Rich people are more narcissistic and less ethical.

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Time Magazine published several articles citing studies showing that the wealthy are more narcissistic and less ethical than average folks.

Wealthy Selfies:  How Being Rich Increases Narcissism

Why The Rich Are Less Ethical:  They See Greed as Good

The Rich are Different: More Money, Less Empathy

Contrary to popular belief, the rich give less of their income to charity than even poor people, by percentage of income.   The poor are more, not less, likely to be grateful and less, not more, likely to feel entitled than the rich.

I think these articles explain a lot about our current government, which is full of narcissistic, unethical, even criminal billionaires, their wealthy donors (The Koch Brothers, the Mercers, Russian oligarchs, and others) and the apparently unlimited power they wield.   Great wealth, insatiable greed and a sense of entitlement is what has allowed these people to take control of all three branches of government and gerrymander state elections.  Sure, both parties are corrupt and there are rich donors on the left too (the alt-right loves to scream about George Soros), but they haven’t had nearly the influence the donors on the GOP side have had, and at least their donations are transparent — they don’t hide behind front organizations the way the Kochs or the Mercers do.   We must get the money out of politics now.

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Narcissists and instant gratification.

Veruca-Salt

My MN ex always had to have what he wanted, right that second.   During those seven years he freeloaded off me and refused to work (AFTER the divorce), he’d interrupt me at the most incredibly inconvenient times to take care of some minor need, and he’d become very petulant or even angry when you refused to jump when he said jump.    He used to wake me up in the middle of the night, knowing I had work in a few hours, saying he needed a pack of cigarettes.   Or when I’d go shopping, if I didn’t get him exactly what HE wanted (remember, he didn’t work and I paid for all the groceries myself) he’d rage and hurl insults at me until I went back to the store to get him what he wanted.   He never even thanked me for going out of my way for him.   He assumed this was his due and that I existed to carry out his bidding.   Boundaries meant nothing to him–unless they were HIS boundaries (woe be to you for crossing over THOSE!).   He’d never return the favor if you wanted something from HIM.   He just kept taking and taking and taking, draining me of my sanity, my money, and even my looks and my health.  If I hadn’t kicked him to the curb in early 2014, it probably would have killed me.  He was like a giant baby living on my couch, only not at all cute or funny.   Maybe more like a giant cancerous tumor attached to my couch and wallet would be a better description.

My mother, also a narcissist, used to call me at any old time.  You were not allowed to refuse.  You were supposed to drop whatever you were doing.  When I’d tell her I was in the middle of work, or busy, or on another call and could I please call her back later, she’d pour on the guilt:  “I’m your MOTHER, you can certainly spare a few minutes to talk to me!” followed with an ultimatum: “Tell them you’ll call back later.”   How DARE I have priorities over taking a call from her?  How DARE I make her wait?    She wanted what she wanted when she wanted it, and did NOT want to wait.  No narcissist does, because waiting for something requires a degree of empathy–that the person you want something from may have needs at the moment that override your own.

Instant gratification isn’t something that’s usually associated with Narcissistic Personality Disorder; more often it’s associated with Antisocial Personality Disorder.  I think for a narcissist, the inability to wait for anything is part the entitlement problem they have.  To make a narcissist wait means you’re not putting them FIRST, which means they’re just not important enough to you otherwise you’d jump when they tell you to.  To make one wait is a narcissistic injury.   A baby can’t wait when it’s hungry; he cries and screams until Mom comes to feed him–that’s because he doesn’t realize yet that Mom is a separate person.  To the baby, they are one, and Mom exists only to serve him.

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Right up there, that’s your narcissist.

A narcissist is an overgrown adult baby. They never learned to differentiate other people from themselves.  Due to something going terribly wrong during their early childhood when they were supposed to be learning that they existed separately from others, they are stuck at a pre-verbal level of emotional development, where other people exist only to serve their needs.   If their immediate needs aren’t gratified, and you don’t put yours on the back burner or sacrifice your needs completely, to the narcissist it’s tantamount to annihilation.  They feel as if they don’t exist.   Hence, they must punish you–their rages and abuse are the equivalent of a two year old’s temper tantrum when they can’t have their ice cream RIGHT NOW.

Don’t enable a narcissist by letting them invade your boundaries this way.   If you can’t go No Contact, stick to your guns and let them get mad–and get away as soon as you are able.

*****

Thanks to My Child Within for the idea for this post, which arose from a conversation in the comments.

Rude, entitled jerk.

First, a little background so the following screenshot makes sense. My son is part of an online community that buys and sells art to other members.  In this community, there’s a certain etiquette expected when you buy art from another member.  If you have a webpage, you are expected to link to the seller’s webpage who sold you the art.  It’s considered common courtesy and no one asks any questions.  It’s just done.

The individual who wrote this rant had bought art from another member and is ranting about why he/she is refusing to link to the artist’s site. The artist’s signature is also edited out, so the artist never gets any credit.   This individual is clearly an entitled, rude jerk.   I don’t know if this person is a narcissist , since  an isolated instance of rude, entitled behavior isn’t enough of a marker if other symptoms aren’t also present (they may just be an everyday asshole), but it certainly seems likely.  The last paragraph seems to be a projection of the jerk’s own sense of entitlement onto the artists whose work he or she has defaced.

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Narcissists in fantasyland.

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We already know narcissists lie. It’s the one thing they’re all good at. I read a conversation today about the way narcissists lie even about things there is no reason to lie about, and that they also begin to believe their own lies.

Narcissists have been telling lies for so long and have gotten so good at it that they really do believe their lies are the truth. Sometimes they even become skilled at using lies to cover up other lies. To a normal person, living a lie and trying so desperately to cover the truth would be an unbearably stressful way to live. Narcissists are stressed out by this as much as anyone else, but they don’t know where their stress comes from. They are deluded and think their lies are the truth. They honestly don’t know any better so they can’t stop lying and they can’t stop the stress that comes from that.

Think of a young child playing pretend. The child may know the fantasy is just a fantasy, but while they’re in it they believe it’s the truth. Tell the child their fantasy is a lie and they will rage and get very upset. But for young children, living outside reality to some extent is normal. When an adult lives outside reality and creates a fantasy world they think is real, we call it crazy.

If you tell a narcissist to stop lying, they will attack or sometimes, withdraw or even disappear. This happens because: 1. They hate the truth because if they know you can see through their lies, you have blown their flimsy cover and that is terrifying to them; and 2. like a young child, they don’t want to leave their fantasy world–a dream where they are perfect and superior to everyone else. Because in reality they know they aren’t. In fact, narcissists have dismally low self esteem. They hate themselves–but are in love with the false self they created. That’s where their grandiosity and sense of entitlement comes from. They need a constant influx of narcissistic supply from you to keep their false image of themselves alive.

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In “People of the Lie,” M. Scott Peck discusses a malignantly narcissistic patient of his named Charlene. After years of therapy (during which Charlene spent most of her time sadistically playing with Dr. Peck like a toy), in one session she told him about a dream she had of a “marvelous machine.” The machine did everything and was perfect in every way. Charlene proudly told Dr. Peck she had designed and built this marvelous machine herself. When Dr. Peck suggested this machine that did everything was actually an elaborate weapon Charlene had created in her mind to avoid facing the truth about herself, Charlene’s cover was blown and she reacted with unreasonable rage, attacking Dr. Peck for not agreeing with her about the perfection and beauty of the “machine” she was so proud of and what its true purpose was. She could not bear to face the truth and preferred to keep living in her fantasy world of delusions.

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Wizard: “Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain!”

The Wizard in The Wizard of Oz wanted to appear to be a powerful and ruthless tyrant, so even though he was actually a weak and unassuming little man, he hid behind a curtain, amplified his voice, and projected a scary image onto the far wall when Dorothy and her friends entered the Wizard’s castle. What gives the Wizard away as not being a true narcissist (I’d venture to guess he was probably a borderline) was the fact that when exposed, he took responsibility and showed true remorse for behaving the way he did. It’s still a good illustration of the way narcissists deny reality though.

Narcissists hate themselves and only want you to see what they want you to see. While perhaps done unconsciously, they construct a False Self which is a self of lies. This mask isn’t who they are but they sure get good at convincing everyone it is. Their abuse of others stems from the need to protect “the marvelous machine” they created. If they feel this cover may be blown by the truth, they attack, abuse and rage (or leave), because they’re so terrified you may see the emptiness inside or even worse for them, the vulnerable and defenseless True Self hiding in the dark corners of their unconscious.

I’ve seen narcissists talking to themselves, sometimes in public. It’s weird. It’s as if they don’t know they are talking to themselves. I used to point this out to my ex when he was holding conversations with himself, and he’d deny it or get angry. Could narcissism be a psychotic or dissociative disorder? Do they hear voices in their heads? Sometimes I wonder.

By telling themselves so many lies, they are abusing themselves as much as they abuse others. Only they never realize this. And they won’t ever let you tell them. They’d rather wander forever in the confusing labyrinth of their disordered minds where up is down, north is south, dark is light, yes is no, wrong is right, and they are gods. They can’t face reality because it might destroy them. Or so they believe.

My annoying narcissist roommate’s latest tricks.

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Just a little update about my annoying, narcissistic roommate. It’s getting very difficult for me to hide my increasing annoyance with her. I don’t want to be unkind because she acts so needy but she invades boundaries and whines constantly about her multitude of problems, most of which she’s brought on herself. Of course, all of these problems are someone else’s fault, never hers.

I thought I used to be bad as far as worrying about people hating me, but I was never THAT bad! As an adult, I always try to respect others’ boundaries and don’t like to force myself on other people if I sense they don’t want to be bothered, even if their lack of attention worries me or makes me feel paranoid. If I really care about their friendship, I’ll approach them and ASK if I can talk to them before asking them if anything is wrong.

It was different when I was a bullied, openly emotional child. I was sooooo sensitive–I used to constantly ask if people were mad at me. I don’t ask people that anymore because it sounds really immature, and most of the time, I realize I don’t even CARE if that person likes me or not, unless I’m seeking their friendship. I usually prefer to be alone most of the time anyway.

My roommate acts like I did when I was a kid. Almost every day, she comes in my room (usually without knocking–I’ve literally had to push her out the door if I was getting dressed or undressed) and asks if I am mad at her. Of course I tell her no. But her paranoia is becoming a self fulfilling prophecy.

why_not_like_me

She ran up my electric bill for February to almost $300. That’s an outrageous amount–like the kind of bills I had when I was living with the parasitic “homicidal” narc sperm donor. I know it was her using all the heat, because her room was always hot as an oven in January and February, and both my daughter and I don’t leave the heat running all day, even when it’s freezing cold. If I’m not home, I actually turn the register off (we don’t have central heating–it’s a very old house). My daughter uses a space heater and it’s only on if she’s home.

I approached the roommate and showed her the bill. At first she agreed to pay part of it in addition to her rent, and I thought everything was settled. But then about 5 minutes later she stormed into my room announcing she’d changed her mind. In a snotty tone of voice, she said she shouldn’t have to pay anything because my daughter was using the heat too. I replied sarcastically that was fine, and I hoped she’d like not having power next month since I can’t pay such a huge bill without her help–and why should I? Because my daughter is between jobs right now, she has no income to help, but it wasn’t her using all the heat anyway. Finally I suggested to my roommate she pay a lesser amount than the one I’d first proposed.

She was upset by this and started in on me not liking her again. I told her I liked her (a lie) but was getting annoyed with her self centered, entitled attitude. I even said I thought she was narcissistic.

Immediately, she deflected the attention off of herself onto my daughter, who had nothing to do with the situation. She said my daughter was the one with the bad attitude. I returned to the original point and told her she was failing to take any responsibility. Of course she denied this and started talking about how she cleaned the house for me for free and that I should be paying her for this service (even though I never asked her to clean the house). She feels like she is OWED free electricity. Of course the high bill is not HER fault.

pastdue

I don’t like her attitude toward my daughter at all. Something really weird happened a couple days ago (I know my daughter wouldn’t lie about this or have any reason to). The roommate walked out into the living room where my daughter was sitting with her friend, naked from the waist up. She asked my daughter if she thought she was attractive (she isn’t–and she’s 53 years old exposing herself to a 21 year old?). My daughter told her straight out she didn’t think that was an appropriate question and she and her friend left the room. I thought she handled it maturely.

So after this happened the roommate came to me complaining that my daughter hates her.

I think she is jealous of my daughter, who is young and very attractive, and always finds ways to take little digs at her body, her personality, her attitude, her friends, whatever. Or she may be envious of the close relationship we have with each other, because her own daughter won’t speak to her.

Occasionally though she gets in these weird maudlin moods and start crying and tells my daughter she loves her because she reminds her of her OWN daughter, who doesn’t speak to her (I wonder why!)

Speaking of mood changes, I’ve noticed that about some narcs. Their mood changes are unsettling and disturbing. Sometimes they act like they have a dissociative identity disorder with all their rapid personality (mask) changes. My mother used to do this a lot. She’d act sweet as pie and the next moment, for no discernable reason, start screaming at me or slap me. She did the same thing to my father (except she didn’t slap him–she pushed him down the stairs once though and he broke his arm). These sudden mask changes used to really scare me because I didn’t see them coming. It’s like some narcs hear voices in their heads or are seeing things that aren’t there. They really do seem to be out of touch with reality. It’s creepy as hell.

Sometimes my roommate also gets this weird LOOK out of nowhere–like her eyes are boring into my soul and she’ll get this bizarre SMIRK on her face. It reminds me of my mother, and many other narcs I’ve known. I also noticed when she gets this LOOK her eyes turn flat and black.

She sold her car for $150 and whines nonstop about having to sell it because she didn’t have the money to fix it even though she goes nowhere and her disability is more than I earn. I just want to box this woman’s ears and tell her to shut the hell up. I get tired of hearing her grating voice constantly droning on about how terrible her life is.

living_with_u

So now she’s talking about moving back to Florida, even though she says no one in her family there talks to her. I hope she does, because I don’t know how much more of this I can stand. Since she’s paying rent, I won’t kick her out without notice, but I think I’m going to give her until May 1 to leave. That will give me time to find someone else. Next time I won’t use Craigslist.

Narcs don’t scare me anymore, even though their behavior can be unsettling and creepy. I know I’m stronger than they are and they know it. My education over these past six months has given me the tools I need to handle their evil games. I can smell a narc a mile away.

I’m not afraid of this woman because she’s not very intelligent and although she tries to play all the narc games like gaslighting and triangulating, it doesn’t work because she has no charm whatsoever and is just too stupid to effectively recruit flying monkeys or not fall on her face looking like a buffoon. I think the most effective narcissists tend to be intelligent. Those are the dangerous ones.

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My roommate isn’t particularly dangerous or malignant due to her lack of intelligence, but is extremely annoying and like Chinese water torture, the constant barrage of tiny annoyances build up over time. Her constant snide remarks, complaints, weird looks, and boundary violations are wearing me down and bringing out ugly parts of my personality I’d rather avoid. I think under normal circumstances I’m pleasant to be around (if not always very forthcoming); I’m not a bitch. My roommate’s irritating behavior is turning me into one. I noticed I’m getting snappish and impatient with her. I can’t help it. I don’t like that side of myself at all. I don’t take pride in being a bitch but in her case, it’s getting so hard to be nice. The moral of this story is that even an unintelligent narcissist can bring out your evil side.

I can deal with one more month, but that’s all. That gives her plenty of time to find another place. I haven’t told her yet. I know she’ll fly into a rage and I’m not looking forward to that, but I just can’t stand her personality and can’t live with someone like that anymore. She’s bad for my health.

Narcissists are so %$&# annoying.

annoying_narcs

I can’t deny it anymore. My roommate, a woman I found on Craigslist back in September to share my house with me and help pay the bills, is another G.D. narcissist. She is one of he most annoying people I’ve ever known, outside my ex who was probably a little more so.

At first she seemed very nice. She gave a good impression. She has some health issues, including near-deafness, so she receives disability. She has one cat who gets along well with mine. She seemed almost too helpful and accommodating in the beginning. She actually wanted to pay me more than the rent I was asking, and kept offering to buy me things or do me favors I didn’t need or want.

She’s still paying her rent on time and hasn’t done anything really horrible, like set fires to the curtains or steal my things, so for now I’m allowing her to stay, until I figure out what else I can do to earn enough money to not have to share my home (which I would prefer), or find another roommate (who could be worse than she is, especially if I find them on Craiglist).

But she’s become almost intolerable to live with. Her personality repels me. I’m at the point where I just want to leave the room if she’s in it. Her voice and even looking at her annoys me.

That is precisely the way I felt about my ex husband before I kicked him out a year ago. I couldn’t stand the sight of him and his voice and everything he did was like nails on a chalkboard. Even the sound of his breathing bothered me. And listening to him eat made me want to puke.

I hated him and everything he did so much there were times I could completely understand how someone could be driven to kill. I never entertained that thought of course, but I could understand why some people could. I also realized I no longer even cared what happened to him. In fact, I kind of wanted him to die, if truth be told. I feel like I’m a horrible person for ever feeling that way, but it’s the truth.

It’s a bad sign when you’re having these kinds of ugly thoughts and feelings about someone you’re living with. The thing about narcs is they turn you just as mean as they are eventually. During the last months I lived with my ex, I was downright nasty to him. It wasn’t right, but it felt like some sort of justice before I worked up the courage to make him leave.

My roommate has gradually shed the “nice” act–that was just the love bombing phase. I knew there was something a little fishy about her over the top displays of affection and insistence on doing things for me I didn’t need or want. I should have paid attention to those red flags.

After awhile, she started guilt tripping me if I didn’t profusely thank her for these unasked-for favors. For instance she liked to clean the house, which I appreciated, since she doesn’t work and really doesn’t do anything all day. I’m too tired when I get home to clean anything and just want to write. I certainly wasn’t going to tell her not to do it (and she probably would have been insulted if I had).

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She’s very needy and entitled. She accused me of not being appreciative enough: “I spent all day cleaning the house FOR YOU (emphasis mine) even with my bad back. I didn’t have to do this FOR YOU, all I want is a little gratitude.” I’d already THANKED HER about ten times, for the love of God. Every time she does me a favor, no matter how small, or buys me something (which I don’t ask for), she gets all angry and butthurt if I don’t act like she’s Jesus Christ Incarnate for doing it. She keeps repeating herself over and over, announcing all the wonderful and kind things she does, to make sure you notice how perfect and wonderful she is.

Lately she’s been attempting to triangulate and gaslight using my daughter. But my daughter tells me everything, has read this blog (and knows a lot about narcissists now) and she told me what my roommate has been saying to her. The games aren’t working, and my roommmate’s getting mad. My daughter even told me she thought we were dealing with a narcissist. I was proud of her for that.

Two weeks ago my roommate’s car broke down. A couple weeks before that, she had allowed me to drive her car for two days while my transmission was being rebuilt. That was because she was too tired and sick to drive me to work (I never asked to borrow her car, although I preferred that to having to ride with her). Now she’s acting pissy and hateful because I won’t drive her all over town, even at night (I don’t see well on the road at night). A few days ago, she actually had the gall to suggest I call in late to work so I could take her to the doctor. I refused to do it. I don’t let narcs push me around anymore. I told her about the bus lines, but of course she made excuses why she couldn’t take a bus.

She is getting more hateful, telling my daughter how selfish I am. It’s almost funny, how obvious it is that she’s projecting her own narcissism on to me. It really creeps me out that my ex behaved THIS EXACT SAME WAY and said THE VERY SAME THING. She’s gaslighting me and attempting to use my daughter as a flying monkey. It’s really incredible. It’s like they all read from the same script. They probably do.

She whines nonstop about how generous and kind she was to me when she let me drive her car for two days (when she herself didn’t want to drive me), implying that I never do anything for HER.

She’s extremely nosy and butts into conversations I am having with my daughter or other people, as well as asking me constantly what I’m doing online. Like it’s any of her business. She needs constant attention and validation.

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If I buy takeout for myself and my daughter, my narc roommate gets upset that we didn’t get anything for HER. She’s 52 years old, but she acts like she’s 3. She also whines constantly that no one likes her here, and we aren’t nice to her, which is a total lie. But it’s becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy. I no longer like this woman, and neither does my daughter.

Last night we finally got into it. She said I wasn’t a nice person. I reminded her that I have only been as nice to her as she’s been to me, and furthermore that she ought to not act so entitled because I was giving her a really good deal with the very cheap rent I am charging. I challenged her to try and find something as cheap as the room I rent to her somewhere else. Asheville and Buncombe County in general is expensive. I guarantee she won’t be able to find as sweet a deal.

She started crying because she thought I was kicking her out. Complete with rubbing her eyes with her fists like a three year old who dropped her lollipop. I tried to be nice and not roll my eyes or sigh in frustration. (It’s getting harder to be nice.) I assured her I was not kicking her out but just letting her know how I felt–how entitled I think she acts, and that her gaslighting, triangulating, projecting, whining, wheedling self pity, negativity, nosiness, and absolute absence of any respect for anyone’s boundaries was annoying and crazymaking.

She makes fun of things I like. She puts down my interests (she has never seen this blog, as far as I know and probably wouldn’t read it, even as nosy as she is). I told her one time I was going out to buy orange juice and for some odd reason she found this extremely funny, and to this day keeps making jokes about my “obsession” with orange juice. It’s not funny. It’s damned annoying. I can’t explain it, but it’s that nails on a chalkboard thing, like the way I felt about my ex’s breathing and eating sounds.

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I know this can’t turn out good. I know at some point I will have to ask her to leave, but right now I really need the money and don’t feel like taking out another damn ad in the paper. I’ve had worse roommates than her in the past–at least she pays her rent on time and doesn’t do hard drugs (as far as I know).

I know it must be difficult for her to be disabled and have a car that isn’t running (she can’t afford to have it fixed) and be pretty much housebound. That would drive me crazy too. So I can understand a little grumpiness or depression.

But what I’m seeing isn’t just a bored and stir crazy person taking out their frustrations and anger on me. What I’m seeing is pure, unadulterated, 100% genuine, 200 proof NARC.

This post is intended to open a discussion about narcissists and narcissistic roommates, etc. I don’t want or need advice to get rid of her. I already know that. I’m willing to wait things out for awhile because the extra income is worth it–for the moment.

If I ever feel like she’s starting to have a negative effect on my growth or my healing, then she’s out. If she starts finding reasons not to pay her rent, she’s out. For now, she’s just incredibly annoying. Narcs can irritate the living shit out of you.
But I can live with that, at least for now.

Why do they always find me? They’re only 1% of the population, but it seems like they’re everywhere.

A narcissist’s entitlement.

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It’s already happening.

I talked to my daughter’s friend Paul last night, and he sounded a little grumpy. Hypervigilant as always, in my black, paranoid mind I imagined my MN ex Michael, who just moved in Paul’s house a few days ago, had already convinced Paul I was an evil, treacherous, narcissistic, selfish female troglodyte not worth the time of day (because he projects all his character defects onto me), and that was the reason for the grumpiness. Of course! What else could it be!? Of course it was narcissistic of me to assume Paul’s grumpiness had anything to do with me anyway, but that’s how hypervigilant and paranoid an Aspie victim of narcissistic abuse can get.

Moving on, it wasn’t that at all. Of course it wasn’t. How silly of me to think it was. If I had a quarter for every time my stupid hypervigilance makes an idiot of me, I would be a wealthy woman instead of a poor one.

No, Paul was grumpy because of Michael. He asked me if Michael always acted so entitled, which caused me to burst into fits of uncontrollable laughter. I had already warned Paul the way Michael wanted what he wanted when he wanted it, and that he never lifted a finger around the house, expecting to be waited on like some sort of golden God. After the peals of laughter subsided, I asked him what happened.

Paul said Michael had offered to order Chinese food for dinner (with Paul paying, of course, because Michael was broke as always), so Paul gave him the money to give to the driver and didn’t cook anything. Then Paul went out for awhile, expecting Chinese food when he returned.

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Instead, when Paul returned at 9:30, he found Michael fast asleep on the couch. There was no Chinese food anywhere in sight. Paul woke Michael up and asked where the food was. Instead of apologizing and acting embarrassed, Michael said, “I thought you were picking up the food.”
“I gave you the money. Why would I pick up the food if I gave you the money?” was Paul’s reply.
The money was balled up in a wad on the table, next to a ashtray overflowing with cigarette butts, debris from Michael’s jeans pocket, and a pot pipe. Besides being lazy and entitled, Michael is also a slob.
Paul was angry.
“I thought you said you had to eat right away because of your diabetes. But here you are sleeping instead.”
“It’s not my fault. I should have eaten hours ago. When I don’t eat, I can’t stay awake.”
“But I gave you the money to order Chinese food.” He pointed to the money on the table.
“Well, SORREE, you don’t have to give me attitude about it. Go ahead and order it then.”
“That’s not the point. You said YOU were going to order it. I would have picked it up myself if I knew this would happen. Now they’re closed and it’s too late to go back out.”
Michael sat up and lit the pot pipe. “Here, have some pot. You need to chillax.”
“I DON’T WANT ANY DAMN POT. I’m hungry. I want something to eat.”
“Well, then why don’t you cook something?”
Paul looked at Michael like he had three heads. “No. I’m tired. You promised to order in but you didn’t. Why don’t YOU cook something?”
“I can’t,” whined Michael. “I have a headache because I haven’t had anything to eat.”
Paul stormed out of the room and went into the kitchen to start dinner, while Michael settled back down on the couch and switched on the TV.

The first thing Paul saw was a sinkful of dirty dishes, soaking in soapy water. When Michael leeched off lived with me for 7 years after our divorce, he probably actually washed the dishes three times in that amount of time. His idea of “washing dishes” meant piling them in the sink with water and Dawn, leaving me with the fun job of actually washing them. If I refused to wash them, they would sit there for up to three days, until the funky smell of the cold, dirty dishwasher forced me to start from scratch, emptying the sink and starting over.

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Paul stormed back into the living room. “You said you would wash the dishes, but they’re still sitting in the sink.”
“But I have to soak them first. I filled the sink with soap to loosen the dirt.”
“But that’s not WASHING them.”
“Whatever.”
Paul wound up washing the dishes and cooking dinner. And that’s why he was grumpy.
I don’t expect Michael to last long there. He will probably be living at the Salvation Army again even before Molly returns home. I can tell Paul won’t put up with his shit for long.

The story is funny, but it’s also illustrative of the mindfuckery a narcissist uses to get their own way. As always, Michael refused to take responsibility or do anything he didn’t want to do. When questioned or called out on his refusal to pull his weight, he either shrugs it off as if others are making a big deal over nothing, or shifts the blame to the other person. Because that’s what narcs do best, even though in their deluded minds they think they are demigods entitled to have their servants wipe their butts every time they take a dump.