10 things that make your blog suck.

Posted on May 25, 2015 by luckyotter

I think I’ve been in this blogging business long enough to tell when I see a bad blog. So I decided to round up the ten most annoying things I’ve seen bloggers do that make me hit the backspace key and never visit their blog again. If you blog, I hope you don’t do any of these things.

1. The blogger allows comments, but attacks anyone who disagrees with them. I’m not talking about abusive or trollish comments (which should be trashed or sent to spam anyway), but there are some bloggers YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO DISAGREE WITH. You can’t have a civilized debate because even questioning their opinions sends them into the online equivalent of a two year old’s temper tantrum. If you are so certain of your rightness that you must attack those who even suggest a differing viewpoint, why allow comments at all?

2. The majority of the blogger’s posts are hate-filled, trollish screeds against someone they dislike. It’s fine to rant occasionally, but when the object of the blogger’s ire becomes a single-minded OBSESSION, it becomes offensive, especially if it’s meant to slander an individual (who isn’t a public figure). No one wants to read your verbal projectile vomiting.

3. The blogger’s posts are full of typos, misspellings (did I spell that right?) and offensive grammar. Honey, there’s such a thing as spell- and grammar-check. I don’t like grammar nazis either, but what’s even worse is someone who has the writing skills of a second grader and doesn’t bother trying to correct their errors.

4. The layout uses clashing colors, unreadable fonts for the sake of looking “cool,” a typeface/background color combination that’s difficult to read (such as a red font on an orange background), or loud, flashing tacky graphics of the type that used to be called “Blingies.” Viewing a blog like that can cause epileptic seizures. Dude, this isn’t MySpace. Fortunately I don’t see too many blogs like that.

5. The blog is difficult or impossible to navigate. Unfortunately I’ve seen a lot of blogs like this. There’s no list of recent articles, no header tabs labeled by topic, no table of contents, sometimes not even a search bar. How the hell are you supposed to find what you’re looking for? I understand the minimalist look is trendy and and all, but confusing your readers is not cool. When I see a blog I can’t navigate I’m outta there.

6. The blog contains a lot of broken or outdated links. The only time this is excusable is if the blog is no longer active. Otherwise, take the time to update or remove non-working links.

7. It drives me insane when I see a blog that has no original material and every post is a reblog of someone’s else’s article, meme, inspirational quote, snarky saying, or photograph. If you’re so lazy or uncreative you can’t write any original material, why have a blog at all? If all you can do is recycle other people’s material, a social media account like Facebook or Twitter lets you do the same thing. Recycling or reblogging other people’s material is fine sometimes. We all have those days we can’t think of anything original to say or just like something so much we MUST post it on our own blog, but if that’s ALL you can do, I’m sorry but you bore me. Even worse is when I see a copyright protection notice in the sidebar, when there is nothing original to be copyrighted.

8. The blog dwells in negativity, self-pity and hate. This is a bit different from #2, because the blogger may not be on a personal vendetta against an individual (or group of individuals), but every single post they write is a negative, self-pitying, depressing screed about how much their life and everything in it sucks. They hate everything and everyone, including themselves, and their blog is nothing more than their own personal vomitorium. You leave their blog feeling like your soul has been sucked into their vortex of darkness. There’s nothing wrong with writing a rant or spewing a little negativity or self pity sometimes (especially if you’re using your blog as self-therapy, as I am), but if ALL your posts blather on about how much your life SUCKS, and how everything and everyone SUCKS, then YOU suck as a blogger and you need a therapist for your severe depression and anger issues, not a blog.

9. Conversely, blogs that are all sweetness, light and positivity ALL THE TIME also drive me crazy. As bloggers we are human. We have bad days and bad feelings sometimes. Normal people aren’t positive and happy 24/7, 365 days a year. I’m very suspicious of anyone who’s so perky online all the time I feel like I might get diabetes just reading their blog. I feel like they’re hiding something. An occasional rant or admission of failure makes you human. People who are too perky and happy all the time and never admit anything may be wrong in their lives are annoying and boring, not inspirational.

10. Finally, I can’t stand blogs where all the articles are long walls of text, especially if they are in a tiny font. I don’t care if you’re Edgar Allen Poe reincarnated, I won’t bother reading your well-written post if there’s nothing to break up the monotony of your wall of words.

Thank you!

Posted on May 23, 2015 by luckyotter

Blogging Silence: Blogging is not for the Lazy

Posted on May 23, 2015 by luckyotter

I just discovered this blogger who writes about…blogging! I could really relate to this article because I’ve also noticed that if you don’t post for even a day or two, your views drop to next to nothing–even with a high follower count. If you’re a serious blogger you cannot be lazy. You may be able to skip one day or so, but no more than that. The blogosphere just keeps growing and the competition can be stiff. Having a successful blog is hard work, but also a lot of fun if you’re serious about it.

Of course, not all bloggers blog to be popular. Some people even set their blogs to private as a sort of online journal. Or don’t allow comments. All that is fine, but if you want to increase visibility, I don’t recommend doing those things.

20 truths of blogging.

Posted on May 22, 2015 by luckyotter

In my 8 months of blogging I’ve learned a few things. Here are 20 of them.

1. Nothing is too personal to write publicly about. There will always be someone who will be grateful you shared it. As for the rest, they don’t care as much as you think they do. That soul-baring post is probably only embarrassing to you.

2. If you have a post you’re afraid to make public, make it public anyway (see #1). It’s okay to run naked in public sometimes. You’ll feel freed.

3. You are going to have haters. It’s unavoidable. If you can’t handle people hating you or your blog, you have no business blogging.

4. If your blog starts getting popular, your haters will be more numerous and more vocal. It’s okay to have haters. Love your haters. They’re obviously obsessed enough with you to visit your blog and that increases your views.

5. Some people you thought were your friends or supporters are not. Be careful who you trust.

6. If you write about a serious or dark topic, break it up with a little fluff sometimes. Or write about something else. But don’t lose your focus.

7. Trolls are easily controlled. Just don’t approve their comments or send them to Spam/Trash.

8. Be agreeable. Don’t attack commenters who disagree with you. Most people are reasonable and disagreements can lead to some interesting debates where both of you may learn something.

9. If you decide to run ads, you’re not selling out. If you’re serious about blogging or writing, it’s a good idea if you have enough traffic.

10. You do not need to pay for SEO. All you need is patience. If you post often enough and your blog starts getting enough hits (USE THE SHARE BUTTONS–or at least have them available under your posts so others can do your dirty work for you), those hits will eventually lead to more hits, and this keeps feeding on itself. Eventually you’ll find some of your posts appearing at the top of the search engines, and once that happens, the sky’s the limit.

11. You can’t “make” a post go viral. There is absolutely no way to tell what article of yours may go viral or when. It could be one you never expected to, or it could happen months after you first posted it. When it happens, it’s a complete surprise and a completely amazing feeling.

12. Don’t write something just because you think it’s popular if it isn’t something of interest to you. Don’t try to be cool–people can always tell if you’re trying too hard. You’re either cool or you’re not, but you don’t have to be cool to have a great blog. (I’m definitely not cool).

13. You are going to lose followers. It’s inevitable. As long as you are gaining more followers than you’re losing, then there’s no problem. The people who are unfollowing you are probably not people you want to have sticking around anyway.

14. You will change in ways you never expected. Blogging is an adventure.

15. Don’t beat yourself up if you miss a day and don’t post. We all have those days we need to take a break or just can’t think of a good idea. If it really bothers you, reblog someone else’s article or post a funny picture or inspirational saying. People always love those.

16. When all else fails, post a picture of a cat or a cat meme. Cats on the Internet are like sex in the movies. They attract viewers. Kittens are even better. Everyone loves kittens, even people who hate cats.

17. Use pictures and graphics, especially in long posts (but don’t use so many your post looks like the cover of a supermarket tabloid). No one wants to read a wall of text, even if you’re the best writer ever. But they want a clean look too, so be careful how many graphics you use, especially if you are running ads too. No one likes a cluttered, messy looking blog that makes their eyes hurt or gives them flashbacks to the MySpace era.

18. You don’t have to be a great writer. You just have to be original and willing to take a few risks.

19. Always be honest even if your opinion might be controversial or unpopular. Controversial posts may get you more haters, but they’ll also make your views soar.

20. Haters can make good fodder for new posts. Sometimes those posts will be your most interesting. But be careful about calling out specific people by name; you could get in trouble for that.

I might want to change the look of this blog, but…

Posted on May 15, 2015 by luckyotter

I’m considering changing my theme to a completely different look, but I have a question for WordPress bloggers who have done this.

I’m really nervous about changing my theme because I’ve heard horror stories of people losing their posts, comments, likes, etc. I’ve also heard you can lose all your widgets and have to start from scratch putting them back up. Is that true? That would be a heck of a lot of work and I don’t have time to do all that.

Also, because this blog is becoming so much more active and popular (and fairly soon I will run out of space if that continues), I’m considering switching from WordPress.com to WordPress.org, which would mean I’d have to find an outside host. How do you find an outside host? Is it expensive? Are there free hosting sites? If I have to use an outside host, then what becomes the role of WordPress?

Switching to a WP.org account makes me nervous. When you import from WP.com to WP.org, what happens to your blog while it’s importing? Is there a chance it could get lost in the ether and disappear? The prospect of that scares me a lot. I’ve heard it’s happened to people.
I have no idea how to save a backup copy of this blog while it’s importing, or is that automatically done as part of the import process?

What happens to the sense of community? One of the things I love about WP.com is that sense of community and the ability to follow other WP bloggers. With WP.org do you still have that capability? I’ve been told you do not.

If I use WP.org, do I need to know how CSS works? I am not a web designer and even though I have the upgrade that includes CSS, I have no idea how to use it. 😦

Is there a way to compress or put old articles in an archive or zip file, without having to switch over to WP.org? I know, so many questions.

Any advice anyone can give me would be greatly appreciated.

Haters gonna hate.

Posted on May 10, 2015 by luckyotter

For the past few days I’ve allowed a group of online bullies to really get me down and even make me consider not blogging anymore (God forbid, that will NEVER happen!)

I’m not willing to stop posting my unpopular opinions about controversial issues. I’m not going to censor myself for fear that certain small-minded people might not like me.

Someone pointed out something important though. If I’m going to take negativity from others so much to heart, then I either need to stop posting about controversial things that might make people upset, or accept the fact I’m going to have haters, especially since this blog is getting more popular.

I’ll keep the haters.

Opinionated Man is one of my blogging heroes. From the very beginning, his blog has inspired me. He has one of the most popular personal blogs on the Internet, but he sometimes posts his unpopular opinions and admits he has many haters who would love nothing more than for him to take down his blog. A lot of this is probably due to envy because of the swift growth of his blog, which has 50K plus followers. So obviously many more people like what he has to say, than those who want him to fall into a manhole and get trapped in it.

It’s a very small group of people who have been giving me trouble. I have so many more supporters and friends and I should focus on them, rather than on those who wish me or this blog ill. I’m like a person who frets about the one person scowling at me at a party, even though everyone else is happy to see me.

Not long ago, I wrote this post about having the courage to write about what you want. I need to follow my own advice.

Anyone know where I can buy a skin-thickening agent?

I need to set the record straight, for all the good it’s going to do.

Posted on May 8, 2015 by luckyotter

Several ACON bloggers over at Blogger are VERY upset with me right now. It all started with the article I posted last week about not bashing all narcissists. I won’t bother to link it here. Most of you who follow this blog have seen the article and have been following the ensuing drama.

Somehow now I’ve become a “narc sympathizer,” but not only that, they say I’m hurting victims of abuse and dismissing their experiences. That is simply not true at all. I feel that the person that initially read the article and posted about it on their blog didn’t read it carefully. Heck, even the title was missing the word “all” which does change the entire context of what I was saying! (she finally made that correction but it’s too late — the damage is done).

I’m so sick and tired of this whole stupid drama and just want to move on from it and forget it ever happened. I am sure others would like that too. Maybe I shouldn’t have posted that article at all, but at the time I saw no reason not to. I had no idea it would be as triggering and upsetting to some as it proved to be. If I knew it would be that triggering, I probably would not have posted it, or at least mulled it over a few days before making a decision to post it. But heck, it’s my blog. Why should I not be allowed to post an opinion on my blog, even if it’s not a popular one????

All because of that article, I’ve read the following things written about me on several other blogs: I’m a narc sympathizer; I’m trying to be “popular,” I’m trying to be cool, I’m a narcissist, I’m flirting with evil, I don’t care about or have empathy for victims of abuse, I am trying to SILENCE abuse victims (?!?), I’m trying to get people to forgive their abusers, I only care about the narcs.

But that’s not all! Now it seems I’m a thief too. Okay, I need to explain how THAT got started. About a month or two ago, I linked to an article written by another ACON blogger–because I liked the article. Yes, it is true that I linked to it on the day it was posted (I understand that was part of the objection). That was probably bad manners but I didn’t know that at the time I linked to it. I stand corrected. I did NOT copy the article here, nor did I take credit for it. I credited the author and I wrote a nice intro. To read the article, you must click on the link and will be taken to that blogger’s page. How is that stealing? If anything, it should have brought the blogger more hits. Why is it such an issue?

Here at WordPress, we reblog each other’s posts all the time. I guess reblogging a Blogger post is bad etiquette. (sorry, I didn’t know!) If that blogger wants me to remove the link to her blog, she can simply ask and I will happily do so. Really, I didn’t think it was hurting anyone and if it were me, I would have been flattered. But no, I’m being accused of STEALING the article, because I can’t think of original ideas of my own (“riding on other people’s coattails” was how someone put it).

Let me set the record straight on THAT too: I have original ideas and plenty of them, but there are some days I’m simply too tired or time-pressed to write an original article so I’ll reblog someone else’s. I ALWAYS give credit. Word Press bloggers don’t mind this; we do it all the time. Other bloggers here have reblogged my articles. They don’t ask for permission first. It’s pretty standard form. Whenever I get reblogged I get a notification (pingback/trackback) if it’s a WP blogger. I guess from now on I must only reblog WP bloggers’ articles because at Blogger, this appears to be bad form.

I just saw a comment from another blogger accusing me of favoritism because I didn’t provide a link to her blog in my blog roll. She said that I probably think I’m “too cool” to provide a link to her blog. No, that’s not it at all. I do not think I’m too cool. I didn’t provide a link to it for the simple reason there are far too many ACON blogs for me to include every last one. It was an oversight, that is all. It was not a personal slight in any way, shape or form. I apologize to this person if she took that as a slight, but I’m sure she doesn’t want me to link to her blog now anyway, since now I’m one of the “narc sympathizers” or even a narcissist myself.

I feel like I’ve been unfairly maligned, demonized, accused, and attacked. Words I never said are being put in my mouth, my original message was twisted into something completely different than what I was actually saying, things are being assumed about me that simply aren’t true, and now there’s a hate campaign against me, at least at Blogspot. People I thought were friends have turned against me and have apparently joined this hate campaign. Maybe they want me to take this blog down. Sorry, but I won’t do that.

I just don’t understand why if some people don’t like a blog or its author, just don’t follow that blog? Why pile on and bully the blogger? Isn’t abuse something we are all trying to get away from? Am I attacking other bloggers here? Have I started a hate campaign against anyone? NO I HAVE NOT.

All this coming from people who are abuse victims themselves, people who KNOW what it’s like to be shunned, ignored, mistreated and bullied. People who are supposed to have empathy. Why the need to scapegoat me and this blog, just because they disagree with something I wrote-and didn’t read the article right in the first place? I’m a victim just like they are, have been through the hell of growing up with narcissist parents and being married to a psychopath. I am not a “friend of narcs.” What I have experienced this past week is very hurtful and very damaging. In fact, I’m afraid it’s setting me back in my recovery. Do they feel any empathy at all for the way all this makes me feel? Do they CARE? I wonder about that.

Sorry, but I’m not taking this blog down. No one is going to silence me. I am so tired of some people making wrong assumptions and putting words in my mouth and attributing ill intentions to me and this blog just because they disagreed with something I wrote a week ago. This ABUSE and GASLIGHTING has gotten way, WAY out of hand and just. will. not. stop.
Do these people care how I feel at all?

I just want to move on and post about other things. I’m so sick of the drama. I’m sick of having to rehash the fallout of that article over and over and over. I am sick of constantly feeling like I’m on the defensive.

This blog was the one place I felt safe. It was the one thing that made me happy in my otherwise unhappy life. Now I don’t feel safe blogging anymore. I have no where else to turn. Somehow I must have the courage to keep pressing on and not let haters terrorize me back into my small joyless life where I have no voice at all.

Please, to those of you who keep pressing this issue, can we please just let it drop now? If you can’t feel compassion for the way your treatment of me is making me feel, can you please just ignore me and not visit this blog anymore? I won’t post on your blogs or say anything else about the matter. I just want this to be OVER already.

ETA: It’s gotten worse.
One of the flying monkeys wrote this to mock this rant.
http://rumblestripq.blogspot.com/2015/05/spring-time-for-hitler-and-germany.html
It was followed by this comment from the author:
“If any litigious individuals want to fuck with me, get familiar with the term summary judgment.”

This is beyond cruel and unusual. I had no idea the hatred was this severe or the individuals involved this malignant.
I also read a comment saying my writing makes no sense. It just doesn’t stop.

Shifting this blog’s focus.

Posted on May 5, 2015 by luckyotter

When I started this blog back in September, its primary intent was to provide an outlet for me to journal about my experiences as a victim of narcissistic abuse and try to understand what happened to me. My early articles were far angrier than most of those I write now, because I was just emerging from a long-term relationship with a malignant narcissist and was still suffering from PTSD to some extent. I was finding my bearings as an independent person and learning how to make my own decisions and find out who I really was.

It was the best thing I ever did. Journaling brought me far, so very far–but lately I’ve wondered why I’ve been having more trouble coming up with new ideas and getting less excited about what I do post.

I feel like this blog has been stagnating. I’ve been less interested in focusing on my past and all the negativity that goes with that. I’m moving on and growing, but something happened that really brought home the fact I was ready to take this blog (and me) to the next level.

At first it seemed like a negative, hurtful thing, but today I realized what happened was exactly what needed to happen to bring me to the next level and take this blog new places it hasn’t gone before. As I’ve said so many times before, everything that happens can be a learning experience. People who appear to be your enemies can actually be your teachers.

It was brought to my attention–due to a very controversial article I wrote the other day (far more controversial than I realized it would be!)–that most or many ACONs object to what they think of as my “narc hugging.” Some people have said I’m too wishy washy about them because of statements I have made where I’ve admitted I have some empathy for them (actually I only have empathy for what they could have been, not for the way they are now). Several people I thought were friends have even speculated that I’m a narcissist myself! That hurt a lot. I briefly considered not blogging anymore!

But I think there’s a lot of misunderstanding surrounding Borderlines, who can easily be mistaken for narcissists to those who don’t know much about the other Cluster B disorders. I think that’s why I need to write more about BPD.

I never did and still don’t accept the things narcissists do, and will never forget the abuse they inflicted on me. I will also never stop empathizing and trying to offer support to those of you who have suffered such abuse. I understand how painful and frightening it is. I have been there. But at the same time, I’m simply tired of focusing on all the negatives and on my sad and abusive past. Instead, my desire is to better understand people with NPD (let me reiterate this does NOT in any way mean I condone or approve of their abusive behaviors). This does not in any way mean I think we should give them the benefit of the doubt or continue to stay with them.

I also have recently become interested in further exploring my own Borderline personality disorder, and as a Cluster B disorder, writing about BPD isn’t taking me too far away from the original focus of this blog. I’ve already been writing about BPD a lot more lately anyway.

So to sum up, while I will still address the serious issue of narcissistic abuse and offer a place for victims to vent and get support, future articles will focus more on understanding both NPD and BPD (and other personality disorders), without “selling out” or turning against victims of abuse or forgetting what we have all been through.

I already started this shift when I started writing articles about treating or healing narcissism (I have now included BPD in the static page about that because treatment methods for both disorders are so similar).

I just felt like this blog had reached a place where it couldn’t go any further with the focus it had. I wasn’t getting as excited about writing new posts anymore and I couldn’t figure out why. Now I know why–I needed a change in focus. I didn’t realize that was the solution until several people vehemently objected to the article I mentioned above.

I don’t approve of narcissism, but I simply don’t need all that anger and negativity in my life anymore. I feel like I’m coming to a place where I want to better understand the people who abused me, and that will help me better understand myself.

I realize I may lose a few followers in implementing this shift (I think I already have when I posted the linked article above), but I don’t think it will be many, because really, not a whole lot will change. In addition, I also expect to gain a new type of follower that might have looked askance at this blog before as just another ACON blog. Another way of saying this is I hope more Borderlines will follow this blog.

I feel like I’m growing and moving forward, and making this slight change will help me with this transition. You may have noticed I changed the blog’s title back to it’s original, “Lucky Otter’s Haven” and took out “Museum of Narcissism” because I will also be writing about BPD just as much as NPD. I also think “haven” has a more positive feel to it than “museum of narcissism,” which suggests a sort of freak show. Running a freak show is not my purpose or desire. I also changed the tagline.

I hope most of you welcome these changes and continue to read and support this blog.

God bless,
Lauren Bennett

The top 6!

Posted on May 5, 2015 by luckyotter

Because I can’t think of anything more interesting to post about right now, here are my Top 6 most popular articles since I started this blog back in September, that have at least 1,001 hits apiece. (I am not including static pages–my Homepage/archives would have the #1 spot if I did that).

1. 20 Songs About Narcissists (#s 11-20) : 3,702 hits

2. 20 Songs About Narcissists (#s 1-10): 1,914 hits

3. Narcissism is a Family Disease: 1,821 hits

4. Famous People Who Have NPD: 1,222 hits

5. Anyone Remember Merrimints: Well, They’re Back (Sort of): 1,191 hits

6. My Son is Furry — Got a Problem With That? 1,001 hits

Other than #3, all these articles have something to do with pop culture or junk food. Not too surprising actually.

I don’t care who reads this blog.

Posted on May 1, 2015 by luckyotter

Back in February, my parents discovered this blog, despite my using a fake name. At first I was horrified, and then decided to write a letter to them and post it here in an attempt to defuse what I thought could be an…awkward situation.

Of course nothing happened. It’s not like my family (my mother in particular) has much to do with me anyway. I don’t use anyone’s real names so I can’t be sued. The worst that could happen would be…(drum roll please) SHE MIGHT SAY BAD THINGS ABOUT ME. 😮
Woo.

My FOO was already saying bad things about me anyway. After awhile of being afraid to post things about them, I started to again. I figured why the f*ck not.

It occurred to me maybe they were supposed to find it. Maybe it was God’s will. Maybe reading about how I felt for a change might even be GOOD for them. It’s certainly been good for me to get it out of my system–and has had the added benefit of opening up doors I thought were locked forever or never knew were there at all.

They look down on me because I never became “successful.” Well, I may yet become successful–not quite the way they had hoped though.

Writing about narcissism (and mental disorders caused by abuse) is my calling. It’s what I was born to do. I’ve never been more passionate about anything, ever. The life I was given was the best education I could have ever hoped for and has led to this.

Now my psychopathic ex knows I have a blog about narcissism too. He is trying to find it. He probably will. It’s not that hard to find. Apparently one of my kids told him and he’s worried that I might be writing about him.