Janis Ian, a singer-songwriter whose most well known song was 1975’s hit “At Seventeen,” recorded a much lesser known hit when she was just 16 years old, called “Society’s Child.” Sadly, this song has mostly been forgotten. The last time I heard it played on any radio station was probably in the late 1970s. Classic rock stations don’t play it because it doesn’t really qualify as rock. But the song is a masterpiece, both musically and lyrically. Fortunately, someone was able to get this technologically impressive (for its time) video of Janis singing the song live in 1967 on the Smothers Brothers Comedy Hour.
“Society’s Child” has an interesting background. Janis actually wrote the song at the age of 15, imagining a white high school girl dating a black boy and having to deal with her parents’ and teachers’ disapproval of anyone “not of our own kind.” In the song, the girl is forced to end her relationship with her boyfriend because of the prejudice so common at the time (and that unfortunately never really went away).
Janis Ian said she received death threats due to the controversial lyrics, and many radio stations refused to play the song. But she continued to perform it live throughout the years and still does to this day, at the age of 64.
I think Janis looks absolutely stunning in this video, and she really gets lost in the emotion of the song. Maybe it’s only because of the superior quality of the video but it’s hard for me to wrap my head around the fact this was taped almost 50 years ago. But there’s a definite innocence there you just don’t see in modern singers.
This sounds so much like the feelings I have toward blogging and being an emotionally honest writer that I simply won’t be able to sleep tonight if I don’t reblog it.
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I’m happy to introduce my 4th guest blogger, Just Plain Ol’ Vic. Vic’s blog is one of my favorites. I’ve been following it almost from the very beginning of my blogging journey and have found it always inspiring and thoughtful. Vic has helped me through many of my own rough moments and is a regular commenter on this blog too. Be sure to stop by his blog!
This is from his About page:
Just Plain Ol’ Vic
Bio:Thanks for taking a look at my blog. I am Just Plain Ol’ Vic, however Vic will do just fine. I originally started this blog as a form of writing therapy. I am happily married, with kids but my wife suffers from bi-polar disorder, clinical depression, has an eating disorder and is a recovering alcoholic. Needless to say it is quite a bit for one individual to handle, thus my blog. I started this blog to connect with others that suffer from mental health issues and/or have loved ones that have mental health challenges. This is a way for me to connect, discuss and educate myself about my wife’s condition and perhaps in turn, allow me to be a better spouse. Perhaps too, in hearing my story, others will know that they are not alone and there is help, empathy and resources out there. My blog has since developed beyond just talking about mental health (although that is still a priority). I pretty much discuss what is on my mind or happening in my life. I am not afraid to spout verbal diarrhea, give unsubstantiated opinions and generally exercise my 1st Amendment rights. Along the way I hope to provoke some thoughts, get you interactive with my blog…perhaps even make you crack a smile and belly-laugh every now and then. So if by now you are still interested and willingly join me on my journey, thanks for coming along and don’t forget to buckle up! http://justplainolvic.wordpress.com/2014/07/19/tempting-fate-taking-a-leap-of-faith/
Here is his guest post, not really about himself, but about all the wonderful things he’s learned from living with his wife, who suffers from Bipolar disorder. Through their relationship, joys and struggles, Vic says he has developed a level of empathy and understanding for the mentally ill he might not have otherwise had. I thought his story was very touching and inspirational and I even got a little misty-eyed reading it.
Hello there, my name is Vic and first of all I would like to thank Lauren for giving me this wonderful opportunity as a guest blogger. I don’t think my story makes me any more special than the next person, thus my moniker of “just plain ‘ol” seems very appropriate. I am just a guy, husband and father that is trying to make sense of his world and do right by my family. There are days that this is harder than it sounds; as my wife has bi-polar disorder, has attempted suicide, has had multiple hospitalizations, is a recovering alcoholic and recovering from an eating disorder. Guess what? She is and will always be a wonderful woman and I am lucky to be married to her.
Instead of telling my story and the trials and tribulations we have faced as a couple and family, instead I would like to talk about some of the positive things I have learned as I have become more educated and empathetic to the challenges my wife faces on a daily basis. As tough as the challenges have been, as daunting and insurmountable as the obstacles seem to be – we are still here, engaged in the moment and are as strong (perhaps stronger) than we ever were.
***
It is so easy, when someone suffers from a mental illness, to have it consume their lives and allow it to define who they are, how their perceive themselves and become the cornerstone of their existence. I am here to tell you that does not have to be the case! You ARE empowered to be who you CHOOSE to be, should EXPECT people to treat you the way you DESERVE to be treated and you should NEVERSETTLE for anything less.
YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL
I know it is hard to look in the mirror and not “see” your mental illness. I challenge you to look beyond the physical and see your spirit within. See the inner beauty, the inner resilience and the inner fighter that you have become. “Normal” and “perfect” do not exist, they are made up abstractions. Who you are, your uniqueness is what makes you beautiful. If you can embrace that inner beauty, it is the first crucial step to learning to love yourself.
YOU ARE WORTHY OF LOVE AND AFFECTION
Having a mental illness does not make you “less deserving” than the next person. Despite the challenges you may face every day, you are deserving of a partner that will love you for who you are – not what they want you to be. While a relationship can and will be challenging at times, you can find someone that will accept and love you the way you are. The key to this is communication: being open and honest from the first moment. Making sure you have a partner that you can talk to, confide in and lean on is critical. No relationship is ever perfect but it can work for you as long as you are willing to work for it.
YOU ARE POWERFUL, STRONG & CAPABLE
Having a mental illness does not make you less of a person, less capable than someone that is “healthy.” Indeed you may actually be much stronger than a “healthy” individual because you have to endure so much more. Never doubt your ability to lead a full and productive life. You are capable of achieving whatever you set your mind to. Now I am not going to deny that it may be tough, that there may be setbacks – however you are powerful, strong and capable – you can take back your life. Your life and your contribution is just as important and relevant as anyone else, so shout your message from the rooftops and embrace all that makes you unique.
I would like to show you this video where I drew inspiration from for this post. Now I have made it clear that while I am not religious I am a spiritual individual, however despite that I cannot deny the power of this message. Please also understand that I think is message (and my message) is geared for both men and women. Take the time to listen to some of the words that are said and understand that this IS you or CAN be you If you so choose. There are so many things misunderstood when it comes to mental illness, so many stigmas out there. However if you empower yourself, share and communicate your story then you too can help other see what makes you so wonderful, so unique and so human.
I wish everyone the best. Be well. Take care of yourself and each other.
In a day or two I can cash in on my WordPress earnings over the past three months and I also have a little money left over from my tax return, so I decided to treat myself to a few “unnecessary” things just because I liked them.
I love collecting rocks and geodes (nature makes the most beautiful things) so I went to the local rock shop and these are the things I bought.
Small salt (halite) lamp and a carmelite geode sitting in front of it. The geode is a bit translucent. I don’t know if you can see it in the photo, but the light from the salt lamp is glowing through the reddish geode.
My daughter’s birthday is coming up in April. This is a handmade necklace made by a local artist of a “tree of life.” The design actually has personal meaning to my daughter (I won’t go into detail to protect her anonymity). Hopefully she doesn’t see this post, but even if she does, it’s alright because I think she knows she’s getting this anyway.
Polished agate coasters. I always wanted to have these. It was so hard to decide between the different patterns and colors.
I won’t lie. It’s incredibly awkward being a blogger who blogs about two things that seem diametrically opposed to many people in the narcissistic abuse community: being a victim of narcissists, and having a Cluster B disorder (BPD). To those of you who aren’t familiar with the ACON (adult children of narcissists) blogosphere, there are a few ACON bloggers (not too many on WordPress, fortunately) who seem to think if you have BPD then you can’t also be an abuse victim and certainly shouldn’t be blogging about it. Because, you see, if you have BPD then you are one of the soulless abusers. If you are any kind of “cluster B person” blogging about abuse, then of it follows that you must have an “agenda.” What that agenda is is never specified though.
I have been accused of many things, none of which are pretty, and few of which are true. Most are crass generalizations made out of ignorance and a refusal to think outside the box or consider that not everything is all black or all white or that all people can be shoved into a box. . Here are just a few of the things I’ve been accused of.
I have an “agenda” and dishonest motives.
I am not really an abuse victim.
I am being paid off or otherwise compensated other people (like Sam Vaknin) or psychiatric organizations (like the APA) to promote my “evil” views and blur the lines between Cluster B disorders and complex PTSD caused by abuse.
I’m “evil.”
I’m crazy.
I’m confused.
I only care about being “popular”
As a Borderline, I have “no right” to be writing posts about narcissistic abuse.
To these accusations, here are my responses:
Um, no. I’m not clear what “agenda” it is I’d be trying to promote. My only “agenda” is healing for myself, fun (because I love to write), and hopefully, helping a few others along the way.
I guess some people never really read this blog because it’s filled with personal accounts of narcissistic abuse by both my family of origin and my ex-husband. Oh, that’s right. I’m just making it all up. 🙄 I couldn’t make up these accounts if I tried. I try not to dwell too much on the abuse though, because doing that doesn’t help me and only makes me miserable. That doesn’t mean it didn’t happen, though.
This really makes me scratch my head. It almost makes me laugh how far a few people are reaching by saying this. The only monetary compensation I get is about $30 – $40 a month from running ads on this blog. I still live in poverty and I don’t have any kind of shady business dealings with any organization or person. I write this blog because I want to.
That’s quite a value judgment there. You don’t even know me. I don’t point fingers and call anyone evil unless I have real good reason to, and even then I’m hesitant because I don’t want to be a judgmental person (I can’t stand judgmental people). I think it’s always better to use the term “evil” for actions, not people. I guess this idea that I’m evil is because I’m zOMG “Cluster B.” I’m not a narcissist (even if I do have a few of the traits) and I’m not antisocial and I do have empathy and an almost excessively strong conscience. But some people have the idea that even if you’re a self-aware borderline who practices mindfulness, you’re still as bad as one of the narcs. “Sociopath” is another thing I’ve been called but it means pretty much the same thing.
Maybe there’s a bit of truth to this. After all, I do have four mental disorders–BPD, complex PTSD, Avoidant PD, and Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). I can act pretty crazy sometimes too. But at least I’m self-aware crazy and can see myself pretty objectively and control my urges to act crazy when they get out of hand. But just because you don’t agree with me doesn’t mean I’m crazy. I just have a different opinion than you do. Deal with it.
There’s also some truth to this. It is VERY confusing being both an abuse victim and having a Cluster B disorder, even though the Cluster B disorder was caused by abuse! And like it or not, I DO think BPD and complex PTSD are almost the same disorder. Of course, this is just my opinion and no one’s paying me off or brainwashing me to “blur the lines.”
No. My primary motive in blogging is healing myself and helping people. A secondary motive is fun. Yes, of course I look at my stats and always get a small thrill when they’re growing, but I don’t write to be popular or famous. Yes, I’d like to write a book someday and be able to make a living from my writing, but who wouldn’t? Even if I never make a penny from my writings and even if no one read my blog, I’d still be doing it because it’s something I really like to do.
As a Borderline, I *AM* victim of narcissitic abuse. (see reply #6). ANYONE who was an abuse victim and wants to heal from the damage they endured has EVERY right to blog about it, and yes, that even includes people with self aware NPD!
I know my opinions are sometimes controversial and won’t sit well with everyone, but unless I’m presented with a convincing argument to discard my personal beliefs and opinions, they aren’t going to change. I ‘m a critical thinker who likes to explore all angles of an issue and then form my own opinions when I’ve gathered enough information. I’ve always walked to the beat of my own drummer, rather than mindlessly following what other people tell me I “should” do or believe. Being a “lone wolf” who walks to the beat of my own drummer and refuses to conform to the “popular” view is one of the biggest reasons why I was ostracized by so many people all my life–including my own family. But you know what? I don’t care. This is who I am and I’m going to keep running with it. I seriously don’t understand why people who dislike my opinions and views so much keep reading my posts anyway if it’s only going to make them angry. No one is forcing my opinions on those people. Just hit the backspace button! It’s easy.
I’m aware some people have a problem with this because it doesn’t fit into the almost cult-like mentality I’ve seen among certain (fortunately only a few) ACON bloggers. If you piss them off, be prepared to be mobbed. Maybe they’ll leave you alone on your own blog but make no mistake–they will be trashing you and your character on their own blogs. At the same time, there are so many more people (and bloggers) who appreciate my reluctance to put people into boxes and think in only black and white terms. There are many beautiful shades of grey in between the extremes. That’s one of the best takeaways of moving away from BPD black and white thinking and replacing that with critical thinking and mindfulness. If that’s evil and crazy, then evil and crazy I guess I will be. But I really don’t think it is.
Many people have told me my more open-minded approach has been refreshing and has helped them come to terms with the abuse they had to endure and move past the rage and anger they felt coming out of their abusive relationships, or when they went No Contact. At the same time, one of my aims has become reducing the awful stigma against people suffering from BPD. It’s a delicate balance, but I don’t think it’s undoable.
Being a borderline and a trauma victim who writes about narcissistic abuse issues as well as my own (and other) cluster B disorders, it’s sometimes a delicate balance. But they are not mutually exclusive. I feel driven to write about my disorders as they relate to my abuse and attempt to reconcile them because I need to for my own sanity and healing.
I finally added a Facebook page, so I can share articles on Facebook without them being attached to my personal account. I also hope to build a community there of people who read this website. If you like this blog, please Like my page too. Also, please feel free to share this post to your own social media so the word gets out.
We are living in an Orwellian society. Here’s a long but important article about the way language has been used to promote psychopathy in society and politics, and target the most vulnerable members of society. It’s a form of societal scapegoating, not much different than the way dysfunctional families target their most sensitive member (the “truthteller”) for abuse and ostracization.
Although this post is told from the perspective of modern British society, it definitely applies to America too (probably even more so), and most of the western world. Psychopathy–and its attendant lack of empathy and ruthlessness–is glorified, even though it’s not called by that name. The real victims of this compassionless agenda–the poor, disabled, minority races, immigrants, and people who otherwise don’t fit the stereotypical “ideal”–are blamed for all the ills of society even though they have never had any power. Think about how similar this is to what goes on in dysfunctional families headed by narcissists. It’s society-wide gaslighting and blame-shifting.
Language is a powerful weapon, and is being successfully used to promote this evil agenda of selfishness and callous disregard. It’s the real world Newspeak.
Metacognition: We need to be mindful of how we think as well as what we think.
While the term propaganda has acquired a strongly negative connotation by association with its most manipulative and jingoistic examples (e.g. Nazi propaganda used to justify the Holocaust), propaganda in its original sense was neutral, and could refer to uses that were generally benign or innocuous, such as public health recommendations, signs encouraging citizens to participate in a census or election, or messages encouraging people to report crimes to law agencies, amongst others.
So the exact definition of propaganda is constantly debated, and no specific definition is completely agreed. Some argue that any persuasive communication is propaganda, whilst others hold that propaganda specifically alters political opinions. However, it is doubtless that propaganda is material which is meant to manipulate or change public opinion, and though it may vary in form and technique, it always…
Lucky Otters Haven 