My son just tweeted about this.
Read these tweets from bottom to top.
There’s a malignant narcissist all wrapped up for you with a big red bow on top.
I did the unthinkable.
I started linking my blog posts with my Facebook account.
I did something even more heinous than that.
I started talking to people on Facebook, and there’s a vast community of narcissistic abuse survivors. The beauty of that is I can talk to these survivors in real time. There’s a whole different and wonderful dynamic to communicating in real time that can enrich your entire blogging experience.
I had all but given up on Facebook because it’s just too connected to my IRL life. My family all want to “friend” me so they can check up on me (my account is set to private except for those I’ve friended). My MN ex is there, and that makes me nervous even though he can’t see the details of my account. People I used to work with and go to school with are all there. The whole freaking world is there. It was scary and still is.
But I changed my mind for two reasons:
1. I no longer care who sees my blog. I still use my fake name on this blog and LinkedIn, but I’m known by my real name on Facebook. It doesn’t matter, since my family already found this blog over a month ago and the world hasn’t come to an end.
It kind of makes me giggle when I think about what they must be thinking if they’re actually reading what I’m saying about them (if they’re even interested enough to read my posts, which they might not be). Even though no one’s real name has ever been used in any of my posts, they will recognize themselves. Maybe that’s what they need though. To see themselves through my eyes, and read all about how they are perceived BY me, instead of them always telling me how they perceive me. Karma is a bitch.
2. It increases this blog’s visibility and reach to a part of the narcissistic abuse community that spends most of its time on Facebook. Like it or not, that’s where most people online can be found. Since doing this, my reach has increased quite a bit. OM would be proud. 🙂
But the third reason is one I never expected or intended. I’m making friends with some amazing people I never would have met had I not made the decision to give Facebook one more shot.
I don’t think I sold out. Do you?

Wasteland 03 by Atelier Olschinsky
I remember when forums were a thing. So much has changed in the past 5-10 years, with the proliferation of social media and the enormous popularity of Big Brother Facebook, which started its unholy takeover of the Internet in 2008. Twitter is getting almost as bad.
Forums still exist, but most of them are dead or dying. The last one I posted on was about a year ago. It was a political/history related forum that had been in existence since 1997. I started posting there in 1999, and was on-again, off-again for the next 13 years. That forum (as far as I know) is still in existence, but when its only moderator left and was never replaced, the site was overtaken by trolls who proceeded to destroy the site by running off its regular members. Last time I was there, it was a shell of what it once was. There were about 3 intelligent people still posting there. I had to leave; it had become mind numbingly boring and too sad to stick around.
Another forum I used to be active on has about a tenth of the activity it once did. All you can hear is the crickets there now.
I see this sort of thing happening all over the web. The Internet is littered with dead and dying forums. They’re a thing of the past, really a relic of the last century, when the Internet was still new and social media was still just someone’s bright idea. They remained popular during the first decade of this century, but seemed to start their decline in about 2007-8, when Facebook made its debut. As content management systems became easier for the average person to use, blogging gained popularity too. Blogs are probably as numerous (if not more numerous) than forums were 8-10 years ago.
I always liked forums because of the way they were organized by topic, but they did have their problems. Blogging is more appealing and much more creative and rewarding for a writer than posting on forums is. You don’t have to worry about going against the status quo because you have an “unpopular opinion.” You don’t have to censor your language (although I try to use decorum). You don’t really have to worry about bullies ganging up on you or trolls invading or hacking into your site. Moderators weren’t always your friend either; sometimes they even sided with the bullies.
The Internet is a mess with the debris of dead forums, but there’s also a wealth of information on them if you look. It’s fascinating to read a decade-old thread about a topic that interests you, and you might find out some things you never would have known otherwise. Reading old forums is like reading the memoir of someone who has passed on. You can learn so much. It’s incredible how fast history moves on the web.
I don’t like Facebook. Here’s the reasons why.
1. EVERYONE is on there. I mean EVERYONE. And they WILL find you.
2. It’s the new Big Brother. Potential employers and actual employers use FB to check up on you. You can be fired or rejected for a job for “liking” the wrong thing or posting the wrong photo or meme. Make no mistake. You are being watched.
3. The layout is confusing, cluttered and not attractive.
4. Way too many notifications about dumb things you don’t care about and invitations to “like” commercial products and suggestions of who to “friend.” Okay, well all social media has that. Still, it’s more annoying on Facebook.
5. Too many people posting selfies and photos of themselves with all their friends partying and having fun all the time. Or photos of their renovated house or their Caribbean vacation or their ugly new baby. It’s a narcissist’s wet dream.
6. This breeds envy in people who see those photos. You always wind up comparing yourself to others and you always seem to come up short.
7. Too many games and “gifts” from games you don’t play appearing on your wall. Although I’ll confess in around 2007-8 when Facebook was new and seemed cool, I got addicted to Cafe World and Farmville. Those games were fun, I won’t lie.
8. Overrated.
9. Too many people from my RL trying to get me to “friend” them.
10. You can’t choose your own theme or change the look of your profile much. Even Twitter allows more creativity than Facebook. Not that I think we should go back to the days of MySpace with its jarring profiles of neon green on shocking pink backgrounds with their glittering Blingies, flashing signs, badly sized photos that took a year to load, and other digital doodads that slowed your system down to a crawl and sometimes made it crash.
Mainly, I like to keep my online life separate from my personal life, and Facebook doesn’t make that easy because EVERY PERSON IN THE FREAKING WORLD IS ON THERE and THEY WILL FIND YOU. Yep, all 7 billion human beings on this planet. They’re all there. Waiting. Watching.
I’ll check my Facebook sometimes but I hesitate to post anything there. I never, EVER share this blog on my own profile. I wouldn’t dare. And once I’ve checked whatever I’m looking for, I sign out ASAP. Facebook is scary.
Maybe that’s what Hell is. After you die, you go into the Matrix and find yourself trapped in Facebook for all eternity.
I came home today to find another huge increase in my view count, but couldn’t immediately figure out why. The last time this happened was when Sam Vaknin visited my blog and linked one of my earlier articles about him all over social media (Twitter and Facebook). There were no new comments from him today, so I thought maybe there was some other reason for the abnormally high view count (like maybe being Freshly Pressed! Yeah, right.)
I checked my stats and did see there were 3 views from Macedonia, which is where Sam lives. So it had to be him–after all, how many people from Macedonia are visiting my blog? I checked “referrers” and saw some ridiculously high number of Facebook shares. Still, when I clicked on the Facebook link, it only took me to my own FB page. I had to find out where all those views were coming from!
Finally, I went to Twitter and looked at Sam’s profile–and sure enough, he’d linked to this article today, just as he promised a few days ago in his last comment. Because of this, I also have 12 new followers. Narcissist or not, the man does keep his promises. Thanks, Sam!