10 things that terrify me about Trump’s America.

Posted on September 18, 2017 by luckyotter

homeless

I realize my last couple of posts have been dark and depressing, but there’s no sugarcoating the fact that what Trump is doing to Americans is abuse.

I began this blog three years ago as a way to talk about the narcissistic abuse I was forced to undergo at the hands of my parents (mostly my mother) and my ex-husband, after I finally found the wherewithal to leave him for good.

Starting this blog gave me an outlet to write about my abuse, and doing so proved extremely therapeutic for me. In time, I was able to purge all the anger and rage, and the person I was meant to be was slowly revealed to me. I also found out that I was not such a loser and a bad person after all, and that what happened to me was not my fault. I realize that I had been lied to for years. I grieved those wasted years, but at the same time felt grateful that I still had some left to grow into the person God meant for me to be.

With a boost in self esteem, I gained the courage to look inside myself — at the ways I was holding myself back because I was so afraid of everything. I entered therapy. I became much more spiritual and developed a real faith in God for the first time. I began to take small risks and make better choices. I can honestly say that had I not been able to start this blog, I doubt I would have come as far as I have. God gave me the ability to write so that I could tell my story, and in the process, heal not only myself, but also help others who had suffered similar experiences.

Until Trump became president, I shied away from writing about politics or religion, because they are such divisive topics and I didn’t want to run off anyone who might have different politics or religious beliefs than I do. But Trump’s presidency has infected my peace of mind and threatened my recovery, because he is so triggering and toxic, especially to those of us who are already familiar with the destructive effects malignant narcissists and sociopaths have on our souls.

So just like I did with the abusers in my personal life, I also need to write about Trump and the insidious and dangerous ways he threatens my (and many others’) mental and spiritual health.

The truth is, the man absolutely terrifies me. His vision for America terrifies me even more, since in his dystopian vision, I’m an expendable “loser”: a financially challenged (I don’t want to say poor) older woman without a husband, who is also an intellectual and a dissenter (he hates both), morally and in every other way opposed to everything he and the powerful people who surround him stand for.

So here are ten ways Trump’s policies and his vision for America shake me to my core with terror and dread.

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Child labor during the Gilded Age.

1. Repealing the ACA. This is #1 for me because it directly affects me and could cause me to die early and suffer horribly. I have been unable to obtain healthcare through a job, and certainly can’t afford to buy it on my own, so I am dependent upon the ACA in order to have health insurance. And at my age — closing in on 60 — the prospect of losing my only access to healthcare is absolutely terrifying, especially if I should develop a chronic illness that an emergency room can’t treat, such a cancer.

2. Losing my savings. I have a very small nest egg that if I should become seriously ill and need hospitalization, I will lose (and it still won’t even make a dent in the astronomical medical bills I no doubt will receive). Unless I publish a book and it becomes a bestseller, or win the lottery (which I don’t play), I have very little chance at my age of ever being able to earn enough to invest in any meaningful way.

3. No Social Security and Medicare. I am getting close to retirement age, but it’s still some years away, and by the way things are going, I don’t expect that either social security or Medicare will still be around in my old age. Being a fairly low wage earner (I’m not at poverty level but I don’t qualify as middle class either), I have not been able to save for retirement (except for the small nest egg I mentioned above). I don’t work for an employer who offers a 401K or any retirement benefits. And forget about a pension. Hardly anyone gets those anymore. Since I am a single woman, it looks like my only option when I can no longer work is to move in with one of my children, and with all the financial struggles they have been having (Millennials have inherited an economy that forces many of them to live at home until well into their 20s and 30s), I’m not at all sure they will be able to support me in my old age (and it would kill me to place that burden on them anyway). As for medical care, if the ACA is gone, it looks like I will have to go without healthcare altogether if Medicare is gone too. Since more states are legalizing pot though, maybe it will be legal in my state by then and I can just smoke weed all day to ward off any physical pain.

4. A dystopian future for my children. Much progress has been made in the past fifty years — civil rights, women’s rights, gay rights, New Deal policies, the EPA and other environmental protections, and many other things that make life bearable and have made America the lively and vibrant place that so many people from other countries (until recently) have wanted to make their permanent home in. Trump is trying to roll back all these things, and the hardliners in Congress are making progress in removing laws and protections that have made life in America the envy of most of the civilized world.

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A coal miner and his son.

5. Corporate tyranny and authoritarianism. Trump’s America promises a scary future of corporate tyranny or modern-day feudalism, in which insanely wealthy corporate rulers (freed of having to pay any taxes at all) dictate to the hordes of impoverished, sick, beaten down and broken people enslaved to the “system” and forced to work for almost nothing (the hardliners want to eliminate the minimum wage too) until death takes them, usually at an early age. I see a future much like the Gilded Age, in which people were treated as disposable chattel by rich robber barons until they finally died of some preventable disease or work injury, a time when there was no middle class or any hope of escaping a life of poverty and endless toil, when there was no social safety net, no public education, and poor children (which were most of them) were forced to work as soon as they reached the age of 6 or 7 (what we call school age today.

6. The rollback of women’s health. While women’s reproductive rights may not affect me anymore, they do affect my daughter. I’m afraid she will not have access to healthcare, and given that she has medical problems that might affect her ability to bear children safely or at all (Crohn’s Disease and back problems stemming from an accident she had at 16), that is a problem. She may need surgery before she can safely have a child, but if she loses her healthcare, she will not be able to have that surgery. Should she become pregnant, she could die. If she loses access to healthcare and isn’t married to someone who can provide it for her, she could also go bankrupt from constant uncovered trips to the emergency room to treat the intermittent Crohn’s attacks that plague her periodically. In addition, she suffers from mental health issues (caused by her father’s abuse) and she takes medication to control bouts of almost suicidal depression. Should she lose her access to mental health care, who knows what could happen? If the Christian dominionists have their way, most forms of birth control or medical abortion could be outlawed or made almost impossible to obtain.

7. Increased intolerance toward the “different.” My son came out as gay at age 17, and in this climate of growing hatred and intolerance toward people that don’t fit the “white, straight, Christian” ideal, coupled with Trump’s empowerment of hate groups and the rise of The Christian Taliban, I’m afraid he could be attacked by members of a hate group for just being who he is, forced to undergo some sort of traumatic “conversion therapy” that Mike Pence is proposing for gay people, shunned from employment opportunities, or just made to feel like he is “less” for being the person he is.

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White supremacists and neo-Nazis march in Charlottesville.

8. An unhealthy and ugly environment. In Trump’s dystopia, all public lands and national parks would be sold off to huge corporate entities, where they would be destroyed and pillaged through oil drilling, fracking, coal mining, and built up with even more gated communities for the wealthy ruling class. The rivers and air would be polluted, and people would die early of preventable illnesses caused by contamination, without even access to healthcare that could treat their symptoms. The very wealthy have built underground bunkers where they could escape the worst of the environmental ravages. Roads too would be privatized. Imagine living in a country where most people are hobbled from free road travel because all roads have become inefficient and expensive toll roads. And I don’t even want to think about the horrors of privatizing air traffic control.

9. Ignorance. Besides the abolishment of public schools, in Trump’s America there would not be any public libraries or museums either, because all those things are “socialism.” Everything would be privatized and cost the people money. The intent is not only to get rid of anything that allows everyone to take part in public life and educate and enrich themselves, it’s also to keep people stupid and ignorant, so they can no longer ask questions or think for themselves.

10. Nuclear war. All of the above dystopian scenarios may be a moot point should we get into nuclear war with North Korea. I read one statistic that said there is a 20% probability the entire west coast may be nuked. Trump probably would love that too, since the states that line the Pacific Ocean are also the bluest of states and we all know how he feels about liberals.

I can only keep hoping and praying none of this happens, and we don’t have to suffer Trumpism too much longer — because it won’t be long before it’s too late to turn back.

The alt-right are the real snowflakes.

Posted on August 19, 2017 by luckyotter

conservativesnowflakes

The alt-right loves to gaslight those of us who don’t support Trump by calling us snowflakes, but they’re the real snowflakes because they are so afraid of everything. And I mean everything. Even progress. Especially progress!

In spite of all the recent ugly developments that seem so ominous and seem to indicate impending fascism, I actually think that, as a society, we are moving toward more inclusion, tolerance and rationality than ever before. In the midst of all the chaos and strife we are currently facing, I keep hearing stories that give me hope and encouragement.

This seems to be starting at the grass-roots level. Many local politicians, even in some red states, are turning more to the left than they ever have before, perhaps as pushback against the Trump regime, or maybe they would have done so anyway. What they are rejecting is Trump’s anti-environment, anti-immigrant, anti-Muslim, anti-minority, anti-American agenda and enacting drastic changes at the local level unlike anything we have seen before. There are also more people than ever demanding things like Medicare for All, consumer and environmental protections, and other things that actually help average people, not the oligarchs on top.

Obama was hated for several reasons, none of which are based on reason or critical thinking. The most obvious reason he was hated was because he was black. The fact a black man could become president hit white supremacists and neo-Nazis where it hurts the most, because their whiteness is their sole identity and reason for being. It was also during the Obama administration that gay marriage was legalized, there was a real attempt to provide healthcare to a majority of Americans (even if it fell far short of accomplishing that), and new environmental regulations were put into place to help slow down climate change.

Perhaps most telling of all, local governments are removing statues and monuments honoring the Confederacy at a dizzying rate.

These are all signs of progress, signs that we are still moving forward, even if the obstacles are greater. The vast majority of Americans welcome progress. Unfortunately, about one-third of Americans feel threatened by it — whether it’s racial equality, environmental protections, healthcare as a human right, or the recognition that groups they label “other” have the same civil rights they do. They are pushing back — and demanding we go backwards with them without question. They not only want to undo everything Obama did, they also want to undo all the progress and positive changes we have made since the Civil Rights movement or even earlier. The removal of Confederate monuments is sounding the alarm bell that backwards values are being abandoned for good, and that is making them react in rage.

Why? Because they’re scared to death of change. They are kicking and flailing in opposition like 2 year olds having temper tantrums. They know that in spite of the setback of Trump being president, as a nation we are still moving forward and leaving their ideas and values behind, and they are terrified!

I also think that as a nation we are engaged in a spiritual war, and the greatest evil we are facing — the evil that brought us to this point and made someone like Donald Trump president — is narcissism. In order to heal, we must recognize that painful truth and find a way to reject this perverted “value” that has eroded trust and caused so much suffering, and replace it with humility and love.

I see more and more people waking up and realizing our collective narcissism (which greed, hatred, and intolerance arises from) must be eradicated and we must begin to care about each other again.

That truth is intolerable to many of Trump’s base, and that’s another reason so many of them are lashing out in hatred and threatening civil war. Their rage hides their terror. The truth threatens their misguided belief systems. They are the real snowflakes.

A gay child doesn’t mean you failed as a parent.

Posted on August 25, 2015 by luckyotter

Being the mother of a gay son, this really hit home for me when I saw it today.

I’m glad my son is proud of who he is and where he’s going. I’ve learned so much from him.

I’m ready to kick some narc ass.

Posted on March 27, 2015 by luckyotter

Yesterday I wrote my rant about my psychopathic sperm donor getting an increase in his disability benefits because of his “homicidal tendencies.”

I was amazed by everyone’s support and encouragement to call out this useless POS and fight the travesty of his being rewarded by the system for being a potentially homicidal psychopath. I’m grateful to everyone for this, because it’s given me the courage to actually take this thing and run with it.

The first thing I need to do is contact the newspapers, either by writing a letter about this outrage or better, finding a sympathetic reporter to write up the story. I could also write a letter describing this travesty to politicians who would be sympathetic to my case. It was pointed out to me that conservatives would have a field day with this, which is very funny to me because I’m anything but a conservative. But hey, whatever works.

Since some of you asked, let me give a few details about why the sperm donor gets disability income. He has Type II diabetes, knee problems (he has trouble with his joints and kneecaps), and a host of mental disorders: he has been diagnosed with PTSD, depression, anxiety, and schizophrenia. Depression and anxiety are legitimate diagnoses, but PTSD is highly questionable and I know for a fact he does not have schizophrenia. He is a good actor and faked psychotic symptoms after his second rejection so he would qualify for a guaranteed income and never have to work a day in his life again. He’s actually a highly malignant psychopathic narcissist who is very intelligent but has zero insight. If you were to call him a narcissist, he would deny it or get angry. In fact, he’s very quick to call everyone else a narcissist, including me. If you asked him, he would probably tell you I abused him, and that’s why he has PTSD. In fact, he has said that. He’s a virtuoso at projection and the most skilled gaslighter I’ve ever known, bar none.

My father called him evil long before it even occurred to me that’s what he was. When he sent me M. Scott Peck’s “People of the Lie” back in 2005, before our divorce went through, he sent it with a note telling me to read it because it was about my ex husband. (I also discovered my mother in that book, and this horrified me but I knew it was true.)

It’s outrageous that this monster is faking psychotic symptoms and being rewarded for it. It’s outrageous that he claims to be a victim of narcissistic abuse with me as the narcissist. It’s beyond outrageous that he will be able to live comfortably, get full health coverage, and never have to work a day in his life and have plenty of disposable income from the back pay he is getting for the seven years he lived on my couch smoking weed and making troll posts on political websites while I worked my butt off to support him. It’s infuriating that while he lives the high life on his handouts, I will continue to be poor, struggling the pay the bills every month on my tiny income, not having any health insurance, and God forbid should I become disabled or ill, because there is no one who would or could take me in should that happen. If I get sick or disabled, I’ll be out on the streets. Getting disability requires that you do not work during the review process, which can take years. You need someone to support you during that time. If it weren’t for my allowing this malignant POS to freeload off me for seven years, that’s what would have happened to him. Oh, I could go on and on, but I’ll spare you.

Just writing this has made me angry. Dwelling too much on anger can cause bitterness and misery, but there is healthy anger too–righteous anger caused by realizing you have been had and are the victim of blatant injustice. Sitting around stewing about it can eat away at your soul, but anger can also be the impetus to get out there and make a stand. It’s the same sort of righteous anger that gave me the courage to finally kick out the psychopath when he physically attacked my daughter last year.

Standing up for my rights against a sick system that rewards evil and just plain laziness is a daunting prospect, to say the least, but I think maybe God is testing my courage and ability to make a stand. He knows I’m ready for this because I’ve let go of most of my fear. There’s always a reason for everything.

Fear is the only thing that holds us back from claiming our rights.

I think I’m ready to kick some narc ass.

ETA: I have one request for those of you who have Facebook accounts. Please share this on your timeline. I don’t dare post this on my FB account because it might be seen by him or people who know him, including my kids. But I’d like to get this out there to as many people as possible. Thanks!