Today I was helping my roommate pack her things and cleaning the room to show to prospective new housemates.

Maybe I’m a terrible person, but I was feeling irked with her all day for seemingly no reason. I finally realized why. I don’t want her to leave! We’re never going to be BFFs, but she’s been a trustworthy and reliable housemate and I really don’t relish the idea of having to find a replacement who may not be as trustworthy and reliable. I also have to find one soon (so far the only possibility is a gay man around my age who can move in on the 9th). So I was easily irritated and not doing much to hide my annoyance and irritation while helping her clean and pack, and was losing my patience easily. I was less able than usual to be mindful and my BPD and covert narcissism symptoms were showing.

I also dislike change.

I know Stacey was just trying to make friendly conversation, because she probably saw I wasn’t saying much, and when I did talk, it was in abrupt, one or two word bursts. She probably thought I was mad at her (she always thinks everyone’s mad at her).

But through no fault of her own, she couldn’t have picked a worse thing to break the ice with. What she said pressed all my I-hate-winter buttons. Although most people would not have been triggered by what she said, I lost control and went off on her and even told her she was stupid and ignorant for believing the cliche. 😳

She said, “I hear it’s going to be a really bad winter this year.”
Because she’s moving to Florida, I almost took this as a kind of insult (“nyah nyah, I’m going where it’s warm and you’re gonna be freezing your buns off”). I know that’s not what she meant but I took it that way.

I apologized later and told her the truth–that I was upset she was leaving and that I would miss her, and was stressed about having to find a replacement quickly.

It reminded me of this post I wrote about a year ago about why that icebreaker (no pun intended) “I hear it’s gonna be a cold one this year” triggers me so much.

Why I Can’t Stand Snow