant was reblogged by OM at Harsh Reality and I was swarmed with new viewers and followers (354 views that day to be exact). It was a heady day, especially because I was new at this and had only been blogging for 11 days. Prior to that I had a pitiful 12 followers and almost no comments or views (and that’s why I was so frustrated and wrote that rant).

This month, I’ve noticed my views have been increasing a lot. If I knew how to “screencap” the graph on my stats page, I would. But now I’m getting views and comments even on days I haven’t posted anything new, and I’m getting more views every day. So far today I have a whopping 244 views, which is the most I’ve had since September 21. That’s exciting!

I’m hoping to beat my “best day ever.” I still have a few hours left. I wonder if I can do it?

A little validation goes a long way

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I was checking my stats, and under the “referrers” section, I found a new referrer: League of Geeks. I clicked it on, and it took me to a forum topic about furries. I scrolled down and found the post that mentioned my most popular article.

It’s a very long post, so I’ll just excerpt from it.

My husband and I like to joke that the only true common thread with furries is with how we are screwed up socially in some way. It is not something to be upset or afraid about, though. Most furries find it liberating to behave contrary to the status quo as an escape. Others find the courage to do things behind the mask of a suit they never could have done otherwise (this article is an outstanding read, and could give you some inspiration: https://otterlover58.wordpress.com/2014/09/20/my-son-is-furry-got-a-problem-with-that/).

This was a very little thing, but it still made me feel like a million dollars after having had such an otherwise crappy day. I know most of you bloggers can relate. This sort of validation is one of the things that keeps us motivated. At least it is for me.