Seen on an NPD forum.

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This was a real thread started on an NPD forum.

Fire your therapist! I cured myself of NPD in just three months! 

You can too!  I spent ten years in and out of therapists’s offices.  I was considered incurable and most of those therapists gave up on trying to cure me.   I was practically black-listed by the APA!    I didn’t want my narcissism anymore, but what could I do?   I was desperate! I had no choice but to cure myself, and I found out how to do it!  After months of study, I found a proven, simple, PAINLESS, 100% effective method of getting rid of NPD!  I cured myself of my NPD in only three months, and SO CAN YOU!    If you want your narcissism to leave you for good but are tired of being broke from the thousands of dollars you are forking over for know-nothing therapists who only want to line their pockets by making you feel worse, then you have NO EXCUSE not to order my proven ten step program which is GUARANTEED to cure you of NPD in 6 months OR LESS–FOREVER!  Unlike those ineffective shrinks who are getting rich off your pain, my method is FUN and PAINLESS!  

If for any reason, my proven method doesn’t work for you, I will cheerfully send you a FULL REFUND–no questions asked!  

*****

The ten step method was a set of 12 CD’s and a booklet for $300 (paid in monthly installments)  + shipping and handling

I wonder how many refunds this person had to “cheerfully” offer to gullible narcissists.

The thread was locked by a moderator for “spamming” and “shameless self promotion” as well as for “giving misleading information to the mentally ill.”

Narcissist Zombie.

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The 12 steps of Narcissists Anonymous

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1. We admitted we were powerless over how great we are–and making other people’s lives unmanageable.
2. We came to believe that there is no power greater than ourselves and everyone else must be restored to sanity to recognize how great we are.
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of Ourselves. (We might need some narcissistic supply from you from time to time to keep ourselves propped up, however.)
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves and found nothing wrong with our morals.
5. Admitted to God (who’s God anyway? Me?), to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our superiority over others.
6. Were entirely ready to have God remove any stray defects of character from us and project them onto others.

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7. Humbly asked Him to keep blessing us with more power over others.
8. Made a list of all persons we want to harm, and became willing to manipulate and torment them all.
9. Did not make direct amends to other people at any time, except when to do so would injure them or others.
10. Continued to take personal inventory, and when we were wrong, promptly denied it, projected it, or gaslighted against someone.
11. Sought through navel-gazing and meditation on ourselves how to improve our conscious contact with Ourselves as we understood us to be, praying only for knowledge that will enable us to one day become Gods ourselves.
12. Having realized we were magnificent specimens of perfect humanity, we tried to carry this message to everyone we come into contact with, especially those who are under our thrall. We continued to practice these principles in all our affairs.

Lets laugh at the narcs.

I actually have a tab in my header about this. We need to laugh at narcs.
I just stumbled on this website though, and there are some great jokes here about narcissists. Narcs may be tragic, but they also deserve to be laughed at and that can make us feel better too. I’m adding this link to my tab because these jokes are great.

http://bruce-1628250.newsvine.com/_news/2012/11/27/15489669-and-the-category-is-narcissists-humor

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There are very few groups of people whom you can tell jokes about these days, that aren’t considered ethnic, racial, gender or some other kind of Protected Class from prejudicial discrimination. No more Polish Jokes. Please!!!

Can we still get away with telling Lawyer Jokes?

But, here, thanks to Newsvine, I have discovered a category that is, I think, perfectly fine for sharing jokes about.

And the category is: Narcissists! 😉

If you don’t know what a Narcissist is, then here, read this:

Dictionary definition:

narcissism – noun – excessive or erotic interest in oneself and one’s physical appearance.

Psychology extreme selfishness,
with a grandiose view of one’s own talents
and a craving for admiration, as
characterizing a personality type.

Psychoanalysis self-centeredness arising from failure to distinguish the self from external objects, either in very young babies or as a feature of mental disorder.

DERIVATIVES – narcissist – noun – narcissistic – adjective – narcissistically – adverb

ORIGIN early 19th cent.: via Latin from the Greek name Narkissos (see Narcissus ) + -ism.

And, if you still aren’t sure, you could go to this site for a quick explanation:

(The Narcissistic Pastor: 10 signs that you may be one | Pastor Charles Stone

So, is it okay to joke about Narcissists?

Why the hell not!!!

Here are some narcissist jokes I found during a very quick search of the net. Hope you enjoy them. If you’re at all offended, then maybe you are a ———. I hope not, for your sake!!! Have you got a good Narcissist joke or story you’d like to tell?

The Jokes:

1. How many narcissists does it take to change a light bulb?
One.
He holds the bulb while the world revolves around him.

2. A narcissist is someone who after taking the trash out, gives the impression he just cleaned the whole house!

3. What do a narcissist and a sperm have in common?
Both have about a one in 3 million chance of becoming a human being

4. My husband and I divorced for religious reasons.
He thought he was God and I didn’t

5. How do you drown a narcissist?
Answer: Put a mirror at the bottom of the swimming pool.

6. What do you call a narcissist buried in sand up to his neck?
A. A good start
B. Not enough sand

7. Why won’t a vampire attack a narcissist?
Answer: Professional courtesy

8. Every narcissistic man wants a woman he can look down on.

9. There’s nothing wrong with narcissists that reasoning with them won’t aggravate.

10. The narcissist says: I’m really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.

11. The narcissist says: Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.

12. How does a narcissist sleep?
First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.

13. How can you tell when a narcissist is lying?
His lips are moving.

14. What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a narcissist?
An offer you can’t understand.

15. What is the difference between a catfish and a narcissist?
One’s a bottom-crawling scum sucker, and the other’s just a fish.

16. What do you call an honest narcissist?
An impossibility.

17. Hear about the terrorist that hijacked a 747 full of narcissists?
He threatened to release one every hour if his demands weren’t met.

18. The narcissist says: Really, I’m the most appealing, sexy, charming, wonderful, most intelligent man walking the face of the earth. Ask all those b****es who left me!

19. A man goes to a Psychologist and says, “Doc I got a real problem, I can’t stop thinking about sex.” The Psychologist says, “Well let’s see what we can find out”, and pulls out his ink blots. “What is this a picture of?” he asks. The man turns the picture upside down then turns it around and states, “That’s a man and a woman on a bed making love.” The Psychologist says, “very interesting,” and shows the next picture. “And what is this a picture of?” The man looks and turns it in different directions and says, “That’s a man and a woman on a bed making love.” The Psychologists tries again with the third ink blot, and asks the same question, “What is this a picture of?” The patient again turns it in all directions and replies, “That’s a man and a woman on a bed making love.” The Psychologist states, “Well, yes, you do seem to be obsessed with sex.” “Me!?” demands the patient. “You’re the one who keeps showing me the dirty pictures!”

20. A Narcissist’s wife goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse she has been living with for the last 10 years. The Wizard says, “Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you.” The woman says without hesitation, “I now pronounce you man and wife.”

21. A priest, a teacher, a millionaire, and a narcissist were golfing together. As they walked the course, they came up behind a foursome that was moving very slowly, and that didn’t offer to let them play through. Calling over the club pro, the foursome inquired about the poor sportsmanship of the slow group. The pro explained that the slow golfers were blind. The priest said, Oh, bless them, I will keep them in my prayers. The teacher said, I will tell my students how inspiring they are. The millionaire said, I will offer to pay their greens fees for the year. The narcissist said, Why can’t they play at night?

CoH and NUA rules apply. Sorry but Narcissists are not recognized as a Protected Class under any of the anti-discrimination laws on the United States. If you have a problem with these jokes, then you probably shouldn’t read them. This is all for funs and giggles, so just go with the flow okay?