O Come All Ye Faithful.

I’m not a big fan of Christmas music, but I make an exception for Christmas eve and Christmas Day. Tonight I attended Midnight Mass at my church and O Come All Ye Faithful (Adeste Fedelis) was sung as the mass ended. I think it’s my favorite Christmas song, along with Joy to the World (which we also sang).

This beautiful hymn was stuck in my head so I looked it on on Youtube to hear it again, and I was really impressed with this rendition at an Anglican service at the Westminster Abbey.

Merry Christmas to all!

Anonymity.

I was thinking about how strange it is that I’m not afraid to reveal my innermost feelings to total strangers I have never met, but it’s so hard to share those same feelings with the people who are closest to me. There are things I’ve written here on my blogs that I couldn’t even tell my therapist yet.

Loosening boundaries.

cracked_wall

My therapist moved closer to me today, from about 6 feet away to more like 3 feet.
I feel like I won the lottery.

All week I’ve been obsessing over this and reading everything I can about touch/closeness in therapy it–the ethics involved, client/therapist boundaries, therapeutic uses of touch, etc. I posted on a forum about my longing to crawl over to him on the floor and put my head in his lap (not in a sexual way; but as a little girl would put her head on her daddy’s or mommy’s lap). I didn’t dare tell him this was what I needed.

But today he moved closer to me. I was a little freaked out! HOW DID HE KNOW???? I could easily have panicked but I was intrigued by the contrasts of my battling emotions at that moment. I felt so understood and validated, so I thanked him because it’s exactly what I had been longing to do, but didn’t dare. He’s reaching out to me and trying to connect with me. I think the fact he’s so empathetic makes him able to figure out on an emotional level what I ‘m really feeling and what I need even before I’m aware of it.  I’m beginning to trust him and God knows, I’m idealizing him, but this is part of transference and that’s what is happening. And it’s a beautiful, spiritual thing.    This primitive connection is providing the basis for real attachment with others later on, if all goes well.

I found myself averting my eyes after he moved closer though. I felt like he was trying to get me to look at him but I just couldn’t. I always look off to my left side when I feel that pull between wanting to connect and wanting to get the hell away. One thing about being self-aware and having insight is you notice EVERYTHING you do, body language, what you do with your eyes, that sort of thing. I realized I was doing that to replace the wall he had just torn down, and I told him so. At the same time I long to be held close and comforted and taken care of, half of me wants to run.

Get out of Dodge.

get-out-of-dodge (1)

I just wanted a reason to say “Get out of Dodge.” I don’t have one, so I made a post where I could say it.

No white Christmas this year.

tropical_santa

I’m not a big fan of snow or cold weather, but this entire month has been unseasonably warm, and after two or three days of moderately cold weather (but still above freezing), the springlike weather is back. Her’es a screenshot of the weather forecast for the next week.

christmas_weather

As you can see, thunderstorms are supposed to move in tonight, with possible flooding or even severe storms possible–and stick around through Christmas Day. As much as I usually dislike snow, I really wouldn’t mind seeing a little of the white stuff on Christmas. Somehow, thunderstorms and rain don’t seem to fit the mood of the season. Maybe the weather isn’t feeling much in the holiday spirit. It’s just been a very weird month, weather-wise.

 

The scientific reason why the east coast has been so warm.

So tired of the poor being blamed for their “bad choices.”

poverty-in-america

I just read an article that isn’t really news. It was about how SNAP (food stamp) recipients tend to eat as many calories as higher income people, but those calories tend to come from prepackaged, prepared, and less healthy food that’s high in sugar and starch.

I think most people already know this to be the case. That doesn’t mean poor people don’t want to or try to eat better. Sometimes it simply isn’t possible. There are several reasons why a poor person may not opt for fresh meats, fruits and veggies and go for the Ramen noodles and Kraft macaroni and cheese instead:

1. Fresh food is generally more expensive. A few areas have “community gardens” where free fresh produce can be had for an hour or so’s worth of work in the garden, but only a few.
2. Fresh food cannot be stored for long. Many poor people don’t have access to reliable transportation and are forced to do all their shopping at once, whenever they can. If they don’t know when is the next time they can get to a store, they will tend to stock up on foods that keep well.
3. If you live in a “food desert” (an area where the only place to buy food is the local convenience store), your choices for healthy eating are few, especially if you are without a vehicle and must rely on public transportation or walking.
4. Less time for cooking and food preparation. Many of the working poor work more than one job, and in between jobs must spend time waiting for buses, etc. They may not get home until very late, and have little time or inclination to prepare a meal from scratch, especially if they are working parents who want to spend some time with their kids.
5. Lack of education about good food choices and how to prepare them. Maybe the SNAP program should include classes in how to prepare healthy, cheap meals from scratch.
6. Many of the working poor are simply too exhausted at the end of a grueling day at their minumum wage job(s) to be motivated to cook a healthy meal from scratch.

prepackagedfood

But the point of this post isn’t really the difficulty the poor sometimes have obtaining or preparing fresh food. It’s the condescending and sanctimonious comments that followed the article, such as:

1. The poor are poor because of their bad choices, so how is making bad food choices surprising? (If you’ve never been poor, you wouldn’t understand that poverty is never a “choice”)
2. If they’d stop spending money on lottery tickets, cigarettes, and drugs, they’d have more money for food. (Please. I am so tired of this lame stereotype, straight out of Reagan’s fictional “welfare queen driving a Cadillac” argument for cutting benefits to the poor)
3. Why do most of them have Internet? (Hello, access to the Internet is necessary to find a job these days)
4. The poor are too lazy and stupid to get a better education or a better job. (Absolutely not true, and a good education costs money, you dipshit).

Poverty-is-a-result-of-poor-choices-not-of-poor-luck

You get the idea. I’m so tired of this victim-blaming mentality that’s been brainwashed into so many Americans today. It’s a pervasive us-vs.-them attitude, regarding “the poor” as somehow another, lesser species of human, undeserving of anything better due to their crappy life choices. Being pretty low-income myself (although I’m not on SNAP), this patronizing, superior attitude makes me want to go break things. Usually, people who judge the poor so harshly have never been poor themselves, and don’t understand how exhausting, painful and debilitating such a life can be. If some poor people lack the motivation to “better themselves” (a phrase I detest) maybe it’s because they’re depressed. I don’t doubt mental illness is probably higher among poor people, but is it not possible their depression and other mental problems may stem from lacking the things that make life a little easier and more bearable?

republican_jesus

I’d like to end this post with this well written comment, written by a poor woman living on disability, in response to all the sheeple who cant get their noses out of the air long enough to see reality.

I get so tired of the sanctimonious attitude of some people who feel that poverty is limited to lazy, fat, irresponsible, stupid people. The truth is that poverty is a condition that is consistent with every society mankind has ever been a part of. Poverty cannot be overcome, food insecurity however can be. Before I continue understand that yes I am obese, yes I am poor, yes I am on food stamps, but, I am tired of being ashamed and embarrassed about any of those conditions. First I am not uneducated. I am a college graduate and worked most of my life in addition to caring for and raising my family. I became ill about 12 years ago and now am permanently disabled. I lost almost everything due to my illness and my husband’s illness and subsequent death. Those expenses wiped out every bit of savings obliterating me financially and now I live on disability alone. I am obese due to many contributing factors. First is medical, second is poverty, and third is mental. The mental issues I mentioned are simple. It is very difficult to make good choices when options are so unbelievably limited. I live in a small town (about 30,000) that does not have much to offer as far as grocery options. Walmart and Albertsons are about it. The food stamps I receive total $16 per month, I budget $80 a month for food. I have difficulty physically in preparing food so many of my options include simple foods like sandwiches. I have meat maybe once a week, and vegetables are like gold. When I have access to them I tend to gorge on them. I love vegetables but rarely get enough. I try to keep frozen veggies that I can microwave but fresh fruit and produce is a luxury. Years ago I started a large community garden that raises vegetables for our church food pantry, but that produce is only available at certain times of the year. I am not a drain on society, I volunteer when able and give back when ever I can. So before you make simplistic judgments about the poor, remember, you could be here too.

 

No comment.

i_m_still_here__by_pechiv-d8cdtqy
Credit: I’m Still Here by Pechiv, Deviantart.

When I was new to blogging and still didn’t get many comments, I used to check my Reader every day and frequently commented on other people’s blogs. In my blogging articles, I’ve always stressed how important commenting is, because it helps you build a network of fellow bloggers who can share your posts or link to your blog. One of the nicest things about WordPress.com is the sense of community.

But lately I haven’t been following my own advice as much as I’d like and often fail to comment on other blogs, or even “Like” new posts. I may not need to “network” the way I used to since this blog is doing well on its own now, but I do miss the sense of community. The problem is time. After reading and replying to my own comments, it’s hard to find enough time to read other people’s posts (and there are so many good ones–how do you choose which ones to read?) and I don’t want to “Like” or comment on something I haven’t even read.

Sometimes I worry when someone who has been commenting a lot suddenly stops, even though I know they’re probably in the same boat as me and are just too busy and can’t find the time. So I just want to take a moment to say it’s nothing personal if I don’t “Like” or comment on your article. Also, please don’t take it personally if my replies to your comments aren’t very long.

Foot soak.

foot-soak

I worked a long, grueling day today and am sore all over, especially my feet. Right now I’m sitting with my feet submerged in a big pot of hot water with lavender scented Epsom salt. They’re starting to feel tingly and that’s a good sign. I won’t take them out of the water until it starts to get lukewarm. Epsom salt is cheap and can be purchased at any drugstore or Walmart or other big box store. It’s amazing how much better and more relaxed I feel all over now that my feet are getting some much-needed TLC. Now all I need is for someone to give me a neck-and-back rub.

The best blogging widget ever.

worldmap

Down at the bottom of my sidebar, you might have noticed a small map of the world. It shows where my visitors come from. By clicking the map on, you’re taken to a larger map and a real-time feed of visitors to this site and what city/country/state they come from. I sat here watching this thing last night for about an hour. It’s a good way to pass the time when you’re bored, especially if you’re still impressed by the fact people from other countries visit your website, like I still am. It looks like I get on average a new visitor every 2-3 minutes or so during the day, and at night, about 3-5 (most of my visitors are from the US).  I have no idea how many people browse this site at one time though.

The plugin is easy to install too. By providing your site URL, you’re given a JavaScript and non-JavaScript HTML code. If the JS code doesn’t work on your site, use the other one, like I did. Copy the code, then go to Text under Widgets and you can drop it in there. That’s all. You don’t have to provide an email, and the small map and its data is free. I also like the fact that unlike similar traffic-monitoring plugins, the real-time list is not visible on this site, nor are reader URLs or other information provided, so there’s no violation of reader privacy.

If you have a blog and want this widget in your sidebar too, you can get it here:
http://www.clustrmaps.com

Sorry if this sounds like an ad (it isn’t), I’m just having a lot of fun with this thing.