I just got temporarily laid off but it will be okay.

Posted on March 22, 2020 by luckyotter

I knew it would happen, but I wasn’t sure when.

It happened to me today.

This morning I got a text from my job, saying the owner decided to close for at least two weeks, and possibly longer. Of course, this throws me into the category of people who are panicking that they soon won’t be able to pay their bills. I’ll be okay for about a month or so, but after that? Well, all I can say is I hope things return to normal by then, even though that’s probably unlikely.

Nothing will ever be the same again. Not here, or anywhere else in the industrialized world. This pandemic is a worldwide crisis, and America’s seven or eight decades as leader of the free world is over. The proverbial chickens have come home to roost, the piper must be paid. Our entire monetary system looks to be in freefall. In fact, I’m pretty sure American style capitalism itself is collapsing, and I’m far from the only one who believes that. Unregulated capitalism was never a sustainable model as it always collapses into fascism and brutality. It happened to the Roman Empire and was followed by a thousand years of dark ages defined by widespread ignorance, short brutal lives of constant toil, and a feudal economy. It happened to Weimar Germany and every other regime where unfettered greed and inequality ran rampant. We are now standing on the precipice of a new dark age — or a rejuvenated society that works for everyone.

We were not even remotely prepared for this pandemic. We were already too weak internally to withstand it, a house of cards ready to be toppled over by the first gusty wind that came along.

We must change — or we perish.

Positive change and revolution has never happened without a lot of pain and suffering, and even death and bloodshed, occurring first. The immediate future looks like nothing we have ever experienced in this country since at least the Great Depression, but I think we will arise from it stronger, more self sufficient, more community minded, and more compassionate to our fellow human beings than we were before. Perhaps the United States of America as we knew it won’t return, but that may not be a bad thing, if we emerge from it better human beings ready to build new and better institutions out of the rubble left behind by an outmoded system that encouraged and rewarded only greed and exploitation of the most vulnerable.

So, back to my immediate situation. I know a lot of you must be experiencing layoffs and closings too. I know a lot of you too are wondering how you will pay your bills, your rent, your mortgage, and avoid becoming homeless. On top of that, we have to worry about staying healthy and not contracting this virus, or spreading it to others.

I see this as a time families and friends must come together. But since not everyone has family or a large circle of friends they can count on, I think we’re also going to see communities come together and figure out ways we can all help each other.

So, I’m going to be using my downtime from work to spend a lot more time blogging, just like I used to a few years ago. I used to write in this blog at least once a day, sometimes as much as four or five times a day. Some of you may remember that. Although I don’t blog for the money, this blog is monetized, so if I can boost my hits by writing more often, that also helps me make an income, small as it may be. It’s going to be the only job I’ll have for a few weeks, and possibly longer than that, depending how long we are locked down and businesses are closed.

I’m also thinking of getting involved in some sort of volunteer work in my community. I am sure it will become necessary. I want to feel useful, and give back to my community, and help others who may be even worse off than myself.

A lot is going to be demanded of us in the coming days, weeks, and months emotionally, physically, financially, and even spiritually.

So instead of feeling dread for this time away from work in which I probably won’t be getting paid, I’m actually feeling excited for the opportunity to get involved in things I always wished I had more time and energy for before.

It sure beats just sitting around worrying about things I have no control over, such as how bad this pandemic is going to get, or how dystopian life may soon become. These are times we are called to be the best we can be and find strength, empathy, and creativity within ourselves we never knew we had. These are the times we will be forced to slow down, abandon the rat race, and focus on the things that are really important in life.

My online friends.

Posted on March 6, 2016 by luckyotter

goodfriends

While I wouldn’t wish narcissistic abuse from either families of origin or ex-lovers or spouses on anyone, I’m grateful there are others besides me who have experienced it and that we have found each other. If it weren’t for the Internet, that never would have been possible, and I’d still be reeling from the abuse all alone and wondering why no one else in the world could relate to my pain. Honestly, I don’t know what I’d do without my little community of ACON bloggers and readers who have suffered this type of trauma. Very few people you meet in daily life get it. It’s also not something you can just tell people about. The anonymity of the Internet helps give us the courage to speak up.

It makes me sad to hear your stories, but at the same time, it’s great to be part of a found online family that is so supportive of one another and give each other virtual hugs and hope.

I’m very grateful to each and every one of you. Thank you for being my friend and a friend to one other.

The mission and purpose of this blog.

Posted on July 5, 2015 by luckyotter

I started this blog last September as a way to journal about the confused and conflicted emotions I was experiencing (and still experience) about leaving a narcissistic (malignant) ex I had been with for 20+ years and coping with the feelings of rejection and abandonment I’d been coping with most of my life due to having been raised in a dysfunctional and narcissistic family. I decided to make my blog public, not because I think I “know it all,” but because feedback and conversation is important to me and gives me new perspectives on what I’m feeling. It also helps me feel so much less alone. Everyone who posts here or has ever posted here has been a therapist or a teacher to me–even those who don’t always agree with me–so let me extend my thanks to all of you for helping build Lucky Otter’s Haven into a real community. I care about each and every one of you who has helped make this blog what it is.
And to you lurkers who just read, come on in sometime and introduce yourself.

There are always going to be some people who misunderstand your motives. Of course, when you blog, that’s inevitable. It’s a hazard of the trade. People aren’t always going to see eye to eye, even if they understand what you said perfectly. I know I don’t always make myself clear about where I stand and sometimes I even get confused because emotions can be so confusing, bewildering, and sometimes conflicting. That being said, I feel now is the time to clarify what this blog promotes and stands for, what it does not, and what I expect.

What this blog promotes:

1. Healing from narcissistic abuse–both to help myself and others, through sharing our experiences, stories, and providing educational articles and other media such as videos.
2. Education about NPD, malignant narcissism, and related character disorders that harm their victims.
3. Education about and my personal experiences about having BPD, AvPD (avoidant PD) and Aspergers syndrome (which I’m starting to wonder if I actually have in spite of a psychiatrist confirming my self-diagnosis–more about this later).
4. Education about ways we can better handle narcissists when and if we must.
5. Civil and intelligent conversation. We do not always have to agree, just respect each other.
6. Fun. I believe that going off topic sometimes is a healthy thing, and I also try to include humor, recipes, photographs, music and cartoons as well as articles about topics that do not have to do with narcissism or related topics. Narcissism is a heavy and dark subject, and can be very triggering. We all need a break now and then. I also believe humor and laughter is a great healing balm, so I do try to pepper this blog with jokes and cartoons that poke fun at narcissists. (This is not “narc bashing” as one person accused me of–humor is just a way to make them seem less threatening).
7. I also offer support and resources for people who have NPD (or think they do) who are self aware and willing to change. I do not believe, as some other ACON bloggers do, that all narcissists are hopeless and cannot get better. I have received a number of emails from people with NPD who are in pain and want help. I have no reason to believe these letters are insincere or their writers have ulterior motives. In some cases these people may not actually have NPD (they just think they do), but it’s not for me to judge or diagnose. I try to direct these people to appropriate resources and offer as much support as I can. That’s all I can do.
8. I have recently added BPD as a primary focus along with narcissism because I suffer from it. While people with BPD (the more aggressive types) can be as manipulative and toxic to others as those with NPD, I think most tend to fall more in the codependent/victim role and are far more likely to try to harm themselves than others. Borderlines are welcome here and I encourage them to share their viewpoints and stories. Most were victims of narcissistic abuse. I think there are a lot of misunderstandings surrounding BPD and the awful stigma it carries. Speaking up about BPD can be a way to promote understanding and educate others about this devastating disorder.

What I do not promote:

1. I do not promote trying to make a relationship with a narcissist “work” or staying with one, although there may be situations where going No Contact is not possible. In those cases it may be possible to have very little contact or work “around” the narcissist, but I don’t recommend it at all.
2. I am not being paid or otherwise compensated by any outside people, organizations, or other entities to promote their work or their viewpoints. This blog is 100% my own and based on my own ideas and experiences, and where I reblog or quote others, they are credited.
3. I do not promote the idea that all narcissists are inherently evil/monsters/destined for hell/inhuman machines/hopeless/incurable/cursed, etc. While many of their actions are evil and some have become evil because that is what they chose (and at that point it’s probably too late for them), I firmly believe narcissism is a spectrum disorder and “narcs” can run the gamut from merely annoying and self-centered but still self-aware and wanting to change, all the way up to malignant/psychopathic/sociopathic and perfectly happy being that way. If anyone has an issue with my belief that narcissism runs on a spectrum and that there may be hope for some of them, there are plenty of other blogs do not promote that viewpoint.
4. I do NOT condone narcissistic or psychopathic behaviors nor do I think we should go around “hugging the narcs.” I still think the best way to handle a narcissist is to not deal with them at all and that opinion is not about to change. That doesn’t mean we can’t try to understand them though, because understanding may make their actions more comprehensible. Understanding does not mean enabling. They are two different things.
5. This blog is not a forum for narcissists to come to get better. While I don’t hold to a “narc-free” policy (they may post here), I expect them to remain civil and respectful of the many victims posting here–and so far the few narcissists who have posted here have not given me any problems. I do include articles about healing or treating NPD from time to time, and I will communicate with narcissists who have a willing desire to change (and I have, usually through email because most of them don’t feel comfortable posting on a blog for victims of abuse). I will try to help them as much as I can (which usually means directing them to other sources because I am not qualified to be a therapist to them or to anyone for that matter), but the primary purpose of this blog is to help and support victims of narcissistic abuse, not narcissists themselves. Psychforums, Out of the Fog, and HealNPD are all good resources for people suffering from NPD who have a willing desire to change and improve the way they treat others and have more rewarding relationships. It’s my belief that a world where some self aware narcissists can change would be a better world for all of us.
6. I am not a licensed mental health professional and therefore am not qualified to diagnose anyone or offer therapy. I believe sharing our experiences and telling our stories, and education about narcissism and the disorders its victims suffer from are all helpful things that can help us get better and live a narc-free life. If anyone wants to share anything they don’t feel comfortable posting in public, they are free to email me and I will try to help as much as I can.

What I expect.

1. Civil and courteous behavior. That does not always mean “agreement.” Intelligent debate is okay and even desirable.
2. Controversial topics are okay, but please respect the views of others.
3. Religion may be discussed and is even encouraged, but using religion to shame others is not okay. Please respect the beliefs of others even if you do not agree with them.
4. No bashing of other commenters is allowed.
5. No trolling or bullying in general (such comments will be removed or not approved)

That’s pretty much it. The rules here are few.

My own little kingdom.

Posted on January 24, 2015 by luckyotter

Creating and running your own blog is just like having your own little kingdom.

I’m sorry if that makes me sound like a narc, but it’s the truth.

I bet most bloggers feel the same way. If you’ve lived a life without much control over anything, as many of us ACONs have, it’s so nice to know that with your blog, you have a whole place that’s yours alone, where you can write about whatever you want, post whatever pictures you want, have an unpopular opinion and not be afraid to say so, and you don’t have to put up with mean people and bullies like we have to in the physical world. The bullies and trolls can be silenced with a just a click of a button and their hateful spewage sent to the Trash.

It’s also great finding a community of like-minded people who share their thoughts with you. I don’t see myself as the King or Queen holding court though. I’m just another person, trying to find my way in a world that hasn’t been very kind to me.

In my Kingdom, I am free to be myself. Totally and completely in a way I never could out there in the physical world.