6 ways to turn things that annoy you into hilarious blog posts.

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This ever happen to you? Yep, it’s beyond annoying. I bet you could write something funny about it.

Let’s face it. Annoying things are funny.   If you can look at the humorous side of the things that drive you crazy,  two things happen:  (1)  it no longer seems as annoying; and (2) you can write a great post that makes your readers laugh.   Some of my most popular posts–such as “12 Reasons Why I Don’t Like Autumn“– have been biting jabs at things I don’t like.

Here are 6 ways you can turn something that makes you want to stick white-hot steel pins in your eyes into something that makes your audience (and you) laugh.

1. First, try to find the funny side of whatever it is that annoys you.

Come on, you don’t have to dig that deep.  Almost everything has a funny side to it.  Most things that are merely annoying (as opposed to, say, tragic, where it might be hard to find a light side) are very funny indeed.   Hate morning radio shows? (I do.)  Make fun of them!  Talk about how idiotic they are or the way they never play any music.  Rant on about the way there’s always a dumb-as-a-bag-of-hammers female sidekick who gets paid to do nothing except laugh idiotically at Bubba and Ed’s lame jokes. Lampoon the way all the jokes are about celebrities and sex.  Or celebrities having sex.  Like anyone cares.

2. Don’t be afraid to use sarcasm.

If you’re good at it, that is. You should know if you are.  I’m one of those people that is not.  Snark and sarcasm don’t come naturally to me.   But if you’re good at it, that’s a plus because it can make your funny posts even funnier.     If, like me,  you’re not good at sarcasm and snark, skip it because you’ll seem like you’re trying too hard, and worse, come off as nasty and mean instead of bitingly funny.

3. Exaggerate!

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“That Turbo-sized mug of Pumpkin Spice cappuccino she forced on me against my will smelled like cinnamon-and-clove-scented sewer” is a lot funnier than “that large mug of Pumpkin Spice cappuccino she gave me smelled terrible.”   You’re not lying; you’re embellishing the truth with colorful imagery to enhance its humorous effect. (Oh, and almost everyone  I know is fed up with Pumpkin Spice everything).

4Profanity can be useful, but use it sparingly.

I try not to use too many profanities in my blog posts, not because I’m some prudish church-lady afraid of “salty” language, but because most of the time,  it just makes you sound low class, mean, and uneducated. It’s also lazy.  There are usually better ways to  express frustration, anger, surprise, or whatever strong emotion you’re trying to convey.  That being said, sometimes a well placed expletive gets your point across more effectively than anything else, and you don’t have to worry about Those Words making you sound pretentious, as a euphemism might.   You can usually get away with naughty words if you’re writing something humorous–especially if it’s about something you find f***ing annoying.  It’s the surprise factor of seeing a four letter word there that sometimes sets off the guffaws.  Everyone can relate to the F-bomb (and well-placed,  it does act like a kind of bomb!), even if they don’t admit it.   Only use it once or twice though.  If you overload your post with profanities, you’ll probably just turn off most readers instead of making them laugh.

5. Make a numbered list.

Everyone loves lists–or “listicles,” as they have been recently (and annoyingly) called when they refer to lists on blog posts.   The human love of lists is the reason why back in the 1980s, “The Book of Lists” was a huge bestseller, and spawned a jazillion followup books.  It’s the reason why every article about writing engaging blog posts will tell you to “put it in a list.”    If you’re writing about something that annoys you, you can either write a list of all the different things that annoy you, or focus on one thing and list all the reasons why you hate it.

Lists are also a lot easier to write than regular prose, and easier to read too.

6.  Find funny images to illustrate your post.

I love Google Images, and I can almost always find the perfect image for any post I’m writing.   All you do is type in a few words describing what you’re looking for or what your post is about, and click on Images, and voila!  Then it’s just a matter of choosing the one that “speaks” to you the most.    There are some pretty hilarious ones too, for almost any subject you can think of.   Images, memes, cartoons, and funny photographs can make your funny post even funnier, but don’t overwhelm your readers by posting too many.  After all, you want your  own words to stand out, not have their effect diluted with too many funny pictures.  One at the top of your post, and maybe one or two others sparingly placed should be enough.  If you’re good at writing captions, do it, because sometimes those are the funniest things in a post.   If you love funny captions,  check out those on Cracked.com.  Theirs are the greatest.

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You can also turn things that elicit other disagreeable emotions in you (as long as they’re not “serious” emotions like sadness or grief) into comedy gold!   Try writing a funny post about things that disgust, bore, or scare you!    Here’s one I wrote called “25 Things That Gross Me Out.

Thought for a Tuesday.

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12 reasons why I don’t like autumn.

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In my neck of the woods, this is what Autumn looks like.

Yesterday was the first cool-ish day we’ve had since May.   While the lower temperature felt nice, I also noticed for the first time that some of the trees are beginning to change colors.  It was also overcast and gloomy, and I realized that my SAD symptoms have kicked in full bore.   I just felt like crawling into bed to escape from the sadness I felt.   After winter, fall is my least favorite season.   Here are 12 reasons why I hate it.

1.  Around here, the “changing colors” just means the trees change from green to brown to bare.  A few turn this unattractive shade of deep maroon or this dirty looking yellow, but unless you go up to the Parkway, we really don’t get the brilliant fall colors you see in places further north, like Vermont.   To me, fall is not only not pretty,  it’s actually sort of ugly.  The traditional “fall colors”–gold, brown, red and orange–look like ’70s colors to me–I much prefer the ’80s colors of spring.

2.  Everyone crowing about how great fall is.   Shut up.  Please.  Just shut up.

3.  I have to deal with the school traffic again every morning on my way to work.

4. “Pumpkin spice” everything.  Makes me want to puke in my mouth.   Take your damn pumpkin scents and flavors (newsflash–pumpkin tastes like nothing) and GTFO.

5.  It gets dark early and it’s dark when you get up for work, and every day is darker and shorter than the last.

6.  The gloom.  November and December are the worst, but October is guilty too.  Gray, overcast, dark, rainy, and depressing doesn’t bode well for my SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder). And in late fall, around here it rains.   And rains. And rains.  And it’s not the life-giving, energizing sudden showers of spring, it’s all-day-and-all-night-long, cold, dismal, continuous drizzle that sometimes turns icy and makes you want to go hibernate until spring.

7.  All the “fall-foliage” seeking idiots who clog the roads on their way to the Parkway. Go to Vermont instead. The colors there are much nicer.

8.  Fake, over-commercialized holidays — in particular the extended Christmas season which seems to start earlier every year–which seem intended to bring some “cheer” to the gloomy last half of fall, but really just makes everyone a nervous wreck instead because of its unrealistic expectations of “family togetherness,” over the top commercialization, and extravagant gift-giving that no one can really afford.  Oh, and let’s not forget Thanksgiving, with its heavy, fatty, depressing food and its gross PUMPKIN pie.  And these days, Thanksgiving is eclipsed by Black Friday anyway, which now starts on Thanksgiving, so all the turkey stuffed lemmings go rushing out to stand on line all night in the rainy cold for a new flat screen TV.  Halloween is okay, but is overrated as f.

9. I could give a rat’s arse about football, and that’s all anyone talks about besides their holiday plans.

10.  Fall means winter is coming and winter is torture to me on every level.

11. Let’s stop denying it.  In the fall, everything’s dying.  Those “brilliant colors” you see for about two weeks?  It’s just the leaves  attempting to get your attention one last time before they drop dead and turn into worm-food, that’s all.

12.  Once you get into the months ending in -ber, you know one more year is in its death throes and for some reason that’s really depressing.

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A sad little twig with its wilting, dying leaves just makes me want to cry.

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Further reading:

My Seasonal Affective Disorder makes me want to hibernate until spring.

Narcissistic Traits by Sun Sign.

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This isn’t meant to be serious; I don’t even believe in astrology, but I still thought this article was interesting and funny.  Who knows, maybe there’s some truth to it too.

Narcissistic Traits By Sun Sign

By Jacqueline Hart

Aries- The all out, malignant Narcissist. He is always right, likely to be violent or a loud abuser. Temper is sudden and explosive, and if you leave him he will stalk you even though he is likely already sleeping with your sister and best friend.

Taurus- This Narcissist wants stuff and will sell their grandmother to get it. Change your bank passwords if you break up with a Taurus Narcissist.

Gemini- The two faced Narcissist. This is the narcissist who runs the smear campaign and hides behind “flying monkeys.” They behave as though nothing bothers them because they prefer not to get their hands dirty. After all, they have to keep the image of the public persona spotless. This narcissist uses words to wound.

Cancer- The victim narcissist. Probably on meds for depression or anxiety, but not seeing a therapist. Epic mother issues that include all mothers, including the mother/s of their own children. He will fight you for the kids in court, and then abandon them. (Because if you have a baby, you can’t be the baby!) This narcissist will cheat with same sex partners or whoever is available. They need constant babying or there will be a temper tantrum.

Leo- Stereotypical narcissist. It’s all about them all the time. The charmer, the romantic, and the makes you want to puke in your mouth every time they speak because they are so obviously full of themselves, kind of narcissist. This is the malignant type of narcissist, the Hollywood version of narcissist.

Virgo- This Narcissist will attempt to confuse you with mundane details that disguise the lies they tell. When angry they destroy your finances or physical property. They will use anything they do for you as leverage to prove you are ungrateful and don’t deserve them. This is the sign that will claim they have cancer or another terminal illness, for attention.

Libra- The cheating isn’t a one night stand, it’s a hidden wife and three kids. Women will use affection and making you look good, or bad, to control you. Change all bank passwords and don’t put anything in their name. They are also likely to stalk you if you try to leave them. This is a sad narcissist, because Libra is all about relationships, and a narcissist will never find what they want because they cannot give what is required.

Scorpio- Run. This Narcissist uses sex and fear to intimidate, control and cause pain. A healthy Scorpio is a being capable of death and rebirth within one lifetime. They can shed old behaviors and characters and reinvent themselves, beautifully. In the narcissist, this ability is blocked by wounds and fear. This is the narcissist on the FBI’s most wanted list. Like I said, run.

Sagittarius- This one prefers public humiliation. Where most narcissists are kind in public and humiliate you at home, the Sagittarius narcissist reverses this approach with a similar effect. This narc makes you believe you are only safe when you are alone with and completely dependent upon him. Gross, huh? The Sagittarius narcissist also hides in religion or spiritual beliefs. This is the David Koresh narcissist.This Narcissist is always right and will use gaslighting like it’s their job.

Capricorn- This narcissist uses guilt and authority to control. His favorite weapon is fear and he comes off as the disappointed father or teacher who has no choice but to teach you a lesson. They are likely to be scarier when silent, than when speaking.

Aquarius- This narcissist is definitely using their connections in whatever circles to intimidate their prey. You will find the proof of the affairs and other lies on the internet and by hacking their email and social media. This narcissist is interested in appearing to be a guru or inspirational leader.

Pisces- The lies will be epic and constant. They are not happy unless they are someone’s victim and if you refuse to abuse them, that’s okay. They will act like you do and they will tell everyone you do. If you even look as though you might be thinking about confronting them with a real issue, you will be faced with manufactured pain and tears so over the top you are likely to be embarrassed for the two of you. This is the addicted narcissist.

Read the rest of this post here:
http://www.scarletcoaching.com/apps/blog/show/43441849-narcissistic-traits-by-sun-sign

Further Reading:
What Sign is Your Personality Disorder?

A Covert Narcissist’s Worst Nightmare, by Anonymous.

I saw this today and thought it was brilliant and creative, so I’m reposting it. I’m pretty sure it was meant to be tongue-in-cheek. 😉

A Covert Narcissist’s Worst Nightmare

By Anonymous.

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You wake up one day and all the people who once respected and liked you, and gave you supply — supply that gave you esteem and a sense of self — have turned against you, because they found out you were a Narcissist, and now they’ve actually all conspired together, in an attempt to systematically destroy your false-self, because “that’s what’s best for you honey.” Your family ostracizes you. Your work is no longer valued. Any attempt to garner supply from others is met with contempt and slights and ridicule. Now every innocuous glance and comment is an attempt to put you down. Rage just pushes people away, as does snapping and hurting others. Your inwardly-constructed personal reality and persecutory delusions that originally took the blame off yourself, and upheld your false self, begin to falter, and you focus more on your deeply wounded true-self.

So you buy a Ferrari and drive around and associate with your fellow yuppies, trying to look cool and make others think so too, but they just see you as trying too hard, and all your associates stop hanging out with you, because they don’t think you’re worthy anymore. “Mr. Nobody” is your new nickname. Even your attempts to get supply on social media is met with zero likes.

Turning inward to fantasy (violent and grandiose) and narcissistic withdrawal, and numbness, you try to generate supply from the inside, which works for a while, until even that fails. Taking drugs and getting drunk to escape from the nightmare just makes things worse. No matter what you do, you can’t ever get any more supply.

Everyone sees how fake you are, including your friends; they see you are over-exposed and vulnerable. It turns out no one appreciates you anymore, probably because they were all narcs themselves. You try to fight it, but you know it’s the truth. You feel the very essence of who you are break apart — pure ego death — and there is nothing you can do about it. You know that the only way to feel alive is to get gratification from others, and in the end — you can’t get it at all, and suicide seems like the only option. (My note–Please don’t do this if you have NPD and lost all your supply–go get some professional help ASAP!)

But then it turns out it was all just a bad dream, like the ending of “Click”, and you go on living your life the way you always did, using others to pump up your false self, blissfully unaware of your own inadequacies.

My opinion about summer right now.

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It’s always your fault!

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Thanks to my friend Nikita for this meme!

 

Positive Quote ~ August 4th

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Persia's avatarBlog of a Mad Black Woman

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Have a blessed day all. ❤

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Replying to my haters.

I was browsing through some old posts, and found this one from almost a year and a half ago. I’m reblogging it because it makes me laugh. For that reason, I think it deserves to get another 15 minutes of Internet fame.

luckyotter's avatarLucky Otters Haven

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Not everyone likes this blog. I have a few haters. The following are not really troll comments (which I delete immediately or don’t approve) but criticisms of me and this blog. (A few do come close though).

It’s okay to have haters. All bloggers have them. All writers have them. I don’t expect everyone to agree with or understand my motives for having a blog like this. Having haters just means something you said pressed somebody’s buttons. It’s inevitable, especially when blogging about a controversial subject like narcissism instead of posting brownie recipes.

I decided rather than try to reply as these comments come along (which can disrupt the flow of a conversation), I would put them here in this one post. (I’ve been saving them to Wordpad). Obviously this blog isn’t for everyone. I am not identifying the handles of these commenters.

Fortunately, I have not received many of…

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Narcissist Zombie.

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