Tag Archives: Blogging

Sh*t haters say.

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love_my_haters

I have haters. I’m cool with that. As a person who was bullied a lot during my life I wasn’t always cool with it. I will never like being hated, but now I regard it as a hazard of the trade. If you blog, even if you blog about unicorns and rainbows, someone is going to hate you. I guess I’ve grown used to it. At one point I almost took my blog down because of the haters, but I’m so glad I didn’t. Continuing to write exactly what’s on my mind in spite of people sometimes disapproving of what I say or even hating me for it is good practice for worrying less about what people think of me overall. It just doesn’t matter.

Criticism isn’t the same as hate. I’ve had critical comments too, and some of them were perfectly justified (and where appropriate, I’ve apologized or admitted when I was wrong). Even where I had to defend my viewpoint and saw no need for apology or backpeddling, I realize people are going to disagree with you sometimes. They are entitled to their opinions and the right to express them. That doesn’t mean they’re bullies, trolls, or haters.

But some comments run into the trollish category. Comments become trollish when they become personal attacks or are based on lies. Here are some of gems I’ve run across during my two-year tenure as a blogger.   All are lies, or at least exaggerations. But now such comments are actually funny to me because of how clueless they are.

Enjoy!

“Yeah, she has a fuckton of followers, but none of them are friends. She doesn’t have friends, she has fans. She’s just collecting fans for the supply. They will drop her like a hot potato when they realize how phony everything she says is.”

I don’t care about having fans. I’m very close to my blogging friends and consider them to be as real as real-life friends. I care about them very much and feel like they care about me. Maybe you’re just jealous because my blog is more popular than yours.

“I think she is being paid off by people like Sam Vaknin because she quotes him so much. I bet she is giving him some favors on the side.”

Now this is funny. Sam stumbled on my blog and commented here about 5 times shortly after I started this blog and that lasted for about a month before he blocked me. As far as the second thing, are you serious and do you realize how stupid you sound?

“Lucky Otter is a sociopath.”

Smear campaign much?

“She was never abused. She was probably the abuser. She just tells that story to get more fans.”

Bullshit. And the “fans” again.

“There’s something seriously fucked up about someone whose son is a gay furry. She must have been a terrible mother.”

I’m proud of my son. In spite of having broken people as parents, he knows exactly who he is and is a lovely, intelligent person with a ton of empathy for others.  Do you even have children?   

“I’ve seen photos of stuff in her house, and she’s not poor like she says. She’s got a house full of antiques and is always going on vacation.”

Those “antiques” are things I picked up at Goodwill and yard sales for about three to six dollars each. I probably make less than you do, my income being at the official poverty level. I suppose driving on the Parkway (which is two miles from my house) a few times a year and taking pictures is a “vacation.” Alrighty, then.

“Her blog is monetized. She’s only in it for the money.”

I had the opportunity to make a little pocket change from the ads, which comes to about $40 a month. But I’d be doing this even if I had to pay to do it. If I can earn some money from it, I don’t see why I shouldn’t.

“She plagiarized my post!”

That is a lie. I LINKED to your post and quoted from it. And I promptly removed the offending post after you lost your shit over it. Most people would have LIKED the extra views that link would have brought them.

God, I love my haters.  They keep me entertained.

1982.

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Posts, that is.

If I wrote one post a year, starting in the year 1 AD, it would have taken me until 1982 to write that many posts.   I could have gotten in another 34 posts since then. I guess I’m doing pretty good, having managed to accomplish this feat (minus the 34 extra posts) in a little over two years.   But if I only wrote one post a year, I doubt I’d have any readers.  Who would want to wait around that long?

Just another one of my strange little “shower” thoughts.  It seems profound somehow.

My next step.

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next_step

I’ve always wanted to write a book.   I actually did write a novel, back in 2003, but it sucked and was rejected by several publishers.    It didn’t take me too long to give up trying to get it published.

Today that novel sits in a cardboard box in the back of a closet.  It’s been sitting in that box for 13 years, its 300+ pages becoming brittle with age and the corners of the box  it dwells in now bent and taped together.  A few years ago I pulled out the typewritten pages and re-read the novel.   I cringed with embarrassment over how bad it was.  Not just bad, but atrocious.   It was shallow, self-indulgent, had no flow; was full of cliches, stilted dialogue,  and purple prose; and populated with unlikable, annoying characters.  It will probably never see the light of day again and most certainly will never be published.  But I still can’t bring myself to toss it out with the recycling.  If nothing else, it’s a reminder that I can finish something that I started.

I’ve done a lot of writing in my life, but that one shitty novel was my only attempt to write an actual book.   Although I’ve always wanted to write a book, it just seems so daunting.  I always find excuses:  it would take too long, I don’t have time, it wouldn’t be any good, I’m not really that good a writer, no one would read it, I’m bad with opening paragraphs, I’m bad with endings, I don’t have the money, I don’t have good ideas.

But excuses are just lies you tell yourself.   None of the aforementioned items have any truth to back them up.  I have a blog and a following, these days you can self-publish an eBook on Kindle at little to no cost (a print version can always come later), and after a year and a half of blogging, my writing has vastly improved.   Some days I have so many ideas for new posts that it makes my head spin.  I spend most of my free time writing anyway, so why am I not writing a book?  I really can’t think of any good reasons not to.

So I know what my next step must be.   I  haven’t yet decided whether I’ll do a compilation of my best or most popular posts, or write something from scratch.   I have a feeling I’ll go with the latter, but might incorporate a few of my blog posts into it.   I haven’t decided what my book will be about yet either, even though I do know it will be connected to this blog’s content in some way.

One thing that’s stopped me before is the thought of having to write hundreds of pages of prose.  But with an eBook or even if I self-publish a print version (which I think costs money but I’m not sure), I don’t have to write something that long.  I’ve read or reviewed a few books that were self published by bloggers, and few exceed 100 pages.

Another thing that makes writing a book seem like a chore is the lack of immediacy.   When you write a blog post, you get instant feedback.  Likes, comments, and views start coming almost from the minute you hit Publish.   You can monitor your stats after a very short time.   With writing a book, no one sees it until it’s published, and that could take a long time.   I’m not a patient person, and I hate having to wait for feedback.  But that doesn’t seem like a valid reason not to write one.

So all I have to do is make the choice to sit down and instead of opening up WordPress to write a new blog post, open up Kindle instead and write the first paragraph of my book.  I never thought I’d start a blog either, and one day I just decided to do it.   I think that’s how writing a book is going to work too.

When I do start to write, I will probably not be able to write new blog posts as often and might even have to take a break from it to concentrate on the book, but I’ll let everyone know when that happens.

All Bloggers Are Losers

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I don’t think this odious post deserves to even be linked to, but I’m reblogging it anyway because it’s one of those “things that make you go WTF.”  The writer stopped blogging 6 years ago anyway so it won’t matter (their last post was written in 2010, which means this post, written in 2009, was NOT their last blog post.)

This post explains why he decided to quit blogging.  Because “all bloggers are losers.”  He came to that conclusion after ONE WEEK of blogging.  And decided to write a blog post about it.  Mainly, it seems they got frustrated because they weren’t getting many views.  After one week of blogging.   Newsflash: it takes months, hell, even years to build up a good-size following or a high view count.    When I was blogging for a week, I had 12 followers.  12!!!!  Was it frustrating? YES!  I griped about it here.  But did I give it up?  HELL, NO.  Now I have over a million views and thousands of followers.  It takes time, people.  And patience isn’t a virtue of mine.

The blogger also claims he got “only” 64 views a day.  I don’t know about you, but I think that’s very high for a blogger who has only been blogging for a week.   I don’t think I had 64 views until at least my second week–and that was per WEEK, not day.

I think the real loser was the author of this post.  It’s a shame too, because this blogger actually had some decent writing skills.

A few other choice entries from this blogger-hating blogger:

5 Types of Blogs You Should Be Killed for Creating

People Who Set Their Blogs to Private Are Gay

The Evils of the “What I Did Today” Blog Post

Girl Bloggers Get More Attention Than Guy Bloggers

 

 

 

shotgunfacelift's avatarShotgun Facelift

I’ve been blogging for just about a week now. My journey into the world of blogs has come to a close and the results are in. I now feel like I’m in a position to comment about blogs and bloggers in general but I thought I’d just start with a good, old fashioned blanket statement (or generalisation) and announce that: ‘All bloggers are losers’

I’ll tell you how I reached this conclusion, or discovered this fact, or solidified my hypothesis very slowly and very methodically – so by the end of it, you’ll agree with me and will hastily scramble to your Dashboard to annihilate your blog from the ‘Blogosphere’. (My god, I fucking hate buzz words.)

Irony at its finest

The first time I made my blog I couldn’t help but feel slightly weird. Why was I doing it? Why should I write things for other people to read? Is it for myself?…

View original post 300 more words

Only 9,019 hits to go!

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Well, after two years and a month, I’m about to reach an impressive milestone:  one million hits!    Judging by the number of views I average per day, I think by this weekend it’s going to happen.

I’m so excited!

Bloggers’ block.

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writers-block

Every once in a while, writer’s block strikes us bloggers.    Sometimes even the most prolific writers just run out of new ideas. If you blog, how do you handle this form of writers’ block? Do you make yourself write something anyway, post memes or pictures as a substitute, reblog your old posts (or other people’s posts), or just wait until an idea pops into your head?   How long would you allow yourself to let your blog sit idle without adding anything new?   Share your thoughts here!

What should I write about today?

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question

Any ideas?  I really don’t have any.   I might not write anything today and get out instead.  I’ve been sitting in the house too much, and there’s always so much to do that isn’t inside your four walls.

But I always feel guilty if I don’t post something.  Maybe I can find a nice meme or photo.   Or write about whatever it is I wind up doing today.

Here are some other things I could be doing (that don’t involve things like laundry, shopping, or cleaning the house).

— Reading.    There are 3 books I’m currently trying to finish.

— Reading other blogs and catching up on commenting.  My track record for this is ABYSMAL and it embarrasses me.

— Drive somewhere nice and walk around

–Take myself to a movie or something else fairly cheap and fun.

— Write up a new post anyway.  Maybe tonight though.

What would you like to see a post about?  Put your ideas in the comments.

Lucky Otters Haven is 2 years old! (Part two)

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(Continued from Part One)

Screenshots are all courtesy of The Wayback Machine (which you can spend hours browsing — it’s fascinating in its own right).

*****

June 27, 2015

Several changes now.  I finally grew a brain and got rid of the appalling “Museum of Narcissism” and from here on out, the title would not change again (except for the removal of the apostrophe).

I also shifted the focus (seen in the subtitle) from “narcissistic abuse” to NPD and BPD in general, as I was beginning to grow tired of just being angry and was starting to want to learn more about these disorders (of course, narcissistic abuse has always been a staple of this blog and still is).   “Aspie” still remained for the time being.   I also had expanded the number of menu items in the subheader.   By now, my follower count was 1,041.

 

loh_62715

*****

August 11, 2015

LOH was now nearly a year old.  Some important new changes are evident.   I think it’s beginning to resemble the current look more–I’d finally removed “Aspie” from the subheader, as I now had more clarity on what my real problems were (and it wasn’t Aspergers).  Visually too, the look is an improvement, with a darker gray menu bar which made the menu items easier to read.   I probably had a few too many menu items though.  Later I had to consolidate them so some appear now as little dropdowns.  1,115 followers.

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*****

October 11, 2015

Font changes in both the headings, title and text.   The font I chose for the title and headings would not change again until last week.   Still too many menu items so it looks a bit cluttered.   1,221 followers at this point.

loh_101115

*****

November 12, 2015

The second major facelift.   This new look would stay (with only minor changes) until just one week ago.  The wallpaper and header were both in a green “beehive” pattern, with the header photo-manipulated to be somewhat lighter in the middle so the simplified subhead “walking on the borderline” would stand out.   Menu items now white on black. I think overall it’s a nice look, very professional, but I finally tired of it a week ago and LOH got its third major facelift.

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*****

March 27, 2016

Not too many changes, other than FINALLY consolidating the menu items so it looks a lot less cluttered and easier to read.   1,591 followers.

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*****

June 29, 2016

This is the way this blog looked just prior to the facelift I did last week.   The only real change here is the subheader changed from “walking on the borderline” to “Confessions of a recovering borderline.”  (this change was inspired by my therapist telling me he thought I no longer had BPD).   There were two more screenshots taken in August, but nothing else had changed.

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Finally…

The new look is somewhat of a throwback to its original look.  I think it looks friendlier and more welcoming than the “beehive” look.

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I love Ferdinand Ladera’s moody painting, and wanted to use that again, but I wanted a simple black header this time, so this time I used the painting as the wallpaper instead.    I wasn’t sure how that would turn out, but I love the look, and I like the way the dark trees appear on the right hand side.  I also changed the header fonts and think they’re easier to read, and removed the apostrophe from “Otters”, mainly to simplify the look of the title.  It’s not really ungrammatical, because I’m not the only otter swimming up from the murky waters of an abusive past.

Lucky Otters Haven is 2 years old! (Part One)

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wordpress2yrs

Yes, this blog has officially entered its Terrible Twos!

In celebration of this milestone,  I’m going to be showing you how it’s evolved since it’s inception (well, actually, 4 months after its inception), thanks to The Wayback Machine, which crawls the web periodically and takes screenshots of websites so they’re forever caught in time.

While I’ve stuck with the free Twenty-Ten theme the whole time, I’ve changed its look rather drastically several times (thanks to Custom Design, which I recommend because it gives you more options than the free plan). I definitely think this blog looks a LOT more professional than it did when it was new.   But I was learning as I went along.

This is Part One of two.  I’ll post Part Two immediately after this.  Both should be up later tonight.

Screenshots from The Wayback Machine:

January 18, 2015

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This was the first time LOH was “crawled” and photographed.   At the time, I still believed I had Aspergers (self diagnosed), which explains the subheader.   Early posts of mine were a lot more angry and “narc-hating,” since I had only been No Contact for a short time.  I had far less awareness into myself than I do now.  Spiritually, I was also still an agnostic.   Reading back over some of these early posts is a little embarrassing because I’ve changed so much, but is also fascinating for the same reason.   But it was blogging that got the ball rolling on all the awesome changes I’m undergoing.   It was probably the best decision I ever made.

If you’re interested in reading these earlier posts, they can be accessed through the Archives drop-down menu in the sidebar. Just pick the month and year you want to see.

You can’t see the whole sidebar, but when this screenshot was taken, this blog had just 437 followers.   That’s still quite a few, considering it was only 4 months old!

In case it’s not obvious, the painting in the subhead is the same one I’m now using as the wallpaper.

*****

February 21, 2015

Not many changes.  563 followers now.

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*****

March 18, 2015

LOH’s first “facelift”:  I rather like the cute otter wallpaper I chose and the gray color scheme is easier on the eyes (as is the title font), and the subhead is in a more eye-catching font too.  But I have no earthly idea what I was thinking when I chose to take out “Haven” in favor of the atrocious “Museum of Narcissism.”  LOL!  It makes me laugh now, but I guess I still thought of narcs as some kind of zoo creatures to be gawked at (which they certainly can be!)  I’m also not sure why I decided to put “The” in front of the title.  Whatever!   There were 679 followers by now.

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*****

April 23, 2015

Not too many new changes, but by now I’d added the “Borderline” into the subhead title.   Due to the stigma, I’d been kind of in the closet about it at first, but had “come out” by now.  I still believed I had Aspergers though. I also notice I’d removed the idiotic “The” from the title.  776 followers.

loh_42315

*****

I didn’t want too many graphics in the same post, because it slows down load time, which is why it’s in two parts.

(Continued in Part Two)

 

11 ways blogging has changed my life.

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keyboard

Next month will be Lucky Otter’s Haven‘s 2 year anniversary! It’s hard to believe I’ve been blogging that long. I started blogging only 6 months after going No Contact with my ex. It has become a real addiction, but much more than that–it was a game changer for me. My life is not the same as it was two years ago. Here are ten (plus one) ways blogging has changed my life.

1. I’ve become a much better writer. I’m rather embarrassed by how badly written some of my early posts were. I think I’ve honed my writing skills and use a lot less “purple prose” and unnecessary adjectives than than I used to–that has always been a huge weakness of mine when it comes to writing.

2. I’ve become more self confident and less shy. Writing about your thoughts and feelings teaches you a lot about yourself. You become more introspective and in so doing, realize a lot of good things about yourself, and that gives you confidence. You also get validation from others, and that boosts your self esteem. You also find out that most people aren’t going to judge you for things you thought were shameful or embarrassing. It takes a while to work up the courage to write about such personal things, but once you do, you realize that your words may have helped or inspired someone else and they will appreciate you for your honesty. This has translated into my real life to some degree–while I’m still shy and awkward in social situations, I seem to be a bit more outgoing and less awkward now.

3. I’ve made some wonderful friends. Although I haven’t met any of my blogging friends, I feel like we’re a family, and for a few of you, I feel as if I’ve known you all my life. Before blogging, I felt so alone and isolated, but in the blogosphere, I’ve found so many people who have stories similar to my own, have gone through similar kinds of trauma, and we’ve grown to care abut and support each other. We’re like the surrogate family we never had!

4. I’ve become more creative. Writing almost every day forces me to consult my “muse” and the more ideas I think of to write about, it seems the more ideas just come to me, and some of them are pretty wild! I go ahead and write about those crazy ideas too, and sometimes those prove to be my best posts.

Hello world. This is my very first blog. I’m not sure what the hell I’m doing yet or how the heck this thing (WordPress) works. I’m learning so please be patient with me.

–The first sentence of my first blog post, Lucky Otter’s Haven, 9/10/14

 

5. I’m a better person than I was. Writing about your deepest thoughts and feelings, and exploring painful memories helps purge a lot of the pain that was keeping me from moving forward into real healing. Writing is powerful therapy and I find that today I’m less depressed, less angry, less fearful, have more moments of joy and serenity, and have even become more outgoing. I’ve also developed a lot more empathy, which was almost unavailable to me when I began blogging.

6. A blog is a great record of how you’ve changed over time. It’s always fascinating (and a little horrifying!) to go back and read over old posts and see how much you’ve changed. It gives you perspective and clarity. I can tell by the tone of my early posts that I’m not the same–my early posts were a lot more bitter, angry, whiny, and cynical, and a LOT less spiritual (I was agnostic when I started blogging). I realize a lot of that attitude was because I was only recently out of an abusive relationship and was still in shell shock, but blogging has definitely helped me overcome that.

7. My computer skills are better. Setting up and designing my blogs has given me more confidence in my computer skills. I can do a lot of things on a computer I didn’t used to be able to and thought would be difficult but are really not.

8. Blogging has given me a focus and a goal. All my life, I never had a real goal and never really knew what I wanted to do with my life. Narcissism and narcissistic abuse has always been my primary topic on my blogs, but lately my fascination with this subject is expanding into my wanting to help others heal, whether from abuse or from narcissism itself. I haven’t decided yet whether I will write a book or become a life coach or therapist. Maybe both!

9. My faith in God has grown. God gave me writing ability for a reason, and as I grew as a writer and shared my thoughts and feelings on an increasingly intimate level, I found myself actually listening to what God was trying to tell me, and realizing how much he really does care. I found other bloggers like myself whose faith was also strengthened through the gift of the written word.

10. It’s fun. Blogging is so addictive, and I’ve never had a hobby I’ve been more passionate about. In fact, I never really had any serious hobbies until I started to blog. I always look forward to coming home from work, opening my laptop, and starting to write, or reply to comments, or read other blogs (when I have time). I get so immersed in blogging sometimes I actually forget to eat!

11. I make a little bit of money from blogging. I can’t quit my day job, but I make about $50 a month from ads that run on this blog. It ain’t much, but it pays for my gas for a couple of weeks or a nice dinner out once a month! It’s always a great feeling to get paid to do what you love doing the most–even if you can’t live on it. But I’d blog even if I had to pay to do it. That’s how much I love doing this.