Some days I just want to crawl into a hole and make myself very small.

Posted on June 17, 2015 by luckyotter

DISCLAIMER:
I feel like a disclaimer is needed, though the above photo should be enough of a disclaimer, because it says it all. Someone made a sarcastic remark about how I think I’m a celebrity because of this post, so I let their comment make me set this post to private, because I don’t have a thick skin and am too chicken to come out with a snappy or snarky comeback. I always think other people can get away with doing that, but I won’t be allowed to. It’s because of my past. I was never allowed to speak my mind or have a voice. Now I’ve internalized that and don’t allow myself a voice sometimes. I’m getting better but I’m not out of the woods yet.

In no way do I put myself in the same category as celebrities (who are just people who get wrinkles, have morning breath, and have to use the toilet sometimes like everyone else). I thought I made the distinction pretty clear. For someone who has felt like a nothing my entire life, and always been told I am nothing, and treated with disdain and disrespect, even by the people who were supposed to love me, a little thing like having 1,000 followers or having articles that get popular can seem like a huge deal. To a normal person with healthy self esteem and who felt loved and had a normal sense of belonging, such an achievement might seem like nothing, but to me, it’s a huge accomplishment. If people have an issue with this, and want to judge me for this, or think I’m saying I’m a celebrity, maybe they need to look in the mirror at themselves and stop being so judgmental. Nothing makes me more angry than being judged, especially by people who know next to nothing about me or what motivates me.

I’m tired of always feeling like I have to apologize just for existing. I’ve felt that way all my life.
So, here is that “offensive” article.

I think it would be hard to be famous. Imagine millions of people you never met and never will meet knowing everything about you, obsessing over every detail of your personal life, staring at your pictures, talking about you amongst themselves, worshipping you, hating you, carrying lunchboxes with your photo on them or wearing clothes or perfume with your name on them. Imagine going into a grocery store to buy some butter and finding your own mug plastered on every tabloid. Imagine total strangers walking up to you and addressing you by name and trying to touch you. No wonder celebrities hate the paparazzi. Sure, getting cameras shoved in your face comes with the territory of being famous/getting paid as if you’re a small nation (and should be accepted with grace under normal circumstances), but when a celebrity just has enough of the lack of privacy and punches a photographer in the face, I totally get it. Celebrities are only human, after all. They’re not “special” or somehow above the rest of humanity; they were just lucky or worked very hard or have a special gift to get where they are. Or they have a famous dad. *cough*The Kardashians*cough*

I’m far from famous, but lately this blog has gained enough visibility that I have “haters” and “fans.” I don’t want to be hated or worshipped; frankly I don’t think I deserve either. I’m just a regular and rather boring person who knows about a lot about something and knows how to write about it. I’m glad my blog is doing well. It feels good. It validates what I’m doing. It feels good to know that someone somewhere may find some help or hope through my words. It feels good when someone reblogs an article of mine or tells me something I said changed their life, or even just made their day a little better. It makes me feel like I have some purpose in this world, after years of believing I had no purpose other than to be an example to other people of how NOT to be. Someday I may achieve some level of notoriety if I write the book I want to write (and as of now, I have no earthly idea what sort of book I would write), or something incredible happens like The Huffington Post decides to pick up an article I wrote, or even if I ever get Freshly Pressed. More likely than not, I won’t be famous even then. I don’t really care either, because fame has never been something I strove for.

But there are still days when as a somewhat successful blogger (and by that I just mean this blog has grown steadily due to some fortuitous circumstances and a LOT of hard work on my part, not that I’m the new Opinionated Man or anything) I feel too naked and exposed. At these times I say to myself, “I’m not ready! Wait! This is too scary!” I feel that way right now.

When your blog starts becoming visible and coming up on page 1 or 2 in the search engines, sometimes certain articles you wrote suddenly get shared a lot or even go viral. If the article is one you’re proud of and worked hard on, it’s a great feeling. But sometimes an article you kind of wanted to get buried quickly and forgotten gets found anyway and starts gaining momentum. This isn’t really a bad thing. After all, if I really didn’t want an article to be read, I would have set it to “Private.” So sure, I suppose I wanted it to be read, but I didn’t want it to go viral either. So at this moment, I’m feeling a tad too exposed and naked for comfort. It’s silly to feel like this, but sometimes I just do. I’ve always been a reserved, shy kind of person (I’m textbook INFJ) and while I like a moderate amount of attention occasionally — just to make sure I still exist (how narcissistic of me) — I don’t want negative attention or an excessive amount of attention, whether negative or positive. I’ve always been uncomfortable being the focal point in any situation that involves more than two people. I’m easily embarrassed. I blush and stammer. I act weird and awkward. When I turned three, I cried when they sang Happy Birthday. This natural reticence is actually good, because it reassures me I’m not the raving narcissist I sometimes think I am (or God forbid, could be turning into).

So I have mixed feelings about having so much visibility right now. I know “Internet fame” is kind of a huge joke (visualize rolling eyes and knowing snickers), but I won’t lie–there are days I really do enjoy the attention. But not every day. Sometimes I just want to crawl into a hole and make myself very small. Sometimes I feel like I’m in one of those dreams where you’re walking down a street or into a classroom or something and suddenly realize you don’t have any clothes on. It’s a weird and surreal experience, knowing so many strangers, some in exotic places like Mongolia or Kenya, are reading words that once lived only within the shadowy recesses of my brain, and are having their own thoughts and reactions I will never be privy to. It’s like a tiny taste of what it might feel like to be famous, and while it has its moments, I don’t think I could ever really get used to it. It just ain’t in my nature.

My attitude really just depends on which article of mine is getting so many views, and what sort of mood I’m in. I’m not at all sure I would handle fame well if I ever write a book that becomes a bestseller (not that it’s likely to happen). I might want to show up at book signings wearing a paper bag over my head with eyeholes in it-or at least a pair of dark sunglasses. Or become a recluse like J. D. Salinger. Or contemptuous of fame like Kurt Cobain. Especially because most of the things I write about make me feel so vulnerable. From Day One, I made a commitment to be 100% candid at all times and to hold back nothing. I’ve probably only achieved about 95% Total Emotional Honesty (if you knew the other 5% you’d be hitting the “Escape Button” faster than I can type “Wait! Please let me explain!”), but I guess that’s close enough.

Writers are a weird and tortured lot, I can assure you of that. You wouldn’t want to be inside my head most of the time.

I’m doing the unthinkable.

Posted on June 16, 2015 by luckyotter

I am taking tonight off. I have never taken a night off. I feel guilty about doing that. I’m afraid that, like a ex-smoker who smokes “just one cigarette” and thinks they can go back to being a non-smoker, that if I take even one day off from writing, that it might become a habit and I’ll get lazy about posting and go back to being a writer who doesn’t write. And that is something I cannot accept in myself.

But I have a few good reasons for not writing tonight.

1. I am exhausted. I need sleep.

2. I have a ton of emails to answer. I have been putting off answering them in favor of writing new blog posts. I’m probably the world’s worst email replyer. I don’t want people who email me to think I don’t care, because I do, so I need to reply to those emails tonight. I have a responsibility to the people who don’t feel comfortable voicing their concerns, stories of abuse, or questions in the comments section.

3. I really don’t have any good ideas tonight. If I suddenly think of something, I’ll be back to write it.

4. I have a lot of reading to catch up on. It embarrasses me how little I read anymore, now that I write all the time.

5. This probably qualifies as a post, so I really haven’t skipped a day.

See you tomorrow!

Only ten more to go!

Posted on June 14, 2015 by luckyotter

I need only 10 more followers to hit 1,000!

15 tips for writing blog posts that get noticed.

Posted on June 8, 2015 by luckyotter

In my nine months of blogging (shouldn’t I have given birth to something by now?), I think I’ve learned a few things about how to write interesting (and sometimes controversial) posts people want to read. Sure, I’ve posted weak articles no one seems to want to read–we’re entitled to have those days sometimes–but I think my track record on the whole has been pretty good. I don’t consider myself any sort of blogging guru or anything, and there’s still a lot I’m learning, but I think I have learned enough to be able to share what I know with other bloggers and people who want to start a blog.

1. The title is everything.

Never mind the subject matter, this is a great title. Did it grab your attention? That’s the only important thing.

Keep your titles “grabby.” Make them stand out. Make them a little controversial (“Don’t Judge Me Because I’m Poor”), a little true-confessional (“People Think I’m Stupid” or “All My Narcissistic Lovers”), a little cheeky (“Why Are Some Things So Annoying?”), or even pose a challenge to the reader (“My Son is Furry–Have a problem with that?”) Don’t try to make them too “nice”–because that will make them boring.

When all else fails, just keep them short and to the point. “I Have Issues” is a better title than “I Don’t Know Why I’m So Depressed, Nervous, Bitter and Angry all the Time.”

Keep your titles as short as possible. Never, ever write a title that sounds like a Ph.D thesis, such as: “Preternaturally narcissistic and sociopathic actions within the social media milieu: a paradigm of the interglobal loss of interpersonal altruism.” WUT?

Never, EVER use the word “paradigm” in a title. If you do that, I will personally come to your house and splash water all over your keyboard. That’s a promise. The same goes for “milieu.” Don’t use that word. Ever. No one knows how to spell it anyway.

2. Keep your subject matter on topic as much as you can.

It’s alright to veer off topic to tell an anecdote or provide an example to flesh out your article and add human interest to it–in fact doing this can make your post seem more personal and that’s almost always a good thing. But try not to veer off the topic too much. It’s hard to do sometimes, but if you do, always somehow bring the article back to your original topic, and it will look like you intended for it to veer off topic a little to make a point.

3. Break up your text!

Even if you write like Shakespeare or Hemingway, readers will bypass your well-written post if it’s just a long wall of text. While a photo, graphic, drawing or cartoon isn’t required for a very short post, it can make your post stand out more and look more appealing. Walls of text for long posts hurt people’s eyes.

If your post is very long, break it up. Use photos or pictures or quotes at appropriate intervals that illustrate the point of your story or article. It’s easy to Google images you want to use–just type the subject matter into the browser and click on Google Images, and I can guarantee you’ll fine the perfect image to illustrate your article. Your own photos or pictures are fine to use too, when appropriate.

But be careful with this too. If you use too many pictures and graphics (as I tend to do), your post could wind up looking like the cover of a supermarket tabloid, and that will turn off readers too. Make sure your post looks clean and uncluttered, especially if you also run ads on your site.

Quotes and block quotes also work well at breaking up walls of text, and never be afraid to use humorous quotes or captions, even in a serious post (as long as it’s still in context). You can also use subheadings within the article and that will make it easier to digest too.

Beyond that, break up your paragraphs into smaller, easier to chew pieces. Readers are not cavemen gnawing an entire flank of beef all at once. They are civilized humans who like their steak cut into small pieces that can be picked up and savored one at a time. The same advice goes for paragraphs. Keep them bite size and they will be much more readable and taste better too.

4. Use the share buttons!

Even if you hate social media, make sure each blog post contains all the social media share buttons available, which can be found in the dashboard. Even if YOU don’t want to link your post to them, OTHER people will use them. If they’re not there under your post, people probably won’t bother sharing your post. Share buttons are a lazy way of getting your post seen by many people, only you’re letting your readers do the dirty work for you. That’s nothing to feel guilty about.

5. Use links in your posts.

Linking to other blogs within your post creates a pingback: the writer of that blog will see that you quoted them, and more than likely will come and check out your blog. They might even follow you back. Creating a blogroll (in Widgets) or somewhere in your header will help too. It shows you read other blogs as well as your own, and the other bloggers will appreciate your support, and may even recommend your blog to others.

And of course, if you quote someone else’s material, make sure you link to their post or at least credit them.

Link to your own articles too. Doing this not only adds depth and background to your article, but it also encourages readers to not stop with the article they’re reading–they might click on your links and read your other articles too!

6. Don’t ignore your comments!

If you ignore your comments, people will lose interest in your blog. People like it when their thoughts are acknowledged and validated. No one wants to feel ignored. Replying to comments may seem like a time consuming chore, but if you fail to do this, it’s insulting to the reader who wrote the comment or asked the question, and it will seem like you don’t care. If you don’t want comments on your blog, you can always disable them. Personally, outside of writing for yourself only, I never understood why anyone would do that. All popular blogs are dynamic, interactive blogs, where people can comment and lively conversations and debates can get started. It’s helpful to comment on other people’s blogs as well.

Replying to comments keeps your readers around and makes it seem like you care about them. It also creates a sense of community that keeps people coming back for more.

You do not have to reply to every comment, but at least “like” it if you don’t have time to reply. If your blog is very active, it may be hard to reply to every single comment or give long well-thought out replies, but a “like” or a few words such as “thank you for your kind remarks” should be sufficient.

If you have the time (unfortunately I don’t much anymore), comment on or at least “like” posts by other bloggers. Follow as many other bloggers as you can, too. Most people are polite so most likely they’ll follow you back.

7. Write frequently.

You should challenge yourself and try to write at least one new post a day. If you can think of nothing to write about (we all have those days), post a funny, cute or attractive photo or a quote you like. Cartoons work well too (I use them all the time). And don’t forget about cats. Cats online are like sex in the movies–they will “sell” your blog post. You can also reblog someone else’s article, but make sure you give credit. If it’s a WordPress blogger, that is automatically done for you.

If you don’t post frequently, people will stop visiting your blog. Sometimes I write 3-5 posts a day. You don’t have to go that crazy, but at least one post a day will keep your blog from stagnating like unmoving pond water. There’s nothing that will kill a blog faster than abandoning it. If you don’t appear to care, your readers won’t either and will go somewhere else.

8. Write as if you’re speaking.

You don’t have to be a Shakespeare or a Poe or have great writing ability to write a good blog post. If you know how to string together a few sentences and have halfway decent grammar (grammar and spell check will help), you can still write a post people want to read. The key is to make it conversational and personal. Don’t overload the reader with too many facts or overly pedantic language. And always, ALWAYS be honest. People can tell when you’re lying or leaving out pertinent information. They will finish reading your article feeling like you’re hiding something. They will feel cheated and may never return.\

If possible, write your post in a conversational, personal tone. If it’s a scholarly article, of course you cannot do this, but for most blog posts, writing in simple, casual language and using personal examples to illustrate a point makes your article seem more personal, as if you are talking to the reader. Be a story teller.

9. Surprise your readers.

If your blog focuses on one or two subjects as this one does, it’s okay to add in an occasional article or post about something unrelated or even totally random. In fact, I think doing this (as long as you don’t overdo it) makes your blog fresher and more interesting. Another benefit of posting off-topic material is that you will attract readers who may not otherwise be reading your blog. I have had a number of foodies and furries reading this blog (and even following it) because of articles I wrote about those subjects. It helps to be versatile, but be careful not to lose your original focus or you will just look like you aren’t that interested in your theme topic.

It’s okay to have a general interest blog though. Many blogs aren’t about any topic in particular, just whatever the writer wants to write about that day, and that’s fine too. In fact, some of the most interesting blogs out there are general interest blogs without a focus.

10. Don’t dwell in negativity.

If your blog is about a serious or dark subject (as mine is), watch your pessimism and negativity. People won’t feel inspired or come away feeling like they’ve learned something of value if all you do is bitch and moan and talk about how the glass is always half empty. While emotional honesty in a post is great, people also want to feel like you’re giving them some hope for their hopeless situation too. That’s why I include inspirational memes and quotes, happy or cute photographs, cartoons, jokes, and lots of music. (Music has been an important factor in my recovery, second only to writing). Sometimes I find that if I post something positive even when I’m feeling like I want to jump out a 16th floor window (it happens more often than you think!), it actually improves my mood. Don’t lie in your posts and pretend to be happy when you’re not (which can come off as insincere and obnoxious), but don’t suck people into your vortex of darkness with you either.

11. Don’t require people to sign in.

Unless you are in a situation where you have a potentially dangerous stalker or group of people harassing or stalking you online, never, EVER require people to sign in to read your blog. I know if I see a blog that requires me to sign in or use a password to read posts, I’ll bypass that blog, even if it’s about a topic I’m jumping out of my skin to read about. I just don’t have the patience or time to fill out all that garbage if I want to read your blog.

12. Don’t write about something because you think it’s cool.

Never write about something just because it’s popular or trendy, if it doesn’t interest you. People will be able to tell your heart isn’t in what you’re writing about, and you’ll come off as a wannabe or a hack, and certainly less than honest. Nothing will drive a reader away faster than if they sense a lack of passion or honesty in a blog post. It’s okay to be uncool and embracing your uncoolness in fact makes you cool.

13. Run naked in public sometimes.

If you have been keeping an article set to “private” because you think it’s too personal and feel shy about sharing it with the world, take a deep breath and make it public! In my experience, whenever I’ve been afraid to post something due to its personal nature, I have NEVER regretted taking the plunge. It will set you free.

14. Controversial articles get more views.

It’s a fact. A few weeks ago I posted an article that proved to be extremely polarizing. People either loved it or wanted me to die a prolonged and painful death. Yes, posting something controversial or “un-PC’ WILL get you more haters, trolls and you may even have to face bullies (as I did), but guess what? My stats SOARED! That article TRIPLED my usual number of views for that week. Sure, most of them were probably clicking it on to see what all the fuss was about, but along the way, I got a ton of new followers too, and while my views have gone back down, my overall visibility has increased. And the trolls and bullies have moved onto other things. (To handle trolls and bullies, please check my articles under the “Handling Online Trolls and Bullies” tab.) I find it’s best to ignore them, but sometimes even a hater post can make great fodder for a new article, but be careful about identifying anyone by name because that could get you in trouble.

15. Check your grammar and spelling.

This should be a no-brainer, but it’s surprising how many blog posts I see that are full of unecessary spelling and grammar errors. If you can’t write a proper English sentence, you probably should take up another hobby besides blogging. Theirs nothing mor disstractng & anoying than a sentenzes who no can read becuase your writting in bad grammer & falty speling.

A few other things to remember.

If you’re a new blogger, don’t panic if things go slowly at first. Don’t get discouraged, frustrated or give up because at first it will seem like no one is reading your blog. It takes time. Becoming visible and getting lots of views and follows takes some people longer than others. Dedication, patience and honesty will reap great rewards in time. Of course, if you write about a “hot” topic, like I do, that will help your growth too. But it isn’t necessary to write about something trendy. I don’t think the growth of this blog is because it’s “better” than any other–but because I’ve put so much time and effort into creating it.

Finally, you can’t “make” a post go viral. Unfortunately there’s no way to tell ahead of time which of your posts will grow legs and spread all over the web like wildfire. It could be a post you think is “boring” but somehow resonates with many people, or one you posted a long time ago. Maybe the “right” person sees it and helps get it out there for you. But when it happens to you, it’s an amazing feeling and makes you feel validated as a writer.

Major changes in the header!

Posted on June 6, 2015 by luckyotter

If you look in the header, you will probably see the headings are completely different. I did some rearranging, renaming, and cleaning up, which meant some of the headers had to be demoted to sub-headers. There were simply too many headers which were becoming unwieldy and making the blog look cluttered, not to mention they were becoming disorganized and hard to navigate. I think this change will make it easier to find what you are looking for.

Hopefully everyone likes the new header arrangement. So take a look, play with the headers and subheaders, and see where your favorite topics are.

Blessings,
Lauren Bennett “Lucky Otter”

Two new header tabs!

Posted on June 6, 2015 by luckyotter

Because I write so much about my Aspergers, I realized it would be easier for my readers to find related articles if I made a kind of “Table of Contents” listing the relevant posts. I decided to do the same for my Avoidant Personality Disorder, even though I haven’t written too much about it (my Aspergers and Avoidant traits tend to blend together so there’s a lot of overlap).

Living with Avoidant Personality Disorder

Living with Aspergers

Later, I may add an additional tab about BPD, but because my articles about BPD tend to blend in with the NPD and general Cluster B disorders articles (of which there are far too many to list in a header tab), it would be a lot more difficult to separate them. It would also be harder to pick out the ones applying only to my own experience in having BPD, from those talking about BPD in general. Anyway, my header graphic pretty much announces that this blog is primarily about narcissism and BPD (which I’ve been writing a lot more about recently).

A weird little comment I wrote that I don’t remember writing.

Posted on May 25, 2015 by luckyotter

Back on September 17, 2014, when this blog was only one week old, I made a comment on one of Opinionated Man’s posts (he found my blog and followed it early, God bless him). It’s weird and I don’t even remember writing it.

I hope my blog isn’t like the big unfenced field of weeds and broken glass no one wants to enter. I fear that.

WTF? But it’s a good analogy of what I didn’t want this blog to be, I suppose.

I just noticed this…

Posted on May 25, 2015 by luckyotter

10 things that make your blog suck.

Posted on May 25, 2015 by luckyotter

I think I’ve been in this blogging business long enough to tell when I see a bad blog. So I decided to round up the ten most annoying things I’ve seen bloggers do that make me hit the backspace key and never visit their blog again. If you blog, I hope you don’t do any of these things.

1. The blogger allows comments, but attacks anyone who disagrees with them. I’m not talking about abusive or trollish comments (which should be trashed or sent to spam anyway), but there are some bloggers YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO DISAGREE WITH. You can’t have a civilized debate because even questioning their opinions sends them into the online equivalent of a two year old’s temper tantrum. If you are so certain of your rightness that you must attack those who even suggest a differing viewpoint, why allow comments at all?

2. The majority of the blogger’s posts are hate-filled, trollish screeds against someone they dislike. It’s fine to rant occasionally, but when the object of the blogger’s ire becomes a single-minded OBSESSION, it becomes offensive, especially if it’s meant to slander an individual (who isn’t a public figure). No one wants to read your verbal projectile vomiting.

3. The blogger’s posts are full of typos, misspellings (did I spell that right?) and offensive grammar. Honey, there’s such a thing as spell- and grammar-check. I don’t like grammar nazis either, but what’s even worse is someone who has the writing skills of a second grader and doesn’t bother trying to correct their errors.

4. The layout uses clashing colors, unreadable fonts for the sake of looking “cool,” a typeface/background color combination that’s difficult to read (such as a red font on an orange background), or loud, flashing tacky graphics of the type that used to be called “Blingies.” Viewing a blog like that can cause epileptic seizures. Dude, this isn’t MySpace. Fortunately I don’t see too many blogs like that.

5. The blog is difficult or impossible to navigate. Unfortunately I’ve seen a lot of blogs like this. There’s no list of recent articles, no header tabs labeled by topic, no table of contents, sometimes not even a search bar. How the hell are you supposed to find what you’re looking for? I understand the minimalist look is trendy and and all, but confusing your readers is not cool. When I see a blog I can’t navigate I’m outta there.

6. The blog contains a lot of broken or outdated links. The only time this is excusable is if the blog is no longer active. Otherwise, take the time to update or remove non-working links.

7. It drives me insane when I see a blog that has no original material and every post is a reblog of someone’s else’s article, meme, inspirational quote, snarky saying, or photograph. If you’re so lazy or uncreative you can’t write any original material, why have a blog at all? If all you can do is recycle other people’s material, a social media account like Facebook or Twitter lets you do the same thing. Recycling or reblogging other people’s material is fine sometimes. We all have those days we can’t think of anything original to say or just like something so much we MUST post it on our own blog, but if that’s ALL you can do, I’m sorry but you bore me. Even worse is when I see a copyright protection notice in the sidebar, when there is nothing original to be copyrighted.

8. The blog dwells in negativity, self-pity and hate. This is a bit different from #2, because the blogger may not be on a personal vendetta against an individual (or group of individuals), but every single post they write is a negative, self-pitying, depressing screed about how much their life and everything in it sucks. They hate everything and everyone, including themselves, and their blog is nothing more than their own personal vomitorium. You leave their blog feeling like your soul has been sucked into their vortex of darkness. There’s nothing wrong with writing a rant or spewing a little negativity or self pity sometimes (especially if you’re using your blog as self-therapy, as I am), but if ALL your posts blather on about how much your life SUCKS, and how everything and everyone SUCKS, then YOU suck as a blogger and you need a therapist for your severe depression and anger issues, not a blog.

9. Conversely, blogs that are all sweetness, light and positivity ALL THE TIME also drive me crazy. As bloggers we are human. We have bad days and bad feelings sometimes. Normal people aren’t positive and happy 24/7, 365 days a year. I’m very suspicious of anyone who’s so perky online all the time I feel like I might get diabetes just reading their blog. I feel like they’re hiding something. An occasional rant or admission of failure makes you human. People who are too perky and happy all the time and never admit anything may be wrong in their lives are annoying and boring, not inspirational.

10. Finally, I can’t stand blogs where all the articles are long walls of text, especially if they are in a tiny font. I don’t care if you’re Edgar Allen Poe reincarnated, I won’t bother reading your well-written post if there’s nothing to break up the monotony of your wall of words.