Tag Archives: Blogging

Furries revisited.

Posted on by

furriesposter

I read my stats every day, and by far my most popular article was “My son is furry–got a problem with that?” I have a few theories as to why this is so.

1. It tells a story that promises to be a bit unusual and maybe controversial (a mom who actually approves of her son’s furriness).
2. Furry is controversial in and of itself — lots of people hate them or misunderstand what they’re about.
3. Furry is trendy and cool, especially among young people.
4. The title, I must admit, is great–it’s one of my best titles ever. It’s grabby and sassy and promises to be a little controversial and a little personal and maybe even a little juicy; and there’s also an implied challenge there too for those who dislike furries (got a problem with that?)
5. It includes a video and a cool original photo.
6. Furries are adorkable. (I love ’em).
7. The article is neither too short nor too long.

Now, all that being said, there’s another reason why that article got so many hits. I have a Twitter account which I use primarily to talk to my son, who spends a lot of time there. My son has close to 2000 followers, and most of them are furries, so when I posted the link to Twitter (I link all my articles to Twitter) a ton of his fur-riends wanted to see what I had to say about their friend and also what his mom thinks of him being a fur. It’s a built in audience. If you look at the Twitter button under the article you can see it was linked to Twitter again about 28 times by an army of furries clicking on the Twitter link so it has a huge presence there. It was also linked to various Facebook accounts a number of times too. My son is a little embarrassed by this endlessly circulating article but also seems tickled pink that he’s getting so much attention and has achieved a level of Twitter “fame,” at least among other furries. It gives him a presence in the fandom, and his dance comp video has received many more views now too.

Outside of that, my most popular articles are the ones about narcissists and psychopaths. That’s understandable, given that’s the focus of my blog, and most of my followers are people coming out of abusive relationships with narcs and psychopaths, or just people interested in the ugly and soulless side of human behavior.

But the only other article that received anywhere near the amount of attention my furry article did was my “I’m Frustrated” noobie manifesto which OM was kind enough to reblog and as a result I was so busy with likes, new followers, and comments that day I could barely find time to go to the bathroom! Things have died down a bit, but due to his kindness I never again have logged on in the morning after posting a new article only to find nothing but crickets and tumbleweeds.

Third in popularity was my rant, “Don’t judge me because I’m poor.” Now, I’ll be honest–I didn’t expect that to be a popular article. It’s a depressing topic and I used a sad picture. But I guess a lot of bloggers can relate and poverty, like narcissism and furries, is a hot topic these days I guess. And it has a sassy title that contains a challenge.

The biggest lesson from all this I’ve learned is that titles do matter. A title that is short, a little sassy, a little controversial, and promises a personal confession of some sort seem to get the most hits and likes.
It helps if the article lives up to its grabby title too.

I also have to admit I’m hoping the reference here to furries gives me another little Twitter boost.

How writing every day has changed me

Posted on by

journaling

Before I started to blog, I was stuck in a quagmire of self pity and resentment. Most of you know I’m a survivor of abuse and hence suffer from depression and PTSD as a result of my abusers’ mental and emotional shenanigans and mindgames.

Even though I disconnected from my abusive ex-husband almost a year ago, my negative thinking patterns remained. Every day was the same as the one before; I was bored with my life and bored with myself, and felt like there was nothing else to look forward to, ever. I felt like I had lost my writing ability, creative vision and intelligence. I tried praying and it wasn’t helping very much–because the faith in myself and my future wasn’t there. It just seemed like a waste of time.

For a long time I had wanted to blog, but several things were stopping me: first, I was terrified to find out I may have forgotten how to write (since I hadn’t written anything besides a forum post in years). Second, blogging seemed like something you had to have computer or technical savvy to do. People told me WordPress and Blogger were hard to use, and I assumed they were right and that I was too stupid to learn (because I really truly believed I lost my ability to learn anything new). Finally, I couldn’t seem to get motivated. I was stuck in a rut and wanted out of it badly, yet couldn’t seem to pull myself out of the murky quicksand of my own ennui.

I really thought there was no place for me in this world and that I was simply too old, too tired, too dumb, and too boring to make any sort of meaningful impact on the world or even on just a few people. Actually it turned out I wasn’t any of those things–people with depression and PTSD often feel this way about themselves.

I thought about suicide because the prospect of just getting up every morning, going to my boring, low paying job, coming home, spending a couple of hours on other people’s websites before turning into bed, then having to repeat the same thing the next day and the next day and every day for the rest of my life until the pain of illness and old age finally took over was something I just didn’t want to face. But as depressed as I’ve been, I’ve never seriously entertained the idea of suicide because, well, I’m just too scared of it. Death scares the shit out of me. Not so much the state of death itself, but the process of dying.

But guess what? I was already dying. I was walking around like a dead person, spiritually and emotionally numb.

But writing has changed all that.

One day about a month ago, some spark of motivation came out of nowhere and momentarily penetrated the stagnant murk inside my brain. I don’t know if it was God, or the better part of myself doing it but it doesn’t matter because there it was like the beam from a lighthouse first seen in a stormy sea. Rather than ignore it or tell myself I’d act on it later, I didn’t even think about it, I just obeyed it. I opened up my laptop, found WordPress, and immediately set up my blog. It was much easier than I’d been led to believe, and by my third article I felt like I knew what I was doing.

There’s been no turning back, and I feel so much more alive and optimistic about my future and what I can contribute to the world. Blogging is certainly helping me, but maybe I can even help others too. For the first time in a long time, I feel like I have a purpose, a place in this world, and that I’m here for a better reason than just marking time until death and have more to offer than just providing an example to others of how not to live their lives (which is something I used to really believe).

But writing is a discipline, and sometimes I have to talk myself into it. It was hard at first to commit to writing one post a day. But for the most part I’ve not only managed to write a post a day, but sometimes two or three a day. I find that rather than being a chore(as I had feared), the more I write the more I want to write, and the ideas just keep coming. I thought I had no ideas. I was so wrong.

Important announcement to my readers

Posted on by

To my readers:

Here’s an update. I am losing my Internet access either tonight or tomorrow. If I’m lucky I *might* have access through the weekend. I’m testing WiFi at Bojangles–it seems to be working. I have to find another internet provider that costs less–but it seems there is some sort of law if you were a previous Charter customer, then other companies cannot work with you, which I find really strange.

What really sucks balls is my daughter went off last night God only knows where and took my phone–which other than this Bojangles internet access, is my only contact with the outside world, and now she cannot be reached anywhere, nor do I have any idea where she is, or where my phone is. No one has been able to track her down or contact her. It’s times like this I think she might be a Narc–she had lost her phone so she thought it perfectly fine to take mine, even though all my contacts are on it and I need the phone for work. If there’s an emergency, I don’t even have a means to dial 911. I cannot afford a new phone at the moment.

But that’s not anyone’s problem. Of course donations are accepted and will be more than appreciated if anyone can help. Until I figure out what to do about Internet access, I will be using the WiFi at Bojangles which means I will have to write from my car at the restaurant and won’t have as much time to post or read. At least there’s that and it’s better than nothing. I won’t just disappear. Hey, I NEED this!

I was going to post something tonight about how to distinguish someone with NPD from other people, but I’m just so tired, angry and upset all I want to do is go to bed.

If anyone can make a donation to help me procure a new phone and/or help me pay for Internet access so I can continue my blog from the comfort of my home, please click on the “Donate” button in the green bar above and follow the instructions. Thanks so much my fellow Bloggers! I appreciate all my readers and all the encouraging and supportive comments I have received. 🙂

I’m just pretty bummed out right now, so I’m signing off for the evening. I’ll probably just go to sleep soon.

Waking up from the nightmare

Posted on by

Woman Looking at Reflection

So after 28 years of narcissistic abuse I finally felt free. Before, even though there were periods where we hadn’t lived together, I never felt completely free of Michael’s toxic influence. But my daughter Molly and I were quite literally survivors and both of us had psychic wounds that ran deep and would take years to heal, if they could ever be healed at all.

My job (which I still have) doesn’t provide health insurance so I couldn’t afford to pay for a trauma therapist, but I started reading everything I could about NPD and PTSD/C-PTSD (the type of PTSD that’s associated with abuse). Molly still didn’t want to go to therapy but was still getting her meds for Bipolar and she was in a fairly stable relationship and was no longer getting into trouble the way she used to. She was also beginning to understand why I did some of the things I did and acted the way I had, and I learned she too had a lot of anger toward Michael.

But things were not perfect between us either and we did continue to argue from time to time, and when she was angry, she liked to bring up the fact I had given up custody of her to DSS even though at other times she says she understood it was the only thing I could do at the time and it did save her life. So I don’t let those occasional attacks bother me too much. I know it’s manipulation. Sometimes I think she may have NPD herself, but she does have a conscience and empathy so more likely she just has narcissistic traits which are common people with Borderline PD.

So in March I had to go to court and testify against Michael in order to obtain a permanent restraining order (the one that was issued at the magistrate was good for only 1 month). I was working with an organization that helps abused women and their families, and they counseled me on what to say in court. It was ridiculous I had to jump through all these hoops just to obtain a piece of paper to keep a man I wasn’t married to anyway away from me and my property, but it was what it was.

I knew I had a good case and no reason to be worried but I was still terrified of having to face him in court. Michael is very glib and has a lot of charm when he wants something. He can make himself sound like a victim and make the other person sound like the devil himself. He managed to be surviving pretty well in the men’s shelter, although he told Molly when he saw her how much he hated it and wanted to come back. He also made her go buy him things, which she would do. She felt guilty and caught in the middle between the two of us. It wasn’t fair to her.

Ethan came to visit in early March (on his way from Illinois to his new apartment in Florida–he graduated college in January and is is seeking work in film editing or something related). He wanted to make sure Michael was not going to show up. I assured him he wouldn’t. We had a fantastic time, but he said when he tried to call his father, Michael didn’t want to see him. For some reason he thinks Ethan was the one who convince me to kick him out of the house. No matter how much he’s told Ethan had nothing to do with it, he still blames him for brainwashing me. Huh? Talk about blame-shifting.

I had to write everything I wanted to say in court because I knew my mind would go blank when I had to get up at the stand and talk about why the restraining order should be extended. The big day was in mid-March. Several other cases were heard first and I avoided looking behind me because I knew he was there. I could feel his eyes burning holes into my neck. Finally I was called to the stand and presented my case. I didn’t cry (because it’s really hard for me to cry anymore) but I was trembling and my voice was shaking from fear. The judge had to keep asking me to speak up. I studied her expression but it gave nothing away.

writing

Michael was called up after me and gave a ridiculous story about how Molly had hit him first and he gave her a black eye in self defense (which is total BS because he didn’t have one mark on him). He gave some other lame
“reasons” why he needed to move back but since he really didn’t have a good reason, they didn’t fly with the judge. In fact, he was almost laughable and seeing the manipulation from more of a distance now, he seemed so transparent. Although I hated him, I almost felt sorry for him.

I won my case and the restraining order was extended for one year. The counselor from the women’s organization that had been working with me gave me a validating hug. I went home feeling lighter than I had in a long, long time.

Michael wasn’t done with me yet, but since I was no longer supplying his narcissistic goodies, his attempts at revenge were rather lame. He did things like trashing me on Facebook, saying what a horrible wife and mother I was and how he wished he never met me. He threatened suicide over and over again. I was kind of embarrassed for him, but because of it I stopped using Facebook, which I wasn’t using much anymore anyway because my mother and other family members had found me there (even though I had changed my first name a little to throw them off).

I had to adjust to my new life. For several months I just tried to take things easy, not get involved in too many new things. I read a lot of books, mostly about NPD, malignant narcissism and personality disorders in general. I read a lot of other books too, and started researching all these disorders online and reading a lot of blogs and forums.

I started making glass, mirror and ceramic suncatchers on weekends and have tried to sell some of them. Mostly I just make them for pleasure though. They also make great gifts. I have several of them on my porch and I love watching the way they catch the light and send colored prisms everywhere.

suncatcher10

But writing has always been the one thing I know I’m best at, yet somehow I couldn’t bring myself to write anything beyond a forum post. It just seemed like too much work, and I was afraid I’d forgotten how. I feared I was no longer as smart as I used to be. I didn’t realize at first these numb and dumb feelings were symptomatic of C-PTSD. I knew if I ever did write again it would be to tell my story, but I had no idea where to begin. It all just seemed overwhelming. I thought about blogging but I was afraid it would be complicated and technical, and I still didn’t know what to write about or where to begin.

I re-read M. Scott Peck’s book “People of the Lie,” which I have reviewed in this blog, and realized Michael was not just narcissistic, but was truly evil. Despite it’s medieval connotations, I believe evil and evil people really do exist, and I was very lucky that I survived and both children survived. While most evil people don’t usually murder (they want to maintain their benign appearance), they are murderous and often drive others to suicide or self-destruction. They lie about everything.

I joined a gym and got back in shape. My job is also physical and that keeps me in shape too. I started liking what I saw in the mirror again. I also started meditating, something I started back in the ’90s and then stopped.

About a month ago I revisited the idea of blogging, inspired by some blogs I had seen by other survivors through my readings. On a whim I decided to start one. There’s been no looking back. At first it was meant to be self-therapy, a sort of online journaling, but now it’s turning into so much more and a few people have even said they feel inspired and it’s helping them too. And that makes me feel good. It makes me feel like I still have a purpose in this world and am not just marking time until I die. I want to think that everything that happened to me happened for a reason and that something good can come out of this.

I still have a long way to go, and as soon as I can I want to start seeing a trauma therapist. In the meantime life isn’t unbearable anymore. It’s getting better.

About a month ago Michael was kicked out of the apartment an organization called OctoberRoad was providing for its mental patients. My daughter allowed him to live in her car. He left the windows open during a rainstorm one night and the car was nearly destroyed. She took the car keys away and she hasn’t heard from Michael since, which is very odd, since he would call her up to 10 times a day to demand things.

She has no idea where he is. We think he may have killed himself. She wouldn’t have been notified because she had his wallet in her car and there’d be no way anyone could identify him.

Michael was having his mail sent to the house, which I did allow. After three previous rejections, Michael’s SSI finally came through — and that includes several years of back payments, so he is getting a check for about $30K.

If he is dead, how ironic that it happened just as he finally had a means to be independent and no longer had anyone he could use and abuse. Maybe that was the only reason he stuck around so long–as long as he could use up and destroy others. With that opportunity taken away, and with no real self to fall back on, there was no longer any reason for him to live. Or maybe he was finally forced to look in the mirror and all he could see was an endless black void, and that was just too much to handle. What he has been reduced to is just a shell of what he used to be, but was there ever really anything there?

The coolest. thing. ever.

Posted on by

world

I’m a stats junkie, and WordPress gives its bloggers an amazingly detailed statistics page, which is awesome. I love studying the numbers, and have found out through studying my stats page, which of my articles, tags and categories are the most popular, and that’s very helpful to me as a new blogger who wants to increase readership. My recent post about my son being “furry” is my top rated post, closely followed by my n00blogger rant, “I’m Frustrated.” I think the titles have a lot to do with how popular an article gets: it has to be grabby. I’m finding out that catchy, short titles that make some sort of statement about yourself get the most attention. If that statement hints at controversy, that’s even better. It’s good to know this. But I digress.

The coolest thing about the stats page is the map and countries list. Realizing that my posts (and yours, too) are being seen all over the world the moment we press “publish” is pretty incredible.

I keep going back to study the map and all the countries that have seen my posts and it blows me away every time. So far 29 countries have seen my posts, including a few far flung ones like Ghana, Trinidad and Tobago, Malaysia, and New Zealand. It’s hard to wrap my brain around the idea that the thoughts, feelings and opinions that were just inside my head can be known by someone on the other side of the planet almost as soon as I type them out. And that is so, so, so cool.

Donations to this blog now being accepted.

Posted on by

Hi!

I posted about this a few days ago, but my Paypal account wasn’t yet activated. It is now.

All donations will go to the blog–right now, mostly to help me keep my Internet so I can keep posting here. It’s due to be shut off in less than two weeks and I’m really struggling financially. Any amount you can afford is deeply appreciated. If you can’t afford anything, that’s fine. Following and reading my blog is more than appreciated.

To make a donation, click on the link in the green bar in the header (Donate to the Blog) and follow the directions.

Thanks! 🙂

Money. Yep, I’m really going there.

Posted on by

moneyfear

Talking about money is something I hate.  It’s because I don’t have any.   My years of abuse as a victim of psychopathy was so demoralizing that it nearly destroyed all my self confidence (something I never had much of to begin with).   I think being poor is something a lot of people who spent most of their years trapped in the bubble of psychopathy have been forced to deal with–especially if they were the family scapegoat who was always told “you’re a failure” or “you’ll never succeed in anything.”   News flash:  we got brainwashed.   

I have the native intelligence to have become pretty successful, and I did have a few false starts and a promising beginning in publishing many years ago.  But I’ve always had trouble sticking with anything or following it through due to my pathetic self image and negativity.   When I’ve had opportunities either I (or my psychopaths) sabotaged them.

Being a person with autism doesn’t help.   As an Aspie,  I lack the social skills necessary to be able to connect and network well with those who could have helped me.  Family?   Fuggeddabout it!  They were never any help at all.  I won’t go into anymore detail about that in this post; if you’re interested in my sob story you can click on the link at the top “My Story” and link to my memoirs.    You might just want to do that anyway, since you’re interested enough in the topic of NPD and psychopathy to be reading my blog.

So, here’s the good part.   Currently I have a crappy job that barely pays more than minimum wage and I’m supporting myself and my daughter.   I was pretty much resigned to always being one of the “working poor”  especially since I’m over 50.     I didn’t have high hopes for the future.   I felt like I was just marking time until death.

Almost a year ago I kicked out my psychopathic ex-husband, who I wasn’t even married to since 2005, but allowed him to live with me anyway.  Pretty crazy, huh?   Being divorced but allowing him to live with me and use me for  7 years after the divorce.    Can we say insane?

At first being completely independent (and no longer depended on for narcissistic supply) was pretty scary and slow going.  Many times this past year I feared I wouldn’t make it.

I’ve always loved writing but thought I forgot how to write.  Actually I just lost the motivation and desire, and that was due to severe depression and C-PTSD from so many years living under the shadow of psychopaths.   My depression has been lifting, and one day not even two weeks ago I decided I would start a blog.  And here it is.

I’m pretty proud of my blog.    But more than just making me feel good about myself, I realized I never forgot how to write.   In fact, writing’s an addiction now, and I’m posting so much I’m afraid it might be too much and people will get bored.   But evidently they are not, going by the increase in my view and follower counts.

At first I was writing this blog just for me, as self therapy.  And it still is that.  I still have a LOT of shit to work through.  I’m not out of the woods yet.

But now I have a vision beyond just writing for myself.  I want to help others, and I want to make a living blogging while I help others.   I absolutely love doing this.   It’s a passion and I haven’t had a real passion in…forever.

I already got the custom design upgrade (pretty cheap at $30) and am thinking about taking a class in CSS at the community college so I can use those features.   I can try to use the tutorials here but find them a little hard to follow.

If this blog ever gets big (I’m not counting on it but you never know!), I’ll probably be wanting to upgrade to WP.org to get my own domain name and maybe allow ads on my blog which would also bring in a small income.  I have to learn a lot more about this.

Which brings me to my main point, which is a request of sorts.    I was afraid to ask for money because I didn’t set up this blog to make money and it just seems, well, greedy.  But here’s the thing.    You already know I’m strapped for cash and don’t make much on my day job, and I dearly want to keep my blog going, for myself as well as for others who may be helped by it.   But right now, I’m even struggling to pay for Internet access.    I could use some help.

So what I am doing is setting up a Paypal account and a link in the green bar in my header if anyone is interested in donating to my blog (the money would ONLY be used to keep the blog going, not for anything else-you have to trust me on this).   Of course I don’t want anyone to feel obligated to donate, and I don’t actually expect to get any donations.   But anything you could afford would be deeply appreciated.   If you can’t afford anything (or don’t want to donate), no worries!   Following and reading my blog is fantastic support in itself and is more than appreciated, believe me.

But I’m going to throw it up there anyway and see what happens.

One more thing.   I have been meditating a lot recently and there are some great subliminal videos on Youtube to help you do this more effectively and help you relax.    People may be skeptical, but something kind of weird happened.  While browsing meditation videos last night, I came across this one, which promised after viewing it, you would begin to find new ways to attract money you never had before.   I thought of the donation idea today and also decided I want this blog to more than just for myself and also become MY JOB.   So I wonder if these new desires are a manifestation of whatever subliminal “messages” were implanted in my brain last night.

Here is the video I watched.

Even if you’re skeptical about it’s money attracting powers, the images of space and the universe are beautiful beyond belief and the music is very relaxing.

Good Read: Blogging is narcissistic (except when it’s not)

Posted on by

I was going to post the last part of my story yesterday but I had a long day and wasn’t up to it (well, actually…I was just procrastinating as usual). I PROMISE it will be up today or tonight. Really. Be patient, grasshoppers.

In the meantime, I want to share an article I just read that ties right into a post of mine from the other day about whether or not blogging about narcissism is narcissistic. This has been a bit of an obsession of mine lately. (My verdict: it could be.)

I didn’t see a re-blog button on the article (it’s from WP.org–is that why?) so I’ll just repost it in my clunky amateurish fashion because I have no idea how to use the CSS feature I just purchased as part of custom design. Boo on me.

Blogging is Narcissistic (Except When it’s Not)
By Tom McFarlin (originally posted September 17, 2013)

One of the things that’s becoming more and more common is that certain critics are claiming that we’re becoming more and more of a narcissistic society with our constant sharing of things on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, blogs, and so on.

I don’t know if I observation really holds water or not – rarely are things black and white, so I’m sure it’s true in some cases – but I’ve never really considered blogging in and of itself of be narcissistic.

This isn’t to say it can’t be, but I don’t think that it – as a medium – is meant to feed that particular aspect of the human condition.

Blogging is Narcissistic…
I mean, I get it. The argument goes something like this:

Narcissism is excessive or erotic interest in oneself
Blogging involves talking about oneself
Therefore, blogging is narcissistic
And, like I said earlier, rarely are things black and white, but I don’t believe that the majority of bloggers are out to serve some level of self-involvement. Instead, I think that they are sharing their content in order to either help one other or to get feedback from others on any given set of circumstances.

memes

So what’s the point of bringing all of this up?

What You Have To Say Matters
In short, I’m one of those idealistic people that believes everyone has something to say regardless of how good or how poor of a writer they are.

We’ve all got our beliefs, our ideas, and our things that we want to share with others, which is why I love building things on the largest publishing platform on the planet. Simply put, it helps people share whatever it is they have to share.

And even though it may not be of interest to me, it’s of interest to others, and that matters.

Share Others Work
The aspect of blogging is that I – as well as you – know plenty of people who manage blogs that do nothing but share and/or promote other peoples work. On top of that, there’s nothing wrong with promoting said work on your own blog to help evangelize someone else’s work.

But at the end of the day, it’s your blog and you’re free to do whatever it is what you’re want to do with it; however, I do believe that we should help share other people’s work. That’s my two cents.

…Except When It Is

Ultimately, my point is that for those of you who are blogging to keep at it and keep sharing. The majority of us love to see what it is that you’re working on, and we love to get into the conversation when possible.

But know that blogging can be as narcissistic as you make it. Don’t listen to whatever anyone else is saying. Write on – whatever it’s about – as we, or someone, do want to hear what you have to share.

Gratitude

Posted on by

gratitude

I wasn’t going to write another post today, but I can’t let this opportunity pass. I need to get it out there while I still have this heady feeling.

I spent many hours yesterday writing my post about my abusive ex-husband. As a new blogger this was a scary thing to do, realizing complete strangers would be reading my innermost thoughts and feelings, but the prospect of that was very exciting too. After exhausting myself mentally and emotionally (as well as blurry vision from staring at the screen for so long and a MASSIVE ache in my neck) I spent another hour cleaning up–editing and making my post look great. I fell into a sleep like I haven’t had in a very long time.

When I woke up this morning, the first thing I did, even before having my morning coffee, was open my laptop, anticipating at least a few new follows and comments (I know there’s a lot other survivors out there–I have seen their blogs). But….nothing.

What went wrong? I didn’t know. As silly as it sounds I felt…rejected. I was ashamed of myself for feeling this way, because logically I knew it wasn’t anything personal. I’m a new blogger, and probably just not that many people saw my post. I tried giving myself a pep talk to be patient, but I’m not a patient person and it still bothered me.

So I wrote my rant, called “I’m frustrated.” I always aim to be completely honest on my blog, because out there in the real world, there aren’t many places and situations where we can totally be ourselves and talk about the way we feel without the fear of judgment and disapproval. I noticed the level of honesty by other bloggers, and felt I’d found a place where my true thoughts and feelings would be understood. So after writing my rant, I took a deep breath, then pressed “Publish.” And then I waited.

I did NOT expect what happened next. Opinionated Man, who’s been following me since I first started this blog last week, has a very popular website and cares about newcomers like me. He REBLOGGED MY POST on his site, and suddenly I was inundated with new followers, likes and more comments than I can even keep up with. It’s kept me busy all day.

I can’t believe the level of support here at WordPress. Some WordPress detractors have said people who blog on WP are snobs. NOT TRUE!

This morning I had a pitiful 19 followers. I now have 64 and may have more now even as I write this post. That’s how fast my blog is being noticed. It’s very surreal, but wonderful too and I’ve been smiling so much today my face hurts!

I’m not going to set myself up for disappointment by expecting my blog to suddenly go viral or something and get thousands of followers, like OM’s has. That sort of thing takes time. But his (and another blogger’s) generosity in reblogging my post has been an enormous boost, and I no longer feel dejected and depressed like I did when I logged in this morning.

I’m also discovering so many other people’s blogs in my Reader and from my new followers, people I feel I can relate to and who can relate to me.

So for all you bloggers who have reblogged, shared, followed, liked, or commented here today, I want to say THANK YOU! It’s very much appreciated. Hopefully someday I’ll be able to pay it forward and make some newbie feel welcome, just like you all have done for me.

I’m frustrated.

Posted on by

frustrated

I started my blog a week ago as a form of self therapy and didn’t care if anyone read my stuff. Or didn’t think I cared. But I admit it: I do.

I read a lot of other blogs here at WordPress and some of them have thousands of followers and hundreds of comments for each post. Of course I realize most of these people have been at WordPress for a long time, and naturally those people will have more followers and comments than a newbie. Some of them may be professional bloggers who have paid for SEO and know all sorts of tricks I don’t to increase the numbers of hits they get.

But all that said, I still find it frustrating and disheartening when I spend hours writing a post and then another hour or so editing and trying to make it look great, only to come back in the morning and find NO comments or even any likes.

I was a little afraid to post this because as a person surrounded by a lot of narcissists, I worry that I may be seen as a narcissist myself, and as I mentioned in other posts, blogging on a public website and airing your most private issues for the whole world to see is really a very narcissistic activity. Admitting you want more comments or followers is akin to the six year old who whines, “Look at MEEEEEE!” and “Do you like MEEEEEE?” I certainly don’t want to be seen as self indulgent and whiney.

But another part of me thinks it’s justified. All of us are narcissists to some degree or another whether we like it or not. We all fall somewhere on the continuum and it’s only human to want people to read the stuff you spent an entire evening working on. If I was just writing for myself, why spend so much time and effort on my blog’s appearance? Why pay for Custom Design? I might as well just put it in WordPad, errors in spelling and punctuation and and all.

My blog is my outlet. So I won’t censor myself except for a certain level of political correctness. I don’t like to offend people. Of course offending people is something that can’t be avoided unless I completely censor myself, which I won’t do. Political correctness is overrated anyway. Hell, it’s my blog and this is something that’s bothering me, so I’m posting it. It’s not like anyone’s reading my stuff anyway.

I do want to take a moment to thank Opinionated Man for his awesome blog Harsh Reality. His blog is very popular and its easy to understand why. OM gives fantastic advice to new bloggers. He’s always quick to reply to his comments and questions too. I’m trying some of the stuff he suggests to draw more attention to my blog; hopefully it works!

Patience is not a virtue of mine. Maybe I just have to chill and not worry so much about whether people are “Liking” or commenting on my posts or not.

I’m inviting others to share their experiences when they were new to blogging and let me know if they had this same problem when they started. If anyone has any tips for getting more traffic (though OM seems to have pretty much covered everything in his blog) please share that here too.

Meantime, I’ll keep writing regardless of whether anyone’s reading my blog or not.