Autumn’s last gasp: day trip on the Parkway.

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Looking up toward Craggy Dome, 6105 ft.

Down here in the southern Appalachians, the trees still have some color (a few are even still mostly green!)  I’m also happy to say that once October came, the trees seemed to be more colorful than they have been in the past several years.   Perhaps this was due to the very rainy July and August, followed by a very dry September.   It’s also been unseasonably warm (though not hot).  So I actually found myself appreciating Fall more this year.

This is my second drive along the Blue Ridge Parkway since fall started, and I’m happy to say the weather this time was much more pleasant than the last time.   This time I decided to drive north on the Parkway (last time we drove south, to Mount Pisgah),  with the intention of making it to the Virginia border.

But I got a very late start (it was almost 1:00 when I started out) and drove as far as I could to leave myself enough time to drive back before it got too dark.   I made it as far as the Blowing Rock/Boone area , which is about 120 miles north from where I live.

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The parkway begins to climb when you enter the Black Mountains, on its way to Mount Mitchell, the highest peak on the East Coast.   I chewed gum to relieve the popping in my ears.  As you climb, the trees become shorter and scrubbier, almost like shrubs.  At that high an elevation, that’s as high as deciduous trees can grow.  Their short and slightly twisted stature helps them conserve energy and protects them from the high winds.  At that high elevation, the air is colder and the trees were completely winter-bare–except that many of these trees are sporting clusters of bright red  berries!    Craggy Gardens, several miles south of Mount Mitchell, is filled with wild evergreen rhododendrons and all those attractive red-berried small trees.

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I had the radio on while I drove, and kept switching stations.   I settled on a country station that was playing this song about driving on backroads so I left it on and sang along while driving.

As you drive farther, you can see the rather sharp delineation (around 5,500 feet) where the conifers and fir trees (taiga zone) begin to take over from the last stunted deciduous trees.   That high up, the climate is too cold for even deciduous trees to survive.   At the tops of the peaks of the Black Mountain range, there are nothing but dark conifers, which gives the mountains the black appearance that inspired their name.    The starkness of the landscape this time of year gives it a primordial feel and you are stuck by just how ancient these mountains are (they are the oldest mountain range in the world: millions of years ago, they were as high as the Sierras).

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Once you pass through the Blacks, the road descends and your ears start to  pop again.  For about 30 miles the landscape is pretty, but not that exciting.  There are a few spectacular views from the various outlooks, where people stop to take pictures or take a break from driving.   The deciduous trees took over again, but this far north, I noticed they were almost completely bare and did not show the color the trees farther south did.    I realized that even though I’d only driven about 70 or 80 miles by this point, I’d probably entered a more northerly “hardiness” zone.   The landscape had a decidedly more “northern” look even though I was still in North Carolina (and would be for some time, since I live very close to the South Carolina border).

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I drove about another 50 miles and passed through another mountain range almost as high and impressive as the Blacks with a more rugged appearance (Linville Gorge Wilderness).  Grandfather Mountain is here,  just outside of Marion, and I remembered my son went on an Outward Bound expedition here as his 8th grade school trip and how much that experience seemed to change and mature him.   By this point I was picking up a rock station out of Winston-Salem, so I left that on for awhile.   I also found another station–an oldies station that plays only music from the 50s and 60s!  (I didn’t think those existed anymore!)

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I kept driving, and the landscape leveled out again.   I passed through areas where you could actually see private homes and farms from off the Parkway (closer to where I live, the Parkway’s surrounded by the Pisgah National Forest, so you cannot see private homes or property from the road).   It looked like winter here, even though the temperature wasn’t that cold.   When I reached the Blowing Rock/Boone area, I decided it was time to turn around and go back.  It was already close to 3:30 and since I have such terrible night vision and knew it would be getting dark by 6 (we set the clocks back tonight, folks) that I could go no further.   My bladder was about to burst!  I stopped back at Craggy Gardens to pee, but had to use their Port-a-Potty because the visitor center was closed.

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I arrived home just after sunset.   I love driving on the Parkway; it’s always so relaxing and spiritually uplifting, no matter what time of year I go.

13 reasons why being an introvert is awesome.

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1.  You don’t have to spend a fortune on presents.

2.  You read more than the average person.

3.   You tend to be educated beyond your schooling, because you read so much.

4.   People think of you as smart and/or deep.  Because you’re self-educated from all that reading.

5.   You project an aura of mystery.  This can be sexy.  (It can also be creepy).

6.   You stay out of drama, or at least you try to.

7.   You tend to be able to see more than one side of a situation  because you’re always observing other people and you think so much and give yourself time to reflect.

8.   You have more insight into yourself and others.

9.   You appreciate nature.  This extends to animals.   As an introvert, you feel more in tune with living things if they’re non-human.  Beautiful scenery inspires you.

10.  You’re probably artistic.  Or musical.  Or literary.

11.   Your friendships, being fewer, tend to be deep and close ones.

12.  Once you have chosen someone as a friend, they can count on a friend for life.

13.  It’s hard for you to be bored, because you’re so good at being entertained all by yourself without the help of others.

“How to Spot a Collapsed Narcissist”

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The following is is a very interesting article I found on a site called  Flying Monkeys Denied, that explains how to identify a narcissist who has “collapsed” –in other words, a narcissist who has been denied adequate supply (leading to narcissistic injury), perhaps by having failed to meet his or her goals or obtain the admiration they thought was their due.    He (or she) will spiral into “pit bull” attack mode in their last ditch efforts to force others to provide them with supply.   They become hypersensitive, hateful, rage filled, tantrum throwing, angry, snappish, intolerant, and sometimes even violent.   Any pretense of niceness or charm they might have formerly displayed when things were going better for them disappears and the rage just underneath the mask of pleasantness comes out full throttle.

They still cannot accept any blame or criticism of themselves.    They project their self hatred onto the “targets” they have selected (people of another race, religion, ethnic group, gender, or people with a non-traditional lifestyle).  It’s as this level the narcissist displays bigotry and small-mindedness.   It’s at this level you see xenophobia and intolerance toward viewpoints outside their narrow worldview.   It’s at this level the collapsed narcissist may batter his wife or girlfriend so badly she winds up hospitalized or dead.

Archie Bunker in the ’70s hit TV show, “All in the Family” was a narcissist who was painfully aware he was at or very near the bottom rung of the socioeconomic ladder.   Fearing he’d sink to the even “lower level” of the minorities and various ethnic groups he looked down on with so much contempt, Archie hung onto that one thin thread of hope: his whiteness, his conservative values, and his blue-collarness.

There’s another narcissist in the public eye right now, similar to Archie Bunker in many ways (only with a lot more money),  who is running for president.  This narcissist also displays all the signs of having collapsed or being in the process of collapsing, perhaps due to the pressure of running for the highest office you can obtain but deep down knowing he really isn’t qualified, so he attacks those who question  his competence or criticize his agenda.   His bigotry, sexism and racism ensures that should he fail (lose the election, win the election but become the most hated president ever) he will still be “above” these other groups who he has deemed are beneath him.

The next stage in the narcissistic collapse (if getting supply through aggression, threats and intimidation fails) would be a descent into depression, suicide, or even psychosis (when a narcissist reaches this point of having hit rock bottom, they may become so desperate  as to voluntarily enter therapy, and this is when inroads into their psyche are most likely to be made).   Such a massive blow to the narcissistic ego could also result in complete loss of control  called “going postal.”   It is this possibility I think many of us sense in The Donald that makes his possible presidency so terrifying.    Should he collapse that far, he could start a nuclear war or turn America into a police state or order the extermination or deportation of all the groups of people he dislikes.  Gay people, people of color (particularly Muslim-Americans),  even women are at risk should that happen.

My apologies for applying Godwin’s Law,  but I believe this is how Hitler went from winning an election as a smooth talking populist who promised to “make Germany great again,” to the monster who became responsible for the extermination of 6 million Jews and other groups he disliked.   I could see this happening with Donald Trump all too easily.    There aren’t enough checks and balances any more to keep him at bay should he decide to unleash his narcissistic fury.   This is one angry and disordered man who is coming undone on national TV and I wouldn’t put anything past him.

I didn’t intend for this intro to be so long.   Here is the article I’m linking to:

How to spot a Collapsed Narcissist

My next step.

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I’ve always wanted to write a book.   I actually did write a novel, back in 2003, but it sucked and was rejected by several publishers.    It didn’t take me too long to give up trying to get it published.

Today that novel sits in a cardboard box in the back of a closet.  It’s been sitting in that box for 13 years, its 300+ pages becoming brittle with age and the corners of the box  it dwells in now bent and taped together.  A few years ago I pulled out the typewritten pages and re-read the novel.   I cringed with embarrassment over how bad it was.  Not just bad, but atrocious.   It was shallow, self-indulgent, had no flow; was full of cliches, stilted dialogue,  and purple prose; and populated with unlikable, annoying characters.  It will probably never see the light of day again and most certainly will never be published.  But I still can’t bring myself to toss it out with the recycling.  If nothing else, it’s a reminder that I can finish something that I started.

I’ve done a lot of writing in my life, but that one shitty novel was my only attempt to write an actual book.   Although I’ve always wanted to write a book, it just seems so daunting.  I always find excuses:  it would take too long, I don’t have time, it wouldn’t be any good, I’m not really that good a writer, no one would read it, I’m bad with opening paragraphs, I’m bad with endings, I don’t have the money, I don’t have good ideas.

But excuses are just lies you tell yourself.   None of the aforementioned items have any truth to back them up.  I have a blog and a following, these days you can self-publish an eBook on Kindle at little to no cost (a print version can always come later), and after a year and a half of blogging, my writing has vastly improved.   Some days I have so many ideas for new posts that it makes my head spin.  I spend most of my free time writing anyway, so why am I not writing a book?  I really can’t think of any good reasons not to.

So I know what my next step must be.   I  haven’t yet decided whether I’ll do a compilation of my best or most popular posts, or write something from scratch.   I have a feeling I’ll go with the latter, but might incorporate a few of my blog posts into it.   I haven’t decided what my book will be about yet either, even though I do know it will be connected to this blog’s content in some way.

One thing that’s stopped me before is the thought of having to write hundreds of pages of prose.  But with an eBook or even if I self-publish a print version (which I think costs money but I’m not sure), I don’t have to write something that long.  I’ve read or reviewed a few books that were self published by bloggers, and few exceed 100 pages.

Another thing that makes writing a book seem like a chore is the lack of immediacy.   When you write a blog post, you get instant feedback.  Likes, comments, and views start coming almost from the minute you hit Publish.   You can monitor your stats after a very short time.   With writing a book, no one sees it until it’s published, and that could take a long time.   I’m not a patient person, and I hate having to wait for feedback.  But that doesn’t seem like a valid reason not to write one.

So all I have to do is make the choice to sit down and instead of opening up WordPress to write a new blog post, open up Kindle instead and write the first paragraph of my book.  I never thought I’d start a blog either, and one day I just decided to do it.   I think that’s how writing a book is going to work too.

When I do start to write, I will probably not be able to write new blog posts as often and might even have to take a break from it to concentrate on the book, but I’ll let everyone know when that happens.

Polydactyl cat house.

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Hairy Truman, one of the feline residents of the Ernest Hemingway Home.

Someday I want to visit The Ernest Hemingway House in Key West, Florida.

It’s not because I’m a fan of Hemingway’s writings (though I am).   It’s not even because of the beautiful tropical landscaping and French Colonial architecture, which should be reason enough to see it.  The real reason I want to see this historical home is because of the large population of six- and seven-toed (polydactyl) cats that populates the island, the grounds, and the house itself.

Like me, Ernest Hemingway loved cats, particularly polydactyl cats, and most or all of the cats are descendents of his beloved pet, a white polydactyl cat named Snow White, who was given to him by a ship’s captain.

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Ernest Hemingway with one of his cats.

The cats–which number about 40 or 50–are not feral; they roam the grounds freely, but they are mostly neutered or spayed (there is a limited breeding program to ensure the polydactyl population remains) and are well cared for by on-site veterinarians.   The cats are friendly and are so used to visitors they will come up and greet you or even walk with you.   Because Hemingway always named his cats after famous people, the cats are still given names of famous artists, writers, statesmen, and politicians.

Spending some time in the lush tropical gardens of this beautiful home, watching cats with six and seven toes mill all around and interacting with them, is my idea of heaven.

Where did Polydactyl cats come from?

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An unidentified Hemingway cat stares up into the lush foliage.

Polydactyl cats are not a breed; the extra toes are a mutation that is almost exclusive to the East Coast of the United States.    The first polydactyl cats discovered were some Maine Coon cats living in New England, who had more than the usual number of toes.   This is a common trait in Maine Coon cats, and actually helps them tread through snow more effectively.

But polydactyl cats aren’t limited to Maine Coon cats.    Polydactyls, like Hemingway’s Snow White, have always been popular as ship’s cats.   They are thought to bring good luck on the open seas, and their special paws make them excellent mousers.

The cats are now commonly referred to as “Hemingway cats.”

*****

The sad story of Boris. 

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Random cat relaxes on a table outside Hemingway Home.

From 1994 to 1999, I had a beautiful brown tabby polydactyl cat named Boris.   He was long and lean and his extra toes made his feet look huge!  The sixth toe on each of his forepaws was opposable to his other toes, much like a thumb!  Boris actually used his big paws much like hands, and was actually able to grip objects in an almost human way, due to the “thumbs.”  The extra toes didn’t seem to interfere with his ability to jump, climb and get around.   It gave him a rather comical look.

Boris didn’t have 9 lives though.   He only lived about five years.    The problem began with his tail, which was long and whip-like.   It started with a break.   I’m not sure how his tail broke (he was an indoor/outdoor cat, so I’m thinking it might have gotten caught on something, possibly a tree branch) but one day I noticed it was hanging oddly in a kind of L shape.    Boris didn’t seem to be bothered by it but I knew it was time to take him to the vet. The vet confirmed his tail was broken and after taking x-rays, said it would not be possible to reattach the two tail parts, so Boris went into surgery to have the bottom part of his tail removed.

He came out of surgery and seemed fine, though now he had a stumpy tail no longer than about 3 inches.    We took care of his stump and changed his dressings regularly.  The vet said he seemed to be healing fine.

A few weeks later Boris seemed lethargic and wasn’t eating.  I took him back to the vet, who looked at his stump and noticed it seemed infected.   She put him on antibiotics and gave me an ointment to put on his stump.    But for some reason, the stump wasn’t healing properly.   The infection grew worse and Boris still wasn’t eating.

Another trip to the vet.   Boris would have to have his entire stump removed, and this would also include the removal of his penis (he was neutered so he had no testicles).   Boris came out of surgery and seemed to be recovering, but a week later he fell ill again.

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Closeup of polydactyl paws.  This is a six toed example with “thumbs,” which is what Boris had.

Back to the vet again. Another round of antibiotics. After a few days, the infection still hadn’t gone away; it was now spread throughout his lower abdomen.   The vet couldn’t figure out why the antibiotics weren’t working and why the infection kept spreading.     We watched Boris for a few days and kept giving him the antibiotics but he just kept getting worse.

Finally, the vet told me sadly that she advised Boris be put down, since by now he was suffering — in pain, not eating, and barely conscious.  He couldn’t urinate because the opening where his penis had been was also infected and swollen nearly shut, and uric acid was building up in his system. She said there was nothing else she could do to save him.

Tears streamed down my face as she administered the shot, and I watched the life fade from Boris’ bright green eyes as I held onto his hand-like paws. The vet closed his eyes with her fingers and I kissed his toes.

I can’t find a photo of Boris right now (I know I have a few stashed away somewhere though), but he looked a good bit like “Hairy Truman” in the first photo.

I always wanted another polydactyl cat, but they are so hard to find.  Since they are not a breed, you basically have to wait until one pops up by chance at the shelter or rescue center.   I may never have another six-toed cat, but I’d love to spend some time with the dozens of six and seven-toed cats down in Key West someday.

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7 Things You Didn’t Know About Clowns.

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HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

Halloween just wouldn’t be Halloween without spooky clowns, right?

Mentalfloss lists 7 little known and interesting facts about this very old profession.

http://mentalfloss.com/article/87942/7-things-you-didnt-know-about-clowns

Depending on who you ask, clowns are either harmless fun or the stuff of nightmares. But no matter where your opinion falls, there’s a lot going on beneath the face paint of this surprisingly old profession. There’s even a story behind the iconic red nose: It can be traced to a member of the Fratellini family named Albert, who originated the Auguste clown archetype—complete with the world debut of the bright red clown nose. Now make like a clown car and stuff as many of these facts in your head as you can.

Read the rest of this post here.

The Inheritance (with message by Graham Cooke)

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This video was just sent to me, and I am BLOWN AWAY.

The singer is Jonathan Helser.

So excited!

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In my last post I talked about an answer to my prayers, that came in the form of an email offering to pay my expenses for 4-day Christian healing program (HeartSync) that runs seminars and helps many people suffering from trauma and PTSD, many who were not helped by anything else, including traditional psychotherapy.   HeartSync is a spiritual therapy based on biblical principles.   I talked to the woman who is funding this (Kate Miller) at length on the phone last night, and we found out a little more about each other, but I’m not really a phone person and I get a terrible signal anyway (probably because of all the mountains here), so the conversation was a little disjointed.    I did get some of my questions answered though, and found out a bit more about how this program works.    I also Googled HeartSync to read some testimonies, but I was tired and didn’t do an in-depth search last night.   I didn’t see anything negative, though.  It appeared to be a legitimate Christian healing program.

Kate and one other person have also kindly donated the money I will need, and it looks like the request I put in at work will also be approved (even though I didn’t get to talk to the boss yet).  So it looked like God was moving a few obstacles for me and that this experience was really going to happen!   But it all seemed so fast!  It was too easy! What if it wasn’t God moving the obstacles? What if something else was doing it?   It all seemed too good to be true–and I don’t trust anything that seems “too good.”   I needed to have faith, but–how does one tell the difference between faith and foolishness?  

Kate had suggested that I put in a request for an entire week off from work rather than just four days.  I was told that the experience would  likely be so intense that I’d probably need a couple extra days (plus the weekend) to process everything.  Hearing that raised my shackles.  Uh-oh!  I felt a little afraid!  What on earth was I REALLY getting into?       Could I get out of it if I needed to?   I was already booked though!    I had to talk to Kate some more and also do some more digging on my own.

I found quite a bit of information, but this one, from a private blog called On A Mission in SF, blew my mind:

HeartSync and Wholeness

By Elise Albert

http://elisealbert.blogspot.com/2016/04/heart-sync-and-wholeness.html

We recently worked with a woman named Bri (who gave me permission to share this story:)),  who had been cut off from feeling emotions because of childhood wounding. From early on, she discovered that if she shut off emotion and prevented it from having a voice, it would keep pain from being experienced. When she felt an emotion coming up due to heartbreak, pain, etc, she would shove it back down and become numb to the presenting situation. When she began receiving Heart Sync prayer, the Lord revealed that this began when her parents had gotten divorced and brought to light a decision she had made as a child to not feel in order to protect herself from more pain(something she was unaware of until He revealed it consciously). The pain was beyond her capacity to bear at the time, so a part of her had come up with a solution to keep her safe, the only way she knew how— to completely shut off to all emotion forever. But by cutting this off, she was also prevented from experiencing joy and love. But now, God was offering her protection in Himself, healing for the part of her that was wounded in the divorce, and an invitation for her to be able to fully feel again under the protection and safety of the person of Jesus. Since then, Bri is able to fully access and use her emotion in a way that is healthy. She began to experience emotions again, and not just for herself but also for others. As a missionary, she has found her heart has become tender and compassionate toward those she serves, “I feel more pain, but it feels so worth it because I am able to enter into those places of pain with people and really sympathize, where as before, my heart felt calloused. This is compassion!” 

I remember the first day I sat in a training for the HeartSync approach- it felt like the Holy Spirit ran into my inner world and called every part of me to attention, even the parts I didn’t realize existed or had worked endlessly to shove down, and said,

“Hey. I see you. And I’m coming to heal and love every part of your heart that hurts. You were made to be whole and to know the love of God in the deepest parts of your heart.”I’ve come to believe that we are desperately in need of a Doctor for our hearts. Yes, even us Christians who love the Lord and have given our lives to Him. There are always new depths of intimacy and healing with the Lord–it is who He is! We have all experienced our fair share of pain and suffering, and have battle wounds and scars hidden deep within to prove it. We’ve come up with our own ways of self protection to guard against more pain. 

But the most glorious of news, because of the price Jesus paid for us on the cross, those wounds and scars do not have to stay buried deep within us. There is a Healer who wants nothing more than to heal and restore that which was lost! 

The HeartSync approach, the primary heart healing method we use at Linden Tree Outreach, was developed by a man named Father Andrew Miller and it focuses on synchronizing broken and divided hearts first to God and then to each other. With my counseling background, I have often wondered if there is a connection between psychology and Christ-centered inner healing, as I see the value and purpose in both. Wonderfully, there is a substantial amount of brain science correlations that not only support Father Miller’s findings but fuel it (more on this at a later point). 

So how this works: each of us have Core Parts.  Father Andrew has given names to them, to help identify and distinguish these parts. These consist of:

– the Function Part helps us function daily (brush our teeth, write, drive, etc.) and believes that knowing certain information about one’s history is incompatible with survival and/or function
–the Emotion Part is most closely connected to the pain, depression and trauma we have experienced
– the Guardian Part that believes the Emotion and Function parts must be kept apart or the Function will be too overwhelmed to do daily functioning, so is devoted to keep them seperated. 

These Core Parts are universal and part of our creative design, but they were not designed to live in opposition, but instead work together as a team. And they were also created to all be in relationship with Jesus. But because of the fall, we have all experienced varying degrees of trauma and pain which have created desynchronization between our parts and the Lord (meaning they are no longer working in unity), and we are all in need of God to bring restoration to each area of our heart and restore them to their design and function. He does this healing places of hurt and trauma and correcting incorrect beliefs about God and ourselves. 

I don’t know about you, but I am desperately in need of this kind of healing. Our world is full of people who are living in disconnection from God and parts of themselves–just trying to get by–not realizing there is so much freedom and restoration available for them. 

*****

OMG!  THIS WAS EXACTLY WHAT I HAVE BEEN PRAYING FOR!  And now it was here, and all the obstacles that seemed so insurmountable were being moved.  After finishing reading this post,  I just sat there reeling in near-shock but also feeling this anticipation like I’d never felt before, anticipation so intense my eyes filled with tears. THIS…was the next step of my journey.

I immediately banged out an email to Kate.   Here is part of it:

 

All day my mind kept bringing up these potential horror-movie scenarios (maybe because it’s Halloween?)  — being hypnotized, being drugged, being brainwashed, being taken alone into a little room and feeling scared to death, completely OUT OF CONTROL!  Being re-traumatized in some unknown manner, or getting there and finding out that  HeartSync is something other than what it says it is.    It’s probably just my hypervigilance due to PTSD but it just all seemed too good to be true and that scared me. 

So I knew I needed to do some more digging.    I found quite a bit of information on Google and some testimonials.    Wow, it does sound like exactly what I’ve been searching for.  Sometimes during mass I get a bit teary eyed and definitely feel the presence of the Holy Spirit, but then it’s all over.  It doesn’t really last for any length of time.    For a year, I’ve been in therapy to reconnect with my emotions (many of which I had shut off because they were too painful or I was shamed out of feeling them — as I already described to you on the phone).   It’s helping but it’s a long slow process.   It can be frustrating and of course, it doesn’t address my relationship with God/Jesus, which is shaky at best.  

Although I’m closer to God than I ever was, I often feel disconnected or untrusting of Him too.   Why should I trust God when even my own family could not be trusted?   When He allowed me to spend 25 years with a cruel man who almost destroyed my soul?  Sometimes I feel like he doesn’t listen or doesn’t care.   I question my faith a lot.   Other times I feel God’s presence and love, but as if from a distance.  It’s as if my entire heart can’t handle it or is still partly closed off.    So when I read some of these testimonies — this seems like a somewhat charismatic healing process?–  I started to feel very excited!   A little scared, but scared in a good way and mostly excited.     I NEED to have that intense emotional spiritual experience!   I need to really feel myself being loved unconditionally by Jesus, held in his arms and allow His love to change me.     I think this is the answer I’ve been looking for. 
 

 

 

Asking for help for a wonderful, maybe life-changing opportunity.

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Ever since I became a Christian, all kinds of doors have been opening up to me, and I’ve also been given a lot more clarity in the direction God has planned for me.    Even if one door closes, another one always seems to open.    I still have strong doubts about my faith, and I’m always praying for that to be strengthened–not only so I can help myself, but also so I can help others too.    I’ve found that when I put my own will ahead of God’s, I always wind up with regrets, but whenever I’ve followed God and put aside my fears, that somehow it turns out to be the best thing I could have done.

Yesterday I received an email from a woman who reads this blog and has found it helpful.  She is also a victim of narcissistic abuse and has found my articles have given her courage and hope.    She also offered me a fantastic opportunity, one that initially I felt like I’d have to decline, but the more I think and pray about it, the more it seems to me that God is calling me to take up her offer.

Basically, it’s a three day Christian retreat in Chapel Hill, NC that trains people in not only increasing their faith through Jesus Christ, but also helps them learn to pray for others who are broken-hearted and need God’s grace and healing.

I’ve talked about this before, but for awhile now, my greatest desire has become to help others heal from abuse, C-PTSD, and even the personality disorders that abuse can cause in a person as they unconsciously rely on primitive defense mechanisms to cope.    There are many people out there who are hurting and are lost, just as I was lost and hurting until I went No Contact with my abusers.

I’ve been somewhat frustrated because there is really no way I could, at my age, afford or find the time and energy to return to school to become a therapist.  But I believe Jesus can also heal people who have suffered because of abuse.   I already spend much time in prayer for these broken hearted people, but I feel like my faith is shaky and leaves a lot to be desired.  I feel like my prayers could be so much more effective with the right sort of training and a supportive environment where I could put aside my day to day worries and just focus on God and prayer.

Getting back to the email I received, the woman who wrote to me has offered to pay my expenses for the hotel stay (3 nights) and lunches.   It is being held very soon–November 13 – 16, which is in just two weeks.     I can get there myself being that it’s only a 3-4 hour drive from where I live.    But going would also mean that I’d lose 3 days of work pay since it’s being held during the week, and of course there is the matter of dinner, gas, and extraneous expenses that may come up.    I would not be spending any money on luxuries or souvenirs.    I am going to talk on the phone with her tonight.  She has provided her phone number and I looked at the website link she sent me and it does seem legitimate.  But this is the only opportunity I have to go until next summer, when they will have another prayer retreat.

Here is a short description on their About page of what they do. (I don’t know if I’m at liberty to name the organization at this point).

focuses on the primary mission statement of Christ to heal the brokenhearted (Luke 4:17-18a), whereby Christ gives us singleness of heart and action (Jer.32:39) to the end that we are then able to love the Lord our God with all our heart and with all our soul and with all our mind. (Matt. 22:37) ___ does this by intentionally synchronizing the most core parts of our heart to the Lord in a short period of time.

I feel like this could be lifechanging for me, and help me to help others more effectively.  I know God wants me to attend, otherwise I would not have received this offer.   But since I live paycheck to paycheck and already have so much trouble keeping up with my bills, and have no savings, and cannot afford to take the time off work and lose pay (I have no more vacation days), I would need about $400 by November 10th or so to be able to make this dream a reality.  Of course, I will share about my experience when I return.

$250.oo to make up for 3 days’ lost pay from work

$150 for gas and dinners for 3 nights

Total: $400.00

So I’m asking anyone who wishes to help me take this opportunity to help me grow closer to God and be able to more effectively help others heal through prayer,  to please make a donation before November 10th (it takes a few days for PayPal donations to enter your bank). 

For some reason, I’ve been unable to activate the PayPal donation button, but you can log onto PayPal and enter my email to send the money to.    Any amount of help would be gratefully appreciated!

*****

https://www.paypal.com/home

My email for making a donation is:  otterlover58@gmail.com

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All Bloggers Are Losers

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I don’t think this odious post deserves to even be linked to, but I’m reblogging it anyway because it’s one of those “things that make you go WTF.”  The writer stopped blogging 6 years ago anyway so it won’t matter (their last post was written in 2010, which means this post, written in 2009, was NOT their last blog post.)

This post explains why he decided to quit blogging.  Because “all bloggers are losers.”  He came to that conclusion after ONE WEEK of blogging.  And decided to write a blog post about it.  Mainly, it seems they got frustrated because they weren’t getting many views.  After one week of blogging.   Newsflash: it takes months, hell, even years to build up a good-size following or a high view count.    When I was blogging for a week, I had 12 followers.  12!!!!  Was it frustrating? YES!  I griped about it here.  But did I give it up?  HELL, NO.  Now I have over a million views and thousands of followers.  It takes time, people.  And patience isn’t a virtue of mine.

The blogger also claims he got “only” 64 views a day.  I don’t know about you, but I think that’s very high for a blogger who has only been blogging for a week.   I don’t think I had 64 views until at least my second week–and that was per WEEK, not day.

I think the real loser was the author of this post.  It’s a shame too, because this blogger actually had some decent writing skills.

A few other choice entries from this blogger-hating blogger:

5 Types of Blogs You Should Be Killed for Creating

People Who Set Their Blogs to Private Are Gay

The Evils of the “What I Did Today” Blog Post

Girl Bloggers Get More Attention Than Guy Bloggers

 

 

 

shotgunfacelift's avatarShotgun Facelift

I’ve been blogging for just about a week now. My journey into the world of blogs has come to a close and the results are in. I now feel like I’m in a position to comment about blogs and bloggers in general but I thought I’d just start with a good, old fashioned blanket statement (or generalisation) and announce that: ‘All bloggers are losers’

I’ll tell you how I reached this conclusion, or discovered this fact, or solidified my hypothesis very slowly and very methodically – so by the end of it, you’ll agree with me and will hastily scramble to your Dashboard to annihilate your blog from the ‘Blogosphere’. (My god, I fucking hate buzz words.)

Irony at its finest

The first time I made my blog I couldn’t help but feel slightly weird. Why was I doing it? Why should I write things for other people to read? Is it for myself?…

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